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Text of the page (random words):
ntres etc posted by dan x at 2 39 pm 24 comments wednesday may 18 2005 seven days to go music rem the finest worksong my rem predicted finest hour could perhaps be in approx 7 hours time when my cellphone alarm fails to go off as a result of my not pluggin the battery drained thing in it would be my finest hour of sleep followed by the finest spanish esque inquisition i have seven more days at the call centre ie less then 60 techincal hours listening to you fucks when company hr departments and recruitment agencies talk about customer service careers you surely know it s an oxymoron equivalent to red bull makes you fly sorry i did have much more to say but got tied up in explaining how to dl some queen songs from a particular russian website from some peeps who can t speak russian no i can t speak the queens english backward either but a little common sense god has distributed rather thinly yep star wars opens today for achieving a random and arbitrary mark 3 months running i have been awarded a 10 voucher to see what economically amounts to 2 3 of a movie i m assuming revenge of th sith will be 3 hours long therefore providing money for donated value therefore worthy of the lame grammatically inspired re arrangement in the paragraph above posted by dan x at 11 56 pm 4 comments thursday may 05 2005 probably not the end music ryan adams love is hell pt 2 i can say what i want now well i could before and i m not really going to change anything but the fact is i can say what i want now to a certain degree i m leaving the call centre you see but not yet i still need them as referees so i m still gonna be tight lipped over specifics like it even matters haha yes my gf and i are vacating the h town for the big a town it s not the capital but it may as well be she s got a big flash high paying job in some far flung section of some central call centre whose primary purpose i shall not yet reveal and i well i don t know my plan involves getting to auckland spending whatever annual leave pay i have accrued and only then getting a job call centre jobs are a dime a gazillion up there it seems so if i get stuck there shouldn t be a problem if i get stuck there wouldn t be this blog though would there anyway so it s getting really busy at work so the management are trying to encourage people to turn up more often to help relieve some of the pressure of those who do actually come to work 99 of the time firstly yes i m serious they actually have to use more to get some people to regularly come to work than your income stupid they do this rather than hire more people well they ve hired a few but most of them quit before they ve been on the phones long enough to actually know how to do anything why cause it s so freakin high pressure all the time almost every day now is classified a busy day and off the phone activities are cancelled so the next time a call centre rep promises they ll do follow up something for you and they don t remember it s probably not their fault nope they ve just got 15 other people s accounts they re following and updating with the measly 10 15 minutes a day they have allocated to doing this the other seven hours and twenty minutes taking breaks into account are spent talking to and adding new customers to that evergrowing list that and the fact that the general population s iq seems to drop with every passing month i mean when do you call a contact centre for a major energy company with customers all over the country you service when the power is out when your meter has been read wrong when you move house yeah fair enough but do you call them when you want to know how many dollars it costs to run a bath umm probably one tenth what it cost the power company to take your freakin call lady in other words no and when you call us what is it you re usually after answers to questions you have about your strange account services rendered by network contractors yeah great swell even but if it is to tell us you want to punch us in the face or that nuclear power is fantastic or that you think the electricity industry was much better in the 1960s when everything was run by local councils or you simply just locked yourself out of your house call someone who cares quite frankly or better yet get a friend they d love to talk to you about disfiguring the faces of common enemies the cold war public services and unfortunate mishaps don t get me wrong i love talking about those things too to my friends the only time i want to discuss the cold war with complete strangers is when i ve been drinking actually now that i know i m quitting and as do most of the management i probably could do this ok so the only times i want to discuss the cold war with complete strangers is when i ve been drinking or i m getting paid by the hour for it excellent to hell with saying i m not here to discuss public policy in 1960s new zealand with you as i have on more than one occasion so yeah i m leaving sometime in may most likely my gf starts her job in mid may i m staying here till we have a place confirmed what do reckon i should do a get another fulltime job in a call centre easily lots of money compared to the other options initially but no time b get a part time job in a call centre easy to get not a lot of money but free time to pursue becoming a rock star work on my underapprecited masterpieces c get part time work in call centre as above but use my free time to study librarianism d don t get a job until i find something awesome no money lots of time to do whatever possibly not happy girlfriend but possibly awesome in the end or e something else posted by dan x at 8 27 pm 2 comments thursday march 10 2005 frivolous music graham coxon freakin out this past week has been freakin weird oh yeah not dead and stuff just not blogging as often as i initially intended etc it s been ridiculously busy like i ve read articles about the demands on call centres rising a certain double digit percentage exponentially each year but this is err ridiculous so to speak you know why it is people ringing for such frivolous reasons not only that but wanting to discuss them for 25 minutes then exiting the call thinking they haven t got a satisfactory answer and calling back half an hour later to take up the debate with a more tolerant of imbecilicity rep who ll inevitably screw up and let them off the hook if there even was one i had one of the classic i ve paid my account so i want my power back on right fucking now customers it only takes 5 seconds to point out that there s a usual turnaround time from our end of approximately 6 hours then 30 minutes to explain to them our contractors aren t wizards capable of magicing their power on richt fucking now and that it took them 8 months to pay us so why should we have to serve them right away but that s just usual but this week for example i had a customer who rang and asked if she could skip over one of her direct debit payments it s not a service we normally offer but i went over the account and decided this one time i d let it go and advised her as such her response are you threatening me err no just doing a what you asked and um a what you asked she ended up speaking to a manager and laying a complaint against me at which my manager had a good chuckle 10 minutes that one took then there was the guy who rang to complain that we refunded him the bond he paid us in late 2003 but failed to inform him as such a thousand other times i ve had to explain to disgruntled non payers that we have to charge them a bond cause they don t pay their accounts much to their dismay not this guy he paid his accounts just fine so we refunded it then he stopped paying so we disconnected him and now he s complaining that he has to pay it again his logic being that if we never refunded him his original bond he wouldn t have to pay one now odd cause here we go again a we did inform him we were refunding him his bond the month we did so and b if we hadn t refunded the bond when we did he probably would ve failed to pay the account that month and been disconnected then 25 minutes here s a suggestion for anyone out there who s a caller not a callee never use i ve been x number of universities and am highly educated as an argument in a conversation with a call centre rep firstly you never studied how to access an indoors meter at university secondly who s to say i haven t studied at x number of universities more than you thirdly going to university for a semester and a half in 1981 doesn t qualify you to get free electricity for the rest of your life i had a guy today who had an account for 516 then paid 112 off it in two 56 instalments then had a new account with an opening balance of 404 he couldn t understand how we came to this sum despite being university educated thrice apparently how people manage to live to the age of 85 without being able to add i ll never know if someone arranged the candles on his cake in a rectangle he d probably complain that the number of candles lenghtways multiplied by the number of candles the other way didn t equal the number of candles on the actual cake ps kindergartens ain t universities buddy jebus what an awkward maths based burn last time i try one of those 25 minutes sometimes you ve just gotta hang up on people if they re not listening to you there s no point really many times a customer has begun yelling at me when really they should be yelling at the terms and conditions so nowadays i just say something like am i allowed to speak inevitably they say no last time this happened i thought to myself this customer can suck mine before i listen to them speak anymore so responded then there s no point in continuing with this conversation in that case is there and disconnected the call man once you reach that point it s so liberating no longer do you have to listen to the inane shit people come up with speaking of the terms and conditions they are a godsend to us in the call centre if ever there is a customer arguing something and you re pretty much all out of arguments moral and logical you jsut need to ask have you read the terms and conditions you know they haven t so you cna pretty much now say what you want 99 99 of the time they haven t read them and will argue as such and we just say they were posted out to you when you joined and the best part is almost anything you can come up with to rebut a customer s fanciful claim can be found in the terms and conditions they re like a moldable ten commandments forever shifting to reflect whatever policy it is you happen to need a ten thousand commandments if you will like thou shalt not complain about not recieving an acount more than three days after we have billed it as by now we have assumed you have recieved it or thou shalt not bill anyone for ex frozen meat when the power goes out because ultimately no one is responsible but the lord himself and my favourite even if thoust meter is buried by a landslide and protected against your will by dragons thou mustest provide access or we ll charge you estimated accounts upwards of 1000 a month and thou shalt payeth them or we ll cut off your power in sticky moments that s a goodie anyway get off my case posted by dan x at 11 56 pm 9 comments saturday february 19 2005 electricity is not transittable via radio waves music the cricket actually nz v australia sometimes you just have to shake your head in disbelief i had this call once from the representative of some kind of building company no less who were removing an office block from its location with the intention of relocating the entire building down the street somewhere you d assume they being a company who deals with this kind of thing would ve organised everything they needed to have had organised prior to removing the building completely from its foundations with a crane but nooooooooooooooooooooooo they forgot to get the power disconnected and i don t mean just turned off they forgot to disconnect the physical premises from the meter and underground service line so they had this building hanging from a crane attached to the ground by a 3 phase electrical cable unable to be moved any further we don t employ electricians in the actual call centre cause electricians are all out there being err electricians so when the lady on the phone asked me if they could get a paid of shears and cut the dwelling free i advised them it wouldn t be a good idea and i couldn t probablyreally recommend it they d have to get the network out to do a permanent disconnection and get the meter removed basically there s a 24 hour turnaround time on a permanent disconnection the network advised me they d just have to wait till the next day when someone would be available to detach the airborne office from its earthly electrical shackles i followed up on the account a few days later and the hapless hopeless company hadn t called back to try their luck with someone else so they must ve waited idiots posted by dan x at 7 51 pm 1 comments monday january 24 2005 master cock music rem you ha i bet you thought this blog was stillborn already burn so i think it s about time i begin i ve been back at work a couple of weeks now so yeah yeah i ll begin with the story of he who i shall refer to as master cock why this name well he calls up and i ask him for his full name as that s one of the things we do to verify account holders where i work he says his full name with the prefix master master isn t that the title box you ticked all through primary school because you weren t a mister because you weren t all tall and hairy and stuff but you still wanted to sound important i wasn t aware it was actually used by people referring to themselves past the age of err 14 or less and why cock i m not one to call a person a cock in fact i don t think i ve called anyone a cock ever but sometimes there just aren t any other words to describe a person and in thius case that was the only word that came to mind which is really saying something oh yeah not only was he a master but he had a hyphenated name i bet one day he decides to update his account and therefore social standing and calls us to change it to prince so master cock rings up for the express purpose of informing the company that any further correspondence from will be constituted as harassment is kinda obviously the name of the company i work for by proxy i won t bother explaining that part as it s irrelevant really i take a look at this guy s account and it seems he rang us in november to set up a payment arrangement ie he had an overdue bill and is paying it off over a number of weeks he s recently recieved a letter telling him he missed a payment so therefore the arrangement has been broken and therefore cancelled meaning he must pay the remaining overdue balance within seven days or risk disconnection of course as most retards who don t pay their accounts he disputes he broke the arrangement in fact he disputes he ever made the arrangement ...