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Text of the page (random words):
celia they ll smack you in the back of the head rita i never thought about bein famous phebe brown no i didn t either rita so i don t know what i d want to be phebe being a good teacher rita havin a good sense of humor dbg you mean being a comedian rita well i don t know about bein a comedian dbg what don t you know rita i don t know anything about bein a comedian celia you have a great sense of humor though rita that s what i said what would you want to be famous for dbg interviewing you rita that don t take much intelligence laughs dbg it doesn t necessarily take much intelligence to be famous rita no dbg there s some dumb people that are famous what do you think phebe can dumb people be famous phebe that depends on what you mean by dumb dbg not possessing great intelligence phebe i d say so rita you ask some crazy questions phebe laughs dbg what do you mean isn t this food for thought rita ha laughs dbg don t you go home and think about this rita i don t even think about it when you re sayin it conversation at the senior luncheon at st joseph s greenwich ny late 1990s posted by david greenberger at 6 45 am 3 comments sunday january 04 2009 odd numbered years it s now the first week in the new year january 2009 and i m about to go through something that happens every other year as each new odd numbered year comes into existence it takes me longer to adjust to writing that new year than when it s a new even numbered year i ve been aware of this situation might it be a syndrome for a long time back perhaps to my late teenage years at this point it s occurred to me that my behavior is a response to the belief that this is what happens to me more than that it actually would happen on its own i fear that i ve set the wheels in motion for this minor numerical error by pointing out in advance that it s what happens every time an odd numbered year rolls into town i encounter my error mostly when writing a check i write a lot of checks continuously numbered since i opened the account nearly twenty years ago it s up to over fourteen thousand now one place i was making a purchase had an automatic reading register that didn t recognize a five digit check number it s the check writing that sets up the scenario for my mistake but now this year i m even putting thoughts about this into writing and that s tipping me back away from the error and i ve been writing 2009 consistently what i ll miss about 2008 is the confluence of mathematics it was the year that i turned 54 the same as the last two digits of the year i was born 1954 in 2009 no one becomes the same age as the year they were born as it s always an even number since it s their birth year multiplied by two 2008 was also the year norabelle turned 21 reversing the numbers in each of our ages takes us both back to the same year nine years ago when i was 45 and she was 12 i pointed that out to her and asked how to figure out that out as a math problem she proceeded to do so making an x variable and writing it all out on a piece of scrap paper while we were at a party at a friend s house near boston over the holidays i was trying hard to follow what she did but between the holiday cheer and the mix of pride and amazement at witnessing her do this i retained nothing but my question and the little worksheet paper was lost posted by david greenberger at 5 00 am 1 comments wednesday november 26 2008 hello hello hello hello picture this scenario you arrive at a small party are introduced to someone who says a nice hello you begin conversing and two minutes into the conversation they toss out another hello two minutes of more talk and yet another punctuation of hello again two minutes later and again whether you call it wearisome worrisome or just plain stupid i ve been encountering just this sort of thing albeit in a different form i live in a very small town it s quaint and relatively intact in terms of its older buildings it s the sort of place that when people drive through it they think this is quaint and relatively intact let s stop and see if there s a good restaurant hotel book store and any antique shops the answers being yes no no and one respectively a state highway winds its way into the village making a sharp left turn at the light in the center of town all along this route on about every fourth light post there is a canvas banner proclaiming welcome to greenwich that s where the overlay of the jabbering semi lunatic comes in an offering of welcome is appropriate when entering the town not on a continuous basis as you pass through the number of these banners was doubled a couple years ago when more light posts went up however these use a smaller font and an image of a park bench by a tree given the height they re at and the simplification of the pictorial forms these now welcome as you re leaving town but with a noticeable dose of obfuscation it s as if that lunatic has been handcuffed to you but has become barely audible repeatedly whispering hello causing you to ask each time what what when did all these banners become necessary i see similar ones in other towns with just the names dropped in the first welcome banners that showed up here and are still hanging now joined by their idiot cousin banners have a backdrop image of a quaint village building we have the real things right here why put up a clip art picture of a quaint townscape when motorists can see the real things right out the windows of their car banner salesmen and the companies they represent must be having a field day what one little town sees the next one wants these being essentially efforts to scare some dollars into the coffers of the local businesses who struggle to survive in the face of questionably sound discounts at big box stores a rather desperate ploy adopted by most every business on the main street was pitched to them by the local chamber of commerce that got them all to purchase at a discount matching open flags as if the reason people weren t stopping and buying was because they were confused as to whether or not the establishment was open rather than the fact that there are too many country knickknack and consignment stores the proliferation of these banners suggests drunken town planning with decisions having been made just before passing out what makes them all the worse is that there have previously been some excellent decisions made there are sturdy professionally rendered historic looking wooden signs at a few of the entryways into the village these were erected after some banners were already up but rather than take them down more were added david greenberger originally published in mungbeing november 2006 posted by david greenberger at 6 22 am 0 comments tuesday september 30 2008 the most expensive tramps in bloom my creative and commercial endeavors over the past three decades have been to the casual observer or international spy a series of elliptical paths that sometimes overlap or intersect but often seem to spiral off into outer space from trying to market a product to send messages through mail on wood shavings to writing scripts for animated cartoons one thing just well leads to another in the mid nineties my little self published magazine called the duplex planet was adapted into a comic book series duplex planet illustrated years after publication ceased there was a comic convention held at a hotel in manchester vermont the guy who organized it knowing i lived nearby asked me if i wanted to appear i did not he then went on to offer me a table at no charge where i could display the significant overstock of my discontinued comic along with anything else i d care to bring with the rosy possibility of converting these boxes of assorted and ultimately fragile paper goods into hard cash i came around this could be good maybe great i went it was not great the large conference room was arranged into aisles lined with tables at which were seated various publishers writers and artists selling and signing their goods most of which was super hero stuff i should probably explain here that my comic like my magazine presented a range of stories based on my conversations with nursing home residents and a range of other elderly people the connection between my comics and the world of caped adventure was limited pretty much to the fact that they were both produced on printing presses and utilized staples as a means of binding it quickly became apparent to me that the attendees at this convention focused on such things as the comparative flexibility of the joints of various action figures were not going to be intrigued by my anecdotal explorations of the day to day comings and goings of relatively immobile old people a big name comic book personality had a table next to mine such was his popularity that the long line of rabid fans awaiting their moment with him talked amongst themselves as if he himself had recently turned away an alien armada his line of almost exclusively male fans went right past my table effectively closing me off from any potential customer s view these fans stood directly in front of me and tried not to make eye contact with me or my little cottage industry lest their fantasies somehow get infected with visions of old people dancing in their heads only if i d been giving out cupcakes frosted to resemble wonder woman s bustier would my being there have risen above the level of mutual discomfort into something more robust then lo and behold a young man looked at the table saw an issue of my magazine and said hey that picture was on the cover of an album by men volts here i should explain a few more things what he was seeing was an image of a naked man tactfully obscured by a post hole digging device he was using this photo was from an issue of the 1950s nudist colony magazine sunshine health and i had also used it for men volts another one of my ventures which caused no distress to the workings of cash registers but was a rock combo that had its origins as a captain beefheart cover band so you can understand why this woke me right up i was in men volts i exclaimed this seemed to alarm him oh i ve never listened to it he quickly set me straight he explained that he worked for a cut out company which if you don t know resells unsold albums to used record stores and deep discount bins the place where records go to die even i had to admit that this made more sense regaining my footing i immediately shifted from embarrassment to wheeler dealer and leapt into action i asked if the album from the mid eighties tramps in bloom was the french version with actual foil stamped lettering on the cover he said it was so i asked about buying some copies of this rare item especially since at the bargain basement price i could turn them around handily for at least ten dollars each the company didn t do any direct retail themselves he explained but he thought he could make some arrangements according to plan i called the following week but he wasn t in and i left a message a week went by and i tried again no call back but i was a man with a mission and i persevered on my third attempt i was told the guy no longer worked there i explained my situation and this guy said he could take care of it he thought there were about ten copies left he d let them go for two dollars each you do the math i said i d take them all a week later a box arrived for which i paid about 18 which covered the postage and c o d it felt very light and upon opening found out why there was only one lp enclosed i called and it turned out that that was all they had left the final result of my having reluctantly attended that comic convention was that i had paid more than anyone else ever had for a copy of my own record posted by david greenberger at 6 35 pm 1 comments monday september 08 2008 how vowels endure winter on a recent family cruise to bermuda and the bahamas i took it upon myself to write down the words erie and greenwich repeatedly while saying a word aloud over and over again in succession can turn it into sonic gibberish writing the words did not obscure their meaning the pair retained their status as information representing a city and village i tried to hold the pen in a relaxed manner successfully forestalling writer s cramp this activity was not meant to be meditative as it took some focus to keep my printing consistent the similarities and differences in these two words came to occupy much of my conscious mind i d made them unavoidable objects of examination on a personal level the primary similarity is that the largest part of my life has now been spent living in one or the other of them erie greenwich they re both two syllable words and they both employ the same vowels two e s and one i but this is where the differences come in to play allowing for a solid example of how english has absorbed a broad range of approaches to the construction of words both words have a long e sound but arrive at them through different means for me the most compelling fact is that erie uses only one consonant in delivering its two syllables while greenwich has latched on to a half dozen thinking about each name in relation to the geography where that municipality is located opens the door for a metaphorical overlay erie on the shores of the great lake which shares its name can be a bracing place to be in the winter as winds blow across the frozen waters with but one r stuck near the center to barely keep them warm e e and i look exposed and vulnerable meanwhile out in the rolling protective hills of greenwich the same trio wrapped themselves in a pair of double consonants at the front at back ends with an additional pair near the center making for a warm two room shelter words appear in my mind in upper and lowercase though i print in all uppercase i enjoy thinking of words as their shapes and greenwich offers a tidy little yard with the taller end letters shading the row of seven within my first name when not busy reveling in its alternating consonant and vowel construction also enjoys a similar sort of responsibility erie short and with its height all at one end looks powerful like a locomotive that s a connection i may have made in my youth because of the general electric plant there where my father worked and which still makes those mighty train locomotives to this day david greenberger originally published in my column i still feel like myself main street 56 2006 posted by david greenberger at 5 36 pm 0 comments tuesday july 29 2008 this is the duplex planet in 1979 a year after graduating from art school in boston i took a job at the duplex nursing home where i worked for a couple of years as an activities director there i found not only a rich pool of potential friends but also recognition of something in myself a long standing interest in capturing through the written word the character of a person in particular elders oral history has a valuable place in our culture but that isn t what i m looking for i do...