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Text of the page (random words):
radually had to increase the frequency of my beard trimming to once a week instead of once a month it s true what they say then testosterone continues to change your body even a few years after starting i m not sure though if my changes are still specifically transition related or if it s all part of growing older in a testosterone fueled body cisgender men continue to get hairier way beyond puberty whichever it is i m really enjoying growing into my body and love it more every day 4 comments from body personal progress coming out on a date april 21 2013 tags coming out date dating disclosure gay gay trans man trans man transfag this weekend for the first time i went on a date with a guy who didn t know i was trans we met on facebook where we had several trans and trans friendly friends in common and he was super cool about trans issues but i wanted to meet in person before telling him in previous flirting situations i had disclosed my trans status early on and it ended up being a conversation stopper so i was curious about this new strategy besides i wasn t sure yet if i was super interested we had dinner and then talked for hours in person i wasn t really attracted to him but i decided to disclose anyway to see how he d react i said i didn t always live as male which was kind of ambiguous so then i clarified i m a trans man like so and so he didn t seem too shocked although he did stare harder at me for the rest of the conversation i went on to say i thought i should tell you because i know it changes things he answered it doesn t change anything for me and after a pause you re really cute it was a super positive experience and it s too bad i m not into this guy i was doubtful about this disclosure after meeting strategy because i thought men might feel disappointed they might still find me attractive after finding out they might me despite being trans but i wouldn t be what they d expected i reckoned that if guys knew about my trans status early on and they still wanted to meet me i d be sure that they liked the whole package which is nicer than being liked despite this or that but this guy really took it in stride if anything he seemed more interested afterwards i know that not everyone will react this way some people have a hard time with unexpected surprises of any kind but it was a huge confidence boost i feel like more and more doors are opening for me in the dating world or rather they were always unlocked but i had never dared to try them 2 comments from celebration dating personal progress psa safer gay sex for trans men april 10 2013 tags condom use condoms gay gay sex gay trans man gay trans men psa safe sex safer sex sex sexuality transfag transfags transphobia video i m really impressed with this psa it s about a trans man who hooks up with a cis non trans man and is pressured into having unprotected sex the cis dude hints that he wouldn t be able to keep it up with a condom because he s not used to trans bodies actually the psa title translates to i won t wear one for you it s in french but you can choose english or french captioning thankfully i ve never been in this situation but i really empathize with the main character s decisions the cis guy makes him feel inadequate because of his body making it seem like he s doing him a favor by sleeping with him and the trans guy allows him to drop the condom as a way of making it up to him it s super tragic really the cis man makes the trans man feel lesser than undesirable and unworthy of respect but it doesn t seem uncommon there s actually a medical stud y about this same subject called there s no pamphlet for the kind of sex i have hiv related risk factors and protective behaviors among transgender men who have sex with non transgender men i ve been watching this video over and over because it s so rare to see my own issues represented in any kind of media like i ve said i ve never been in this scenario but i do constantly navigate cis trans power dynamics and i really feel the need for more stories about gay or queer trans men which reflect these kind of problems i m fascinated by how strongly i relate to the main character in this psa also i love how his body is celebrated in the surreal dream dance scene if anyone knows about any media videos short stories poems about gay trans men please share in the comments i recommend the german movie romeos which is a love story between two men one trans and one cis leave a comment from activism politics and mass media dating cute webcomic april 1 2013 tags comic love webcomic one of my favorite webcomics is what s normal anyway by morgan boecher about a really sweet trans dude the latest one is really appropriate for this point in my life leave a comment from humor uncategorized dating and internalized transphobia march 27 2013 tags confidence dating gay gay trans man internalized transphobia self esteem transfag transphobia in my last posts i ve mentioned this guy h who i m sort of dating he s absolutely amazing and i can t believe he s interested in me he s beautiful and kind a brilliant scholar and a human rights activist this should be a good thing but he s so great that often i can t fathom why he d want to spend time with me my self esteem is usually okay but it keeps faltering when i think about him and i think part of it is internalized transphobia my self doubts aren t only about being trans of course i can t help comparing myself to him and i obviously don t measure up he has already changed the world through his work this is not an exaggeration while my biggest accomplishments are getting good grades and staying alive oh and impromptu singing dancing performances in public spaces but a large part of my insecurity does stem from being trans surprisingly it isn t only about my body somehow i ve discovered entirely new things to be insecure about my body is part of it though it doesn t make sense because i like my body and so does h but i can t help feeling that i m letting him down i ve always been proud about my past and felt glad that it led me towards feminism the trans community and friendships with lesbians i still am but it s glaringly obvious that my place in the world is very different from cis gays like h we belong to the same community but we experience it in diverging ways i don t know if i ll ever be accepted as one of the fags people might always see me as just trans and my solidarity is strongest towards dykes and trans folks and even beyond the community in our everyday lives being trans makes me different i inevitably have endo or gyno appointments endless name change paperwork trans guy meetings and that s okay but sometimes it feels like i fall short you know i can t help thinking here s this guy who could choose from a large selection of men so why would he settle for an anonymous trans dude if he could pick someone similar to him why did he go for someone different i know this reasoning is deeply transphobic and difference phobic i know we the trans people are not lesser than anyone and that any relationship involves overcoming differences so i m working hard to remind myself and i m trying to relax and enjoy being with h because whatever my worries he does seem to like me leave a comment from dating the pope march 14 2013 tags anecdote story oh my god i m not proud that the vatican chose an argentinean pope besides being complicit with the last military government jorge bergoglio francis i is particularly homophobic that s precisely why i laughed so hard when my lover h reminded me about something h lives right by a catholic church and one sunday morning i awoke in his house to the sound of church bells and a loudspeaker making an announcement i tried to go back to sleep but the loudspeaker kept repeating its message every ten minutes so eventually i gave up and paid attention to what it was saying as it turned out bergoglio was visiting the church to say some special kind of mass bergoglio is infamous in argentina among anyone who supports gay rights or women s rights or any kind of human rights so h and i joked about attending mass to get his blessing it s a silly story but i find it amusing that m y closest encounter with the new pope happened while i was in bed with a gay man under a huge rainbow flag pinned to the wall in an all homo household leave a comment from uncategorized gay affirmations january 3 2013 tags dating gay sexuality i recently met this man through mutual friends let s call him h and we ve already seen each other a couple of times i still have no idea where this is going to lead but i like him and he makes me feel really good part of it of course is that he makes me feel desirable attractive and respected but partly it s because he makes me feel like a gay man this is confusing for me because it s been a while since i ve needed any sort of affirmation of my gender actually i ve always gotten uncomfortable when someone goes out of their way to prove they see me as a man i ve never even identified completely with the idea of manhood and i used to scoff at phrases like he she makes me feel like a man woman when pronounced by anyone trans or not because i thought a person s gender shouldn t depend on anyone but themself i felt this kind of validation for the first time when i went to a rather seedy gay establishment with several queer trans guys lots of men checked us out and even approached some of us and it felt amazing because in the words of a friend we stopped being seen as trans and began to be seen as hunks i didn t engage with anyone there but i left feeling super empowered like i finally belonged later on i made out with a friend and i was completely floored by the way our beards and leg hair rubbed together and by the way he ran his fingernails across my body which was so different from the light touch i had experienced with girls spending time with h has been especially incredible because he s always known i was trans but it hasn t been an issue we ve both talked about our pasts including my transition and he has seen me naked but he s never made me feel different partly it s because he s amazing but i think my attitude helps too i ve managed to embrace my body and history so my comfort kind of rubs off on others i finally feel like a gay man not only in theory but in practice i don t really care about being a man or not but being a gay man and being with gay men feels just right i love the way h caresses my beard and body hair the way he holds onto my hand or shoulder on the street despite the occasional insult hurled against us and the weight of his large hand on my back as we drift into sleep i am thrilled by the idea of being someone s gay lover although i don t want to get my hopes up because he s too perfect to be true but i m also scared by how good he makes me feel because it could end at any moment i guess love is always like that though and i just have the extra fear of feeling excluded from the gay world once again which is silly because there will always be more men who are into me like i wrote last week i suppose cis gays feel this too especially if they don t resemble the ideal gay man although they mostly don t have a history of gender denial to throw into the mix i know i m not alone in my feelings because they re echoed in an article called there s no pamphlet for the kind of sex i have hiv related risk factors and protective behaviors among transgender men who have sex with non transgender men all of the participants reflected on the sense of validation that having sex with a non trans man could provide many suggested that this was particularly powerful for trans men in their early years of transition and that being sexual with a gay non trans man could feel like the ultimate affirmation of one s manhood this led many participants to ponder the risks that they and other trans men were willing to take to receive this sense of affirmation the risk taking doesn t resonate with me because i m not willing to have unsafe sex or even have safe sex with people i m not attracted to but many of the participants quotes are spot on it s a very good read and it s gotten me interested in sexual health among queer trans men possibly something to work on this year i wish us all a great 2013 with love strength and energy to tackle our dreams 2 comments from body celebration dating personal progress on a more positive note december 27 2012 tags dating flirting gay when i wrote my last post i was feeling really down but during the past few months i ve been feeling much better so i owe you an update the last you heard of me i was all oh noez no man will ever love me even though a number of people kept telling me that there are cisgender gay men who date trans guys i had a hard time believing it despite the fact that several gay men had hit on me in the past men who knew about my history i was just stuck in a pessimistic mindset out of curiosity i posted a profile on a gay personals site stating very clearly that i d transitioned from female to male and you know what i got dozens of positive responses within days i was astounded i ended up leaving the site because i couldn t get used to the anonymity and the level of explicitness but it was a huge confidence boost at the same time i began to get busy with a few projects i m passionate about so i managed to pull myself out of the rut since then i ve been flirting with several guys both in person and on facebook and i ve been on a couple of dates i m still figuring out how and when to disclose my trans status though the guys i met in person had known up front but i ve been chatting with some men who don t know and i m curious to see how they ll react i think my self esteem can handle the rejection now so i ve finally learned what people have been telling me all along the gay community isn t particularly closed to trans men it s far from being a haven of body positivity lord help you if you re fat old or have dark skin but i haven t felt as excluded as i thought i just stick to the most feminist and activist y spaces within the community i hope everyone is ending their year on a positive note too 7 comments from celebration personal progress feeling undesirable september 4 2012 i ve been thinking about this quote by néstor perlongher a gay argentinean poet activist we don t want to be persecuted or discriminated against or killed or cured or analyzed or explained or tolerated or understood we want to be desired lately i ve been feeling alternately sad and angry about the cis world particularly the cis gay male community i have lots of reasons to be angry but right now i m just sad because i feel left out when i started transitioning gay men smirked or laughed or at least looked confused when i expressed an attraction to guys they left it very clear that i could never be one of them now that i pass as cis people assume i m a cis gay male when i m in lgbtq spaces but men still lose interest when they fin...