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heads they become patient zero for the novel coronavirus tails and covid comes from a lab and they are totally fine bear you can eat bear meat but you better thank the bear s ghost first or you will get trichinosis you also have a 1 in 6 chance of getting trichinosis if you don t fully cook the meat make a stew michael thomas should have put some more fatty monsters in his bestiary because once again we have a monster that is going to need some added fat in the recipe to make the meat tender or some acid unfortunately slimes are in the second half of the alphabet but yeah spoilers slimes used in small quantities in recipes are going to make a lot of this tough meat tender also fyi trichinosis will give you diarrhea and maybe kill you do not just cook this on a stick over the fire at february 21 2022 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels blueholme friday february 11 2022 night s dark terror session i lost track 1 w e re in a burning village there are dog headed babies and dog headed women running screaming i don t know what s going on i missed the last session i have a magic mace now and a lot of people are dead oh what s that noise yelling hmmm let s go towards it oh look a shack with a prisoner in it i guess it was ok to massacre this entire village then they had a prisoner that means they re evil the prisoner is an ugly elf with a stupid name he is in a loin cloth we give him a cape and ask him about his backstory he conveniently has amnesia he finds some leather armor but i want to remember him in his cape and loin cloth next we return to the other village the village of people we don t kill the people there look like short squat joe rogans there is another class of people there not pictured who all look like patton oswalt or something probably it is 3 am or so but we have to investigate a crime the suspect is a blog god he is accused of killing 3 joe rogans and destroying a gate we were planning on killing the blob god anyway and stealing his treasure anyway so this is a good justification a causus belli if you will first we have to go on a quest that involves shitting in a pond british modules were really weird at the pond we find out that the joe rogan s are racist against our goblins we pull a bunch of their podcasts but continue working with them next we go to i don t know wherever we are supposed to be going it is h3 on the map or something and you know what i am not going to talk about what happened i don t want to encourage copy cat behavior instead i am going to focus on t he victims three beautiful goblins cut down in the prime for their lives never forget first there was guy in a vest he leaves behind his goblin comrades and had dreams to be a chef he was always there to help a comrade with a joke or a smile his vest was cool and he had plans to put some patches on it when he got back to commemorate his adventure next there was monacle and scarf guy he loved pickles and was kind to animals finally there was female guy the only woman in the group she was able to hold her own in male dominated environment and really earned the respect of the guys not that she should have had to fight as hard as she did to earn that respect she was a real trailblazer who was snuffed out before her time i guess she lived her life like a candle in the wind she was a light against the darkness even though it was dangerous for he to even exist in the spaces she occupied at february 11 2022 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels sessions saturday july 31 2021 fleshing out portown after a trip to the coast i really think that there is a place on the zenopus archives where he talks about how port town was based on some coastal town in northern california i have now been to such a town mendocino california i wandered the coast looking for places where smugglers would meet late at night and trade goods away from the eyes of the law of course there were sea caves but there were also small islets that only existed when the tide was low near the deepest part of the cove you can see a cave entrance these were up and down the coast it s easy to imagine them being deep and leading to an underground smuggler s lair or imagine the water washing all the way under the graveyard and taking the bodies away the lost souls are washed out to sea they become angry and crawl to shore reanimated by a hatred for the living perhaps not far away enough for meeting at night to exchange contraband but there were numerous islets like this ready to plunge beneath the sea when the tied came in of course there were also arches and sea caves were giant crabs or whatever could hide out i am thinking sirens that call out to lost children there was also a colony of bees living in the rocks they were not as exciting as sirens but they were real and i had to avoid them to get to the outcropping i wanted to get to clearly the home of a giant lobster who feeds on the kelp in the bay come closer child let me sing to you also you could have an encounter with some seabirds that lead you to some treasure in their nest like a locket there was this spooky tree with dead limbs covered in moss or something i would put this in the graveyard in portown and have smugglers meet here to negotiate with ghouls on moonless nights finally people had carved skulls and faces into the sandstone on the cliff i could imagine a hidden sandstone altar carved in a hard to reach place or just that the citizens of portown carve the faces of their sailors that die at sea into the sides of the cliffs imagine a sandstone relief to those lost at sea stretching all the way back to the founding of portown what clues and secrets would be embedded there at july 31 2021 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels portown monday july 19 2021 night s dark terror sessions 9 10 tower of the abusive narcissist imagine spending the better part of a session listening to the cleric talk to some stupid wolves that have nothing to do with anything that is what it is like to play d d with me session 9 talking to wolves and killing a cow i don t feel like a lot happened this session because my character spent like half an hour talking to some wolves that s my bad that one is definitely on me the wolf conversation was largely fruitless then we went to lake titicaca where the bad guy is he is a wizard and he wants this tapestry thing we accidentally rescue the guy we were supposed to rescue or maybe that was what we were trying to do i can t remember this guy we were trying to rescue was all go after the evil wizard and take his treasure we were all dude you look terrible you have been tortured get your priorities straight we are taking you home we killed this guy it was no big deal anyway we made a new goblin friend named jithers we killed a bunch of stuff in front of him including the hobgoblin who we were hoping would help us kill the rapey horse man at first we were trying to get a job working in his posse but he wouldn t let us join because he was racist anyway jithers had a lot of trauma related issues we hoped to work through in the next session session 10 raised by narcissists jithers had a really hard go of it through our continued talks with jithers we were able to lay out the whole pattern of abuse the evil wizard had classic borderline personality disorder with serious narcissistic tendencies jithers had developed a really unhealthy attachment we told jithers that he could come live on a horse farm and animal therapy we offered him a way out but he just wasn t ready to take it i think this evil wizard character has been built up into an omnipotent godlike character in his mind to the point where jithers cannot imagine himself as a separate distinct entity so we left jithers and took the guy we rescued who was wondering why his homestead was now being marketed as a therapy retreat for goblins when we found our horses they were being dry humped by evil baboons so we started humping those baboons back to establish alpha dominance long story short it worked as we humped the baboons into submission we gazed back to the evil wizards tower and saw jithers gazing out the window at us it was a really gut wrenching experience just thinking about life after a hard day humping and being humped on an unrelated note one of the other players couldn t be there so he let someone else control your character this is really dangerous not because your character will die but because when you get back your character will be into some weird stuff oso the fighters new thing is pissing on everything he pissed on a baboon he pissed on the wizard s tower he pissed on the dead wizard spoiler we kill the wizard oso wrote a long letter to the evil wizard in his pee telling him that we had the thingy he was looking for and to come and get it then we went home to the goblin therapy horse farm and got ready we did like an a team montage there was this whole battle then the wizard came and it was scary for a bit but i guess he didn t know fireball so we all lived after he was dead oso pissed on him and then we had to loot his body after it was covered in oso s urine oops i know it is gauche to bring you weird fetishes into the game but i swear we are not into pee stuff that i know of so it is ok besides this is more calvin and hobbes bumper sticker peeing than sex peeing at july 19 2021 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest wednesday june 16 2021 night s dark terror session 8 grooming horses the bad way tsr uk you should be ashamed bytor goldenbeard was horrified last session i said we would have to kill more stuff in the petrified forest lair of the wolfsex goblins or whatever they are called we did we slaughtered them we did it for money money we have no hope of spending we did it just to look at the money we did it just because we could i felt debased little did yutnib and company know that standing in that den of goblins covered in goblin viscera breathing in goblin blood and feces and sweat that was as clean as they were going to feel all session they had to talk to loshad again the party had hit a dead end the trail leading to the guy we were looking for had run cold it turns out loshad had known about the human trafficking operation the whole time and had just neglected to tell us he had been letting us run around like assholes we came crawling back to him begging him to tell us how to save the people that had been kidnapped by this ancient cult or something i am not exactly sure what is going on honestly loshad refused unless we did him a favor he wanted us to kill a werewolf we asked why i wish we had not asked why so it turned out that loshad had been in love with this horse a regular horse not a magic talking horse this horse was the property of a woman who became a werewolf through no fault of her own near as we can tell as a werewolf she ate the horse that was loshad s lover we were all repulsed this guy wanted us to kill a sentient being because this sentient being killed a non sentient being for food also he was having sex with the non sentient being we wanted to slay this pervert right there but we could not because he was the only one who knew where the spooky city of whatever it is we are trying to find is naturally the party was disgusted some were disgusted because this horse guy was disguising himself as a regular horse to have sex with horses others were disgusted because we spent ninety minutes or so discussing the ethics of a half horse half man taking the shape of a regular horse to have sex with horses instead of continuing on with the adventure regardless i think we all agree we need to kill this creepy rapey horseman at june 16 2021 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest tuesday may 11 2021 nights dark terror interlude stolen content the dungeon master no doubt about to go insane from isolation recreated some scenes from our last session with his dolls we were fighting some goblins in a petrified forest the dm and i made those big petrified trees about a year or so ago out of poster tube and coffee grounds the smaller logs are dowel with coffee grounds he got minis to play frostgrave with me but i fled to california so he is all alone if anyone is in the philadelphia area and wants to play frostgrave reach out it will probably give him the motivation to base his minis maybe one day we will get to play in person again instead of over roll20 or zoom at may 11 2021 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest tuesday may 4 2021 night s dark terror session report hate the police and see through all time and space hobgoblins session 6 hate the police this session we do some more nonsense in the cave with the orcs and rescue this gnome we were supposed to rescue last time he knows what he did more importantly my cleric memorized speak with animals because i have never had a character memorize that spell ever obviously i talk to my horse uh oh turns out the creepy horse guy from before his name is just the russian word for horse has been up to some funny business with our horses we confront him later when he is trying fine us for riding our horses too long he tells us he is prepared to issue a citation for horsey negligence we tell him that we know that he is a perverted corrupt half horse horse cop he rides or i guess he just runs cause he is the horse away and we start looking for his archenemy who is this wolf who breathes cold breath or something i don t know it doesn t really sound that scary to me vlack the spooky hobgoblin has a magic wolf and bat friends he is really into watching us sleep we chase after him to figure out what his deal was and he got very confrontational so you know he is up to something weird vlack has bat friends anyway we find the wolf and this hobgoblin guy riding it and they are totally unreasonable they do not want to chase down the horse abuser instead we fight him turns out cold wolf breath only does like 1d6 damage or something so no big deal also i talk to some bats and the magic user io charmed a hobgoblin and we named him hob lowe hob lowe our charmed goblin also seems to have very limited knowledge about his life before he became charmed he can tell us very little about what he was doing with the main bad guy vlack the spooky hobgoblin session 7 seeing through all time and space we had to cross a stream filled with piranhas which was pretty classic was a real turning point for bytor goldenbeard our stout and hearty dwarf you see yutnib the cleric that s my guy who is a girl was plotting a way to kill or subjugate the horseman fro his continued transgressions against defenseless horses bytor asks wait is this all real with the citations and horses the snake guys had a cool snake statue outside their house here is scrud pud ...