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Text of the page (random words):
n up you ve learnt to limit who comes into your life and shorten the list of people you trust so once you find this one person and open up your heart to them you kinda hope it s for the long term not like in a relationship deeper than that because they re actually there with you in the relationship they know when he s made you happy and can tell when you re hiding your anger towards him nah this is deeper this is a connection that isn t formed because of blood but by daily choosing each other until you don t it s easier to find another boyfriend but a good friend comes around once in a few years others may come really close and you share a lot which each other but there will be those gaps that no one else can fill like they did some jokes were only funny to the two of you certain songs you can t listen to with anyone else they wouldn t understand the context so now your whole way of doing life has changed because you re no longer doing it with your favourite person not to mention that when you happen to meet in your circles there s gonna be a vibe between you because your heart says that s my person but the mind says she might feel differently so tread carefully some things just shouldn t end even if we disconnected for some years there should always be a way to find ourselves in each others lives again but that s not always an option especially when life has taken you both onto opposite directions and your values have changed and your priorities no longer match anyways i guess i m writing this because i miss the hearts i ve lost along the way but if you happen to read this and think i may be talking about you i am i miss you and i love you friend categories uncategorized the trial and error of letting go post author by lindylove28 post date 11th dec 2022 2 comments on the trial and error of letting go if the pain was deep you re gonna have to let it go many times healing is messy and grief is messier one day you re doing well and the next day you re 10 steps behind when you can tell your story without crying then you know you re healing but that doesn t mean you re done because one day one night you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by something totally unrelated and for some reason that triggers unending tears and you fall asleep on a wet pillow when you fight to get out of bed open the curtains and take a shower you re not going out to see people yet but you re overcoming this overwhelming heaviness that wants you to stay in bed all day that s the hardest step and when you celebrate yourself for that you realise you re letting go you let go when you show up for that first therapy session we all know when we need therapy but actually going there is the hardest thing i ve ever had to do i always used to say i m afraid of going to therapy because i know i ll start crying and i m afraid i ll never stop you re letting go when you accept accepting that you re in pain and that it s okay to feel pain and that whatever is happening really sucks but it won t destroy you accept that you need help to deal with it accept that it has changed a lot of things around you and that you won t be the same when it passes when you accept the reality of your pain instead of being in denial about it you re able to work through it when my dad passed away i was 10 years old and even though i cried at his funeral in my small mind i still thought it would turn out to be a lie and he would somehow come back to me when i dated an abusive man i knew that i had to leave but in my mind i thought he would eventually change apologise and then marry me it always takes me a while to accept being in pain because i always believe i can still fix things yet the longer i stay in that denial the deeper the wound cuts it takes more than one attempt to accept the apology you never received your heart will constantly remind you that they hurt you your mind will demand for an explanation and your soul will always say but i deserve an apology you will make many trials and errors before you can successfully let go in this way and that s okay you let go when you accept that you love them but you can t be with them you let go of the anger and the hate and you no longer want them dead but you ve accepted that you can t live with them anymore you haven t stopped loving them yet you re letting go there s no guaranteed formula to letting go and sadly no time frame either sometimes it takes just one step and sometimes a hundred if the pain cut you deep you re gonna have to let it go many times before it s actually gone categories uncategorized home sick post author by lindylove28 post date 10th dec 2022 no comments on home sick i used to be homesick for places i had lived in or people i had met and loved now i m homesick for the future i m homesick for my new chapter to start i m homesick for new experiences new daily schedules new sunsets in different cities i crave for the new friendships i m going to make in my new chapter i m homesick for new people new love that excitement that comes with new love i crave for the goosebumps and butterflies found in the phone calls of new love i miss life but not the life i once lived the life i m going to live the one i have not yet met but i know is coming i crave for the unknown its like the kind of feeling you get when you get into fresh bed sheets in fresh pyjamas or like opening the pages of a fresh journal and puting your name on the first page i ve been here for too long im homesick for a beginning categories uncategorized a come back post author by lindylove28 post date 4th dec 2022 2 comments on a come back helloooo i come baaack i ve been away for sooo long and literally haven t written anything in all that away time but i m finally back and ready to blog the pain away well i realised a long time ago that as much as i find comfort in writing i can t express myself when i m in the middle of a storm which really sucks because that s when i need it the most but i can never write about what i m currently going through i can only express it after the wave is over or when i can see that i m fast approaching the light at the end of the tunnel needless to say i ve been going through the most terrifying time of my life and haven t been in touch with my normal self for a very long time i ve lost so much and gone through so many life changes and it was a very scary and sad time in my life you know when you get used to losing things and people and just accepting that this is your season of loss you lose a part of you that you probably won t get back first it hurts and then it changes you forever in the last two years i ve lost my job lost my freedom and independence as i had to move back home i lost a 3 year relationship that had become an engagement i lost a lot of friends as i became isolated lost my church family and therefore my sense of belonging and basically lost myself it s been a tough i m hoping to articulate everything into black and white for the purposes of helping someone find hope or atleast that feeling of i m not alone categories uncategorized dating in your twenties post author by lindylove28 post date 2nd apr 2022 no comments on dating in your twenties i wrote this one after a break up when i was 25 and thought i d bring it here i grew up way too fast as a woman in your twenties you meet the man you like but only as captain of the friend zone the play boy who just wants you for your looks and thinks his money will make up for him being a sorry excuse for a man you meet the man your mom would approve of but you don t like coz he bores you with his backwardness the goodlooking charmer who says all the right things and knows about all the right ways but does all the wrong things and you probably fall for him coz you know women and words you meet the one who does all the right things and has a lot of potential but he s not attractive so your friends don t approve of him peer pressure shows up again and that is where you learn the difference between i like him vs i love him you learn to weigh between i love him vs i m so used to having him in my life you get to see the line between he loves me and he treats me with love and respect you get to understand what your mom meant when she said be with the one who loves you i love him vs he loves me you become mature enough to stop saying i can t go a day without talking to him and start looking for he values my presence in his life you stop worrying about whether he buys you a box of chocolate and start thinking about the kind of father he would be to your kids life stops being about wow look at us we look so good together and more about wow look at us we treat each other so well and last but not least you learn to choose six business plans over a six pack muscles we get wiser we learn faster we heal better siyakhula happytwenties categories uncategorized a woman in her 20s post author by lindylove28 post date 2nd apr 2022 no comments on a woman in her 20s i actually wrote this when i was 25 but never published it and just ran into it today our 20 s are so interesting you get to learn so much and teach yourself to unlearn so much you get into relationships and go through heart breaks and you discover that you actually can live without that person you thought you loved so much you carry some friends over from your teenage years but lose them along the way you make new friends who entertain you and then you learn the difference between a friend and a person who makes you laugh you learn about the importance of keeping your circle small and intimate you come to the sad realization that things don t always work out the way you plan them and you eat a few servings of humble pie while you learn about patience and faith you get to a point where you decide to distance some family members and avoid family gatherings coz now you see right through the fake smiles you learn so much about yourself now that you ve removed peer pressure from the steering wheel you learn about wants likes and needs everyday comes with a new lesson and it doesn t ger easier but you do get stronger categories uncategorized anxiety and the beginning of a new year post author by lindylove28 post date 1st jan 2022 1 comment on anxiety and the beginning of a new year it s the beginning of another year again and as usual my friends anxiety and depression are up the roof this time last year i attempted suicide as my family and neighbours were screaming happy new year and enjoying the fireworks i was drowning in a pool of tears because i realised it was a whole new 365 days of fighting again fighting to stay alive in a life i no longer wanted i really didn t wanna see 2021 but as usual god refused to take me i hate the beginning of the year because my experience with previous years makes me extremely anxious about the kind of difficulties i ll be faced with in this new year i start to wonder what new level of tests and trials i ll have to face this time seeing as it s been that way every year and each time with bigger tests harder trials so far my life has just been a series of painful events and each year i m faced with more difficulties that i have to overcome and quite frankly i m no longer in the mood nobody wants to keep fighting never ending battles the uncertainty of a new year heightens my anxiety therefore instead of being excited i get several anxiety attacks thinking about what kind of challenges will i be faced with this time around and will i be strong enough to withstand them or is this the year they finally swallow me up it s difficult to just stay positive and hope for the best because my little friend depression will always show up to remind me of all the horrible experiences i ve had with life in the past years even after staying positive he will remind me of how much i ve struggled to stay afloat in the past and barely made it out of the year alive and now the year begins again sigh all i m praying for is strength this time i wanna be ready and well equipped with strength to face whatever comes it s a tough day might be a tough couple of days or weeks to come but this time atleast i know from past experience that this too shall pass categories uncategorized depression and unemployment part2 post author by lindylove28 post date 22nd feb 2021 no comments on depression and unemployment part2 there s a part of job seeking that people hardly talk about the part where you re over qualified for a small job yet lack the 10years of experience required for the job you would qualify for so you find yourself putting aside your real qualifications and applying with the bare minimum just so you can get hired you then learn to survive on minimum wage because you re growing up and alduting won t pause because you re in a bad space it still needs to happen you tell yourself that you re just gonna do this for a few months as you wait for other opportunities to open up before you know it it s been 5years and you re still jumping from one 6month contract to another and to make things worse you still haven t gained that experience you need for your actual job because what you ve been doing has nothing to do with it all it s doing is helping you pay bills and feed you let s not even talk about the pain of being hired with high school kids who just want to pass time during school holidays or during their gap year not only are you much older than them but you re also there with your degree while they are waiting for their form5 results honestly i don t know whether to laugh or cry about this one you ll hear people say you should be grateful that you re even employed do you know how many people would kill to have a salary and well that s the thing see you re never ever ungrateful you re never ever at a point where you don t realise there s unemployment in the world i mean you yourself are technically unemployed the depression doesn t come from not counting your blessings it comes from realising that you actually deserve better but have not been dealt better it comes from realising that this is not what you spent 4plus years at tertiary for you studied so hard and put in extra hours because you wanted a job that would give you fulfillment and joy you wanted to make an impact in that specific field but you find yourself serving at a completely different table sometimes the job that you find yourself in is actually quite exhausting physically and mentally and you constantly find yourself questioning if it s even worth your time because all it does is drain you and you get nothing in return except a small scale salary that hardly gets you by but you can t quit you can never quit because then you d be back at square one the illusion of making progress and being productive would be taken away if you quit then there s the part where the people you graduated with and others who graduated way after you are now employed in their dream jobs and driving their cars and basically living the lives you dreamt of together they re cel...