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Text of the page (random words):
ure of males guppies image source unknown way back in the aughts when my daughter was working on her creative writing degree she was given a class assignment that seemed unfair to me to write a short story in just a matter of hours i have never shown much ability to write fiction with my overly literal mind but in solidarity with her i decided to give the assignment a try myself i was reminded of my attempt this evening while watching one of those nature programs that roller coasters you emotionally with a tiny lost lion cub about to be attacked by jackals a leopard mom with newborns who s on the brink of starvation and so forth the little ones are persistently in danger because adult males will typically kill any cubs they did not father themselves this is true of many species including equines as well as felines and it has always horrified me i understand the advantage to individual males but i have a harder time accepting that this form of infanticide is good for the whole species but at any rate at least in most mammal species i know of males don t kill their own children humans seem to have that distinction why i had to go with the first story idea that popped into my head and the following was the result it was influenced by a health scare that lenore herself had as a very young infant though her late father could not possibly have been more different from this one and please note that i am in no way meaning to damn all human males only to wonder why a few manifest this behavior it was interesting to observe what my brain came up with in throwing ideas together under time pressure with no chance to edit it seems to me that the story came out decently still not edited presented just as it came out it s something in the nature of males i don t know why god made them that way there must have been some kind of reason and who am i to complain about the way the world was put together but where is the survival value in destroying your own offspring the most basic study of biology teaches us that all creatures want their genes to survive sometimes through sheer mindless idiocy adults of some species eat their own children as when guppies swallow their fry along with any other small edible particles that happen to be floating about but it s the guppy dads we have to worry about it s not the guppy moms that force us to put those little nursery enclosures in our aquariums okay i know under certain circumstances mammal mothers do eat their young but isn t that only when they don t expect them to be able to survive anyway when conditions are so bad that this quick death may be a kinder fate most fathers in our own more complex species protect their young love them nurture them the stereotype that only women are nurturers is not based in fact however when that crucial instinct somehow gets turned off or twisted it seems to happen more often in men i wasn t thinking about this when i met harry i probably wasn t thinking much about anything maybe i thought about his curly black hair if i had to explain as a biologist why i married him i might have been able to come up with some excuses about his evolutionary fitness he was a doctor for heaven s sake isn t a doctor supposed to be a good catch brains at least and energy and drive he looked good to me too he looked good to a lot of women and it was only later that i realized how much he took advantage of that fact he was convincing in the starring role of selfless healer in fact that was finally what pulled me into his trap for good he was always taking care of me at first i didn t see any of the warning signs even though they re plastered all over the anti domestic violence posters i didn t understand that his solicitousness was gradually insidiously becoming an obsessive need for control he was thrilled to find out that i was pregnant in his family there was a lot of emphasis on tradition and passing on the family name he was really into the whole business of having a son and heir when we discovered that the child was female though he said that was just fine too he never the entire time said overtly that he didn t want a daughter what he did was to find every possible way to undermine my health and the health of the child he played music in the middle of the night so that i couldn t sleep he said he couldn t sleep himself and needed the music to relax he threw away my prenatal vitamins parroting that old md line about expensive urine when i then insisted on cooking a lot of organic vegetables he ridiculed the meals and me along with them he detested the midwife kept telling me not to go to that medieval witch scheduled other unavoidable events at the times of my appointments he never actually hit me he did possess a certain level of subtlety he complained belittled needled picked unmercifully there was nothing physical at all until i was five months along and the changes in my body were unmistakable then the rough sex started i didn t know what to make of it i didn t worry too much because by that time the baby was securely anchored in her place but it was uncharacteristic and weird before that he had been if anything indifferent perfunctory at times definitely not a man who exhibited violent passions of any kind i didn t respond well to this treatment and began to avoid him as much as i could soon he was accusing me of seeing another man when he couldn t find any evidence of this he started to attack my relationships with my female friends he invented affairs i was supposed to be having with them he kept the phone close to him whenever he was home and if he had the chance to talk to one of my friends he would accuse her as well in such ugly terms that it wasn t long before everyone stopped calling so there i was alone feeling even more alone when he was home as an md in a family practice clinic what an irony he worked long hours but he found ways to keep tabs on me he was forever calling my cell phone if i didn t answer the accusations were even uglier when he knew i was teaching classes or in meetings he didn t call he didn t want anyone to notice the harassment at any other time i could be in the shower taking a nap in the grocery store whatever i had to be ready to answer his questions what are you doing who is there with you money became a huge issue naturally his job paid a lot more than mine did and so my job wasn t considered very worthwhile but now that i was preparing to take time off my income became a critical matter summer coincided conveniently with the latter part of my pregnancy and i was planning to take an unpaid leave during the fall semester harry acted as if we were going to lose our house and starve in the street because of my selfishness other babies did just fine in daycare he said what was so special about ours the fact that we had no family nearby to help out didn t make any difference to him and we were supposed to be able to manage on our own anyway he was big on independence it was kind of strange he wanted to know what i was doing at all times but he didn t care to have me stay home where it would have been easier to keep an eye on me as you can imagine harry didn t encourage me to take birthing classes there was nothing i could do to get him to agree to go to them he said all that breathing stuff was a crock and that i would need anesthesia anyway so why bother i learned everything i could on my own i figured that nature had been taking care of this business for a long long time and i d be ok when the time finally came you should have seen the show he made at the hospital the one where he had privileges no one could have known he was anything but the most involved and caring husband he fawned over me and our newborn and took a million pictures he even said how proud he was of me that i had been so brave managing without any anesthesia at all my mother flew in for the birth so i had some backup for a while and harry was a perfect angel during that time he only had to fake it for a couple of weeks so i guess that wasn t too hard for him lina was colicky she screamed for hours on end the brilliant family physician ran out of ideas pretty fast when the situation failed to improve i of course got all the blame he started monitoring everything i ate saying that the problem had to be a food allergy caused by something in my diet i wanted the colic to stop too and i went along with the program cutting out everything that could conceivably be an issue nothing changed nothing except the noise level now my husband was screaming as well i can t help but think that lina s little digestive system was responding to the rising level of tension in our house more than it did to anything i might have been eating we continued in this mode for another month or so no one was getting much sleep i hardly noticed at first when lina began to lose weight because she was already on the small and thin side when she took on a strange greyish color though and started whimpering instead of screaming i knew something was terribly wrong i wasn t allowed to take lina to a pediatrician harry knew everything that was to be known and he was the only doctor we were supposed to need he blamed me yet again my milk had to be the problem now he reversed his earlier course and plied me with vitamins and supplements he made sure i was as well fed as anyone could manage he had me take the baby for walks in the sun she didn t brighten up and she was becoming more and more listless harry was delighted that she had calmed down so much i was beside myself with worry i combed the internet but couldn t find any explanation for symptoms like this in an infant i was afraid to ask my mother that makes no sense but i was so used to being blamed for everything by that time that i was sure the problem lay in my own inadequacy harry s parents never had an inkling that anything was wrong he gave them glowing reports and sent pictures only of lina sleeping so that her strange lethargy didn t show i became determined to find other medical help i didn t feel equal to the task of figuring out what was going on my field was evolutionary biology and the behavior and health of individual small creatures was far from my area of expertise i felt as stupid as harry made me out to be but i wasn t giving up just yet i m a scientist i told myself i just need to start with careful observation i stripped lina of all her clothes and wrappings her diaper too and i examined every inch of her looking for anything that could possibly be a clue and then finally belatedly i saw the needle marks they were so small and they were in the folds behind her knees there were more than a few fading to various degrees one or two looked fresh that was when we left i had little money available but we did have health insurance the er staff at a more distant hospital confirmed the attempted murder the police were quite interested and harry was brought in for questioning right away i had to face some tough questions too since i had never before taken my child to get any real help but everyone was sympathetic surely i had had no reason to doubt my husband that caring wise pillar of the community only my ex friends could have realized the truth that i had known for many months that harry was capable of harming his own child it s just not something one can easily believe it goes against nature elene gusch 4 17 07 share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook email a link to a friend opens in new window email more share on x opens in new window x share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin like loading 1 comment filed under nature psychology science september 11 2024 1 30 am rfk hhs omg i have a couple of friends who are still supporting robert f kennedy jr despite the fact that he has endorsed the orange menace and is hoping to get a post in that man s second administration despite the insincere toadying involved like so many before opportunistically cozying up to trump he reviled him and still after the dead bear cub story the whale head on the car story and every other evidence of his poor judgment over the years they are willing to believe that he s still an environmentalist despite pushing to elect a man who says climate change is a hoax they said that by working with a public health agency at the national level he can do some good and that s his motivation not his ego not a desire for power the democrats didn t want him they said so he went to the gop the democrats didn t want him because he s loony toons i replied but i didn t remember precisely what had made me think he was loony toons other than the most out there anti vax stuff so i had to dive down the rabbit hole and remind myself i found he was much worse than i had realized my friends are seriously into rfk jr s book the one that smears dr anthony fauci that saddens me greatly because it s deeply damaging to what little is left of trust in the work of public health and it pushes readers even further away from reasonable medical care and because it s so amazingly full of crap one of these folks said that a doctor she knows i think at unm agrees with rfk jr s premises at least read the section on covid she said and see what you think i already had a general idea of what kennedy had to say about that but i needed details in order to respond to her after resurfacing from the rabbit hole i wrote her a letter enumerating why i believed the man was as another friend put it cuckoo for cocoa puffs and then i got to thinking it looked like a blog post the following is largely based on that letter regarding the fauci book there is a great deal to avoid going near i definitely see why i was not willing to read even part of it first as i had forgotten he pushed the very very false idea that hiv does not cause aids if anyone was ever willing to entertain that concept for even a moment they should have left it behind many years ago since current antivirals work quite well against hiv and prevent or control aids the idea came from a guy named peter duesberg nearly 40 years ago and there is no excuse for promulgating it today it s not just loony it s truly harmful this is elucidated along with many other misleading and just plain wrong statements in the fauci book here rfk jr on vaccines covid and dr fauci i read the science https www newsweek com robert f kennedy jr vaccines covid dr fauci i read science 1572688 this newsweek article is especially useful because his statements are fact checked point by point and they don t hold up if he did read the science he either failed to understand it or he d simply rather lie about it the article gives a window into the ways he makes statements sound like they reflect reality unless you know enough about the subject to evaluate them accurately if a person doesn t have the background to analyze what he s saying it can look convincing but if you do have the background you can see through it easily here s a book review by an md that clarifi...