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oot pain that isn t going away he told me that running was no longer an option for me i m at too much of a risk for more stress fractures or worse a fall that could be devastating i cried a lot took months to process and tried to come up with a new normal i ve started intense daily treatments for the osteoporosis walking using my stationary bike and wearing a weighted vest for weight bearing exercises all trying to stop the bone loss and encourage new bone growth as runner for most of my life being told no more is crippling however i changed my mind set and decided i could volunteer at my favorite trail races and maybe speed walk a few of the shorter distance races cool great plan mcat so with this mind i registered with my running tribe for the traditional st george half marathon my plan was to build up time on my feet and speed within the walking parameters enter the holidays between sickness time constraints and overall stress i didn t get the work done i have found i can get to about 6 miles before my feet are unbearable so sadly when we got down to st george and checked in for our packets i transferred to the 5k instead what a loser when you ve been ultra distance running a 5k feels like a big fat nothing st george sunrise saturday morning came around we drove to the start line got our picture together and then my girls started 15 minutes later it was time for the 5k i meandered over to the start line chute and gradually walked forward to a comfortable place in the crowd started loosening the legs started my music got my garmin ready and reminded myself to just walk i love these women like my sisters brenda joni and mindi whelp the race started and damn if i didn t start running i literally couldn t help myself i started talking to myself to adjust fire if i ran the whole thing best case scenario was i would give myself shin splints worst case scenario was i don t know i don t know just how bad my bones are all i know are numbers from a dexascan and the diagnosis i could fracture something so i willed myself to walk i was miserable now i needed to adjust fire again what is a workable plan i can live with i allowed my self to run a tenth of a mile then walk two tenths i did this for the whole 2 75 miles and then i was like to hell with this and ran to the finish only 3 10 miles that s usually a warm up for me my friends wouldn t be done for another hour and a half at least so i decided i would walk some more and try to get more miles but first i d check results you see i moved into a new age category so the odds of placing in my age group rose the last several years i have taken first or second in my age group well damn if i didn t place 3rd okay only 4 in my age group but hey there was a cool award that came with it i called splenda daddy laughing and told him my good fortune but also had to confess that i cheated and ran some of it i collected my prize took it to the car and then walked the course backwards until i could get the miles i felt okay about and that my feet would tolerate my girls finished we changed clothes and headed home another weekend another race with my besties this is the life i love however as i noticed their fatigue and sweaty bodies i felt so left out so unfulfilled so jealous so sad i ve set a goal that if i can get myself out of the severe category i ll let myself run again stick to my treadmill and the trails that are softer than the road and go back to enjoying what i love but that didn t help this weekend that s months away if not another year it didn t help the grief i was feeling as i drove home i kept thinking of the way my life used to be running every day a race every weekend the adventures of training and exploring new places to run or race the highlight of the boston marathon i ran in 2014 the exhilaration i felt after finishing my first 50 mile race the ice baths i would take the massages the hundreds of running shoes i ve retired over the years the friendships that i have made through the running community becoming a certified coach running has defined me it has been my life actually just being active has been my life since i did many triathlons and century rides over the years and now what am i an old lady who has health issues a washed up has been that s what i feel like but no i am not those things i am more than that i m still trying to define what that is but i know i am more than that i m a lot of things but old and washed up ain t it i think that s my quest for 2022 find out what those things are beyond the obvious wife mother mimi daughter of god i have more in me and i m going to try and find out what they are and cultivate them so cheers to the new year cheers to finding ways to stay involved in the running world without wallowing in my grief cheers to finding new talents and passions to add to my life cheers to you traditional beaver chair picture onward and upward my friends xoxo mcat posted by mcat at 5 45 pm 4 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest sunday june 7 2020 why the sun some trails and some time away with your tribe gets you thinking about relationships hey wanna take a road trip with the running tribe maybe get some trails in and relax why yes i do my running tribe planned a trip to sunny st george but at the last minute joni couldn t come due to an injury that makes us all sad anytime something strikes that stops one of us from running we all mourn it s our unique friendship one heart knit together with our passion for running and our love for each other it s something i treasure more than words can express at any rate joni stayed home and the rest of us hit the highway and headed south a picture in the beaver chair tradition always mindi found a sweet condo for us to stay in so after grabbing some food at a cool peruvian food place and then delivering some running shoes for my boss we settled in for the night my running tribe has the ability to talk each other s ears off about anything and everything or we can sit quietly together each doing their own thing and still be perfectly content this evening was like that i worked on work things mindi read brenda caught up on a netflix show so relaxing saturday morning we got up early and headed to a trail in hurricane that brenda knew about the more cowbell trail i haven t been cleared to run yet but she did say to add in more things as my foot can tolerate this trail was mostly flat with just a little incline and decline perfect to test my foot out on so as brenda and mindi ran i walked and enjoyed the fact that i was on a trail i ended up doing 5 5 miles and my foot felt great the other girls got in the miles they wanted and everyone was happy found me a little lizard friend larry back at the condo mindi and i headed to the pool for some serious sun worshipping i can t even tell you how happy it made me i baked while working some things out in my head i read i eavesdropped on others around me and then baked some more brenda eventually came down and again just hanging out doing our own thing perfectly comfortable with it for dinner that evening we fought the crowds at the pizza factory took it back to the condo and again everyone settled in for evening doing their own thing i did some more work stuff while keeping an eye on the riots and protests over the death of george floyd but that s a post for another day some peaceful protesters even in st george i didn t really expect it sunday dawned and we were slow to get moving we sat on the deck and enjoyed the morning before packing up loading the car and heading to zion s national park it has been years since i ve been there but both brenda and mindi had been there recent enough to remember the drill if you haven t been there it s stunningly beautiful they weren t charging to get into the park but they also weren t running any shuttles into the loop where we can hit a trailhead and get a good hike in we had planned to try and hike to emerald pool s but the road was closed and there were so many cars parked along side the road that it was going to be impossible to get in instead we continued driving and stopped in some pull out s to take pictures and then drove through the tunnels since i was the one behind the wheel i tasked brenda with taking pictures where she could what happens when you let brenda have your phone love her once out of the tunnels we continued driving until we could find a decent pull out we threw on our trail shoes and headed down the hill and into a cool looking wash we explored for awhile and took some pictures truly a beautiful place it was a weekend that i needed i needed to be with my besties i needed the reminder of just how much i love them and need to be with them i heard something from trey gowdy this morning that went something like this after our family the next most important thing is our relationships with others i have besties that i love more than words can express our memories our trials our struggles our talks our silences i have women in my life that i can t imagine not being there as beautiful as our surroundings were more beautiful is our relationships just missed you joni more than anything posted by mcat at 10 54 am 2 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest sunday may 10 2020 celebrating mother s day with the covid in 2020 gah stupid cornonavirus stupid covid 19 here we are 3 months into the isolation quarantine social distancing world and now it s mother s day what to do lately i m only mothering miss maggie may let me preface as a young mother i hated mother s day i ve never been one for sugary sweet emotions and lovey cheesy crap don t get me wrong i m overly affectionate and a hugger that can be obnoxious but all the flowery butterflies that tend to come with mother s day makes me very anxious and uncomfortable raising my children i always felt like i was sucking at it all the time every night in bed i would feel such overwhelming guilt about how the day went yelling threatening fighting grumpiness i would want to throw up and beg god to make my children forget it all and help me be better the next day and then rinse repeat i always felt like i didn t measure up to all the things the world was telling me that a good mother should be i worked full time i had little patience i dealt with my own anxiety in a horrible way and i always felt like i was a terrible example to my boys oh the swear words i wasn t close to my own mother during those years so i was forging on my own and in my mind doing a class a shitty job sadly going to church always enhanced my feelings of guilt so i often made excuses to skip that week and then they grew up and went about their own lives i watched them turn into amazing men in their own individual ways they are stellar human beings doing good things with their lives they have become father s to their own children and i am amazed at how damn good they are at it of course they had the best example in their own dad but i ll save that for father s day in spite of my own shit show of a mother they turned out to be incredible people i still feel guilt there are things i would certainly change if i had to do it all over again but i also realized that all mothers suffer these same feelings we all feel inadequate and that we are in way over our heads but we muddle through hoping for the best i came to realize that i can t change a thing and that through it all i loved my children more than my own life even if i didn t communicate it very well i loved them i can live with that and the fact that i can help pay for their therapy too this weekend i was grateful that my kids wanted to come over and we got very creative in how we did it thankfully i have children that are flexible and willing to adapt we staggered visits between saturday and sunday so that we could see all the kids and grands keep our distance and limit the risk of infection i would be crushed if any of them got sick because of me or splenda daddy saturday afternoon corbin and his girls came for lunch the weather was perfect so we sat on the deck catching up jumping on the tramp and riding the 4 wheeler all things that we tend to do when the family is together all memories that i hope imprint on my grandkids later preston brought his girls and hung out for awhile they were so excited they love sleep overs and coming over and it s been hard to not have our usual time together they loved doing all their favorite things we took some flowers to dave s mom she is in an assisted living center and she is on lock down but gratefully she has a balcony and we can chat outside i sent some crumbl cookies to my mom so we didn t risk anything with her i asked her to send a selfie with her cookies this is so classic her i love it i love her and i especially love how our relationship has become what it is felt like i should post the latest pic we have together since she doesn t selfie very well sunday luke and mindy came with their boys and again the weather was perfect so we had some fun outside and the boys loved playing with all their favorite things such a perfect weekend i was able to marco polo karalee and montana so i did get a chance to connect with every single one of my children i couldn t have asked for a better mother s day during the pandemic hopefully next year we might all be on a lovely vacation together i can hope but for now this was perfection i know longer hate mother s day i don t embrace it and i still feel guilt but i suppose that s just the way it is maybe the guilt is there to remind me to love them that much harder even if they are grown ass men posted by mcat at 8 44 pm no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest older posts home subscribe to comments atom about me view my complete profile followers they make my world go round this is the right place i like to hang out here utah jazz fan new york yankees fan cystic fibrosis foundation fighting until cf stands fo cure found please donate the only thing stopping us from a cure is funding i bleed red white and blue blog archive 2022 1 january 1 who am i 2020 7 june 1 may 3 april 3 2018 1 december 1 2017 21 december 5 november 16 2016 5 december 1 august 1 may 2 april 1 2015 12 december 1 october 2 june 2 may 6 april 1 2014 32 december 2 november 2 october 1 september 1 august 3 july 1 june 3 may 1 april 8 march 5 january 5 2013 56 december 1 november 3 october 1 september 7 august 2 july 2 june 4 may 12 april 5 march 8 february 3 january 8 2012 144 december 20 november 14 october 10 september 16 august 11 july 8 june 5 may 15 april 13 march 10 february 8 january 14 2011 203 december 12 november 10 october 14 september 16 august 16 july 13 june 19 may 30 april 29 march 20 february 13 january 11 2010 358 december 24 november 25 october 28 september 30 august 26 july 25 june 28 may 28 april 28 march 43 february 36 january 37 2009 676 december 40 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