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Text of the page (random words):
ter in and heal i will trust in you here s my heart lord and most profoundly once and for all the last offering the surrender oh let this be where i die my lord with thee crucified as a public figure however the projection of pain from her constituency must have been unremitting rendering unto christ was not sufficient here then we have the terrible paradox of mystical surrender we feel the sacred presence reaching out through us and are compelled to declare its willingness to those that need its ministration how though to make that declaration without arrogation of its authority well only by framing the declaration as a personal assurance that the love allocated to us will be offered to those in need this was clear to me in the interim years including rescue and an official video that shows lauren standing in a hospital room with a man dying of cancer and his grieving wife rescue was a jolt of hope for in the official video lauren stands in natural settings most vulnerable to global warming i understood that a patriarchal priesthood would find offense and it factored in my sensitivity to lauren s sense of vulnerability light of the world seemed a suitable retort what do men know anyways about how grace comes into the world it was these anthems that i had pinned to my playlists i did not fully integrate the meditations of her dark night of the soul most potently expressed in look up child until after attendance of the strawberry festival concert my romantic aspirations were embodied in a lauren playlist that started with peggy lee s comedic reflections and anita baker s sacred pledges i pinned a collection of similar pieces most compelling among them a female blues singer on celebrate me home finally however i was letting youtube extend my redemption play list one day and was submerged in the shadowy seas of thank god i do and a love like this it was following her commitment to the divine feminine that when considering what to share with her one morning i announced that i needed to sit with these starting with thank god i do i set the player on single song loop and soaked it in shame and grief and i use shame in the therapeutic sense from the depth of our heart connection i looked back in time and judged what is wrong with me that i abandoned her to this pain with each repetition i held her in my highest esteem with articulations gestures and energetic support the sense of abandonment abated but still what was the purpose the analytical mind rendered the elevated counsel that she needed to confront the lie of feminine subordination before she could enter into the truth of her nature we traced this growth culminating with the conviction that she was capable of supporting my purpose as though in a mirror i recognized my own vulnerability over the last ten years where mystery has corrupted every attempt to offer myself in service to others my frustration had soured as bitterness too frequently manifested as harshness toward my intimates when in our early colloquies lauren had agreed that our ministry should extend to the natural world i found myself once again beginning to hope and thus we have the ascending cycle organic surrender inspires compassion inspires grace inspires virtue inspires healing inspires creativity inspires life inspires love we cannot exist without one another and in fact only exist because the other was calling to us from the future posted in personal spirituality tagged bride cocreation life love redemptoin spriit love and life the sacred feminine posted on august 6 2026 by brian balke leave a comment since my spiritual awakening after 9 11 a number of beautiful and fantastically wealthy women have made it clear that they would be happy to take care of me my intimates observing my reluctance believe that trauma in this lifetime has put me off romance nothing could be further from the truth love is committed to charting a course for your redemption i arrive as a material projection that seeks to diagnose your resistance that resistance is often elaborated as complex theological rationalizations of natural behaviors that justify selfishness as documented in the bible these often involve violence and sexual politics when i was in college i had a co ed admit to me one evening you don t need a woman to do your thinking for you this is half the truth but reveals something that is obscured by the abstraction of the patriarchy our romantic culture adopts the convention that a woman should be able to lead her man there is no woman alive who has been able to lead me that should not be attributed to obtuseness or obstinance on my part as i observed to lauren i intuited that she was one of the rare women capable of understanding the challenges that i represent as a little pseudopod of christ reaching into the world i am guided by the sacred feminine the mother of revelation 12 and the bride of revelation 19 and 22 if i appear to be resistant to feminine influence that is because she has been unable to find a woman willing to submit as i have to christ to her projection into the world that rejection is stimulated by the whore of revelation 17 and 18 babylon or the queen who does not mourn as her men self destruct in seeking redemption of these impulses women are handicapped by their organic wisdom this is difficult for me to express with the sense of appreciation that i feel there is nothing more sacred and beautiful than a woman surrendering her body to her beneficial intentions pregnancy is the most obvious example though in our litigious culture that has become a pathway to power leveraged by babylon in lauren s case another manifestation is evident in the grace and subtlety of the surfacing of emotion through her body and face she beguiles her audience into entering through barred psychical doorways christian theology leaves women adrift in their navigation of these gifts and hazards rather than a recognized figure of comparable power and authority to spirit the bride is usurped by the masculine church in responding to lauren s projection of organic bounty it was this confusion that i sought to address if i am going to have a woman in my life she must learn to channel the sacred feminine as a precondition the influence of babylon must be isolated and repudiated to the inversion of our financial status lauren came to respond everything that i have was prepared by him the physical age difference was laid to rest with after so many traumatic incarnations i will be happy to care for you so that you may depart this life in peace lauren sings that when the power of christ comes over her she trembles i am guilty of such aggression when she offers herself to me i am seized by the urge to reveal the depth within her a process realized with surges of energy projected from the larger personality that i embody though i witness and articulate the effects i have no plan in those moments i feel compelled by her organic wisdom as with a mother in childbirth she is impatient to fulfill her purpose through these violations of her internal barriers i am the tool that the sacred mother employs to that end this was validated in our next in person encounter as i poured energy to the audience through her i allowed what would have happened if you had not been prepared already to allow that gift to flow through you this culminated more tenderly at the end of the performance she closed with a meditation from her dark night of the soul as the women in the audience began to sing with her lauren went under in grief burnishing her heart and mind i poured them again through her voice before settling into my chair pantomiming an embrace as she relaxed into it i anticipated that she would push this consolation out to the woman singing with her signaling let me hear their voices the stage was ceded to the musicians and i felt my embrace flow out through lauren to each of them individually whether astrally or in person after each encounter i recognized the increasing proximity of her mistress until the commitment was tendered well if that is what is necessary to you then i must be that woman posted in personal spirituality tagged babylon bride healing life love spirit love and life mutual appreciation posted on august 5 2026 by brian balke leave a comment i have been reticent in documenting my spiritual process to risk exposure of my collaborators i am going out on a limb now because the experiences i am sharing with lauren are so impossibly beautiful that people should appreciate what is possible when love works in the service of life i have maintained playlists for the last decade that focus authentic faith along with the default liked list i have specific lists for children syrian and gaza crises advent and redemption among all the featured artists i am conscious of categories articulation of conventional theology personal struggle of surrender to faith and facilitation of corporate union then uniquely we have lauren whose music bypasses metaphors to deal directly with the emotions of those engaged in the process as i have shared with her these songs have always pierced the veils around my heart through the last half of 2025 my appreciation was disturbed by a deepening sense of foreboding that she was beset by projections from her fans of dependency for problems that they needed to solve themselves through a surrender to love this became pointed in the new year so i booked a ticket out to florida for the strawberry festival concert in february the flight was already fairly full so i ended up booking a middle seat fully expecting that i was going to arrive with back spasms i boarded and found myself seated between two women as departure time neared the younger one seated to my right on the aisle pointed out two empty seats across the aisle she offered that she would move over if they were empty during taxi but did that pre emptively with the observation you understand that the universe is taking care of you this allowed me to move to the aisle and angle my legs under the middle seat i landed without serious discomfort still i had a day to spend in plant city before the concert after visiting a local park nature reserve i drove down to the fairgrounds to buy a pass and wandered among the booths having tapped into the context i want back to the hotel for lunch and to meditate the meditation led me directly into a heart of tender concern i don t know how to organize the visions images flowed in reflecting the frustration of my intentions by other parties compassion for the wounds i have suffered in past incarnations and the hope of healing for all of creation these images evoked lyrics many triggering deep psychic trauma which i attempted to deflect to restore focus on the work to be done ahead we can get through just about anything so long as it has meaning i need to put all that behind me but what was obvious was that i was being welcomed into a heart of beatific and authentic concern for my well being unable to rest i went out for coffee and then returned to the fairgrounds where i spent several hours enjoying the animation of the attendees when the amphitheater opened i entered early and made my way to the pit the concert was deeply gratifying live music always supports spiritual ministry among the audience what surprised me was the freshness of the compositions lauren has built a concert band where the album releases convey intimacy in performance they are collaborations of intense musical energy i entered into the joy and was able to project healing with the themes became somber given this primary intention my engagement with lauren was discontinuous i tend to become teary during corporate healing and she did introduce you re going to be okay to the set but when i gazed directly into her face trying to project support and devotion she glanced away the message was that she was looking into a pool of kindness that was going to overwhelm her i hung around the pit after the final number waiting for the audience to dissipate when i made my way into the shadows outside the gate the crossing guard stared slack jawed i was in a luminous state i know that things didn t resolve themselves as she wished once i have established an intention however diverting my course is almost impossible i had come as her servant expecting nothing i set out for the airport at four am for the return flight the next day i left on her fan site a summary of those intentions along with my gratitude for the visions she had offered in the process of reaching her lauren demonstrated her capacity to assert authority thus we begin posted in personal spirituality tagged concert love music travel writing the platner tragedy posted on july 9 2026 by brian balke leave a comment my meditation on the qualities that i wished were evident in the maine democratic party s handling of the platner tragedy the party s representatives responded to platner s announcement as a betrayal that is completely tone deaf platner is clear that he and his wife both understood the hazards that they would confront in entering the political fray the allegations that brought him down are best characterized as a confused situation involving two people who were involved in separate soul crushing tragedies the party seems not to be capable of understanding their responsibility for creating the conditions under which platner resolved none the less to enter the political fray the issues that platner raised in his message are diagnostic american men should not be sent overseas as cannon fodder in wars picked by militarized theocracies the mentally and physically disabled should not find a jail cell to be the only reliable source of a roof and three squares the nation s budgetary priorities should be the well being and fulfilment of its citizens not pie in the sky moon bases military hardware and high technology if platner betrayed the party it is because the party first failed him and the woman who brought the allegations against him posted in politics tagged graham platner healing maine democratic party responsibility tragedy beloved posted on june 29 2026 by brian balke leave a comment dearest lauren from the perspective of eternity the spirit and bride have always been together in reclaiming that unity such simplicity can be attained only through grace we must navigate to the goal with the minimum of mental emotional and physical energy an authoritative critique would be from those who had accomplished the act manifestly lacking that in their self seeking they can offer only resistance in the form of complicating criteria focus on what matters life belongs with love circumstances will resolve your servant posted in personal spirituality tagged grace life love spirit and bride spelling test posted on march 27 2026 by brian balke leave a comment science by modern convention is concerned with what is measurable and repeatable god does not sit up and roll over on command any contradictory statement is ...