Meta tags:

Headings (most frequently used words):

the, to, my, of, me, new, for, email, this, protected, blog, password, home, feel, free, post, you, world, know, it, not, ready, share, with, future, fords, case, mother, days, isn, place, anymore, ve, patched, together, bare, bones, anonymous, different, corner, internet, makemy, unless, are, legally, married, which, contains, link, thanks, and, hope, see, there, miss, yet, 2013, year, possibility, happy, holidays, end, as, we, best, friends, forever, is, because, am, people, that, in, real, life, who, might, be, reading, mean, no, offense, just, simply, these, words, please, check, contact, page, address, search, subscription, archives,

Text of the page (most frequently used words):
the (167), that (133), and (124), this (62), for (57), have (48), but (43), you (41), what (34), will (31), not (29), know (28), are (28), can (28), all (26), one (25), was (23), from (22), just (21), there (21), with (20), about (20), would (20), myself (20), year (19), love (18), don (18), been (18), get (18), comments (17), day (17), time (17), like (17), life (16), back (16), blog (15), 2012 (15), much (15), out (15), now (14), new (14), even (14), every (14), when (14), then (14), feel (13), where (13), had (13), here (13), him (13), your (12), #because (12), friends (12), they (12), more (12), things (12), only (12), want (12), has (12), than (11), other (10), 2011 (10), categories (10), password (10), these (10), how (10), our (10), happy (10), husband (10), own (9), email (9), future (9), really (9), could (9), never (9), any (9), still (9), free (8), uncategorized (8), loss (8), place (8), lost (8), home (8), surprise (8), find (8), also (8), fords (7), post (7), world (7), days (7), say (7), everything (7), sure (7), house (7), did (7), got (7), pregnancy (7), going (7), right (7), years (7), over (7), today (7), way (7), again (7), baby (7), once (7), write (6), may (6), 2013 (6), people (6), who (6), mean (6), ask (6), tonight (6), ladies (6), many (6), didn (6), two (6), until (6), friend (6), see (6), hate (6), make (6), however (6), fact (6), pregnant (6), his (6), made (6), hope (6), well (6), marriage (6), always (6), first (6), getting (6), yet (6), start (5), website (5), wordpress (5), com (5), 2010 (5), december (5), protected (5), please (5), dec (5), share (5), simply (5), best (5), needed (5), need (5), their (5), heart (5), them (5), different (5), ever (5), exactly (5), after (5), end (5), should (5), forget (5), trying (5), while (5), tell (5), thing (5), answer (5), jenn (5), doesn (5), week (5), box (5), better (5), details (5), past (5), sadness (5), open (5), together (5), alone (5), last (5), least (5), hell (5), doing (5), since (5), mother (5), give (5), create (4), bar (4), sign (4), november (4), tough (4), ready (4), words (4), some (4), single (4), word (4), whole (4), another (4), wanted (4), wine (4), headed (4), came (4), next (4), look (4), left (4), idea (4), mind (4), long (4), being (4), anticipating (4), told (4), she (4), her (4), come (4), imagine (4), money (4), actually (4), down (4), went (4), great (4), into (4), tomorrow (4), christmas (4), reason (4), think (4), feelings (4), instead (4), knows (4), split (4), pretty (4), show (4), side (4), seems (4), mine (4), longer (4), anymore (4), thankful (4), same (4), name (3), content (3), view (3), april (3), october (3), january (3), february (3), address (3), enter (3), stuff (3), might (3), bad (3), good (3), took (3), brooke (3), across (3), haven (3), hour (3), tears (3), started (3), thought (3), sweet (3), desperately (3), suppose (3), arrived (3), around (3), wait (3), plan (3), few (3), super (3), take (3), previous (3), access (3), anything (3), each (3), already (3), date (3), woman (3), couldn (3), those (3), internet (3), work (3), small (3), point (3), deserve (3), sad (3), anger (3), memory (3), move (3), holidays (3), difficult (3), feeling (3), maybe (3), ornament (3), eve (3), bed (3), sitting (3), separation (3), moving (3), does (3), writing (3), entire (3), infertility (3), were (3), used (3), possibility (3), lie (3), put (3), sometimes (3), taking (3), lot (3), old (3), having (3), dragging (3), college (3), school (3), most (3), contains (3), losses (3), worse (3), wood (3), jan (3), wake (3), knowing (3), feels (3), felt (3), buried (3), backyard (3), required (2), comment (2), collapse (2), log (2), manage (2), account (2), join (2), march (2), june (2), august (2), september (2), 2014 (2), archives (2), below (2), real (2), contact (2), saw (2), girl (2), girls (2), exist (2), sense (2), wouldn (2), ways (2), combined (2), ate (2), drank (2), before (2), drive (2), surprises (2), street (2), along (2), drink (2), destination (2), salon (2), ahead (2), talked (2), gel (2), try (2), seriously (2), massage (2), allowed (2), spa (2), staff (2), surprised (2), birthday (2), looked (2), probably (2), boy (2), finally (2), kate (2), car (2), card (2), explains (2), why (2), must (2), coming (2), found (2), something (2), weeks (2), questions (2), forever (2), deal (2), hear (2), between (2), damn (2), ttc (2), struggling (2), leave (2), question (2), hold (2), known (2), play (2), save (2), bring (2), plus (2), whatever (2), quite (2), trust (2), basically (2), job (2), support (2), absence (2), health (2), everyone (2), person (2), award (2), big (2), cover (2), company (2), protect (2), promotion (2), ending (2), talking (2), continue (2), regardless (2), sincerely (2), smile (2), embrace (2), strong (2), through (2), refuse (2), harbor (2), fall (2), stop (2), angry (2), begin (2), impossible (2), which (2), buy (2), celebrate (2), separated (2), very (2), updates (2), torturing (2), miss (2), lifetime (2), movie (2), read (2), book (2), perfect (2), enough (2), dating (2), currently (2), legally (2), close (2), spent (2), perspective (2), such (2), hard (2), away (2), decision (2), order (2), offer (2), fast (2), roommate (2), looking (2), travel (2), complicated (2), aren (2), family (2), animosity (2), isn (2), hurt (2), talk (2), let (2), stand (2), risk (2), making (2), full (2), kind (2), married (2), hand (2), help (2), child (2), wants (2), totally (2), graduated (2), working (2), state (2), literature (2), degree (2), man (2), wrong (2), eagerly (2), months (2), human (2), comes (2), cycle (2), saying (2), terrible (2), part (2), nothing (2), anonymous (2), corner (2), cobwebs (2), off (2), caught (2), period (2), forgive (2), fit (2), ford (2), bare (2), despite (2), seen (2), broken (2), body (2), means (2), tried (2), type (2), guess (2), children (2), god (2), too (2), flowers (2), times (2), loneliness (2), shower (2), loading, report, subscriptions, site, reader, privacy, subscribers, subscribed, subscribe, july, 2019, select, month, follow, receive, notifications, posts, subscription, older, entries, reading, offense, check, page, met, normally, emotionally, driven, heartfelt, explanation, express, adequate, capture, complete, restaurant, downtown, salad, pizza, dinner, hot, chocolate, spiked, smores, vodka, walked, meet, greeted, additional, jackie, redhead, glasses, kasey, blond, nail, arranged, pedicure, chairs, row, sat, middle, laughed, pampered, except, pedicures, manicures, manicure, definitely, neither, bottles, fun, wee, bit, tipsier, realize, practically, table, crippling, stressful, moment, crying, assumed, resounding, round, birthdays, assistance, blurted, unsuccessfully, faces, luckily, level, informed, stress, upset, 8th, sil, pink, white, stripes, picked, 1pm, drove, turned, chipped, waited, said, act, patience, wise, awaiting, ago, red, head, wearing, blue, texted, keep, schedule, hers, wasn, sounded, fair, ignore, swear, shirt, cute, break, shitstorm, shared, yesterday, bright, shiny, spots, includes, lurkers, hiding, request, journey, jamboree, harmonica, existed, dibs, patent, notch, effing, beta, elliptical, certainly, waste, gave, confidence, boost, provided, distraction, handle, special, deliveries, goodies, smiling, generosity, amazing, privileged, call, lisa, kathryn, allow, won, offered, salary, increase, benefits, boss, office, voted, favorite, confirmation, awesome, black, figured, creepy, weirdos, raise, bonus, sneaking, suspicion, australia, far, piece, ancient, prediction, high, laughing, promises, merry, okay, choosing, guilt, eyes, predicament, excuses, distant, bitter, giving, permission, apologize, infertiles, learning, describe, option, live, current, circumstances, possible, opening, present, tradition, somehow, captures, happened, both, uterus, empty, childless, babycenter, unsubscribe, utterly, cruel, subject, weekly, reminders, rights, resolution, memoir, ish, oddly, shit, happen, fill, focus, choices, led, hoping, finish, add, decided, censor, protection, amicable, stay, gone, against, couple, ours, relationship, discussing, applied, thinking, process, procrastinator, walking, comforts, bringing, boxes, encouraging, staying, brother, teeny, tiny, apartment, spends, assume, toward, short, hug, hit, beyond, frustrated, someone, easy, motivations, himself, change, aware, completely, towards, frustration, patient, steps, resigned, several, huge, factor, wonder, selfish, yes, logical, glad, mess, involved, grateful, kids, boring, students, younger, commuted, campus, solar, wear, hats, mostly, responsible, helping, clients, grants, tax, credits, federal, local, governments, recent, involves, financing, aspect, english, worthless, loved, studying, promised, passes, accept, exact, opposite, losing, growth, gaining, giggling, keeping, endless, possibilities, reflecting, lies, use, foot, senses, recurring, theme, profound, recover, changed, fundamentally, vantage, allows, face, set, natural, gentleman, history, watch, flames, sentiment, everywhere, riddance, suckage, promise, holds, fool, deny, probability, happening, standing, possibly, ended, knock, adventure, dessert, baking, picture, clothes, crazy, traveler, pushing, pause, takes, underdeveloped, parts, chance, shine, suspending, freely, without, fear, judgement, husbands, nosy, neighbors, busy, divulging, secrets, sit, collect, reproductive, organs, pick, dust, bliss, motherhood, catch, regale, stories, breakfast, pale, comparison, drama, non, procreating, women, unpleasant, friendships, forged, guys, intimate, care, tales, woe, misfortune, fertility, challenged, total, space, rather, seem, obviously, title, itself, defines, chances, walk, earth, yours, truly, turn, encompasses, its, patched, bones, makemy, unless, link, thanks, xoxo, lets, makes, form, keeps, gets, contrary, willing, dark, trenches, thanksgiving, finding, morning, asleep, likely, divorce, imminent, ectopic, subsequent, termination, keyboard, foreign, laptop, conveyance, thoughts, keys, clunky, spaced, awkwardly, deleting, typing, shy, written, lingering, dusty, halls, longing, nov, http, www, awomanlikethat, rip, almost, brief, intense, clearly, believe, devil, meant, depressed, sounds, fucking, dramatic, monday, 364, lay, sorry, fitting, punishment, pretend, absolutely, asked, advice, extend, kindness, night, soak, pillow, terminated, easier, expect, picturing, dead, midnight, sonograms, sperm, vial, concrete, remember, filled, wife, purchased, dream, mark, death, regret, suffer, send, due, remembered, explain, facebook, message, thank, reminds, marches, scars, hearts, memories, path, clear, founded, upon, given, achieve, goal, mental, pinpointed, larger, low, simple, hormone, surges, deficits, mere, impending, course, painstakingly, obvious, hopelessness, negative, self, drinking, isolating, judging, envy, list, staring, blinking, cursor, heavy, explaining, wish, overwhelms, sleeping, noon, phoning, four, honestly, energy, desire, laundry, sheets, starting, smell, mortified, anyone, fuck, greater, prone, types, moods, damned, under, covers, victory, drawn, safe, included, comforted, knowledge, shares, shake, case, rss, acronyms, search,

Text of the page (random words):
e for breakfast i could even share the details of my dating life but all that seems to pale in comparison to drama was my life ttc hell i don t even know when my last period started because single non procreating women like me have no need for such unpleasant details maybe i will start a new blog an anonymous blog a place where i can write freely about my life without fear of judgement from ex husbands would be friends or nosy neighbors and while i am busy divulging my secrets in that new corner of the internet i will let this place sit and collect cobwebs much like my reproductive organs will be doing then one day i can pick it back up dust it off and find you all right where i left you only you ll all be caught in the bliss of motherhood while i once again play catch up i suppose there are worse things than suspending time i imagine myself pushing pause not only here on my blog but also on the part of me that wants nothing more than to be a mother and for the next 6 months 1 year 5 years however long it takes the other underdeveloped parts of me will get a chance to shine world traveler jenn boy crazy jenn best friend jenn dessert baking picture taking clothes making risk taking jenn will you join me on my new adventure comments 32 comments categories uncategorized 2013 the year of possibility 5 jan well ladies and at least one gentleman 2013 has arrived at last never in the history of me have i wanted a year to be over more than i wanted to watch 2012 go down in flames i don t think i am alone in this sentiment everywhere i look it seems people are saying good riddance to the suckage that was 2012 and eagerly anticipating the promise that 2013 holds i would be a fool to deny the probability of terrible things happening in this new year but from where i am standing it couldn t possibly be worse that the year that just ended wood wood must find wood to knock on i lost the use of my foot for a few months i lost my baby i lost my husband i hope i m not the only one that senses the recurring theme loss 2012 was a year of profound losses losses that i will never totally recover from losses that have changed who i am fundamentally as a woman as a human and yet this vantage point where i currently stand allows me to see that in great loss comes great perspective in the face of loss one only has to wait for hope to set in it s a natural cycle that each and every one of us knows by heart tonight i find myself reflecting on the past year but eagerly anticipating the year that lies ahead and the possibility that it contains i may have lost but i am not lost in fact as each day passes i accept the idea that this year will the exact opposite of losing this year will be about growth gaining and giggling and i am keeping my heart open to all the endless possibilities that lie before me 2013 is going to be a good year it simply has to be now to answer your questions from a previous post as promised so what is your new job are you doing what you went to school for and tell us about college please since february i have been working for a solar company it s a pretty small place so we all wear a lot of different hats mostly i am responsible for helping my clients with getting their grants and tax credits from the federal state and local governments my recent promotion involves doing the entire financing aspect it is not even close to what i went to school for i have an english literature degree also knows as the most worthless degree known to man don t get me wrong i loved studying literature in college it just didn t really help me once i graduated college was pretty boring for me i didn t go until i was about 23 so all the other students were younger than me and all my friends had already graduated i commuted to school so i basically went to campus did what i had to do and got the hell out of there now that you and your husband are split are you at all grateful that kids didn t work out for you two i am totally split on this question on one hand i am so glad that we aren t dragging a child into this mess it would only make things so much more complicated for everyone involved on the other hand since i know that infertility was a huge factor in our split i can t help but wonder if we had a child if things would be different for us then there is the whole i m getting old thing would having a baby on my own and through a separation be better than having no baby at all the selfish side of me wants to say yes but the logical side of me knows the right answer how are your feelings towards your husband are you full of animosity and frustration b c you have come across so strong and patient and kind if it were me i feel like i would want to hurt him when is he moving out and what are his next steps has he resigned yet and where does he plan on getting all this money to travel the world in the past several years you have been married has he ever talked about the open marriage thing or now looking back can you see where this all started ok that s a lot to cover i ll see if i can manage my feelings toward my husband are complicated that s the short answer we still get along pretty well as long as we aren t talking about us or our future he is still one of my best friends i love him for who he is but i hate him for what he is doing to our family i want to hug him to show him my love but i also want to hit him to show him my anger i am beyond frustrated but i can t say that i harbor any animosity when you know someone as well as i know him then it s easy to see where their motivations lie and i know that he isn t doing this to hurt me but just like i had to put myself first sometimes in the past now he has to put himself first i can t talk him out of this and i can t change his mind all i can do is let him know where i stand make him aware of the risk he is taking by making this decision at least this is how i feel today if you ask me tomorrow then you might get a completely different answer he is in the process of moving out he has always been such a procrastinator and i can imagine that it s hard walking away from the comforts of your home but this is the decision that he has made and in order to offer my support i am bringing home boxes from work and encouraging him to get the hell out just as fast as he can he ll be staying with his brother until i can find a roommate to share our house with me once i have a roommate then he will be looking for his own teeny tiny apartment we split the money up in a way that made sense for us and once we are separated i have no say in how he spends his money i assume he will just save as much as he can as fast as he can in order to travel the world open marriage has come up in the past but never as a possibility for us a couple that is close friends of ours have an open relationship and we have spent much time discussing that idea but not in a way that applied to our own marriage at least not from my perspective who knows what he was thinking i would like to hear more about this date i ve decided to not write about my dating life on my blog i really hate to censor myself in that way but i feel i need to for my own protection things are quite amicable between my husband and i currently i would really like for it to stay that way if we do end up getting back together then i don t want him to have access to everything i did while he was gone and if we don t get back together then i don t want my words being used against me i have to protect myself legally you know but if you really want to know email me for the details now back to my 2013 resolution i m writing a book i have always wanted to do it and i think now is the perfect time i suppose it s going to be memoir ish oddly enough i ve had enough shit happen to me in my 29 years to actually fill an entire book however the focus is going to be my infertility and collapse of my marriage all the choices i made and that were made for me that led me to this point i m hoping that by the time i finish i will have a happy ending to add and then lifetime can buy the movie rights because if the last year of my life doesn t read like a lifetime movie of the week then i don t know what does happy new year ladies love love love comments 26 comments categories loss moving on up separation tough stuff happy holidays 24 dec it s christmas eve and i miss my baby when i first found out that i was pregnant one of the first things that i did was sign up for pregnancy updates from babycenter i still get those updates every week and for some reason i can t bring myself to unsubscribe today i would be 11 weeks pregnant but instead i m sitting here utterly alone on christmas eve i know that i am only torturing myself i know it s cruel that i continue to subject myself to these weekly reminders of what was and what will never be but i can t stop i can t forget i can t move on today should be a happy day my husband and i should be opening our one present tonight we have a tradition is which we buy an ornament every year that somehow captures something big that happened over the previous year we always open that ornament together on christmas eve this year it would have been an ornament to celebrate my finally being pregnant but instead both my uterus and my bed are empty i am separated childless and feeling so very alone i know that the holidays are a difficult time for us infertiles i m now just learning that the holidays are also a difficult time for us single ladies as well and when the two are combined well the word difficult doesn t even begin to describe what i am feeling impossible maybe but then i don t have the option of impossible tomorrow i have to get up and do it all over again i have to find a way to make it possible to live my life regardless of what my current circumstances are i know that i am strong i know that i deserve to be happy i know that i will get through this but for tonight i am choosing to embrace my sadness because while i know that i deserve to be happy i also know that i deserve to be sad i refuse to harbor any guilt over the fact that tears fall from my eyes every time i stop and think about my predicament i refuse to make excuses for my anger because i damn well should be angry one day i will be happy one day this pregnancy will be but a distant memory one day i will move on from my marriage however today is not that day today i am sad bitter and angry and that is exactly where i want to be i am giving myself permission to not apologize for my feelings merry christmas ladies and i mean that so sincerely i hope you all find a reason to smile and a way to embrace your own sadness because i am here to tell you that it is okay to feel that way love love love comments 14 comments categories loss tough stuff the end of the world as we know it 20 dec i have a sneaking suspicion that the world will not actually be ending tomorrow i mean it s already tomorrow in australia and as far as i know they re still there right laughing promises i m talking to you however my world will continue to end one small piece at a time regardless of any ancient prediction ever made however there have been many a high point in my life this past week and i would like to share those with you i got a promotion a raise a bonus and an award at work this week no the award doesn t actually have a big black heart on it i figured i should cover the name of my company to protect me from creepy internet weirdos and please trust me when i say that it couldn t have come at a better time my husband basically told me that i needed to find a new job that would better allow me to support myself in his absence i won t get into those details because this is a happy post but now i don t have to because they offered me a great salary increase and health benefits plus my boss told me that everyone in the office voted me as their favorite person just more confirmation that i am super awesome i got not one but two special deliveries this week i got a box of goodies from kathryn and a super sweet card from lisa in fact i m still smiling from the generosity of these amazing woman who i am privileged to call friends plus i went out on a date what i know right i certainly didn t waste any time but whatever it gave me a confidence boost that was much needed and even more than that provided me with a great distraction i d like to write more about it but my husband still has access to this blog and i m still not quite sure how i plan to handle that just to bring this post down one notch my effing beta came back at 8 today 8 seriously will this never end i desperately want to get back on the elliptical can you imagine how much money we could all save if this actually existed dibs on the patent like it doesn t already exist so between the fact that not a damn thing is going on in my ttc journey and the fact that my husband still has access to my blog i have really been struggling with things to write about this is where you come in ask me anything anything leave your question in the comments and i will answer each and every one on my next post don t hold back ladies it s an ask jenn free for all jamboree i ve been known to play a mean harmonica this includes all of the many many lurkers that came out of hiding to request my password on the previous post now that i know you are out there i want to hear from you love love love comments 23 comments categories uncategorized best friends forever 14 dec i m going to take a break from the shitstorm that i shared with you yesterday to tell you all about one of the few bright shiny spots in my life right now my friends these girls ignore the fact that i look super pregnant i swear it s just the shirt and it looked cute in real life a few weeks ago my friend brooke the red head wearing blue texted me and told me to keep my whole schedule free on 12 8 because i was hers for the day however she told me it was a surprise and that i was not allowed to ask any questions and that if i wasn t happy with the surprise that i could hate her forever sounded like a fair deal to me now it must be said that i hate surprises it s not so much the act of being surprised that i hate it s anticipating the surprise when i know that it s coming i just don t have the patience to wait to found out what the surprise is i want to know now so a word to the wise if you plan to surprise me with something make sure that i have no idea that a surprise is awaiting me december 8th finally arrived and my friend sil kate in the pink and white stripes picked me up around 1pm and drove me over to brooke s when we arrived we turned around and got right back in kate s car and headed to our surprise destination my sweet friends had chipped in to get me an hour long massage while they all waited across the street at a bar so that the day could be just for me and this card explains exactly why they did this for me i started crying right then and there in the spa the staff thought it was so sweet that my fr...