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Text of the page (random words):
finding northern starr finding northern starr the longest journey through life is down the path that leads us home friday 19 july 2013 missing him s at times im consumed with so much of sadness that i started to cry uncontrollably if there s such a word it attacks me during the oddest time while i take my shower while im couch potato ing even if its comedy while im busy doing work while im driving and especially when im sitting down at my balcony staring into nowhere while contributing to the high polution index a mere memory just a second of it passed through my head the tears will fall there s just too much of unfinished business unfulfilled promises broken dreams not enough i love you s and it kills me to know that i cannot re do anything about it truthfully it is for this reason that i lack the motivation to fight for me at times i wholeheartedly hope that my time is near i told myself many times get out of it get out of it and yet the deeper i let myself to go into solitude refusing any help ignoring all advise rejecting life outside im getting very convincing in coming up with excuses in saying no some are real some i just didnt try hard enough i guess some give up on their attempt to reach out some were readily there when i need that few moments of social interraction and if i never said my thank you s thank you it helps alot mr president was my pillar of strength past tense emphasized he has been for all those years that i ve known him of all the people in my life mr p was that one person who could get me out of it he motivates me and he brings clarity to my somewhat stupid brain he wasn t always there its more towards me fabricating him being there for me whatever makes me happy when all along he despises the very life of me his word not mine when a friendship runs out its course and you are suddenly made the enemy of the century you suddenly find yourself walking on a very thin ice and you know its just a matter of time before that ice breaks and you ll fall so deep that theres no way of coming up to get some air it feels like you fell down the stairs your head knocked on d table corner hot water spilled all over you at times im angry at boboi for getting sick for not taking care of himself for taking that road less travelled for dying and i m even angrier at him for never going into my dream just to tell me that he s at a much better place is it really so hard to beg whoever the guardian is for permission to visit us through our dreams even during mompisok he just passed by through us of course it doesnt help with a certain someone s insensitivity but still i dont know what the future holds anymore seriously i dont give a fcuk about it do take care little brother you are still annoying as ever and i miss you more than all my lifetime put together and as for you mr president there s never a day when i dont wish i could erase you from my stupid brain just me eskay at 9 25 am no comments thursday 16 may 2013 in memory of boboi i miss boboi boboi called me the one with the evil stare and who looks like brittany murphy he died on 8 may 2013 at 3 50am due to heart failure its weird coz he was still ok that morning and when he had difficulties in breathing somewhere around 10 ish pm he waited till the last minute before getting someone to call home 9 was his final word its the last digit of my father s hp no the one number that he uses all his strength to say outloud reviving him alone was hard he was struggling to breath and we were told that there was a 10 minute s lapse of him without oxygen even if he had survived this he would have had brain damage and maybe would not even be able to recognize any of us back then i refused to believe that i know boboi will fight for his life he would want to live i have hope for him to get up and be his normal self asking for food of the day or drink of the day or whatever it is that fancies him but in the far corner of my heart i know he s tired too it was always testing after testing but never a finality i had hope everybody hoped we were not warned we were not told anything no time frame and we took things for granted that one day he will come back home again and we ll get to move on from this he came back eventually just live less i cried the minute i saw his heartbeat monitor show via pictures in whatsapp the rest of the kutz was there saying their goodbyes i never get to say my goodbyes to him though i live a sea away i felt comfort knowing he was there safe and alive and irritate my mum like nobody s business now i will never find him there i will never find him any where not in this lifetime and it feels like shit we never had death in the family the first time is always the hardest i dont think so i dont think i can even survive another this i lost a grandfather before but losing a sibling is a different ballgame especially if you are not ready and there are a lot of unfinished business promises yet to be fulfilled and life yet to be lived it hurts so much and the first hour of knowing his untimely demise my soul just cried and i just cant stop my heart from crying outloud it feels as though someone ripped my heart out and cut it into small little pieces it feels empty death is so final it makes me wonder what are the purpose of his life what s the purpose of everyone s life for that matter if i die one day i wonder whether there is any good thing about me to ponder upon did i touch anybody s life did i fulfilled a purpose or did i just live one day to the next without any purpose am i just wasting my life away doing nothing meaningful i m glad to know all the good things i heard about boboi in his living years its weird how i knew him as is different than how others knew him i have this picture in my head of him when he was 3 4 years old running across the road to our neighbour s house and our neighbour will send him back this would happen a few times on a daily basis we had no gate yet once a gansauon always a gansauon i miss him i miss him so much and there s never a day where i wish i know where he is exactly now and i wish there s a re do button in life he s just a memory now and that kinda sucks i love you little brother please be ok up there dont be lost i hope you are happy there please be happy and please take care of them up there be there for me when its my time k in memory of johann jeremiah kutai boboi 14 08 1989 08 05 2013 just me eskay at 6 59 pm 1 comment labels family older posts home subscribe to comments atom previously 2013 2 july 1 missing him s may 1 2012 1 january 1 2011 14 july 1 may 8 february 4 january 1 2010 69 december 7 november 6 october 5 september 5 august 2 july 1 june 3 may 4 april 7 march 13 february 5 january 11 2009 147 december 3 november 7 october 11 september 9 august 4 july 4 june 5 may 16 april 20 march 25 february 24 january 19 2008 153 december 17 november 18 october 23 september 28 august 22 july 15 june 5 may 13 april 7 march 1 february 2 january 2 2007 2 july 2 general rants 57 life in general 46 family 38 word of wisdom 35 american idol 27 about me 25 music 24 day out 23 twilight 22 current issues 20 book review 19 christmas 18 night out 16 movie 15 remembering 12 david cook 11 diving 8 vampire diaries 5 tv series 4 climbing 3 harry potter 3 wedding 3 sookie stakehouse novel svs 2 bali 2 saigon 1 family friends around once upon a time 356 365 assalamualaikumwow today marks the 10th day and the number is beautiful at first things seems very hard but when you put your affairs in the hands of alla 1 year ago janet s ジャネット blog 46 inspirational lift cord for blinds how to replace cloth tape in a horizontal wood blind youtube ph pandahall 1 5mm 100 yards black nylon braided lift shade cord blind cord replacement string for windows roman shade rollers repair our lift cord is perfect for small or large projects following this guide will keep your windows these quick instructions will show you how to shorte 4 years ago beautiza how much is enough i was thinking to end beautiza com this year but i still feel that i wanted to write and share something or atleast to make myself feel better besides 5 years ago rasa sayang sabah merdeka parade in kota kinabalu 31 ogos 2017 8 years ago my kinda stories entrepreneur a person who sets up a business or businesses taking on financial risks in the hope of profit so here i am taking a step to move forward focus pers 8 years ago a life itself cloth diaper stater kit so you are new parent and don t know how to start with cloth diaper cd yes i was in your shoes before totally have no idea on what cd is here in s 10 years ago jac s little steps http www themalaymailonline com opinion azrul mohd khalib article to my muslim and non muslim brothers and sisters 12 years ago the world according to angelicbug a wet wed evening i am still here 12 years ago what matters most its december 2013 reactivate blog gosh christmas is around the corner new year is coming just realised that its been a year since my last post the year of a 12 years ago ludicrous rambling a moment of update d just for everyone s info i am no longer working in putrajaya i ve moved back to my hometown in kota kinabalu since july last year of which most aren t s 13 years ago the twisted parrot say whoah say whaaaatt gosh it s been ages since i last update this space if it wasn t because of a comment sent by an anonymous reader earlier today i wouldnt 13 years ago holydevil land miss me its been awhile i know alot to write alot to share yet time isnt appropriate i ll be back soon xo 14 years ago madre d say what dylan s trial playschool session on saturday on the day of dylan s trial playschool session this sat what should i do should i just send n leave him there then pick him up later or should i hang aro 14 years ago once upon a time a story to forgive or forget are you ok he asks but with no reply i m sorry but i just don t know what to say it s just as much a shock to me as it is for you the explanation h 16 years ago persist at what i believe in leave me alone i m married i stumbled upon this note in fb and loving it d a husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover he forces himself to open his eyes and 16 years ago blogila scam from 014 3743471 23 may 2009 4 19pm no sim card anda telah terpilih untuk memenangi wang rm10 000 dari power root sdn bhd sila dail 012 8640204 from 010 9 16 years ago adolescent thought genting highland the view of 1st world hotel part of the outdoor games in the skyway hihi spinner not that challenging anyway i still remember when i was 17 years ago wanderlust bali hola it s been a while huh been lazy less than 6 months to go and nowhere near to having the body of my dreams uh oh lunch time laters 17 years ago stuffs on doh pi muk s big fat head bzbee 2 handed octopus photograph by dorisj kdkcproduction com blog joy happiness justangeline everything i ask for call me miss flamingo just us show 5 show all who am i eskay i m a lot of things and everything in between a simple girl trying not to be simple a nice girl whom is sometimes bad a bad girl whom is o f t e n nice d view my complete profile get the perezhilton com widget and many other great free widgets at widgetbox watermark theme powered by blogger