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foreverhopeful23 skip to content foreverhopeful23 scroll down to content posts posted on february 22 2022 february 22 2022 depression and anxiety sucks it s funny i was on a total high last month things were so good i was exercising every day my anxiety was under control i was taking care of myself i had a positive outlook etc then february hit and shit came tumbling down fast our oldest had some hard days with his episodes unfortunately when he has rough days i too have even worse days my depression came back hard january s highs came down like a free fall and i fell hard probably further down than i ve been for years my very bad relationship with food came back i wanted to distance myself from everyone i stopped exercising i stopped blogging i stopped journaling when depression hits i don t want to do a damn thing and i self sabotage i don t take care of myself and i binge eat all the sugar i can get a hold of depression is ugly and it sucks then add in my friend anxiety and it s a whole lot of fun if there s a silver lining here i called for help i got on my therapist s schedule again and i got an appointment with the prescriber for my anti depressants i ve been on the lowest dose possible but it is obvious i needed a step up i couldn t manage myself and things weren t good another silver lining my therapist reminded me i ve been here before and it doesn t last forever and i always get myself back out of it she s right somehow out of the dark i do seem to crawl myself out i m here i m blogging that s a small step out of it we also took the kids to the trampoline park so i burned a bunch of calories the exercise felt great this rollercoaster is pretty rough right now but i m looking forward to seeing the light again posted on february 1 2022 month end update things are going alright lots of ups and downs with the kiddos and worked is of course stressful however a few good takeaways 1 no storm eating i have not used sweets to curb my stress yay 2 enjoying noom and keeping up with it 3 best of all check out my activity for the mont of january only 2 days i didn t close my exercise ring i m hoping this next month i can keep up with the activity i am also hoping i can handle my stress better with the kiddos well here s to a new month posted on january 22 2022 not in a good space this week has been rough very stressful at work while the kids seemed to turn up the defiance i have reached my breaking point today and i broke down kids are in their rooms for quiet time so i locked myself in the bathroom turned on the exhaust fan and cried i wrote in my anxiety journal about my depression because i have a fun mix of anxiety depression rolled into one right now it s not a great head space to be in my kids won t leave me alone they are still calling mommy i need this mommy i need that and i just have nothing else to give i feel helpless i m tired i want to hit pause and take a break but i can t days like this week makes me wish i could pack my bags and run away to get my head on straight i m not strong enough to feel like i m being constantly pushed back down well this is a fun post sorry for the negativity but this is the hard truth on where i m at i m going to do yoga and hope i can feel just a touch of zen in my life here s to hoping posted on january 15 2022 january 15 2022 hard truth it s been 15 days i ve been really spending some quality time on myself not just trying to lose some pounds but also trying to gain an understanding of myself 15 days i have actively been working out only 3 days did i take rest days and even at that those rest days i did yoga 15 days i have been figuring out my anxiety triggers and the negative coping skills i have been medicating myself with ie sweet binges 15 days i have been taking time out of my day to journal and or read a book for a type of escape and on this 15th day i realized i no longer want to put myself last i am realizing by doing that i am not only making myself suffer but i am making my whole family suffer with me day 15 i mark to put myself first or relatively first i need to take time out for my health i need to take time out for my sanity i am human by starting to move myself up on the priority list i feel empowered i feel happier i feel like i am starting to enjoy my husband and kids again so by putting some time and effort in myself my family also gains yesterday at my oldest s therapy session i admitted to my son i have faults and i m not perfect even mommy is working on herself and i told him my biggest trigger is the noise chaos i wasn t sure if he understood what i was trying to tell him or not but i need to start being honest with myself and with my kids my oldest definitely struggles with anxiety and i want him to know he s not alone so this morning him and his brother start getting loud and i could feel my anxiety heighten i looked at my oldest and i said calmly sweetie so you remember what i told you yesterday about noise he looked at me and says yes and by some miracle he lowered his voice and he stopped yelling he heard me he understood and he listened at that moment i was so proud of not only me but of my son so reality sucks it s hard to take a big look at yourself and your life and admit there are a lot of problems but these 15 days have been the best days i have had in a long time i m hopeful things will continue and we will all be in a happier place ️ posted on january 13 2022 trials but victories yesterday was another good day i felt relaxed i didn t feel overwhelmed with work and i lost 1 8 lbs today was different i was up in weight on the scale work was feeling overwhelming and a client wasn t terribly happy however i have some small victories from the day 1 i drank my water usually when i m swamped at work i make bad eating choices one of them is not to be mindful of my water intake it was 1 00pm and i realized i haven t had any water for the day so i walked upstairs and filled up my water i have successfully drank 10 glasses of water today yay 2 i still made good eating choices once again in times of stress i usually binge eat sweets today i popped in sugar free gum and continued on my day i did not carelessly eat anything today and i haven t even indulged in a cookie 3 i was mindful of my breathing i took some deep breaths when i noticed my shoulders tensing and jaw tightening 4 i exercised tonight was the first night since starting beachbody again that i had to really make myself do the workouts i did everything i could to talk myself out of it but i knew of all days a stressful one is the day i really needed to workout so i got my butt in gear and did it 5 i took a couple minutes to myself i stepped away from my kids and hubby when things were just getting over the top so i locked myself in the bathroom and did 5 minutes of reading on my noom app don t judge ️ so things were pretty poopy today but all in all still some really good stuff i m hoping it will pay off in the long run and that tomorrow will be a better day m posted on january 11 2022 it s a good day today has been a good day just in 10 days here are the positive things i have done 1 today i completed day 10 of 21 day fix 2 today i completed day 10 of 3 week yoga retreat 3 i practiced my breathing when i would normally stress the out 4 i felt positive today towards myself 5 i have increased my water intake on a daily basis 6 even though i gained weight on the scale i didn t let that get to me 7 i joined noom again and i m loving it i know this health kick high won t last forever so i want to document some moments i ve been proud of ️ posted on january 5 2022 thank you people come into your lives and most of the time they leave but i truly believe people are meant to be there during part of your journey i have a dear friend we met in fifth grade basketball camp to be specific and we ve been good friends since we weren t best friends but i always felt she would be there for me if when i ever needed her we were in both of our weddings our lives took off and the distance grew not by choice but that s just how life carries you especially when we both have kiddos that keep us busy yesterday something nagged at me to give her a text she and i haven t seen each other for a couple years but since i have this week off i was hoping we may be able to reconnect for an hour or so thankfully she was available and we met for coffee this morning to say it was amazing is an understatement i felt like i could be totally raw with my feelings and there was absolutely no judgement because she gets it life with depression anxiety and struggles to coping have bonded us sometimes it s bittersweet that it takes life s struggle of a journey to bring two people together again i am thankful for her i am thankful for her no judgement and i m thankful for her support i m thankful we met so many years ago and even when things get busy we are able to meet like no time has gone by at all we talked over coffee for three hours and it was one of the best three hours i have had for a long time thank you friend for always being there and i hope you know i am here for you too we got this ️ ️ posted on january 3 2022 kumbaya this week i have off from work and really off from the family as well husband is still working and kiddos will be in daycare there are not many opportunities to focus on myself so i have decided to be selfish and really work on me this week the goal to work on getting some zen in my life my days are full of chaos as soon as i wake up to when the kids go down for bed everyone is needing something from mom and i just don t ever seem to catch a break from being a mom to working my ass off and to being a wife there s just no time in the world to get it all done i purchased a couple zen journals from amazon which i m excited to try i m not a journaling type i try through this blog but some days it s just one more thing to add on the plate however it s nice to be able to blab shit down in print so i m not keeping everything bottled up i also purchase a zen book that is an easy read teaches you about how to love and frankly it hits home i can t give true love to my partner and my kids if i don t have love for myself so i m trying a new thing and to try to love the person who i am i want to be able to give love to my husband and my kids and i do feel like i have failed at that i m always so on edge and have a stick up my ass most days i m sure i m not the easiest person to love back either on another zen note besides picking up the 21 day fix workout i ve also picked up a 3 week yoga routine after my cardio i m not a huge fan of yoga usually because frankly who has time for all that kumbaya i want to feel like physically work my ass off in a workout and to see the calories on my fitness tracker however i don t know what it is but yoga really gives off powerful endorphins way more than cardio or even my sweets i love the feeling after yoga the feeling of power and the feeling of happiness after it s over it s a euphoric feeling and i m actually pleasantly surprised by it i m glad i ve incorporated into my life and i hope i can keep this feeling going ️ posted on january 2 2022 january 2 2022 and i m back i took a bit of unwanted hiatus from my healthier living routine mainly because i tweaked something in my low back and i needed to rest unfortunately exercise seems to dictate how well i make food choices so i was off my workout routine which means my stress anxiety was extra strong i m hindsight it really makes me realize how much better i feel with my anxiety when i have exercise in my life without it i go back to my horrible eating habits to make things worse it s the holidays many more sweets in the house than usual i did what any addict does and medicated myself the old way you know binge eating sweets there is no moderation and i can t stop it s quite embarrassing to admit how many calories i m sure i consumed within a matter of days and weeks sadly my waistline can probably tell you the story better than i can how is it sweets feel so comforting then out of the binge you feel like total crap that you gave into it again i m doing what most people do after a new year swear to eat better and get back to exercising i m taking it easier with my back and modifying where i can to be sure i don t create more of an injury i feel good i feel less stress and best of all i feel the same endorphins i seek in sweets without the guilt here s to hoping i can keep this up and get back into the good habits i had before the sweets addiction took over does anyone else find positive coping skills during times of stress anxiety i automatically reach for a cookie without realizing i m doing it i m curious what works for others as i would like to pick up as many good habits as i can ️ ️ posted on december 4 2021 short and sweet i saw this on social media today and it really hit home no matter what obstacle you re going through i hope this is a good reminder for many ️ ️ posts pagination page 1 page 2 page 19 next page follow me on twitter my tweets blog at wordpress com foreverhopeful23 blog at wordpress com subscribe subscribed foreverhopeful23 join 138 other subscribers sign me up have a wordpress com account log in now privacy foreverhopeful23 view site in reader manage subscriptions sign up log in report this content collapse this bar loading comments write a comment email required name required website create your own website free on wordpress com create your own website start free