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ounce of drama out of him much less the unending quarts she s been coming up with this whole time you have met her too haven t you posted by the sandmonkey at 12 50 am 5 comments the process of cutting someone off the day you do it that first day it sucks mainly because you were put in that emotional confrontational mindframe to end it even if you are better off and relieved for cutting the person off it still leaves a bitter taste in your mouth and kind of hoevrs around you the entire day the first day is not fun the second day you are still in a shitty mood so you rummage through your ipod looking for a song to lift you up or chnage your mood none of them works because you are stupid to look for one in the first place you don t need a distraction you need to purge the remanants of yucky emotions by going through that rabbit hole till the end so you figure you need a good fuck off you but still woe is me song harder to breathe by maroon 5 is fantastic for that purpose and the scream singing helps you feel instantly better once its over the third day you can t even remember why you were so upset on the first day and you go happily about your business you write a blog post about it just to document that very strange yet probably very common process how does yours work posted by the sandmonkey at 12 41 am 1 comments monday december 15 2008 on rationalizing one s relationships listen larry you say doing your best to coat your singsong with a with a husky phlegm it just isn t going to work out with you and me work out he seems genuinely puzzled yes you know isn t going to lead anywhere oh you d be surprised where it might lead i bet i would but it isn t i mean as a relationship it has zero future future oh i get it you mean you don t foresee a pot of gold at the end of our juicy rainbow you mean that our intimacy isn t likely to yield a dividend you disappoint me gwendolyn i hoped you might have a watt or two more light in your bulb than those poor toads who look on romance as an investment like waterfront property or municipal bonds would you complain because a beautiful sunset doesn t have a future or a shooting star a payoff and why should romance lead anywhere passion isn t a path through the woods passion is the woods it s the deepest wildest part of the forest the grove where the fairies still dance and obscene old vipers snooze in the boughs everybody but the most dried up and dysfunctional is drawn to the grove and enchanted by its mysteries but then they just can t wait to call in the chain saws and bulldozers and replace it with a family style restaurant or a new s and l that s the payoff i guess safety security certainty yes indeed well remember this pussy latte we re not involved in a relationship you and i we re involved in a collision collisions don t much lend themselves to secure futures but the act of colliding is hard to beat for interest tom robbins half asleep in frogs pajamas posted by the sandmonkey at 1 47 am 2 comments thursday december 11 2008 andrea in the center of the wooden mahogany dining table under the modern metal lights hanging from the ceiling directly facing the door of the posh zamalek apartment lay a heavy crystal vase with dying white orchids in it if roses are the floral equivalent of the silver bullet fired by the common man to kill the beast of litigi di amore that comes so often between him and his love interest then orchids have to be the floral equivalent of nuclear warheads fired for that same purpose the man who sends roses is someone who is seeking the approval of an ordinary woman or simply courts the sympathy of an amazing one hoping that she would forgive him but is resigned to the possibility that she may not the man who sends orchids is not entertaining such possibilities especially not the one sending white orchids pink orchids are tickled offering romantic tropical temptations for its receiver violet orchids are symbolic of visions of passion promised to be fulfilled upon approval while white orchids denote hot and pure love moon lit magic that is breath taking in its bloom forcing any warm blooded woman to let down her guard and surrender her affections immediately unfortunately for the sender andrea the resident of said apartment and the target of those wmd of love was not a warm blooded woman not anymore anyway but amazing she remains and no one who knows her can dispute that fact wait do you hear the shuffling of the keys behind that front door must be her quick hide behind that couch we are about to get an exclusive peek into the private single behavior of andrea hakim you best appreciate this opportunity cause it s rarer than you can ever imagine now shhhh i can hear the key turning in case we didn t make that clear andrea lived in a one bedroom apartment much to the chagrin of her lebanese architect father his dismay wasn t unlike her egyptian mother s caused by the fact that she is 30 year old now single never been married and living on her own but rather the fact that she chose a one bedroom apartment to live on her own in instead of renting a two or a three bedroom apartment to live in when she protested that it wouldn t make any economic or practical sense for her to have more than a one bedroom apartment to live in her dad looked at her with sad eyes and said that s 7abibty exactly the problem and when she protested she didn t know what he meant by that he sat her down on the couch held her left hand in his palms like he used to do when she was six years old and careless to the world and explained to her the concept of architectural environmental psychology you see for architects a building is more than the sum of cement steel and bricks the same way an apartment is more than the sum of its rooms a building says volumes about the people who build it or own it the same way an apartment does for those who live in it for example an architect views a studio apartment as a symbol of the blatant fraud that only the genius of marketing can turn into what s commonly known as the truth according to him studio apartments were called this way in order to sell us on an idea that this is the kind of place that an artist would live in as landlords would tell it artists the bohemian vagabonds that they are apparently were so consumed with the passion of creation that they would prefer to sleep in the same room they would create their art in this is supposed to give the apartment an air of creativity the mystique of rebellion and the image of a resident so not affected by our culture of consumption and false pretenses that he would live in an apartment that is only big enough to carry his bed and closet exactly what he needs just like a true artist would this romantic image this illusion is naturally preferable for the tenant of a studio apartment than the simply reality that he is living in a shoebox or that not a single serious or self respecting artist would ever live work in a studio apartment because artists need space and good light in order to be creative two things that any studio apartment known to man sorely lack andrea listened to her dad in silence her giant curly hair doing its gravity defying thing as usual and was simply waiting for her moment to speak to argue her case her father having dealt with her and her like minded sisters for the majority of his long life knew that he had to press on without a moment s pause if he wanted to convey his point to her and that he did he explained to her that a one bedroom apartment comes with a list of benefits and limitations each saying volumes about the kind of person who chooses to inhabit it it s perfect for those who are living on their own its small size giving them a sense of security and control of their environment the apartment is never too big to clean or take care of and at night its small size prevents the demons of the imagination to play tricks on you or allow actual burglars points of entry and hiding of which you are not 6 feet away from in that aspect the one bedroom apartment excels at doing its job but really that s where the positives end he paused for a second just to catch his breath and like a shark with a nose for blood she attacked immediately but that sounds perfect for a single girl living on her own dad how could there be a negative to this it s exactly what i need at this moment she huffed using one hand with the other still holding her hand he lit his marlboro lights took a deep breath with his head down as if silently debating with himself whether or not he wanted the headache that his next statement will surely warrant him he then looked up to her his eyes filled with the defiance of a man intent on saying his peace and slowly spat the following statement because it will limit you she staggered for a second and he like the daddy shark that he is sank his teeth in without hesitation you know what a one bedroom apartment says about the person who lives in it it says i don t want to be any more than what i am at the moment a one bedroom apartment doesn t have room for anybody but the person who lives in it no space for a friend to stay over or a family member to visit it says you are not invited to stay for long any of you so fuck off and leave me alone already it sense of security is only a façade to hide how lonely you are something an extra bedroom or two would clearly remind you of with every passing day hell having extra rooms is beneficial even if you don t want people to stay over for extended periods of time you could turn it into an office or a hobby room of sorts a work out room even something that would help you grow in some way but no not the one bedroom apartment person for he is not interested in growing you know why because at the core of every person who could have a bigger place but chooses a one bedroom lies a freeloader someone who wants to contribute nothing to no one and has nothing to offer anybody let alone him or herself she took it all in and liking none of it she spat back then maybe i am a freeloader so what it s not a crime stop it just stop it you know you are not you are anything but a freeloader you are my daughter and i know you better than you know yourself you were always bursting with talent and intelligence ever since you were a kid and now you just i don t know stopped why would you do this why would you lock yourself in a cell you know money is not a problem because i need to live alone dad i am 29 i am obviously not getting married any time soon and i need to live on my own i need to be left alone in my own space with nobody barging in on me whenever they feel like it i need to be alone he regarded what she said silently and then gave her that look she hates that sympathetic i love you but you are breaking my heart with your stupidty look and said softly like you ever weren t she looked at him silently her eyes begging him not to do this to her and he took her plea he took back his hands got up and left and the next day he told her mother that he agreed to her request and that she would be moving out within the month she didn t know how to react to the news exactly technically she had won this fight and gotten what she wanted yet something about the way it all went down she wasn t sure how much of a victory this really was or if it could be classified as one at all she decided to take it anyway and started packing and making moving arrangements today more than a year and a half into her lease she still doesn t know what it was but she knows that it wasn t a victory not by a long shot at the time she ignored that bitter taste in the back of her mouth telling herself that it was simply the price that came with freedom but freedom had nothing to do with it at the end of the day because being on your own is not the same as being free and that a life without change is a life without evolution that was the message her father wanted to give her that day the one she rejected out of stubbornness and vanity and maybe just maybe out of fear that he may be right you see one of the major flaws of people is that whatever face the messenger wears and i don t honestly think that should matter the message can t come clear through all the dirt and fear and pain until you give in and burn off what doesn t work whether it s between the stars or between your lovers and your lies until you lay down the burdens of hate and insecurities that keep you tied to the pain of your childhood and life experiences unable to see your way clear you can t hear the message properly you ll never hear it right until you watch it unfolding and realize it couldn t have been any other way until the rain washes you clean again i don t know if andrea s father can see time this way but i do know that it is the way andrea can write her own destiny and have it written for her what she is doing is just a story she s been telling herself all along that this is the only way she can live but follow me here for a second if we knew what was going to happen if we knew the pain and fear and ugliness that s part of our fate if we forgot that it keeps the world turning who knows what we d do differently how do we know that this isn t simply part of the physics god and time working together to tell you this story as many times as it takes until you start paying attention if it doesn t hurt if it doesn t feel like death you re just pretending to change burn sage and sweet grass and get a haircut and move to another city go on a diet and swear off men for six months a year the rest of your life that s cosmetic and deep down you know it which is why getting what you want would taste so bitter because nothing really changes until you close your eyes and jump that s half the confusion right there take a drop of water or mercury and divide it whatever face the messenger wears the message stays the same the message stays the same alright it s just that we keep hearing it wrong over and over again until we get it right and that day wasn t a day andrea got it right and today wasn t going to be one either she slammed the door behind her and threw her bag on the dinning room table she looked at the dying orchids for a second and then went directly to her bedroom taking her cloths off in the process until she was wearing nothing but her bra and panties correction g string cotton black she went into her bathroom and stood in front of the mirror for a second checking herself out her tall slender skinny legs the legs of a dancer still had their shine her stomach was still flat and her boobs weren t sagging well not exactly yet for a woman in her thirties and she would loathe to call herself that she still has the body of someone in her mid twenties and she almost felt good about herself for a second until she saw those three white hairs sticking out on top of her curls and that s all it took for self esteem which dared to venture its shiny little head to get kicked by her insecurities right in the testicles her han...