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d that worry about size fuels the counterproductive feeding practice of only serving supplements or a few favored foods oftentimes i also see children who are very bright independent or sensitive to pressure or encouragement if your child tries to draw for example and you try to help him does he let you or does he get upset and want to do it himself these are general observations of traits i often see with selective eaters too often when parents ask for help from their doctors most of whom receive no training in feeding and weight issues the solution is a supplement the solution is in what you are feeding your son and the how question is often ignored as the world health organization wrote inappropriate feeding practices are often a greater determinant of inadequate intakes than the availability of foods in the households so before i get to your what foods to introduce question allow me to talk briefly about the how of feeding research tells us that the more we push children to eat usually the worse the child eats and grows the pressure is met with resistance and our efforts often backfire feed based on what your child can do if you have a three year old who eats more like an older infant feed him based on what he can do slowly increase texture and tastes as you can ask your speech therapist for suggestions for safe foods and ideas to progress with texture institute structure too often parents are told to push the child to eat all day which deprives the child of the opportunity to develop an appetite serve him balanced meals and snacks every 2 3 hours with only water in between initially try serving the supplement only with snacks talk to a pediatric rd registered dietitian familiar with ellyn satter s division of responsibility if he truly is compromised with nutrition and growth my book has a list of questions to ask rds and therapists how are you trying to get him to eat games stickers tv begging often pressure backfires work on the division of responsibility in feeding you present the foods he decides how much and if to eat from what you present see my answer to reader question 2 in part i of my q a on this blog for ideas on planning meals for a selective eater something he eats even if it s yogurt or applesauce needs to be included at every meal and snack this is not starve him out if meals have been unpleasant or a battle with lots of tears and stress you need to rehab the mealtime atmosphere and attitudes stress kills appetite if your therapy tasks result in push back they are probably not helping your son learn to eat trust your gut as one mother said bad therapy is worse than no therapy some children find even the encouragement recommended in therapy is a turn off try to eat with your child as often as possible ignore how much of what he is eating as much as possible offer don t push realize that he may eat less initially as you transition to the trust model of feeding in terms of what to offer children generally want to grow up and learn to eat the foods the family eats if you can modify the foods you enjoy that would be ideal does he like soft salty sweet are there sauces he particularly likes sit with him and eat your meal if you are making squash for dinner can you add a little butter and some brown sugar and fork mash it for him hang in there know that this is a marathon and not a sprint and that i ve seen ten year old feeding clinic failures branch out and do just fine with their eating look for the sensory symbol throughout my book for tips for feeding children with sensory issues reader question 4 how do you help a child heal and stop eating out of the trash it sounds like your child has had some trauma around food likely some major food insecurity or restriction or real hunger perhaps to survive he had to literally obtain food from the trash perhaps he has been shamed for his hunger or his size i like how you phrase your question about helping him heal healing a history of food insecurity takes time let s look at how you can help your child begin to heal first has your child had a full physical exam to rule out any nutritional concerns like anemia or iron deficiency or lead levels some nutritional deficiencies can lead to pica or the eating of non food items how old is he are there events that trigger the episodes like visits with siblings or stress at school here are a few general thoughts that might help heal his anxiety try not to shame him about eating from the trash remain calm neutral and supportive if he survived by eating from the trash or taking care of himself let him know how brave that was and what a survivor he is if he fed younger siblings compliment him on what a good job he did but that he doesn t have to do that anymore reassure him verbally but mostly with your actions that you are now taking care of and thinking about his needs so he doesn t have to so much see my answer to reader question 1 in part i of my q a on this blog for more on food anxiety and hoarding in kids with trauma have you tried to ask him what is happening around these episodes was he hungry are there foods he might like you to serve did he have some feelings he was working on if you are working with a therapist this is something you can talk about together to help gain insight or consider specific therapies avoidance dieting shame or restriction would not be considered therapies in my opinion is there a certain type of food he is eating from the trash if he is eating forbidden foods like half used frosting containers or candy the goal would be to include those foods and turn them into formerly forbidden foods that means ask him for his favorites and plan to serve them with meals and snacks he can have a portion as his dessert and once or twice a week he gets to have those fffs as his treat snack where he can eat as much as he wants serve with milk dairy or your alternative sit with him and enjoy it he may eat a lot at first and it will scare you but as the shame secrecy and access improves over time he should be able to learn to manage and enjoy those foods examine how you talk about food or fatness if a child hears about junk food or bad foods or even red light foods they often think that food is bad and if i eat it i m bad this elicits shame which often fuels the secrecy and bingeing poverty food insecurity and higher bmi body mass index are related i ve had questions from foster parents worried about a fat child who are advised to put the child on a diet to try to get the child to lose weight this will not help him heal and is more likely to lead to higher weight and increased food anxietyand obsession over time perhaps a food stash may help your child feel secure a granola bar a packet of trail mix ask him to try to save it for meals and snack times with you but it is there if he needs it see my first q a post for more on my thoughts about food stashes the critical step to healing his relationship to food is being absolutely reliable about feeding your child every two to three hours for younger children and every 3 4 hours for older children as one mom told me i find the more we let the anxiety and control around food go the more he lets go of the obsession surrounding food what a concept hang in there and keep asking those questions posted by tee at 6 57 am 2 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels adoption emotional and behavioral issues food food special diets foster care health international adoption nutrition parenting tips and techniques thursday december 13 2012 free webinar today developing a healthy feeding relationship for adoptive families part i of dr katja rowell s wonderful adoption and feeding q a here on my blog got a wonderful response so i know you ll be happy to hear about a free webinar she s conducting today thursday december 13th from 1 2pm est the webinar is sponsored by adoptive families magazine join in by registering here some more information about the webinar since bringing your child home have you encountered behaviors like hoarding food obsession picky eating overeating or everyday power struggles around the dinner table join katja rowell m d aka the feeding doctor to ask questions about the challenges you ve faced at meal or snack times please note that the information offered in the webinar is for educational purposes only it is not meant to replace careful evaluation and treatment by medical nutritional or mental health professionals check out my review of dr rowell s book the book can be purchased here aff part ii of dr rowell s adoption and feeding q a is coming soon to fostering thrifty families posted by tee at 8 18 am no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels adoption deals kitchen and feeding food food special diets freebies wednesday december 12 2012 product review xlear sparx xylitol sweetened candy tooth gel xlear and moms meet recently sent me a generous package of xlear sparx xylitol sweetened candies and kids toothpastes i was especially excited to have my kids try the toothpaste as research has linked xylitol to lower rates of tooth decay xlear is best known for their sinus sprays for treating and preventing allergies and congestion but i learned they actually carry a variety of products from candy to toothpaste the toothpaste kid s spry toothgel with xylitol was perfect for our toddler who loved the flavor it s fluoride free which some parents prefer especially if their child is already getting fluoridated water fluoride treatments or supplements that may contain fluoride because it s fluoride free it is safe for use with younger children who may still be swallowing more than they re spitting xlear describes its sparx candies as part of a growing line of healthy xylitol based candies xlear sparx is sweetened naturally with xylitol a plant based dentist recommended sweetener that s been proven to improve dental health and strengthen tooth enamel the kids i shared the candy with described it as yummy crunchy weird tasting very sweet and cool the best thing about these tiny crunchable little candies is the plastic canister they come in the kids enjoyed shaking the candies in their container and dispensing just a few candies at a time grown ups who tried the candies said some of the flavors tasted off including some flavors that tasted downright off putting but others were very tasty some people found the shape and texture off putting one person complained the candies were too small and they preferred candies to be either chewy or to be hard sucking candies rather than something in between like this another parent felt that the candies being so small was an advantage as she could dispense just two or three as an incentive or reward to the child the kids had no complaints over the crunch of the candies the tasters almost unanimously preferred the citrus flavored candy pack with the berry pack coming in second and the fruit flavors coming in last sparx are a great option for parents seeking candies for their children that are free of natural colors and flavors and are sweetened with a sugar that won t promote tooth decay check out xlear s website for a full range of products posted by tee at 1 59 pm 2 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels educational materials product reviews monday november 5 2012 food hoarding integrating kids diet preferences q a w dr rowell on adoption foster feeding issues part i i am so grateful to dr katja rowell md for not only giving two copies of her new book love me feed me the adoptive parent s guide to ending the worry about weight picky eating power struggles and more aff away to my readers see this post giveaway now closed but also for volunteering her time to answer my readers questions during the giveaway readers were given the opportunity to ask questions about adoption and fostering centered feeding issues and in this post dr rowell aka the feeding doctor answers two of them in a second installment dr rowell will answer a few more you can find much more on both of the topics addressed here in the book this information is educational it is not meant to replace careful evaluation and treatment by medical nutritional or mental health professionals reader question 1 from gabby do you recommend foster parents leave food accessible such as bowls of fruit on the counters basket of snacks on the shelf at kids level or just provide healthy meals and snacks on a set schedule in training we ve heard conflicting strategies up to and including giving the child their own container to keep wherever they please and allowing them to hoard sensibly while helping them clean out the container weekly what is your best suggestion for dealing with foster children with food issues the best way to lessen hoarding behaviors is to lessen anxiety about food too often the food stash is presented as the solution to hoarding and food anxiety it seems to have been presented to you as an either or scenario food stash or healthy food on a schedule i think the answer is both or no stash and that it may change with time one of my main goals is to empower you to help you know there is no perfect solution or anything that says you have to get it right from day one that s not how parenting works we figure it out with each of our kids what i am firm about is that if you offer a food stash it is not an out for providing regular meals and snacks note i did not say healthy as i believe that to learn to handle and enjoy all foods meals and snacks need to include healthy and not so healthy options my main concern with the stash or allowing the child to help himself to the pantry is that it misses the opportunity to complete bonding cycles and deepen the attachment with your child for the older child who had to be self reliant with feeding showing that you will take care of him is important and feeding is a concrete way of doing so feeding is about trust and nurturing whether your child is 15 months or 15 years old allowing the child to help himself to food at will can also undermine self regulation or knowing how much to eat which is a skill your child may need to relearn here are two scenarios from my book love me feed me the adoptive parent s guide to ending the worry about weight picky eating power struggles and more consider marcus who did not want to let go of his biscuit he certainly can be allowed to hang on to the biscuit for a while and maybe even have one in a baggie in his pocket follow his lead if he throws a tantrum about having it taken away allow him to carry it with him but the parent also has to be absolutely reliable about regularly providing food you may need to offer food more frequently at first perhaps every hour or so in a different case three year old arielle adopted at 11 months was on calorie restriction and was experiencing intense food anxiety and preoccupation mom tried to let her carry food in an attempt to a...