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illegal business in a residential area when i first started writing and researching this piece a year ago the couples choice hyperlink was dead now the website is back up again and explicitly states that this is not a business in any way and under no circumstances should be viewed as one couples choice social club is a gathering of like minded adults who enjoy the lifestyle agpawa started the clean up markham campaign closing strip clubs and other so called seedy businesses in order to solve the crime and corruption concerns in the south suburban town with a population of 13 000 unlike agpawa s belief that swinging leads to crime rachel zar a licensed marriage and family therapist from spark chicago therapy and northwestern medicine s center for sexual medicine says just like any sexual activity safety is key for swingers clubs offer solace and community for patrons because there is security boundaries and rules within these spaces she says it s interesting that there s this idea out there that sex clubs are inherently dangerous but i d argue that would be the exception not the rule i d liken it to restaurants that don t follow health codes they re out there and they re worth taking precautions against but that doesn t mean that all restaurants should be shut down just in case couples choice owner tim geary told wgn that his guest list is made up of doctors nurses dentists and police i mean they re everyone he says first agpawa told couples choice they had code violations the club spent thousands of dollars to fix these concerns then there was a zoning issue which turned into the passing of the no live sex act ordinance peoria enacted a similar ordinance in 2011 which prohibits businesses where folks can watch or view live sex in a 2019 city council meeting alderman william barron said that markham is a christian based town and just because the club has been there for 30 years doesn t make it right dr mary madrake a clinical psychology postdoctoral resident at balanced awakening in chicago says much of society still views different types of kink including swinging bdsm and other aspects of kink as abnormal or deviant which can take a toll on the mental health of those who identify as part of these communities having a place in which individuals within these communities can express their authentic selves without experiencing stigma and judgment is really important online communities are also imperative social media fetlife facebook twitter and onlyfans have become a way for kink communities to thrive safely when places are closed due to complaints or legal issues this can also increase the negative views of individuals not involved in these communities who could then view the community as causing trouble or engaging in unacceptable activities says madrake on the closing of swinger clubs by increasing the understanding of these spaces and communities society can change their preconceived often harmful judgements when i ask andrew what swinging means for him and how folks can break down stereotypes surrounding the clubs he says it s a way for him to let loose and to have fun with the woman i love more than anything else in the world if i or my wife thinks someone is attractive we don t have to bury that feeling we can communicate and have fun with it since the pandemic the couple has been staying away from parties we have been pretty down about missing that part of our lives during this pandemic but ultimately understand we have heard of some groups getting together to do zoom meetups and other online events involving some level of nudity and sex but for us that s nowhere close to satisfying plus the possible security issues make that a no go explains andrew many clubs have closed during the pandemic due to disagreements concerning how to safely get together as well as disagreements about how dangerous the virus really is for andrew and his wife they are learning to adapt without attending parties since swinging for us was always more of a bonus to add some fun than a need we re both pretty fulfilled in a lot of ways still a club in indiana young couples party did attempt to organize an event during the pandemic at a roseland hotel with 160 participants even though those numbers were legal in indiana a reporter leaked the information and the organizers found that it may jeopardize the safety of their attendees organizers of the party explained that folks concerned with covid 19 would wear different color bracelets that were assigned different meanings red would mean do not approach we are social distancing yellow would mean do not touch without consent and green would mean you can touch me i m here for human contact ultimately the party was canceled carla aka the purple diva 45 runs an inclusive members only lifestyle club always wanting more awm out of the western suburbs near elgin when i mention the closure of swinger clubs due to ordinances she laughs and says there s a lot of us last year i attended karen yates s wild sublime talk show event at constellation where yates read aloud quotes from folks who were upset over a recent club closing in the southwest suburbs carla reassures me that there are clubs popping up everywhere with 11 years of experience under her belt carla knows how to run the show after the end of her marriage she began searching online for clubs and after attending a few events carla says she realized what she liked and didn t like as a result she opened up her own club i thought to myself i can do this better and that s exactly what she did after being in the swinger community for three months she started hosting hotel parties i m a big girl i m a normal person i m not a barbie i like sex just like the next person why can t i have my own club why can t i have a space where people like me feel comfortable she says carla was always honest with the hotel staff about hosting an adult party behind closed doors after some time she decided to host parties once a month in the house where she lives near elgin the purple diva s parties have a cover of 20 for women 50 for a couple and 60 for men in other clubs women can get in free but carla says i m providing you a meal i m providing you supplies i m providing you a venue like many swinger parties food is offered but carla goes above and beyond by cooking a full buffet dinner think enchiladas lasagna actual good food there are nonalcoholic beverages and it s byob sloppiness is not accepted in swinger clubs supplies like condoms puppy pads for those who are messier than the next lube towels and shampoo are all offered for the price of entry with room for 150 guests her four bedroom four bathroom house is converted into a sanctuary for couples and singles the guest list for carla s parties generally includes those in their 30s to 50s and she requires that folks are 21 however she says those numbers aren t set in stone she does see folks in their 20s and over 60 as well it s just mature people who know whatever the hell they want she tells me carla lives in the house with her children who are in their 20s and help her set the house up before each event but leave once it begins she has security tour guides kitchen staff and a front desk with a check in my staff members are like family we hang out all of the time she explains one staff member drives three hours just to help carla with her parties when guests check in they are given a colorized name tag that indicates what they are looking for throughout the evening a girl looking for other girls is indicated with a pink tag bisexual folks have a purple tag straight women looking for men will wear a blue tag and red tags are for folks just checking things out and observing new folks have a cherry sticker on their name tag my landlord knows what i do they don t have a problem my neighbors however don t exactly like me she explains she s had issues with parking where folks legally take up all of the spots for ten hours one day a month every now and then a disgruntled neighbor will call the cops i m not hurting anybody i barely play music in the house you can t even tell that i have 100 people in my house other than the parking it could be anybody on the street so that s the slight issue i m having currently but that s my own issue because i m using my own residence she says when we talk before the pandemic before she moved into the house she specifically checked the parking and city codes the city is aware of what kind of parties she s throwing and they do not care as long as she doesn t violate parking or noise my next house will have a parking lot she says in terms of ordinances clubs have to deal with minute details to find loopholes which means the city will also find loopholes carla explains that she wasn t able to publicly share a link online for her parties and other cities don t allow folks to run a business out of a residential space just like other owners carla is dedicated to her events i could be deathly ill and i would still have a party says carla something has to be significant for me not to have one recently on her website she wrote that she has had to cancel all events during the pandemic and that no one should be hosting any lifestyle events at this time because it is impossible to maintain social distancing all of the profit that carla does make goes right back into the party she has a regular 9 to 5 job and says that the parties do not financially sustain her although she invests time money and energy into the events it s more of a passion project if she s having a party on saturday she says the planning and coordinating begins on tuesday and doesn t stop until sunday cook county has an ordinance regarding exchanging money when it comes to sex many clubs use the term membership as a loophole folks can buy a membership for an evening which blurs the idea of folks paying for sex as commerce this is why many more clubs exist outside of the city limits where regulations and ordinances vary per city that isn t to say swinger parties aren t happening in chicago they are just more private you have to get on things like fetlife or sls to find parties happening around the city says wild sublime founder yates yates explains to me over a zoom call that it s been a small coming out process for her last year in november we met up at a coffee shop in lincoln square where we briefly discussed her experiences in the swinger community but on our zoom call we got into the nitty gritty now that she s started a podcast and her thoughts on sex positivity are publicly being shared she says i m so much more comfortable being like i m a sex positive babe and i have sex about five years ago she attended her first swinger party as a single woman a previous partner led her through the process and explained how the parties work it was so new to me she says i was so intrigued and i was so frightened simultaneously it was this push pull i did not want to be around heteronormative people i knew enough about swingers to know that it was extremely heteronormative the men were content to see two women getting it on but god forbid two men actually touch explains yates what i did was i spent a month or two researching online trying to find a party she decided to look for explicitly bisexual male friendly parties as a result she found a party called private encounters which was held on the property of couples choice dawn and dave ran couples choice in markham for 16 and a half years before it was closed down by the town s mayor yates explains that while couples choice is incredibly heteronormative this particular party was explicitly bi friendly and a larger number of men are allowed while it wasn t a queer scene by any means it was still largely open and accepting through couples choice she found folks having parties in chicago inside of people s homes yates explains to me that hotel takeovers happen a lot more than private housing parties renting an entire floor is easier and more relaxed than dedicating your entire home to a party people just run around and they fuck says yates it s also a way for people to organize larger sex parties they will rent out two adjoining suites and invite 15 friends who all chip in people are creative if they need mattresses when i ask yates about the demographics at swinger parties she tells me in the cis heteronormative world they are younger under 40 swingers in their 20s and 30s and then there s the swinger umbrella term that is going to typically skew a little older my assumption is that people start knowing their sexual proclivities as they get older second if people have been in long term relationships eventually they want to add something to it there are these two dynamics although younger folks in the lifestyle do exist she explains that folks above 40 make up the larger base in the community in my research i ve found that clubs can be very segregated and specific a lot of times they are very white says yates what you see happening are more specialized swinger clubs or sometimes like at couples choice they always rented out to specialized groups and by specialized i mean african american latino bisexual cities like new orleans miami and san francisco have more flourishing swinger parties and clubs that aren t getting shut down by law enforcement but in chicago there is not as much interplay however if you re looking at queer play parties those are different than swinger parties there are subtleties there are differences after a while i found that the swingers parties were a little bit bloodless explains yates she describes her experiences at swinger parties like a hit and run she had a harder time building relationships whereas with queer parties in the city there is emotional juice developing between folks as there is more fluidity at first swinger parties were super super fun for me in my sexual journey it felt like a fucking playground after a while i was like eh she explains that the certain amount of effort in going to the parties eventually wore on her and like with any process she began to learn more about herself i took time off but i probably will return for a year yates says she used to go every other month to a party but then she started to move toward the private play parties with more curated guest lists that were more interactive and relational that was the next phase for me she says one woman in particular who threw private parties recently moved away leaving yates feeling crushed the guest list was curated and invite only which eradicated any feelings of uneasiness for yates it s a very real factor it s like a dance club like hey babe wanna dance and you re like no although yates assures me the parties are a safe environment there is still an effort to navigate the space and manage single cis men hosts and hostesses have to calibrate how many guests make sense there can t be too many single cis men but there do need to be enough if there are too many single men the ...