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Text of the page (random words):
the co op courtyard so on fine days i hear the kids playing toddlers toppling into each other the swoop of traffic on broadway songbirds in the early morning but not opera guy i sure hope he s alright tonight it is cold and damp not good for vocal cords i m sure we need his music i hope he knows that 7 comments posted in uncategorized bookmark the permalink we re grandmothers posted on march 26 2021 by easilyriled on march 24th at about 3 00 iris su s daughter gave birth to a baby boy say what you like about overpopulation and climate change and the instability of our wonderful world and geopolitics and all the things i am so glad to welcome him to the family in turn he has welcomed me i contributed nothing to his parents births or raising i have been his maternal grandmother s companion partner lover and sometimes pain in the ass for nearly 5 years though that counts for something su s two grown up children have welcomed me and we care a lot for each other i get to be part of the village raising the new one he s beautiful and we have pictures of his mama and papa holding him and gazing at the camera with serenity and pride well that s iris she looked as if she d just gone for a brisk walk rather than a 5 hour labour the baby he was all alert yet restful snuggled up to his mother s breast iris wrapping him in her strong arms and all the love in the world the pictures of matt show a great tall man curled tenderly into his son studying him intently and kissing his face he s home he s home in the world we cannot wait to meet him 8 comments posted in uncategorized bookmark the permalink chemo covid back to work posted on march 10 2021 by easilyriled hello beautiful people you know i have about 55 drafts of blog posts piling up over here when i took my medical leave i thought i could write every day and do a light workout every other day and walk the dog for a few blocks and do some things i put off like play the accordion but i couldn t not any of it i was half way through my chemo when i took my leave and just in time too now i am grateful it s a cool sunny day i took the dog for a long walk he stops at every shrubbery to flirt with the pheromones left by other dogs i no longer have to stop and sit every few metres i eat well i pick up the kettlebells the lighter ones now and walk up and down the stairs i think about the things i want to write about women only space and the erasure thereof the beauty of the sunlight firing up the orange and yellow fall leaves the wonderful people who checked in on me when i was sick lavila and colleen in red deer and my uncle tom in the kananaskis valley my cousin near saskatoon and my auntie in ottawa and my friend in montreal some of my friends and mentors from church basements came too with food and company for short visits across the picnic table i thought i d write lots of letters but i didn t i slept and puked a lot my partner s son brought me ginger ale and crackers got the dog out and cooked dinner i tried to stay up until su got home and make tea for her sometimes i did but sometimes i just stayed in bed the covid restrictions started mid march a year ago now that day sunshine still elusive and cold one of the women who goes to our tiny gym told us that her parents were quarantined in their home in italy that was our last session at the gym for many months by the following week the city was still restaurants stores dry cleaners dentist offices were shuttering buses were empty then few and far between it was spooky but the birdsong and the blossoms it was amazing the racket of music and riot of colour i started really slowing down by then sleeping more and i couldn t do the small light workouts al from the gym sent me su brought home a zero gravity chair sometime late in the spring early april and on fine days i lay in that all bundled up in a blanket that one of my students gave me at the end of the 2016 fall semester when it was a not fine day and there were lots of those it was cold in the spring cold and rainy then i took it personally and nearly wept that i couldn t bundle up and lie in that chair like a burrito on a griddle the dog came with me wherever i went and curled up near by december 30 2020 in september i started back to work 5 days a week 4 hours a day then gradually up to six hours a day then by the beginning of november i was up to 7 5 hours really more like 9 when you count the driving it s more like 10 or 11 hours fall of 2019 some women started up a group for women concerned about the deliberate erasure of women only space and organizations the vancouver parks board the vancouver library city hall ubc now have signs on their washroom and change room doors that state that trans and gender diverse people are welcome what does gender mean one may ask there is no answer now we are hearing about young men at ubc taking pictures of women while they are on the toilet in these mixed sex washrooms sometimes inclusivity and diversity means including predators and dispersing resistance i m going to post this now today march 10 2021 i write in my paper journal more often work is consuming and the drive to and from has become punishing i am so grateful to have a job to spend my days with people though i miss my friends and live meetings and bumping into people literally on the sidewalk i m sad we don t get to go to vernon for the birth of su s daughter s baby but we ll be together soon and that child will grow up with all the love and encouragement and fun we all had lots more to say but the dog needs out the dryer is finished i have to mail things to shawn and wendy and pack up for work the quotidian details of daily life bit by bit falling in place falling apart coming together love erin 2 comments posted in uncategorized bookmark the permalink mom posted on may 9 2020 by easilyriled tomorrow is mother s day oh how i miss her but lately i ve taken to expressing gratitude that she s not here for this this covid 19 lockdown she d be worried more about shawn and me than about her own self and the brain tumour thing too she would hate it knowing that chemo s been challenging for me and there would be no way to be together so i ve been saying well it s a good thing mom s not here for this and my brother agrees but then a couple of weeks or so ago it was a hard time too i was all barfy and weak and sleepy she did come i felt her so strong that i woke completely alert from a nap and said i have to call mom but then i realized she wasn t there to answer i felt her right beside me that time and another time too the feeling of her hung around for a while i could hear her laughter almost feel her hug me though she wasn t here not really it took me until just the last couple of days to realize that no she was there that was her answer she s right here just as she always was that s why i felt her but i don t need to tell you that you knew happy mother s day 2 comments posted in uncategorized bookmark the permalink chemo n covid posted on april 15 2020 by easilyriled i am not at all motivated to write this is an internal life i am living at present i m in a position where self isolating is totally possible and not at all a hardship not like most of the rest of the world i don t yet know if i ll be able to go to work when my medical leave is over but i m not fussing about it i d like to but at the same time i haven t done hardly any of the things i said i d do write every day play my accordion exercise every day cook delicious things i apparently missed the notification that i was embarking on a sick leave and hoboy i ve been sick i am nearly done round 5 of chemo now and feeling better every day but the exercise every day is still a bit challenging for example i went on a bike ride today 30 minutes and nearly puked 10 minutes in yesterday it took me over an hour to complete a 30 minute workout if i were talking to anyone but myself i d say dummy you re on chemotherapy that shit is toxic take it easy and someone else s version of easy so that s what i m doing i m even going to post this even though there s nothing particularly interesting in it or pictures or anything it s the practice that s the important thing write you ll get better if you do it 2 comments posted in uncategorized bookmark the permalink do you remember repost from last spring some things have changed but not enough posted on march 29 2020 by easilyriled when was the last time you hugged someone someone not quarantined with you i can t remember it was more than two weeks ago maybe it was when karla spotted me at the most recent meeting of our new feminist discussion group the most recent sounds a lot better than the last maybe it was when i dropped my friend off at her house after a 12 step meeting won t be doing that for a while all the meetings are online now and i m not to leave home except to walk the dog and go to medical appointments high risk for infection me so s my brother but he still goes to work he builds fire trucks though doesn t have to breathe right close to other people when was the last time i went out for a meal well su and i went out for tacos after the most recent meeting of our feminist discussion group we plan actions too or we will once we can leave our houses again the time before that i went out for breakfast with my friend and former colleague from when i was a university teacher he s tenured a few years from retirement i ve thought of him so often the last couple of years i admire him and enjoy his company though i was pretty sick being within a few days of starting chemo i enjoyed our meal together that time the restaurant was empty it was very early in the morning beautiful breakfast soft poached eggs avocado on toast yogurt and fruit i was pretty sick i remember it was within a few days of the beginning of my 4th round of chemo we talked about the idea of the devil s advocate he said my friend he said there is no place in the university for the devil s advocate everyone must believe the same thing now he s alarmed about this when the faculty of education hounded me out he and another faculty member went to the faculty association outraged and wrote letters and demanded they do something to protect me i didn t know that then not until it was all over but it was sure encouraging to learn he took some risks in fact he refused to chair a committee to evaluate and allocate courses to the sessionals of whom i was one though my file was mysteriously left out that time due to the lack of transparency and the constraints imposed by the faculty on his and the committee s leadership and judgments in true big a academic style he looked up the history of the idea of and value for the devil s advocate he went back to the story of job in the bible he read it in hebrew arabic english and for good measure french in each version the story began with so the devil was strolling through god s court and god happened to meet up with him and asked him what he was doing these days they apparently had a pretty amiable conversation it s true they did i looked it up in my grandfather s bible the little one that he got may 1st 1927 from the brynna welsh congregational sunday school four days later he sailed from southhampton to canada anyway back to the devil and job and god i guess the devil could get a capital letter too let s change that to satan says so right here in the bible too so god says to satan hey how are you what have you been up to and satan says oh i ve just been roaming the earth looking around bumping into people you know god asks satan if he d run into job on his travels god was quite fond of job and told this to satan he said that guy job he s one righteous man loves his family does right by his community and he s good to me too yea i know that guy said satan and he continued of course he is generous and good and loyal to you said satan why wouldn t he be righteous and on good terms with you and everyone else he s got everything lots of grain many head of cattle a pile of kids and grandchildren who all adore him and are successful and all that it s easy to praise your name when he wants for nothing well god was kind of miffed he had more faith in job than all that so he said to satan alright you go then give him some challenges you ll see only you can t put your hands on him just his stuff satan really gave it to job i tell you what and job he was upset of course but he never gave up his faith and he never cursed god either ever even when god gave satan the okay to turn up the heat anyway the point is the devil s advocate is the one who helps the righteous become stronger the one who points out the flaws in the arguments and helps the followers provide guidance to the leaders how do you know you re on the right track unless the devil s advocate tests you god doesn t come off looking too good in this story and satan well he doesn t look as bad as the righteous make him out to be either at any rate in the end job became more than he was before and he had more too lived to be about 140 years old knew all his grandchildren became a happy guy again would he have had as satisfying a life had he not endured all that suffering in the middle there well probably who knows i liked that story got me thinking my professor friend he does that for me gets me thinking and now i won t see him again for a long while i am so glad we got together that day covid 19 wasn t even a whisper then not one i was hearing anyway that was february 26th the last public gathering was when we had lee speak to our gender critical feminist group about a history of the rise of gender ideology and its effects on feminist organizing and women only spaces march 14 great discussion anyway since then everything has been cancelled not just feminists anymore everyone i approve i could go the rest of my life not ever hearing about preferred fucking pronouns inclusivity and diversity gender neutral language hey folks i dislike that word so intensely and how much bloody harder trans women have it than cis women it has been a lot more peaceful around here whew march 29th three more days until chemo begins again this week has been good more moving more writing letters more outside time with the dog and a ton of zoom meetings i miss being with people a lot but i am grateful for technology that helps us connect i m grateful that i feel well and there s lots to do around here still i m grateful that there is employment insurance though i m still really angry there is no more unemployment insurance i hope there will be increasing momentum for a guaranteed livable income as we go on we can totally do it in closing i cherish the last times the last time i saw my brother and sister in law christmas lots of food and laughter and cold the last time i was at a big public gathering that was when i presented to vancouver city council on behalf of our group to tell them to fund vancouver rape relief and women s shelter they didn t of course self right...