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pril 16 2008 what now save point applications have fallen through and guess what i m officially a ngee ann polytechnic mass communication student rumoured to be the best media related course for singapore tertiary education it s hard to believe it when one has gone through hell and high water to obtain the dreaded singpass in order to be eligible for the joint application exercise for polytechnics maybe it was over kill when i sent in applications for both jae and jpsae i admit dae too i blame it on singaporean culture and insecurities on my o level score i mean i m a jc dropout after all maybe i m older wiser or even tougher but i was a quitter and i promise myself right here and now this will be first and last time that i ever do scout s honour i m glad that i ve gotten another chance relieved to say the least really i m finally pursuing my dreams as a media related student okay maybe relieved is an understatement it is only when you realise that education is not compulsory anymore that you begin to cherish it the same as everything else really we don t cherish anything until we ve lost it so what now i ve heard that polytechnic education much more open than that of a jc education but of course i m not following by ear experience ought to be first hand meh mum was pretty much supportive she treats this as a last chance everything s a last chance to her though dad still doesn t know one step at a time i suppose orientation s in a week and i can t wait for it already guess i m in for one hell of a ride donovan did it again 1 48 am wednesday april 09 2008 personality disorders finally something i can truly call myself ahahahahaha snort i ve just taken a personality disorder test courtesy from a very lovable source it s hilarious i tell you the scary thing is that it s highly accurate at least in my opinion it is a series of questions and answers later and you ll get your disorder with corresponding rating it ranks from low to very high i believe i ll insert a short excerpt at the end of each p d for your reading convenience that and i don t like to steal bandwidth common personality disorders paranoid high paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives people with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships they search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others they are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant they usually shift blame to other people and tend to carry long grudges symptoms include unwillingness to forgive perceived insults excessive sensitivity to setbacks distrustfulness and excessive self reliance projection of blame onto others consumed by anticipation of betrayal combative and tenacious adherence to personal rights relentlessly suspicious schizoid moderate people with schizoid personality disorder avoid relationships and do not show much emotion unlike avoidants schizoids genuinely prefer to be alone and do not secretly wish for popularity they tend to seek jobs that require little social contact their social skills are often weak and they do not show a need for attention or acceptance they are perceived by others as humorless and distant and often are termed loners symptoms suggest weak interpersonal skills difficulty expressing anger even when provoked loner mentality avoidance of social situations appear to others as remote aloof and unengaged low sexual desire unresponsive to praise or criticism schizotypal high many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia the disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others they sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way they generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow symptoms include superstitious or preoccupied with paranormal phenomena difficult to follow speech patterns feelings of anxiety in social situations suspiciousness and paranoia odd beliefs or magical thinking appears shy aloof or withdrawn to others antisocial high a common misconception is that antisocial personality disorder refers to people who have poor social skills the opposite is often the case instead antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of conscience people with this disorder are prone to criminal behavior believing that their victims are weak and deserving of being taken advantage of antisocials tend to lie and steal often they are careless with money and take action without thinking about consequences they are often aggressive and are much more concerned with their own needs than the needs of others symptoms include disregard for the feelings of others impulsive and irresponsible decision making lack of remorse for harm done to others lying stealing other criminal behaviors disregard for the safety of self and others borderline low borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self image people with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger often they will take their anger out on themselves causing injury to their own body suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon borderlines think in very black and white terms and often form intense conflict ridden relationships they are quick to anger when their expectations are not met symptoms include self injury or attempted suicide strong feelings of anger anxiety or depression that last for several hours impulsive behavior drug or alcohol abuse feelings of low self worth unstable relationships with friends family and boyfriends girlfriends histrionic moderate people with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers they need to be the center of attention all the time often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation they use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise they may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention histrionics also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships believing that everyone loves them they are often manipulative symptoms include needs to be the center of attention dresses or acts provocatively rapidly shifting and shallow emotions exaggerates friendships overly dramatic occassionally theatrical speech easily influenced highly suggestible narcissistic very high narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self centeredness like histrionic disorder people with this disorder seek attention and praise they exaggerate their achievements expecting others to recongize them as being superior they tend to be choosy about picking friends since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend narcissists tend to make good first impressions yet have difficulty maintaining long lasting relationships they are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them symptoms comprises of many elements some being requires excessive praise and admiration takes advantage of others grandiose sense of self importance lack of empathy lying to self and others obsessed with fantasies of fame power or beauty avoidant moderate avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety people with this disorder often feel inadequate avoid social situations and seek out jobs with little contact with others avoidants are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others they exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them often avoidants will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one unlike schizoid personality disorder avoidants yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them they are frequently depressed and have low self confidence symptoms suggest social inhibition retreating from others in anticipation of rejection preoccupation with being rejected or criticized in social situations fear of embarrassment results in avoidance of new activities poor self image feelings of social ineptitude desire for improved social relations appear to others as self involved and unfriendly creation of elaborate fantasy lives dependent low dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of people with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them they may become suicidal when a break up is imminent they tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship dependents often remain in abusive relationships over sensitivity to disapproval is common dependents often feel helpless and depressed symptoms include difficulty making decisions feelings of helplessness when alone suicidal thoughts upon rejection submissiveness deeply hurt by mild criticism or disapproval unable to meet ordinary demands of life obsessive compulsive high while obsessive compulsive personality disorder ocdp sounds similar in name to obsessive compulsive anxiety disorder the two are markedly different disorders people with obsessive compulsive personality disorder are overly focused on orderliness and perfection their need to do everything right often interferes with their productivity they tend to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture they set unreasonably high standards for themselves and others and tend to be very critical of others when they do not live up to these high standards they avoid working in teams believing others to be too careless or incompetent they avoid making decisions because they fear making mistakes and are rarely generous with their time or money they often have difficulty expressing emotion symptoms suggests need for perfection and excessive discipline preoccupation with orderliness inflexibility lack of generosity hyper focus on details and rules excessive devotion to work damn i need help p s to take your very own test click here donovan did it again 9 06 am monday march 24 2008 grown up thanks guys i appreciate it seventeen birthdays later and i reach physical maturity somehow it doesn t seem as exciting as one would think it to be but yes i m finally of the age to buy cigarettes and alcohol drink legally watch m18 movies in cinemas go clubbing legally sniggers apply for a driving license be charged as an adult in the court of law and i think that s about it woop tee doo i confess i have a bad memory for events that and birthdays call it selective memory but i don t exactly remember unfortunate events that well notthatimsayingthatbirthdaysareunfortunateeventsbuthaveyouseenyourbirth thatssomelifescarringmomentthere but i digress dad wasn t a fan of birthdays himself he always told me that it wasn t exactly a great thing that you were born it was the buddhist belief in him speaking nature s way of telling you hey look you ve been good enough in your previous life so you re now a mortal try harder next time though because you re nowhere near immortality d i think that was an excuse for him to disregard birthdays ironically i found myself doing the same thing year after year i hereby apologise to anyone whose birthday i ve forgotten over the years i m making an effort to remember now still birthdays have always been a special occasion for me you d think that it s the only day you feel special huh or maybe that s my perception nevertheless adaptation and upbringing have probably made me the way i am today memorable moments of my life have been far and few age four saw my weaning off the pacifier and milk bottle drinking it was a tough time really dad and mum was all you re a big boy now son and big boys don t use pacifiers there were the dreadful pacifier withdrawals i would ask them about the urges and they d tell me that it ll pass funny how i believed them then because i still have these urges every now and then the only thing keeping me away from them is the fear of addiction to the strange plastic device what can i say i m a sucker for these things pun intended i remember age five too when i was woken up by mum in the middle of the night dad apparently bought me my very own mercedes benz 1 8 model car that and tons of soft toys bears crocodiles fruits and even donatello the ninja turtle lookie its another don lol i still have some of those to this very day his words that day still ring fast forward the eighteenth would be slightly different from the rest as it would seem i would start the day off with a bout of mahjong with mich and the rest of the guys we were to start at 9 and i arrived early at 10 the guys were great their hands too you could see neng hao winning almost every game his hand impeccably strong every single game tais naturally came to him there were too many peng peng hus for any comfort my chips kept dwindling but no matter i was given a discount on my supposed loss a late birthday gift nice it was closing 6 when i got a phone call i was supposed to be at ang mo kio in fifteen minutes what so i rushed from kallang to toa payoh hoping that i would have the luck of reaching the latter in ten minutes i didn t the bus had to spit and splutter in the midst of the bustling traffic flustering every passenger onboard that would make the second of a bout of break downs i were to face in the near future just my luck really so i got down near toa payoh and boarded the next taxi i could find and then it had to rain fish co at amk hub finally reached my sight half an hour later as i bounded up the busy escalator a middle aged woman gave out a snarl while unpredictable legs brought me up and past her in an alarming speed threatening to throw her off balance she didn t fall though boo long story short i reached we ate and i got presents yay amongst other things i guess i got my present jerico jasmine darren and dom makin fun of each other jasper and lynnette jokin around pam and xuan gossiping as always yeah nothing beats a good gathering with these guys that would be the best present of all they showed no mercy though i had to stand on a chair while the staff sang me a birthday song i got a balloon too and the cake was d e l i c i o u s it was just like my macdonald s party back when i was 5 except we had fish and chips instead of burgers and never mind and for the record my weirdest birthday gift to date is no longer a toothpick this is another story for another day it is now a pair of polka dot boxers no prize for guessing who chipped in to top everything off i got whipped creamed yum on the bright side at least it was full cream gawd knows i scoff in the presence of the lactose intolerant y know birthdays always remind me of how meaningful and interest...