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previous location s cultivating a favorite librarian required 7 years of effort on my part i never made any friends trees rocks rivers or humans while volunteering hence i stopped volunteering haven t made it to a monthly meeting for my local weaving guild in years as i disliked driving all the way out to the beltway this year though i made it to my guild s annual winter holiday sale by having bluestem spouse drive me between the two of us we bought 3 items all wool december librarything s winter holidays card exchange 1 exchange of cards between me and someone in or 2019 2024 15 mailed ak al ca 2 nc 2 or pa tx 3 ut wa wi wy 1 6 received from al ca de ga 2 ma nc nj pa tx 3 ut wa wi wy physical health afaik neither bluestem nor i have ever contracted covid 19 we both continue to wear masks whenever we re 1 around people not of our household and 2 in enclosed spaces containing people spouse and i keep current on covid boosters this year i got my first flu shot spouse gets flu shots every year lots more high pain days for various reasons many of unknown origin have established however that i ve developed arthritis in both feet thus fewer looooooooong walks i miss them dammit the new old climate is a major adjustment after 15 years in subtropical maryland one needs to be prepared for snow 4 6 months of the year i do however love living near a great lake again a non ebb year comparable to 2021 for standing walking as i managed an increase of 4 5 over 2024 1216 2 hours total range raw 0 4 to 9 hours per day daily average 3 332 hours aimed to increase the lowest daily amount to 1 5 hrs or more i still fell below that number 35 times but that s 19 fewer than in 2024 took 163 walks nature ho ga art averaging 35 mins fully 1 6 were ambles of 10 minutes or less looking at flowers and pretty leaves hey they got me outside and moving around glk 714 15 in 4 b 32 12 5 35 p 5 5 travel oct chemung river corning ny leave a comment from ahimsa entanglement gaia personal growth sacred days reading list 14 of 2025 december 30 2025 tags art design creativity first nations list of books read notable deaths women writers rip ruth bourne 1926 2025 british codebreaker in ww2 claude 1995 2025 albino american alligator _alligator mississippiensis_ at the california academy of sciences pam hogg 1951 2025 scottish fashion designer musician jellybean johnson 1956 2025 black american musician songwriter katya c 2005 2025 siberian tiger _panthera tigris tigris_ at the seneca park zoo marianne larsen 1951 2025 danish poet writer novelist nuno loureiro c 1977 2025 portuguese plasma physicist at mit marilyn mazur 1955 2025 american born danish percussionist covers from 12 9 25 through 12 30 25 i we own 6 of these items i watched 1 thing via streaming youtube wickecheoke twp public library system supplied 16 of the books films poetry photography headwaters by ellen bryant voigt 2013 in search of small gods by jim harrison 2009 particles by dan gerber 2017 role models feminine identity in contemporary american photography by national museum of women in the arts 2008 music jazz in american culture by burton w peretti 1997 the men of the deeps a journey with north america s only coal miners chorus by john c o donnell 2016 only in america al jolson and _the jazz singer_ by richard bernstein singer and the song ii by gene lees 1999 speaking for ourselves conversations on life music and autism by michael b bakan 2017 talking music conversations with 5 generations of american experimental composers by william duckworth 1995 well of souls uncovering the banjo s hidden history by kristina r gaddy food corn recipes from the indians by frances gwaltney 1991 first nations the food of a younger land from the lost wpa files by mark kurlansky 2009 prune by gabrielle hamilton 2014 sff hole in the sky by daniel h wilson fn cherokee the midnight library by matt haig fiction a queen s game by katharine mcgee a queen s match by katharine mcgee death comes for the archbishop by willa cather originally 1927 miscellaneous contemporary patchwork by arounna khounnoraj next of kin a memoir by gabrielle hamilton ao3 fanfics harry potter read 100 works 2 566 726 words good omens read 1 work 99 423 words films tv great british sewing bee seasons 7 6 ice age directed by chris wedge carlos saldanha 2002 bluestem spouse is now thinking of sewing things we ve seen created on gbsb so it makes sense to return to seasons we skipped leave a comment from music quotidian activity reading dream 3 12 21 2025 december 22 2025 tags authority books boundaries eudaimonia first nations praxis psychological alchemy thought about the solstice at midnight but went to bed as usual lately only after the morning epsom salts foot bath sunday that was 7 a m woke up in late afternoon with a splitting headache feeling groggy and discombobulated by 3 rd dream i m residing with people i don t know well for some type of schooling internship i m in my 30s ish my supervisor looks like cotletl an indigenous first nations woman in her late 20s in the dream in the context of our collegial association i sometimes think of her as an age generation peer or even a proto friend but today i see that we aren t either of those things we ve been rooming together in a large old house today there s a huge party many unfamiliar people are weaving in and out of public semi public and even private spaces as if they belong there i feel like an unwelcome intruder even though right now i do actually live here 2 troubling incidents occur in the first cotletl tells me about a small mistake in judgment she made recently hoping to commiserate express empathy i tell her of my own recent lapse in good sense when i offered things i shouldn t have with someone we both know i was trying with the other person to fit in and to ease their burdens fortunately they either misunderstood me or weren t interested because cotletl is abruptly horrified by what i ve been saying in real time i realize a she d had no idea about any of this and b i d apparently crossed major lines blundering about in short altogether i d screwed up much worse than i d realized at the time cotletl had been giving me free rein to deal with people however i thought best when she wasn t around because she cautiously trusted my judgment but then the thing with the other person happened so now i m on probation jeopardizing my future here later i m out in the gardens when i realize enough people whom i don t know have been showing up here that there s likely another party underway i should stay out of everyone s way maybe talk with a friendly tree in a corner somewhere a friend of cotletl who s her senior as far as my education internship goes approaches me takes me back to the rock wall where various word pairs have been inscribed he says i m to learn the word pairs as quickly as i can while he and cotletl are off on a walk he implies that when they return i ll not so much be tested on the words as i ll be immersed in an environment where everyone else will only speak with the indigenous words so i definitely should at least have some idea what they mean i keep approaching the relevant section of the rock wall depicts greetings polite phrases while fumbling for my notebook that i can t seem to locate but then getting sidetracked by people asking me questions when i turn back towards the wall it s now been covered over made into a buffet people are converging there to put food on their plates so now the words are obscured hard to read except one pair the indigenous word is googol which supposedly means hello i m confused for lots of reasons a googol iirc is a term in english for an immensely large number b partly because of postcrossing i ve learned greetings in a bunch of different human languages including many north american indigenous ones googol is not familiar at all then someone at the party tells me googol is navajo except it definitely isn t i know the navajo greeting and there s diacriticals if i m not mistaken the word is ya aateh but with marks over all the a s in anishinaabemowin which i m much more familiar with the greeting is boozho or bozho depending on which territory you re in i wake up confused ashamed worried surface notes this dream rattled me enough that i wrote about this part for 3 hours took a few hours to think it over further split it into 2 posts finished posted the first part 9 hours after starting now i m back lately i ve been reading a lot more than usual first nations literature before bed sunday morning i finished _hole in the sky_ a sff novel about first contact written by daniel h wilson a cherokee man the book has 2 living cherokee characters a grandmother is mentioned plus a few whose statuses are unknown thus a cherokee greeting is occasionally mentioned osiyo i don t know any more cherokee than that it s possible i might recognize someone s name as being cherokee but it s also possible i wouldn t names are tricky settler colonialism and its attendant horrors etc etc i definitely would not have recognized that someone named daniel h wilson was in fact indigenous cotletl resembled an indigenous woman i used to know on instagram however the real person and i were not age generation peers i believe i was 20 30 years older unlike me she was a parent iirc her heritage was nahuatl hence the alias 1 level down notes when i pondered dhw s book after finishing it both of the viewpoint male characters who worked for the us govt didn t recognize what type of story they were in maybe that sounds ridiculous real life is not fictional so it doesn t have to follow story tropes etc that s not what i m referencing though i don t care about plot or outcomes i mean how do you behave with whom why perhaps if the government men had had diligent grandmothers perhaps if they d listened to them but honestly if they d had either they d be in different jobs not in this book at all 2 levels down notes unlike first nations and other indigenous persons what i learned about how to behave with whom why when it concerned human beings that knowledge mostly came from books not people juncus gram beloved to me i highly respected her did act as a mentor to me but not about those sorts of things i know about types of story that you might find yourself in from 50ish years of myths fairy tales sff including fanfic 3 levels down notes maybe i ve been thinking too big tendril 1 in my dream i was in a particular place with specific people whom i was approximately sort of trying to be a good neighbor with i m not particularly skilled at that i don t think but what i am is highly motivated failure even repeated failures doesn t don t inhibit my efforts at improving learning how to improvise better tendril 2 i ve never had anyone to discuss any of these sorts of issues with so i stumble around making all sorts of mistakes same as every other inter and intra personal puzzle tendril 3 i want to someday arrive at having protocols that i ve developed for my own needs leave a comment from ahimsa dreams entanglement interactive learning names rodnye words 2 dreams and a bit 12 21 2025 december 22 2025 tags authority boundaries creativity psychological alchemy 3 different sections disjunct 1 my wife got up early went for a haircut came back looking a lot more butch than i d ever seen her suddenly noticed everyone around us had very masculine looking hair styles while my hair looked the same it always does felt out of place 2 in the dream i d stayed up all night so at 7 a m ish when my phone rang i was able to pick up the voice was faint but it was definitely elymus kin he wanted something from me but was making me guess except that i couldn t hear him except intermittently was feeling mazed by lack of sleep wondered why he didn t just talk to bluestem who could tell me more simply i put the phone down stopped paying attention only much later still in the dream i recalled that elymus kin has actually been dead for 5 years 3 unconnected by tone to the rest at a party i ve connected with suzy from gbsb s 2024 season we d like to stay in touch so i ask her for her contact info i m hoping for a physical address so we can exchange letters she gives me her email but her handle is 21 23 letters long not based on her name or anything i could guess so i ll have to be sure to copy it down exactly except i don t have a pen or paper at hand initial notes each portion of a dream is connected to things i ve recently been thinking about doing in waking life a i desperately need a haircut b i ve watched videos of people getting androgynous or trans masculine haircuts on ig c i had cause to listen to all my saved voicemails this week i do indeed have a saved voicemail from elymus kin who did in fact die in spring of 2020 d for the past 15 25 years i ve preferred to use email for keeping track of commercial concerns not people if i m cultivating a significant connection with you i want that to occur via snail mail deeper notes 1 i don t actually want a trans masculine haircut i don t want to look butch i don t think i d describe my current visual presentation as androgynous i enjoy the bodily configuration i have i ve never wished it looked more boyish nor more like a cis adult man i am paying much more attention to how modern men visually present themselves but not for tips i could adopt more finally they re interesting enough to bother with however i expect that i ll continue to mostly wear so called women s clothes women s styles etc etc 2 in the waking life saved voicemail elymus kin was thanking me for something he wanted me to call him back so he could thank me further if elymus had told any of that to bluestem spouse i d likely never have received the message spouse doesn t resonate to words of affirmation even though it s one of my primary love languages so he d likely not have remembered to pass along his father s words 3 i m barely on ig anymore but recently i did look up then follow suzy deep notes my sense of self is shifting i m noticing different sorts of choices that other people make even if i d likely not choose them myself i don t have to be bound by who i was leave a comment from ahimsa dreams gender meta personal growth rodnye protected dream 12 13 2025 december 13 2025 tags art design boundaries environment great lakes meandering this content is password protected to view it please enter the password below password enter your password to view comments from ahimsa dreams entanglement gender meta water writing older entries inspiration cornell university press harvard university press internet movie database johns hopkins university press mit press purdue university press rutgers university press stanford university press suny press syracuse university press university of arizona press university of delaware press university of manitoba press canada university of pennsylvania press university of regina press canada wesleyan university press west virginia 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