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Text of the page (random words):
fromthechild s blog child abuse from the child s perspective fromthechild s blog child abuse from the child s perspective home what s this about what does it mean what now why say anything 2 frozen in time january 14 2009 write from the child i heard my friend say cause children are loving and carefree and gay i was getting so angry but what he said sounded good still there was something he d not yet understood some children are wounded and locked up inside of a past they have buried and work hard to deny i sped home in turmoil my guts starting to writhe trying to outrun the fears deep inside but the memories surfaced as i let the words come describing on paper the things that were done and the feelings thawed that were frozen in time as i began to accept the child s story was mine to begin at the first poem click here posted by fromthechild filed in child sexual abuse recovery tagged child abuse clergy sexual abuse recovery leave a comment 35 one of his loved little girls january 19 2009 daddy i don t understand how this could be part of god s plan you look at me like i m not there and act like you don t even care you never left home while i grew but your love i never quite knew you weren t even part of my life except when your words cut like a knife then when you called me a whore i never knew what that was for but daddy i m starting to see daddy you helped do this to me you were wrong when you said god couldn t love me he loves and accepts me it s true he knows about all that has happened and daddy he even loves you i know you were hurt as a young man that s part of why you hurt me too daddy i don t really hate you but i m wounded i carry scars too god knows about daddys and daughters he knows about all of the pain with a heart of tender compassion he longs to free us from the shame but daddy you have to admit it that you need help and that you were wrong then he can mercifully help you to turn your sorrow into a song god gave me people to show me how daddy s should love little girls i am so glad that i know now i m not bad i m his loved little girl posted by fromthechild filed in child abuse child sexual abuse clergy sexual abuse domestic violence emotional abuse rape recovery sexual abuse tagged child abuse child sexual abuse clergy sexual abuse domestic violence emotional abuse recovery sexual abuse leave a comment 34 i survived january 19 2009 they said there was no hope for me they said i d surely lose they said god couldn t forgive me that destruction was all i could choose they said i got what i asked for i deserved everything that came they said they were better than i was and that it would never change they said that i was stupid and fat nobody would ever care they said no one would believe me if my pain i tried to share they said i was the family disgrace like the aunt they couldn t stand they told me they wished i had never been born forgetting life comes from god s hands guess kids are tough and hard to destroy no matter how hard you try whatever they did god gave me the grace i m here to rejoice i survived posted by fromthechild filed in child abuse child sexual abuse clergy sexual abuse domestic violence emotional abuse rape recovery sexual abuse tagged child abuse child sexual abuse clergy sexual abuse domestic violence emotional abuse rape recovery sexual abuse spiritual abuse leave a comment 33 it was that bad january 19 2009 denial what a wonderful way to make it through another day take a drink to numb the pain that s not really there it s all hard to explain pop a pill not for a thrill but just to survive if you must act alive the way out is through so what do i do i m hurt i m afraid i don t know what to say am i too bad for god to redeem there s my failure before i m not what i seem the pain won t go away the guilt seems here to stay too scared to live too tired to die got no more tears left to cry denial worked now it s gone i hurt i m alone not sure how to go on where do i belong been to hell know it well don t have a soul left to sell so i open my heart it s a start rescue me god or again as before i am gone i come to you as i am will you also turn me away posted by fromthechild filed in child abuse child sexual abuse clergy sexual abuse domestic violence emotional abuse rape recovery sexual abuse tagged child abuse child sexual abuse clergy sexual abuse domestic violence emotional abuse rape recovery sexual abuse spiritual abuse leave a comment 32 where did i go january 19 2009 the missing years the empty fears the empty space hiding my disgrace even from myself i m still afraid that s nothing new fear s my old friend it got me through i fractured like a pot of clay when i let the perverts have their way i sold my soul to a twisted man then fractured again all i understand i didn t have the tools to be whatever it took to be safe or free i became a reflection of anyone near trying to hide the hurt and the fear god were you there did you care do you share the hurt and fear can i be healed do i matter at all will i ever be able to feel help me if you re there i can t do this alone i have nowhere to go i won t let anybody care will you posted by fromthechild filed in child abuse child sexual abuse clergy sexual abuse domestic violence emotional abuse rape recovery sexual abuse spiritual abuse tagged child abuse child sexual abuse clergy sexual abuse domestic violence emotional abuse rape recovery sexual abuse spiritual abuse leave a comment 31 sunday morning saint january 19 2009 to all the good christian abusers in my life he s a sunday morning saint looks so good but really ain t as he gathers his children round drags them off to holy ground daddy loves to scream and shout and dump his fury out to control those who are near with some rage some threats some fear their daddy loves to sing and proclaim christ is his king yep he s worshipping the lord while his kids wonder what for see their daddy is a righteous man he just has some secrets planned he s got all this love to share with the children in his care guess their daddy doesn t know they may pay with tender souls the love he thinks is free could cost some eternally bitter tears uncried can fester deep inside they may pay for daddy s sin laying down their lives for him this sunday morning saint who pretends to be what he ain t creates a living hell for the kids who know him too well posted by fromthechild filed in clergy sexual abuse emotional abuse tagged child abuse child sexual abuse clergy sexual abuse domestic violence emotional abuse rape spiritual abuse leave a comment 30 from a nice family january 19 2009 spend the night at your house i d love to sure sounds like fun didn t know what was in store how funny i thought could she want to be friends i didn t realize she liked women not just men i was naive and stupid i didn t have a clue what this nice respectable girl planned to do here wear this negligee it looks good on you you can sleep in my bed i ve got room for you why is she touching me this is getting real weird kiss me she says god it s worse than i feared but who would believe me or who d even care i came from the gutter she came from up there if something bad happened the cause had to be me it couldn t be her from that nice family if i called my parents to come rescue me they d be too embarrassed sure the problem was me they d already taught me i was dirty and bad so i couldn t expect help from my mother or dad i kept begging and begging her please won t you quit i don t like what you re doing it makes me feel sick when she went to sleep i wanted to go home but midnight is too late to walk ten miles alone the next day i left there as soon as i could and tried to forget i could never be good at church i pretended she was what she seemed and tried not to vomit or make a bad scene years later i found out her brother raped her for years but it didn t stop my nightmares or dry all the tears the moral of the story is who gives a damn when you come from the side of the tracks that i m from if bad things happen to come your way it s because you asked for it that s what they all say posted by fromthechild filed in child sexual abuse rape sexual abuse leave a comment 29 her fault january 19 2009 it was her fault that s what they say when the grown up man makes the little girl pay the whore she asked for it why don t they know she pays a price she pays with her soul is he just an animal with no control this adult male who makes pleasure his goal or does he just choose to have his own way not caring that inside she dies each day it s her fault they tell her one mustn t seduce these hormone filled males they can t pass up youth kill em god make them pay with their saintly souls like she does each day give them some pain they can never forget like the guilt and the shame that haunt her yet wake them up in the dark of the night wanting to vomit because of the fright let the righteous old ladies pay pay pay pay for the damning ignorant things that they say posted by fromthechild filed in child sexual abuse clergy sexual abuse emotional abuse rape spiritual abuse tagged child abuse child sexual abuse clergy sexual abuse emotional abuse spiritual abuse leave a comment 28 the old ladies say january 19 2009 you have wonderful parents the old ladies say and i smile and say thank you in my most gracious way if only they knew what goes on at home they d never believe there s a god on his throne they do so much for others the old ladies say i ve known them for years you don t know them today hey little old lady i ve got news for you you ve got no idea what my parents can do the yelling the cussing the violence and fear our house don t sound like heaven let me make that point clear but i smile and say thank you while i hate their sweet guts for saying i m so lucky to be raised by these nuts posted by fromthechild filed in domestic violence emotional abuse spiritual abuse tagged domestic violence emotional abuse spiritual abuse leave a comment 27 if we ever tried to tell january 19 2009 he said we d go to hell if we ever tried to tell that we were the ones to blame since we played his little game but when she told it all assuming he would fall none of us girls knew what they were going to put her through they said she was a whore that she got what she asked for we listened to her plight then shook with rage and fright we d done the best we could but it hadn t done any good they let this snake go free and judged girls like her and me we watched them tell her that god would forgive her if she confessed how bad she d been we watched them tell her to keep her mouth shut and not speak against this good man we watched him laugh and snicker with glee then go out and do it again we were punished we live with the shame while he got away with it all some got diseases some just got crazy some died with no help to call still there are those who have a desire to believe this is not how things were they want to pretend it all would have been fine if it wasn t for people like her i learned from observing how all this went down that there is no help in the church the truth brought you bondage it didn t set you free in fact it made everything worse so don t trust the pharisees they cover their ears and don t ever believe what you say if you look to them you ll be dying alone that s just the reasonable way posted by fromthechild filed in child abuse child sexual abuse clergy sexual abuse emotional abuse rape tagged child sexual abuse clergy sexual abuse rape spiritual abuse leave a comment 26 i know what he was january 19 2009 my heart racing in fear facing the threats that he made still afraid can t comprehend thought that he was my friend the price of this friendship control my soul he got what he wanted no price was too high he d been taking it all for so long i wasn t the first i sure wasn t the worst so glad i know now what he was but i was a fool an unfortunate tool a way he could get what he sought i made him a trade does that make me a whore gave him my self respect for his time i thought that he cared just wasn t aware of the cost i m shattered not flattered but i wasn t bad i just needed a dad wanted someone to care a person to value my life someone to say i m with you today i ll be there for you trust me i care but he lied took what he wanted then cast me aside arrogant man of pride so much to hide all still denied betrayal pain the xxxxx wins again but not now i know how to be safe guard my space it s ok i m not afraid a price i paid for my soul to take back control i won t give it away i choose today to live posted by fromthechild filed in child sexual abuse clergy sexual abuse emotional abuse recovery tagged clergy sexual abuse emotional abuse recovery leave a comment previous entries pages what s this about what does it mean what now why say anything recent posts 35 one of his loved little girls 34 i survived 33 it was that bad 32 where did i go 31 sunday morning saint 30 from a nice family 29 her fault 28 the old ladies say 27 if we ever tried to tell 26 i know what he was 25 child of mind 24 love is 23 thanks teach 22 all a bad dream 21 that much of a fool categories child abuse child sexual abuse clergy sexual abuse domestic violence emotional abuse rape recovery sexual abuse spiritual abuse uncategorized recent comments fromthechild on 7 hold me kathryn on 7 hold me create a free website or blog at wordpress com fromthechild s blog create a free website or blog at wordpress com subscribe subscribed fromthechild s blog sign me up already have a wordpress com account log in now privacy fromthechild s blog subscribe subscribed sign up log in report this content view site in reader manage subscriptions collapse this bar loading comments write a comment email required name required website design a site like this with wordpress com get started