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d eyes bleached hair that holds a rainbow it comes when renee walker speaks to him and offers him something rare and valuable at evermore friendship she comes and brings him back from the brink of destruction with their little conversations on the phone how was your day i cannot play this week i do not think riko will remain sane for long i do not think we will speak again renee would you like to talk about it despite every doubt and flinch and sickening crunch of bones after a blow jean moreau wakes up and sees kevin day s face and he wants to nothing more than to bury himself in his grave and finally rest he nearly begs through the haze of pain kevin speaks in french frantic distant scared he vaguely registers nathaniel neil josten replying jean renee would say several minutes later edgar allen is falling you re not returning back there he wants to laugh how how could anyone keep him hidden from edgar allen when riko will dig his claws into him and fly him back renee caught onto his line of thought and smiles something soft reassuring and full of promise jean learned that renee follows through with her promises and that not even riko can stop her jean moreu was dead for a long time he s been dead before he even met his executioner he s been dead before he spoke to the other prisoners set to suffer a fate similar to his own he s been dead for so long that when something akin to hope flickers in his chest he panics he doesn t feel it when his eyes start to water but he does feel the sting of his tears against the fresh cuts on his face he s used to the tightness that wraps around his chest the rope that holds him down and digs into him until he s all raw marks and terrified cries and there s the hope that he s free the hope that he could be safe the strangeness of the word in his mind on his lips in the shake of his hands and the desperation in his heart because jean wants this he wants to latch onto the blooming hope that burns through him and never let go the third silver lining comes in the form of one jeremy knox jean s heard of him from kevin dozens of times before when the dead of night terrified them and sleep refused to linger long enough for them to actually rest jean s played against the trojans before but he s never felt the need to speak to jeremy before but he s there he s a constant force in jean s life as he moves from hospital to hospital and then from that to therapy sessions he s there when jean moves into the usc dorms he s there when jean stands by the window and holds onto the frame as he stares out as he stays still as sunlight warm soft gentle settles on him jeremy knox makes jean feel like he s teetering on the edge of a breakdown he s the prince of fairy tales the one that smiles and stops wars the one that can rally a kingdom with a single look the one who rescues and protects and supports the damsel he s a fictional being who embodies all the things that jean s hoped to meet in life but never had when he was under riko jeremy is everything jean had stopped believing in while he was a raven jean is everything jeremy shouldn t see shouldn t be around shouldn t have taint the bubble of sunshine that seems to follow his every way jean moreau is the broken pieces of a nightmare put together hastily with stitches and bandages and jeremy is a being made of happiness and stardust and good he isn t made to withstand jean but he seems trapped in a gravitational field and dodges every asteroid that surrounds jean and yet and yet jeremy continues avoiding all the asteroids he continues moving past all of jean s curt replies all the quick glares and scowls the drop of a conversation he dodges all that and continues talking continues grinning and gesturing wildly but not wild enough that jean would flinch and try to even his breathing again jeremy s seen what fast touches do to jean and he s spoken to the offender to stop it in jean s line of site he chatters on and on and offers to buy jean sorbet because he doesn t like ice cream as much jeremy is careful understanding and patient touches he s little rays of sunshine peaking in between clouds on a dark day present and a promise jeremy is gentle touches and warmth against jean s back he s never ending trust and encouragement he s a map that jean explores cautiously with shaking fingers and nervously bitten lips jean feels like a piece of him rights itself as he learns about himself through jeremy he learns about places on his body that can be touched his shoulders his arms his torso he learns about the places that will have him retching and crying and retreating back into a field of panic panic he s here he s going to jeremy knows that no one is allowed to touch jean s neck no one is allowed to touch his thighs purposely either and jeremy knows above all else that jean s hair is forbidden territory marked by scabs and scars and a tender scalp but jeremy s a map of unexplored territory he s a sanctuary of comforting touches and embraces he s the gentle thrum of melody he s the eye of a storm and jean could feel himself being lost in everything that was jeremy jeremy tilts his head back he taps a melody against jean s wrist he hums the parts of the song he doesn t know and sings the parts he does he shows that this can be safe that it isn t about pain and retribution but can be about support and reassurance he pauses briefly when jean s fingers brush against his chin and looks down at him jean is sprawled on jeremy s chest eyebrows furrowed and eyes darting from jeremy s face to his neck to usc trojan s logo on the hoodie he wore okay jeremy murmurs jean glances back at him and presses his chin against jeremy s chest he can hear the gentle thud of his heartbeat and calms down to the count of it now i am jean whispers he scowls when jeremy giggles and is jostled off his chest jeremy s laughter filters in the quiet of jean s dorm room brushing away the silence that envelopes them when jeremy s thinking too much and jean s too tired to speak jean finds courage seeping into his bones because of jeremy because of his little raspy giggles and his weak attempts at stifling it because of the look in his eyes that makes jean feel like he s staring at a star burning and bright and alive he surges up and cups the back of jeremy s neck he brings their faces together huffs of laughter brush against his lips and the warmth of his cheeks feel so strangely pleasant jeremy wraps a hand around jean s wrist his other hand coming up and resting on his waist is this okay he whispers watching jeremy s eyes brighten up impossibly so jeremy nods his nose bumping against jean s affectionately jean brushes his thumb against the side of jeremy s neck and mumbles nonsense when jeremy tilts his head to the side an opening for a kiss if he d like instead jean brushes his lips against jeremy s cheek marking a path across the freckles there before moving to kiss jeremy s temple and repeating the same pattern on the other side jeremy s huffing softly chest rising against jean s with silent chuckles he sighs happily when the little journey jean maps across his face stops at his lips and grins when he feels jean s lips press against it maybe jean is everything that jeremy should stay away from a patchwork of scars and a passionate distaste for affection a shell of a boy haunted by a ghost and one that s been dead for so long that he s forgotten what it felt like to feel something other than immediate fear that he must repress behind a mask of indifference jean moreau has been dead for years and maybe just maybe jeremy is the reason jean starts to feel a little more alive every day ghafasinej ghafasinej 787 notes 1742143207 self reblog pt2 aheem like reblog ghafasinej before nicky goes back to germany andrew signs him up for self defense classes and teaches him how to use a knife nicky doesn t mind because he loves hanging out with family and this becomes another thing they have in common of course renee comes and helps and neil makes comments on how to take down people in 75 different ways with a blade there s more but nicky looked like he d faint so neil made a pun to make him laugh the day of nicky s flight he hugs neil and lifts him off the ground with andrew hovering around he then hugged aaron and told him to use protection because he s too young to have second cousins would he be an uncle by association with neil second cousin who knows because nicky isn t sure but he does give aaron the address of a ring shop allison recommended and the number of a real estate agent who adores nicky and can find them an excellent place to live aaron hugs nicky again lastly nicky turns to andrew and smiles thank you for being part of my family andrew because he s found a home and love among broken people and they ve overcome so much together andrew and aaron may be related by blood but they ve forged their own home and nicky gets to be a part of that remember to call or i ll complain to you when i m hiking he says and snorts at andrew s expression when he hears that his flight is boarding soon he turns to fix his carry on bag and andrew says his name yeah what s up andrew glared at nicky s shoulder and nicky looks at the spot but finds nothing but the sweater bee gave him for christmas do you remember what the training do you remember nicky nods because of course he does he s practiced every week with andrew and renee before going off to boxing sessions with matt he remembers how to hold a knife properly and how to disarm someone who s holding one against him he wouldn t forget things like that especially if they re important enough for andrew to want to teach him don t take shit from anyone he smiles i ll just mention my cousin s the professional exy player andrew minyard and they ll make a run for it he gets a look in return andrew tilts his head up and looks unamused except for the slight twitch at his cheek nicky shoulders his bag and almost says goodbye before andrew asks him hug yes or no he freezes up unsure whether he hears andrew correctly and at his quizzical look andrew says can i hug you he nods before his mouth catches up to him and says of course he can he can hug nicky whenever he wanted he does thank him for asking though and then andrew wraps his arms around nicky and leans his head against nicky s shoulder the same spot he was glaring at earlier nicky doesn t move because he doesn t know if andrew s okay with being hugged back so he rests his cheek on andrew s head you can t get rid of me that easy just cause im in another country nicky says eyes shining with tears he didn t want to think about leaving them because to go back to happiness and erik it means being away from his found family im still going to piss you off with texts and cat videos andrew squeezes nicky once and steps back before nicky leaves and goes to his plane he looks at each of them one last time and waves with a smile love you guys don t start shit without me ghafasinej ghafasinej 1 308 notes 1742142796 sorry deadass forgot how to write and when tf did this real 1 3k wild times anyway some nicky bc i miss him and ams still too scared to read the sunshine court self reblog like reblog starsandscars81 people are allowed to dislike things wrong nobody is allowed to dislike inej ghafa starsandscars81 seraphicmiso 456 notes 1742135629 jail jail for one thousand years like reblog ghafasinej sometimes jean wakes up early far too early for someone who fell asleep four hours ago sometimes jean s body switches to autopilot demanding he move and get ready for practice despite exhaustion pulling him back down to rest calling to him to sleep and ignore all reason sometimes jean thinks he s back at the nest away from trojans and jeremy and safety away from the second home that took him in and held him close and dear sometimes jean s mind is so foggy with the need to sleep that he needs jeremy to talk him back down to reality to understand that he s in their bedroom that they ve been together for nearly 5 years and that jeremy would fight tooth and nail before anyone could even think to drag jean back to evermore again sometimes he isn t so lucky and jeremy s voice is distant and muted to his ears those days jeremy hovers around him carefully pulling him to the couch to sleep after jean s nearly tidied his side of the bed and ate an apple but sometimes jean calms down to jeremy s words to the soft vibration that tickle his back from where jeremy hugs him face pressed against his neck where jeremy knows it is safe to do when jean is upset or struggling sometimes when jean can blink away the fog and mutter a broken jere so quiet and scared in the silence of their bedroom jeremy would disentangle himself from jean to kneel in front of him you re jean moreau you are a trojan our number 29 evermore is gone you are in your home with your fiancé you are safe you are safe you are safe his mantra gets through to jean who sags into him with a strangled sob gripping jeremy like he was a lifeboat in the middle of a drowning world a beacon of safety and support a beacon for a chance hey jeremy murmurs when the shaking in jean s hands subside and his breathing is normal again good thing about waking up so early is that you can still go back to sleep jean finds himself unable to stop the grin forming jeremy finds himself pressing a kiss to his forehead and being dragged back to the mess of blankets and pillows on their bed their hands are linked jeremy runs smooth circles on jean s wrist and smiles no one is going to make you do what you don t want to anymore jean jeremy whispers it s okay to breathe you are home you are safe you are going to make it another day with cartoons and bad cereal choices jeremy might have drifted off when jean s eyes closed and he settled back near him he might have drifted off when jean started drawing patterns on his arm to calm down the anxiety that keeps him awake they murmur sweet words in the haziness of sleep an i love you or too ghafasinej ghafasinej 230 notes 1742071315 too scared to read tsc but in honor of b2 shoving old things in your face throwback to when i used to write girl where s that energy now the sunshine course jean moreau like reblog mournfulroses dylan thomas from a letter featured in the selected letters of dylan thomas mournfulroses archistratego 4 267 notes 1740131999 words like reblog venusmage alt illustration for a local tarot reading class venusmage pyritea 2 173 notes 1740087889 art like reblog mosabsdr a small step but still a step forward every day feels like a battle against loss against despair against the uncertainty of tomorrow but today we ve reached 1 580 out of our 90 000 goal it may not seem like much but to us it means hope it means someone is listening the journey is long and the need is great but every share every kind word and every bit of support reminds us that we are not alone if you can please help us move forward donate to help mosab saving who s left of his ...