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flickering flickering extinguished flickering flickering extinguished wednesday october 31 2012 changes i know i just posted and yes i know it was really long i can most certainly ramble with the best of them but i wanted to just post a couple of things really quick i am still smoking but when i go to sleep and wake in the morning i am not going to smoke anymore i am also once again cutting out a lot of calories and drinking plenty of water since moving down here and sort of following the plan except the smoking part i have lost 10 pounds which is absolutely amazing i was at 205lbs but now i am at 195lbs i liked being down around 170 and i hope i can achieve that crosses fingers i ll be going fishing tomorrow hopefully it will be at the highwater bridge this time we have been going to tigerville park exclusively for fishing maybe highwater bridge will have better catches oh also i am not going to shave my facial hair anymore i m growing a beard i am also going to let my hair grow out like it used to be i m not going to be trimming my fingernails as much and i think i m going to get my ears pierced and then eventually stretch them need tapers and flesh tunnels we will worry about that later i ll also be attempting to walk more up and down our road starting out with only walking a few laps well all the way up and then all the way back down and build up from there should help with weight loss ok that is it for tonight i promise posted by unknown at 1 00 am no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest rambling and possibly very confusing so this is my first post so i will probably jump between topics and sometimes i ll just stop writing about a topic mainly because i get distracted easily and then i forget what i was going to write anyways lets begin we will start from the beginning of the situation which caused my spiral into hell i was in houston tx living with my wife brandi and my stepdaughter allison it was going pretty great i was taking care of allison mostly cleaning doing chores around the house and things like that one day though brandi starts bitching about every little thing that she could possibly bitch about and some things that no one would bitch about she even took off her wedding ring and never put it back on around this time she had started working at hostgator actually she had already gotten out of training and had been working on the overnight shift when she started bitching i started to think she was doing this so she could make me out to be a bad person and so when she did something horrible she wouldn t feel any guilt i think i was subconsciously understanding what was going on but maybe i didn t want to admit it to myself or accept it alright lets get back on topic new paragraph though since that part is over so we had been sleeping in the same bed it was a normal marriage well after the crazy bitch fest that she decided to throw i started sleeping on the couch uncomfortable at first but i got used to it and actually started sleeping rather well now here comes the really fucked up part a few weeks maybe 2 or 3 i have problems with remembering the passing of time she is coming home from work and she calls me and immediately says be nice i had no idea what she was talking about so i said why and then she said because jason is coming over of course i had no idea who this jason person was so i am like why is he coming over and she says because we are dating now or maybe because he is my boyfriend now i can t remember the exact wording for that last part but its all the same what the fuck yeah you are probably thinking that after you read that part so i bet you think that is pretty bad i m not done yet the shit tornado is slinging shit and fans and is just getting started so jason was her boyfriend that phone call was the first time i had heard about any boyfriend jason or whatever we hadn t broken up she didn t say its over she didnt say i want you gone etc she basically just avoided a confrontation and maybe she assumed that we broke up i have no idea i started sleeping in the front room since no one walks that way and i could be left alone everyone walks out the back door to the patio so i could be left alone and wouldn t have to see brandi or jason so now we are going to skip to later that week or the week after can t remember yes she was sleeping with jason and i was still sleeping on the floor in the front room so she has a kind of party or gathering one friday night a day that she has off and luke an old friend of hers and jason are there and i maybe some other people i remember there being others but i can not for the life of me remember who they were anyways they all leave jason stays there lets skip ahead and yeah this is the start of another paragraph and time for really fucked up things one day she comes back to the house and has another guy with her named jimm actually its james but he goes by jimm kind of confusing but then they go into the bedroom and close the door welp that is pretty much saying she is fucking him so he comes over every once in awhile and one day she comes in and says jason is coming over shortly don t say anything about jimm well i wasn t going to talk to any of them why would i if anything i would kill them or beat the shit out of them win or lose i d try and inflict some damage anyways i am for the most part a pacifist i have to be extremely angry or protecting someone in order to actually fight whatever so she gets some stuff back from him beach towels and stuff that they had taken to the beach now the weird part is she never broke up with him or anything no talk about separating and such she just stopped talking to him and shit she really needs to learn that she has to talk about things like that so now jimm is her boyfriend or so i thought but she tells me outside that he is a fuck buddy and so is luke and maybe jason anyways he is basically living there at that time and i am still being a hermit in the front room not wanting to talk to anyone i guess she is thinking there is no problem with me sleeping with several different men in the same house that my husband lives in what is the harm in that she thought i d be ok with it how the fuck would i be ok with that i called my sister and asked if she could come get me told her it didnt matter what day but the sooner the better she said it would be one day or two i can t remember so while i was waiting and while brandi was gone to work i began collecting my stuff books ccg cards mtg mainly 30 000 or so damn near everything i emptied out the dresser of my clothes and the closet i then pared down all of my clothes 6 pairs of boxers at least 6 pairs of socks i think i added some extras a couple of pants that fit all of my slacks 6 or so of my white t shirts and my shorts i still took some of my t shirts that have graphics on them but most of them are gone i tried burning all of the magic cards but a small batch of them was taking way too long so i started putting everything in the outdoor trashcan the one we take out to the curb and then i even used the neighbor s trash can she died several months ago so all of the books that weren t programming books ccg cards several stuffed animals etc were all thrown away and i watched the garbage man pick them up the next day so i have a kind of duffle bag that i shoved most of my stuff into i had 5 or so programming books clothes music player headphones blanket pillows that was basically it steffani came and got me the next day and i told brandi i was leaving to go eat and then i left i stayed quite a few days with steffani we rode horses and stuff like that it was pretty fun then she brought me up to my dad s house and that is where i have been ever since that about sums it up i probably missed some stuff but i actually went in order and stuff oh crap wait forgot one thing before i threw all my crap away and stuff like that there was a day it was a thursday ah yes for some reason i also thought it was a friday and that was a big mistake i ll explain in a moment on this thursday morning brandi gets home from work and we all load up and go to the grocery store for groceries yes i know shocking we finish shopping and we go back to the house and we smoke a cigarettes before unloading out of nowhere she begins bitching about everything nothing that i could see actually triggered it well i hate getting bitched at and most of the time i just walk away if i can t walk away then it will be a physical fight fight or flight and i ll mostly choose flight unless cornered grrrr bark bark so i just start unloading the groceries and taking them inside she is still complaining this whole time saying the yard needed mowing and the kitchen needed cleaning blah blah blah i mowed the grass 5 6 days before this but it rained and it was summer so it grew very quickly i went into the garage and got the lawn mower and was pushing it to the front and she put her foot on it and said you can t just do what you want to do i didn t want to mow the yard i was going to mow it so you d stop bitching i didn t say anything i just walked into the house grabbed a bottle of water i already had everything else hat phone wallet etc i walked out the back door and started down the drive way and she yells if you leave you aren t coming back i took out my phone and threw it down on the driveway and it broke the cover for the battery the battery itself and that was it came off damn phone is durable then i left i walked 12 miles and eventually ended up at my best friend michael s apartment where i stayed for 3 days and then had them take me back to brandi s house a few days later not even a week if i remember correctly i left with my sister steffani now i am pretty damn certain that is the end of the story i ve probably left something out but i am tired and i am pretty sure that is it i should be going to sleep posted by unknown at 12 33 am no comments email this 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