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blog blog a showdown between expressions and impressions thursday july 2 2009 w ell come beyond the developing 6 in 1 abdominal muscles the months are flippin rapidly as with a story desperate for an ending scary you bet desperate times call for desperate measures i m tempted to call the cops hey officer i d like to report a robbery couldn t really get a clear description of the thief but the loss is pretty major someone stole my time mega dramatic a little time it s not about refunds but rather returns the outcome of the expenditure catching up with a friend over dinner we jumped into the all too familiar wow time really flies when you re having fun it s all about perspective no qualms about that but what happens when all the fun under the sun gets a li l too scorchy and dry hmm someone i d like to chat up the samaritan woman at the well i call her ms samaria i ve a hunch she was a li l on the foxy side for the record megan fox is way overrated but beyond that m s s a m a r i a had one of the longest one on one conversations with a seemingly thirsty underrated bloke named jesus recorded in the bible here s a rundown he s sits at the well she arrives with an empty jar he asks her for a drink she snubs him he offers her better water ooh she yabbers on ancestral stories he asserts her its the only water she d ever need she s smitten she wants he tells her to call her husband she denies having one he busts her fib 5 husbands and counting ouch she puts him in the holy box she puts on her holy veil and starts a mountain of a story on worship and god he tells her worship isn t not really about where but who she snubs him again and speaks of a saviour who knows best he goes i am he duh his mates arrive with lunch jesus talking to ms samaria awkward she runs off leaving her jar behind she twitters about him to her world discovery channel gets a new story ladies and gentlemen samaria has found living water the dry spell we were made for all seasons and the seasons have us made bringing out the good and the ugly what a reminder i need those one on one conversations i need a refill is my jar empty what s it filled with runners need water i need the living water time and tide wait for no man jesus he wasn t thirsty he was merely waiting he still is it s about time posted by joel vijay at 12 16 am 2 comments friday march 27 2009 the sky is falling r umour has it that they soared the skies once upon a time thanks to tony fernandez his zesty crew chickens now can forget about the whole domestic flight ordeal book em flight tickets online and just stay finger licking good i m guessing chicken little had a foot in this taking what s the matter too chicken to fly perhaps a tad too seriously acrophobia rather fear of heights nah not me catching the pilot divulge we ll be experiencing a slight turbulence please buckle up over the intercom on my recent flight was pretty amusing though seat belts were clickin and half baked drowsy eyes were rollin nice storm window seats wow thank you they re for the brave seriously capturing the storm brewing outside kinda pricked the security bubble conjuring up a familiar verse yet once more i shake not only the earth but also heaven his voice that time shook the earth to its foundations this time he s told us this quite plainly he ll also rock the heavens one last shaking from top to bottom stem to stern the phrase one last shaking means a thorough housecleaning getting rid of all the historical and religious junk so that the unshakable essentials stand clear and uncluttered the message hebrews 12 26 27 gulp he sounded pretty serious about it as if he was saying this is your captain speaking we re about to go through turbulent times buckle up and hold on tight i ll carry you and you don t have to carry anything know that i am in control alrighty you the man when calamity strikes victims tend to escape and cling to that which is precious more often than not they escape empty handed hanging on to dear lives perhaps that s where you need me to be empty handed but alive in your hands no the world ain t about to crash just yet in fact i found myself secretly applauding ms air stewardess for her outstanding safety procedure performance in case of emergencies or under pressure grab the oxygen mask and breathe oh i m sure breath mints come in handy too to infinity and beyond the author reckons westlife and buzz lightyear should high five flying without wings nah that s just falling with style posted by joel vijay at 11 14 pm no comments saturday february 28 2009 stop look listen fishing my way at a coffee joint i hooked myself up to a caffeine infused conversation between two college punks the subject matter how to score with chicks wow i really felt like grabbing a pen and paper pulling up a chair and learning from these gurus tempting but in earphones on mute seemed like a cooler idea let s call em sir brag a lot and sir ask a lot actual conversation sir brag a lot dude it s easy lah just go out in a group then flirt flirt with the one u like sir ask a lot then sir brag a lot then add them in facebook lah facebook can chat oso mah whack only you whack 10 girls sure got 1 you can bang sir ask a lot sure or not sir ask a lot i know lah some girls are quite easy but those kinds after get stds how sir brag a lot dude use a condom lah you not like gonna get married to them right girls and condoms are the same lah use one time after that throw lah joel vijay leaves the chat and hits the play button on his itunes more than knocking just sense i felt like knocking the daylights out of them that s the kind of advise you d be giving your own kids one day grabbing the headlines when alfie stepped into the daddy shoes at the age of 13 he just gave the shoe stores a new problem seriously that s like the tip of the iceberg in problemology beyond the is alfie too young to be a father debate it s appalling to find the world eluding forgetting to even greet the mother of the issue premarital sex hello the heart of the problem is the problem of the heart this world needs some saving and i m itching to take up cpr lessons the author s inflicted with a major ear condition the folk at jealous street call it eavesdropping learning to master his ability he s pretty convinced he ll be appearing in the upcoming season of the tv series heroes posted by joel vijay at 10 50 am 4 comments friday january 9 2009 cheeky bulls bravo that s the first step in acknowledging the existence of a brain in the human anatomy yet many times in irresistibly allowing the mouth to move quicker than the mind intelligence is inevitably blown out the windows letting the cat out of the bag seriously it looked like a whole herd of bulls to me evading curiosity temptations to read between the lines these thoughts were ripple effects of a statement i read recently assumption is life s lowest level of knowledge honestly i couldn t agree more some folks tend to make assumptions with hopes to appear smart keep those hands down this isn t a guilt trip invite forget levi s and dockers smarty pants have been a fashion favourite ever since adam and eve took up sewing lessons recalling a trip to the zoo last year speaking of bulls they re a whole lot bigger and badder than i had pictured em the burly horny animal geez it is a big animal with horns would be crowned king in a game of bluff better yet the front cover of poker face magazine taking a li l spin off it s intriguing how we draw parallel lines between human personalities and animals bull one who builds sky crappy tower of lies pig the glutton face stuffer elephant just takes up too much space chicken the dude who crossed the road to prove that he wasn t just an egg get the yoke monkey one that swings all around you in attempt to make you feel smart li l bird someone you should whisper only your christmas wish list to the list goes on yet the spotlight goes to a four legged creature that often appears to be the butt of jokes for eons the donkey more fondly known as an ass i m pretty sure there was a conspiracy on board noah s ark to leave this infamous creature behind the humans some brainiac decided to high five the animal kingdom in their ploy let s not make an ass of you and me ass u me assume wow we really took it to the next level the lowest don t be an ass if jesus can use a donkey he can use me yup it doesn t mean you ve to become one we re better than that no offense donkey maybe let your yes be yes and your no no everything else should fall into i don t know but i ll find out on a personal mission to the land of honey stars i ve decided to toss boxes of assumptions off my rocketship up up and away posted by joel vijay at 12 27 pm no comments friday january 2 2009 peekaboo i see open doors catching up on some tv over the holidays i found myself flippin through channels from oprah right up to national geographic even catching australia s next top model seriously these folks couldn t get anymore dramatic drama reality tv shows i found myself pondering on watching re runs of my life gosh sadly it wouldn t be as exhilarating as i d wish it to be yet i m pretty smugged up with 2008 a truckload of engaging experiences kick starting the year with a police chase and drawing the curtains by attempting to commit mass murder at a fish spa don t ask me about it it s definitely been a good ride and could only get gooder 2009 you ve got anticipation written all over ya so excite lah here i come posted by joel vijay at 9 12 pm 2 comments wednesday november 26 2008 i d love to but my dog s about to attempt to speak english sorry i can t blame the mongrel for attempting to talk after chewing up all the homework forget einstein someone should clench the nobel prize for theoretical creative discovery in blame ology and fine arts of excuses in my attempt to conceal my blemish i ve been charged tried and condemned guilty on countless occasions for making up excuses i gotta admit some of em were close to being bestsellers on the fiction shelves well if you screw up take it like a man hey whatever happened to anti discrimination and gender equality guess what real men cry boo hoo at times i think i d make a pretty good chef a personal favourite of the ol excuse menu would be not my thing damsel in distress hey could you help me out with this super dimwit me that s really not my thing you know i d totally like mess it up rather not damsel in distress whatever puts two l fingers together forming a w speaking of damsels sometimes i envy em i m having cramps has to be one of those gunshot one liners that send the birds flying across the sky the lads are often left dumbfounded fearing the aftermath far from generalizing it s merely super poking those that capitalize on the periodical tsunami i have the right to be evil yeah major irony in that sentence beyonce knowles poured her soul in if i were a boy interesting perspective yet it would be a shame to tag it as a pms theme song wouldn t it pms credit overdose thank you honestly i don t deserve this after all i couldn t have done it without you hilarious but that s exactly how the speech would probably sound like if anyone would clench the mother of all excuses award if there was one part of creation we d beat the creator at this would be it lame excuses reflecting on those moments where i could have saved the day or at least made it better for someone else i m now bent on giving everything a shot worst case scenario folks giving me the affirming well you gave it a shot but it ain t your thing for sure as they resort to dialing 911 back to my english speaking dog she s honestly having cramps and from her howls she s not one that holds on to if you ve nothing good to say don t say it i m off to walk her before she starts penning horror stories to santa about me falalalala lala la la the author has no affiliations and neither is he afflicted with pms he s merely finding an excuse to blog about it posted by joel vijay at 10 33 pm 1 comment friday november 7 2008 living it i have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character martin luther king jr that day arrived america voted and obama won belting a song of hope yes we can creating history as the first african american to be elected president of the united states intrigued i was still am with his campaign speeches i did not travel around this state over the last year and see a white south carolina or a black south carolina i saw south carolina so understand this south carolina the choice in this election is not between regions or religions or genders it s not about rich versus poor young versus old and it is not about black versus white this election is about the past versus the future when i hear that we ll never overcome the racial divide in our politics i think about that republican woman who used to work for strom thurmond who is now devoted to educating inner city children and who went out into the streets of south carolina and knocked on doors for this campaign don t tell me we can t change yes we can yes we can change yes we can heal this nation yes we can seize our future it s been close 50 years 45 years to be exact and mr king s dream seems to be hiking it s way to its peak in my attempt to squeeze to my feet into his shoes i couldn t help but smile as a friend remarked hey you re where you always dreamt to be the music scene you dreamt of it while you were in high school now you re living it thanks dear friend for reminding me of my high school ambitions honestly i gotta admit the dream was that of a selfish young punk who had fame on his mind nothing wrong with that it s just that i m a li l more wised up now i m willing to let it go as that of a stringed helium balloon fame the li l teaspoon i ve had tasted pretty good yet i d hate to choke myself with a bottle of pride this dream s bigger than me and the more i look up the more i realize it s not about me live the dream don t just dream to live the author finds malaysia boleh and yes we can uncannily identical who are the freakin pirates now aye posted by joel vijay at 10 54 am 3 comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom about me joel vijay subang jaya selangor malaysia often laughs in the face of danger and makes a really quick sprint right after view my complete profile twitter updates twitter updates follow me on twitter cursor magnets fourletterstory acts church acts teens asian youth ambassadors d2y2 online the itchy mouths blog archive 2009 5 july 1 well come beyond the developing 6 in 1 abdominal march 1 february 1 january 2 2008 12 november 2 october 1 september 1 august 1 july 1 may 1 march 2 february 1 january 2 2007 11 december 1 november 1 october 1 september 1 august 1 july 6