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gabfrab skip to content gabfrab menu home about archives support my writing my best shit contact me v2k augmented vaginal stiffening hobo signs mac and me dressed in deer meat my youtube slop follow gabfrab on wordpress com social view gabfrab s profile on twitter view gabfrab s profile on instagram view ucwxmxc_nicmyddikt2m34pa s profile on youtube instagram no instagram images were found follow blog via email enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email email address follow join 9 373 other subscribers give me all your money paypal donations stat azi i lost my best bud a year ago today i had twelve incredible years with azi that i ll forever be grateful for he rolled with me on hundreds of hikes and dozens of overnight trips across the pnw on countless walks through the streets and parks of portland my sister adopted azi from the oregon humane society he d been found wandering the streets of l a when she brought him home he was sick and shutdown after a few days he sprung to life turned playful i hadn t met him yet but annoyed my sis by joking i was gonna recreate the scene from beethoven where the evil vet fakes a dog bite the joke was on me as our first day together i babysat him i took him to potty but he got frightened bit my hand then ran out the gate i chased him through the neighborhood but each time i approached he scattered in fright my sister rushed from work and we drove til we spotted him he looked so scared and lost until she called his name said that mommy was here he carried an awful anxiety those first few years and we think he was abused but with time and love he warmed into the chillest dude imaginable he never barked and only got hyped for squirrels that he d chase with a passion then halt in fright when near a turtle smaller than my palm made him whine as did a baby catfish the vet chopped off his balls so perhaps that explains his cowardly lion cosplay over time azi s bugged out anxiety eyes were replaced with what i called his happy face we d be hiking and his mouth would hang open to simulate a smile to emit breath that d melt steel beams with a wagging tail he d peer at me like hey unkie what s next i loved that look loved the warmth of making him happy of watching him sniff the planet or take two minutes to decide if he wanted to pee on an apple tree okay that part was fuggin annoying azi was beyond obsessed with tennis balls played fetch past the point of exhaustion bodies of water frightened him he turned especially scared if he spotted us swimming but he d chase balls into the river then emerge shivering like an addict quarry clenched in wet snout we lived together for ages in pdx then i went off to do the living out of my car thing i traveled the country for years but always circled back to portland even if only for three or four months spending time with my baby azi was always a huge part of that my sis and i developed a whole silly personality for him as a depraved drug addict maga evangelical who secretly dressed in drag he hated his leftist parents we d chat in the voice created for him and insult each other with the meanest and most biting commentary he was such a sweetie that tacking this persona onto him cracked me up on long backpack or kayak trips i d talk to myself as azi for hours as entertainment that prob makes me sound insane but he was hilarious and always on my mind azi started to slow in his final few years we went from sixteen mile hikes to eight to five he still climbed the 293 steps to the top of tabor with power but needed big naps after chased his ball fewer times before petering out went deaf af but that didn t bother him a bit the little dude held my heart and mind at all times but of course i knew he d go one day he got sick last winter where he wouldn t eat or drink and had no energy it went away for weeks but returned the day before he died i took him on his final walk coaxing him to potty we strolled for hours just days before but now he trudged with his snout drooped down he wouldn t pee just stood still i forced him to walk the block not knowing how bad he was he pulled for home til i relented when we got back he crawled to a corner without taking food or water the next morning my sis drug him out from beneath her bed he couldn t stand paws slipping in all directions i feared this might be it so clipped some of his fur before driving to an emergency vet when i looked in his eyes he didn t seem there for years we played a game where i put my face to his he d then give me a lick or pretend to bite my nose now he couldn t register my presence even with our faces pressed together at the vet they immediately put him on oxygen then started other procedures as his blood pressure was very low after some scans we learned he was sick with either a massive infection or cancer it was an awful decision but there was no question it was time to put him down he d been his normal self a day earlier but the furball before me now was just a body i tried again to get him to lick my face but he simply stared still and unmoving my sis and i each put hands on azi as he was euthanized i held his paw then crouched to look him in the face i wanted there to be just one second of recognition but he was already gone despite his heart still beating i hoped we gave him comfort but don t know as soon as they put him down i started sobbing still gripping his limp and lifeless paw i hadn t cried in years but it seemed needed to do so for him i knew this was right but it still fucking hurt to lose my best bud it was a melancholy day but my sis and i shared a million memories of azi crying and laughing over his antics once at mt hood we camped in forest within five minutes he found a pile of human shit rolled in it then jumped on me i had no gloves so bathed his nasty ass with plastic bags over my hands he acted all innocent as i scrubbed feces from his fur but fuck what i d give to scrape a stranger s diarrhea off of him again azi was cremated we sprinkled parts of him around a tree at his favorite part of portland mount tabor where he d gone for hundreds and hundreds of walks later my sis flew home to our parents farm and buried more of him aside his furry cousins i hiked the entire appalachian trail last year carried azi s ash and fur in my pack all 2200 miles he was at his happiest outdoors so i thought it fitting to lug him along i ate shrooms one night aside a lake deep in the trip i took him out scattered his ash across my chest like how he laid on me while alive not a day since his passing had i not thought of him as i hiked the crazy long hours he d talk to me say i m a fat fuck then threaten to bite if i didn t go faster now with remnants of him on my skin i laughed and cried said goodbye to my azi baby i thought of a trillion happy memories i ll forever hold in heart and head thought of the time i took acid while camped in the forest when azi returned from his sniff he came up to me as this curious little creature so happy and alive in the woods we were the same that way at the end of the at i left bits of his dust atop mt katahdin every day he helped get me there we did his final hike together i still think of him all the time but don t tear up it s all happy memories little dude lived a sweet life i m grateful to have been part of it share this tweet share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on tumblr email a link to a friend opens in new window email like loading by gabfrab in dog dogs memoir 01 31 2026 02 05 2026 1 429 words 14 comments posts navigation older posts subscribe subscribed gabfrab join 9 373 other subscribers sign me up already have a wordpress com account log in now privacy gabfrab subscribe subscribed sign up log in report this content view site in reader manage subscriptions collapse this bar loading comments write a comment email name website d