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Text of the page (random words):
opoly than the u s treasury men can read smaller print than women can women can hear better coca cola was originally green it is impossible to lick your elbow the state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work alaska the percentage of africa that is wilderness 28 now get this the percentage of north america that is wilderness 38 the cost of raising a medium size dog to the age of eleven 16 400 the average number of people airborne over the u s in any given hour 61 000 intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair the first novel ever written on a typewriter tom sawyer the san francisco cable cars are the only mobile national monuments each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history spades king david hearts charlemagne clubs alexander the great diamonds julius caesar 111 111 111 x 111 111 111 12 345 678 987 654 321 at 3 29 am 15 comments funnpics riddle tuesday july 28 2009 installing a husband installing a husband dear tech support last year i upgraded from boyfriend 5 0 to husband 1 0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance particularly in the flower and jewelry applications which operated flawlessly under boyfriend 5 0 in addition husband 1 0 uninstalled many other valuable programs such as romance 9 5 and personal attention 6 5 and then installed undesirable programs such as nba 5 0 nfl 3 0 and golf clubs 4 1 also conversation 8 0 no longer runs and housecleaning 2 6 simply crashes the system please note that i have tried running nagging 5 3 to fix these problems but to no avail what can i do signed desperate dear desperate first keep in mind boyfriend 5 0 is an entertainment package while husband 1 0 is an operating system please enter command ithoughtyoulovedme html and try to download tears 6 2 and do not forget to install the guilt 3 0 update if that application works as designed husband 1 0 should then automatically run the applications jewelry 2 0 and flowers 3 5 however remember overuse of the above application can cause husband 1 0 to default to grumpy silence 2 5 happy hour 7 0 or beer 6 1 please note that beer 6 1 is a very bad program that will download the farting and snoring loudly beta whatever you do do not under any circumstances install mother in law 1 0 it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources in addition please do not attempt to reinstall the boyfriend 5 0 program these are unsupported applications and will crash husband 1 0 in summary husband 1 0 is a great program but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly you might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance we recommend cooking 3 0 and hot lingerie 7 7 good luck tech support at 9 35 pm 1 comments funnpics accountant jokes funny jokes husband wife jokes friday december 5 2008 funny creatives part iv at 3 57 am 1 comments funnpics funny creatives photoshop tricks prostitute parrots a lady approaches her priest and tells him father i have a problem i have two female talking parrots but they only know how to say one thing what do they say the priest inquired they only know how to say hi we re prostitutes want to have some fun that s terrible the priest exclaimed but i have a solution to your problem bring your two female parrots over to my house and i will put them with my two male talking parrots i have taught them to pray and read the bible my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will also learn to praise and worship thank you the woman responded the next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest s house his two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage the lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots immediately the female parrots say hi we re prostitutes want to have some fun one male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims put the beads away jack our prayers have been answered at 3 53 am 0 comments funnpics animal jokes why girls dont love software guys at 3 52 am 0 comments funnpics funny cartoons proxy shooting the smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family on the day the proxy father was to arrive mr smith kissed his wife good bye and said well i m off now the man should be here soon half an hour later just by chance a door to door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell hoping to make a sale good morning ma am he said i have come to oh no need to explain mrs smith cut in embarrassed i ve been expecting you have you really said the photographer well that s good did you know babies are my specialty well that s what my husband and i had hoped please come in and have a seat after a moment she asked blushing well where do we start leave everything to me i usually try two in the bathtub one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed and sometimes the living room floor is fun you can really spread out there bathtub living room floor no wonder it didn t work out for harry and me well ma am none of us can guarantee a good one every time but if we try several different positions and i shoot from six or seven angles i m sure you ll be pleased with the results my that s a lot gasped mrs smith ma am in my line of work a man has to take his time i d love to be in and out in five minutes but i m sure you d be disappointed with that don t i know it said mrs smith quietly the photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures this was done on the top of a bus he said oh my word mrs smith exclaimed grasping at her throat and these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with she was difficult asked mrs smith yes i m afraid so i finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right people were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look four and five deep said mrs smith her eyes wide with amazement yes the photographer replied and for more than three hours too the mother was constantly squealing and yelling i could hardly concentrate and when darkness approached i had to rush my shots finally when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment i just had to pack it all in mrs smith leaned forward do you mean they actually chewed on your uh equipment it s true ma am yes well if you re ready i ll setup my tripod and we can get to work right away tripod oh yes ma am i need to use a tripod to rest my canon camera on it s much too big to be held in the hand very long at 3 51 am 0 comments funnpics crazy jokes disney princesses at 3 48 am 0 comments funnpics creative cartoons walt disney images country doctors a young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring the older gent suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor at the first house a woman complained i ve been a little sickto my stomach the older doctor said well you ve probably been overdoing the fresh fruit why not cut back on the amount you ve been eating and see if that does the trick as they left the younger man said you didn t even examine that woman how d you come to your diagnosis so quickly i didn t have to you noticed i dropped my stethoscope on thefloor in there when i bent over to pick it up i noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash that was what was probably making her sick huh the younger doctor said pretty clever i think i ll try that at the next house arriving at the next house they spent several minutes talking with an elderly woman she complained that she just didn t have the energy she once did i m feeling terribly run down lately you ve probably been doing too much work for the church the younger doctor told her perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps as they left the elder doc said your diagnosis is almost certainly correct but how did you arrive at it well just like you at the last house i dropped my stethoscope when i bent down to retrieve it i noticed the preacher under the bed at 3 47 am 0 comments funnpics doctor jokes the plumber on run a man knocked the door of house the lady opened the door the man said i am the here on the run to fix your leaky pipe the lady said we don t have any leaky pipe here the plumber on run says my note reads your house called for a plumbing emergency address looks exact aren t you mrs mathur the lady says no mathurs moved away about a year back from this house we are sharmas the plumber grimaces what kind of people are they calls for an emergency repair and then move away at 3 23 am 0 comments funnpics funny humor very old lover at 3 21 am 0 comments funnpics crazy cartoons wasted suicide a blonde socially ridiculed decided to hang herself from a tree in the park and commit suicide a little bit later an old lady walked around noticed her hanging from the rope and swinging she asked her what she was doing and if she needed any help the blonde firmly replied i am committing suicide by hanging the old lady says you are doing it wrong sweetie put the noose around your neck not the waist the blonde responses ya giving me trouble again i tried that but i could not breathe at 3 20 am 0 comments funnpics blonde jokes deal under the table a romantic young married couple exploring new ways of romance intimacy love pleasure joy touch smell positions and styles of kamasutra venue adventure were sitting at a candle light table in a splendid restaurant in the quietest corner of their choice they ordered expensive wine and hors d oeuvres suddenly the man started slipping on his chair the waitress noticed it from a distance with her other responsibilities but thought man would handle himself and straighten out however the man slowly started sliding under the table further until he disappeared the wife was quite unconcerned inattentive to her husband and kept on drinking and eating expansively the waitress had to react and help she came to the woman and said ma am your husband may have lost his balance and slipped under the table the lady replied with a whoop of pleasure perhaps but don t worry he is enjoying the deal under the table at 3 05 am 0 comments funnpics husband wife jokes thursday december 4 2008 idiot test questions 1 do they have a 4th of july in england 2 how many birthdays does the average man have 3 some months have 31 days how many have 28 4 a woman gives a beggar 50 cents the woman is the beggar s sister but the beggar is not the woman s brother how come 5 why can t a man living in the usa be buried in canada 6 how many outs are there in an inning 7 is it legal for a man in california to marry his widow s sister why 8 two men play five games of checkers each man wins the same number of games there are no ties explain this 9 divide 30 by 1 2 and add 10 what is the answer 10 a man builds a house rectangular in shape all sides have southern exposure a big bear walks by what color is the bear why 11 if there are 3 apples and you take away 2 how many do you have 12 i have two us coins totaling 55 cents one is not a nickel what are the coins 13 if you have only one match and you walked into a room where there was an oil burner a kerosene lamp and a wood burning stove which one would you light first 14 how far can a dog run into the woods 15 a doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour how long would the pills last 16 a farmer has 17 sheep and all but 9 die how many are left 17 how many animals of each sex did moses take on the ark 18 a clerk in the butcher shop is 5 10 tall what does he weigh 19 how many two cent stamps are there in a dozen 20 what was the president s name in 1950 want the answers scroll down answers 1 yes they also have a 3rd of july a 2nd of july etc 2 one a year 3 all months have at least 28 days 4 the beggar is the woman s sister 5 because he is living 6 6 3 per side 7 no the man would be dead 8 they are not playing each other 9 70 30 divided by 5 is 60 10 white the bear would be a polar bear because the house must be at the north pole 11 2 you just took 2 apples 12 a fifty cent piece and a nickel one is not a nickel but the other one is 13 light the match first 14 half way then he would be running out 15 one hour the first one a half hour later and another one more half hour 16 9 all but 9 die 17 none moses was not on the ark 18 he weighs meat 19 12 20 bill clinton at 1 10 am 0 comments funnpics funny trivia amul taste of india at 12 57 am 0 comments funnpics amul creative creative ads umbrella thief a man gave all of his seven umbrellas for repair at one time and told the shopkeeper he would pick it up in the evening while back from work on the way to work in bus out of habit he grabbed the umbrella of the woman sitting next to him got up and started walking the woman started yelled umbrella thief umbrella thief the embarrassed guy returned the umbrella and apologized before getting abused and beaten up by other woman loving passengers in the evening he picked up all his umbrellas repaired put them under his arms and started walking towards home unfortunately the morning lady returning from work bumped into him the lady commented seems you had a profitable day at work today at 12 53 am 0 comments funnpics funny humour funny creatives part iii at 12 33 am 0 comments funnpics funny creatives wednesday december 3 2008 riddles if you have it you want to share it if you share it you don t have it what is it a secret the more you have of it the less you see what is it darkness what book was once owned by only the wealthy but now everyone can have it you can t buy it in a bookstore or take it from a library a telephone book what gets whiter the dirtier that it gets a chalkboard what happened in the middle of the twentieth century that will not happen again for 4 000 years the year 1961 can be read upside down and that won t happen again until 6009 what has no beginning end or middle a doughnut what has to be broken before it can be used an egg what does no man want yet no man wants to lose work employment how many bricks does it take to complete a building made of brick only one the last one what is everything to someone and nothing to everyone else your mind big as a biscuit deep as a cup even a river can t fill it up what is it a kitchen strainer what goes up and never comes down your age what s the greatest worldwide use of cowhide to cover cows what s long and thin covered in skin red in parts and put in tarts rhubarb what has feet and legs and nothing else stockings what is the moon worth 1 because it has 4 quarters what grows when it eats but dies when it drinks a candle what stays where it is when it goes off an alarm clock you heard me before yet you hear me again then i die til you call me again what am i an echo at 11 54 pm 0 comments funnpics riddle why is sex like riding a bike 1 you have to keep pumping if you want ...