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g crossroads by blazin squad at the same decibel level as a mogwai encore having completed their dance routine gaz and the lads finished with a final flourish showering carter with the remnants of their pints the previously immobile alan rose lazarus like to his feet pushed the table over and announced ah ll fuckin see yeez twats outside now not if you can t catch us porky roared gaz who was out the door and on the e wheel royale in a matter of seconds brake off power engaged gaz sped off down nile street past the pet shop and the turkish barbers a cheery wave over his shoulder before sideswiping an idling 316 to whitley waiting for a change of drivers on bedford street luckily the peeve and toot had rendered gaz relaxed enough to walk away with nowt but a sore napper though the poliss later did him for drunk in charge nowt to worry about as he d been driving chored motors from 13 and never bothered with a licence sadly the fat cunt s scooter was fucked brought tears to his eyes as he shuffled the 50 yards to survey the wreckage they all stumped up to pay big al s taxi hyem cover his daily losses and buy him a couple more pints tragic thing was the insurance company wouldn t pay for a replacement said he d been negligent in not locking the fucker before he went on the skite it was a sad fat cunt who waddled back in the top house the following monday even if he got in 20 minutes early because the taxi was far quicker than the e wheel royale rip uncategorized 0 comments march 10 2026 surveillance i m honoured as ever to have this short piece included in the latest issue of john king s estimable verbal magazine which i urge you to buy flora and des lawson were aliens or at least that s how they felt because they couldn t fit in a pair of culturally coherent pathetic morons they lived in stoke on trent and had a pal called philip davenport lee who sent them an email explaining that digital id will be the foundation stone for a chinese style social credit system national insurance cards aren t being enforced so why the need for digital id and how will it be implemented it will be enforced using central bank digital currency cbdc and facial recognition meat fuel and clothing will be rationed this is why all banks and cash are being phased out look how the u k police are working with the tech giant palantir on building a huge surveillance network palantir technologies inc is an american company specializing in software platforms for data headquartered in denver colorado it was founded in 2003 by peter thiel stephen cohen joe lonsdale alex karp and nathan gettings my mentor tom montgomery has made some videos about this and they are definitely worth watching please spread the word to everyone you know we must all refuse to comply with digital id des and flora went out on the gargle one saturday night in late october with phil and tom des had so many pints of guinness that his sunday morning shite looked like a bourneville dildo his head hurt as much as his arse and he didn t really accomplish much that day at least they got an extra hour in bed because the clocks had gone back uncategorized 0 comments january 4 2026 2025 words music here s a rundown of the literary and musical items i inflicted upon the general population in 2025 sound the pseudobulbar effect ian cusack solo cd my wedding ian cusack track on a wormhole xmas 2025 triple cd live performances dunston staithes café scratch reflect ensemble 29 may little buildings solo performance 11 august words hello tiger in tangled lines 8 come to daddy in spinners 9 the price of love in spinners 10 tabs in spinners 11 organic rawdoggers in tangled lines 9 jobs for sunday in spinners 12 on the job training in spinners 14 no happy ending in spinners 15 golden years in spinners 16 uncategorized 0 comments december 22 2025 golden years i m honoured as ever to be published in the latest issue 16 of spinners which you should buy from https 5767 co uk shop especially as it comes with an impressive free cd by underground 70s chicago funksters sons of slum anyway here s something cheery for christmas the first proper day of jimi s retirement was december 1 st soon as he got up he popped open the relevant window on the daft advent calendar the lads in the stores had given him as a farewell present then ate the miniature bar of chocolate within after that he didn t do much else with the time never set foot across the doors not even a trip to the gym the sleet that had been unpleasantly coming down most of the previous afternoon had turned to heavy snow after he d shut the curtains this allied with the freezing temperatures meant the street was a skating rink and because he didn t have anywhere really to go he just stayed home mooched around the house trying to get his head around his new found leisure time got a text from his doctor s his annual health check was overdue so he went on the app and booked one for the next available date tuesday high noon it was the only appointment on his calendar for the whole week he d long thought about finishing graft for good tired of getting up in the dark to waste his time on mindless menial tasks wished and hoped for redundancy if he was being honest but the reality of his departure had stunned him in its impersonal velocity as he was still a bit more than 5 years shy of his state pension it was a surprise when he d got the email from hr the previous thursday offering voluntary enhanced severance turned out they d sent the package to everyone over 60 and diane in hr whose name was on the email was the first recipient clearing out her locker that very afternoon and leaving paid employment for good with a cheery wave just before tea break basically the deal was statutory redundancy and six months wages as compensation for loss of office so called because the tax man would take his bit if you called it redundancy pay all payable as part of december s pay not only that but the clock started ticking on the works pension lumper and monthly bit payable from april 1 st even better the dwp had told hr that anyone who had paid their ni was eligible for new style job seekers of 92 a week for 6 months which unlike universal credit wasn t means tested the really good thing about that was dwp policy meant they didn t expect anyone over 60 to bother looking for work jimi did the numbers that afternoon which all added up and made the request just before clocking off time next morning the acceptance was already in his inbox when he logged on no point in hanging around when he wasn t needed went around the site saying his farewells shook loads of hands got several hugs from lasses young enough to be his granddaughters popped into hr to sign the paperwork was assured the relevant precise figures would be forwarded to him through the post in the next 48 hours handed in his security pass packed up his belongs in a morrisons bag for life and left for good before the bars were even open got home adrenaline crashed flaked out on the sofa for a couple of hours woke up wondering what to do next at least it was a friday so he could just have a normal weekend which wasn t much to write home about the usual 6 a side kick about lost 7 2 with the lads then a few pints in the sun saturday was all about football as ever walkergate park home to low fell athletic then the newcastle game in the clubhouse and a takeaway in front of match of the day sunday was a payback punishing cardio session in the gym viscous sweat oozing from every pore as he tried to make amends for the pints and junk food he d gorged on the day before after monday s whiteout write off he made himself go out early on the tuesday ate the relevant advent chocolate filled a sample bottle for the surgery marvelled at the clarity of his piss no yellow or brown hues in the second draft of the morning reassuringly warm as he slipped it into his coat pocket temperatures outside had also risen the streets and pavement in his estate now clothed in yellowy brown slush the main road and the bus stop clear and wet took a 307 into town just after what used to be rush hour didn t even know if that was a thing anymore he d been the only passenger to pay cash students using their debit cards pensioners with their free passes roll on 65 and he d get one of those himself imagine how that would unlock the known world to him once again over the past few years jimi had become insular isolated even widowed young which he never talked about his long term partner and he had drifted apart during lockdown there was a stepdaughter in all but name but she was down in bristol primary school teacher they d lost contact he didn t have any other family hardly any friends come to that the lads he played football with were no more than acquaintances despite the fact the friday game had been a fixture for more than 2 decades at the gym he kept his own counsel worked hard said nowt big frankie from walkergate park was a pal that was true but other than that jimi was a loner house full of books and music with no one to inherit his collection when he d gone however that wasn t going to be just yet jimi reckoned the way to go was to treat every day from now on like an adventure he bought a new shower mat from home bargains bypassed all the dive pubs he d drank in forty years ago saw the radge day drinkers in the entrances breaking off from their stella breakfasts to chain a few lamberts took a wander through the redeveloped covered market marvelled at the beauty of the restored glass dome ceiling flipped through the racks in a record store bowie s station to station reissue knocked down to a tenner still sealed bought it stopped in an independent barista place ordered an oat latte from a friendly young polish lass sensibly opted not to have a sweet treat with the health check in less than an hour had a long slash in the ornate victorian washroom immaculate urinals and gleaming copper pipework there was beauty to be found in age jimi clocked in at the surgery five minutes early had another wazz for good luck and was called in to see the practice nurse as the clock struck twelve handed over his sample checked his blood pressure spot on for his age lifestyle questions passed with flying colours only a small white lie about the weekly units he supped a couple of blood samples given sharp scratch and all that psa test was one of them prostate cancer the new back pain or type 2 diabetes for oldish blokes then the moment of truth hopped on the scales 9kg down from last year punched the air the gym was doing it for him fifteen and a half stone bmi under 30 lightest he d been since his late 30s life was good and with his health he had decades of it left shook hands with the nurse who pulled him in for a brief hug she was so pleased with his progress jimi thought he could have been a good grandpa but that ship had sailed celebration time an hour in the gym 450 cals burned and 12 5 km moved back home for a long shower with the bowie album on loud delighted he now had the complete set of releases from hunky dory to lodger the whole of the 70s in chronological order in his living room cabinet golden years was some song alright theme tune for jimi s new age cod bites and chips with curry sauce from seashells for an early tea and then down to the sun to watch the champions league with big frankie this retirement lark was going to be a breeze alright so december was a difficult month when you re on your own but daily workouts weekly 6 a side and regular gallons watching the sky games were the way to go and a daily bit of chocolate from the advent calendar just over a fortnight later wednesday 17 th to be precise jimi missed a call from the doctor s when he was slaving over the treadmill finished his workout listened to the voicemail asking him to ring back did as he was asked walking back up home grave tone to the gp s explanation blood test came with bad news prostate cancer stage 4 needed to see jimi face to face to discuss options in the end there weren t any jimi had a private ceremony at the end of february when the snowdrops were dying out and the daffodils starting to bloom on the remembrance lawn at the crematorium the day he was supposed to be seeing mogwai in point of fact big frankie showed up and took the gig ticket the ex partner and sort of stepdaughter home for half term week were the other mourners his coffin slid away as the curtains shut to the sound of golden years uncategorized 0 comments november 27 2025 no happy ending i m honoured to have this story in issue 15 of spinners which i urge you to buy from https 5767 co uk took the last two weeks in august for my annual holidays didn t go anywhere or even do anything with it wasn t in the right humour spent most of my time on the phone or lap top aimless scrolling avoiding interaction didn t even get on any porn sites sex drive crashed into a ditch of despondency hardly crossed the threshold except for a couple of solo all day sessions in the local sat in a camouflaged corner of the big room watching obscure golf tournaments from alabama or wyoming through a steadily growing collection of empty stella vases people called brad enckleman three putting on the last to miss out on a play off stumbling unsteadily home once the number of punters looking for post graft pints and terrible pub food began to outnumber the staff around 6 generally saw myself off to oblivion behind closed doors with wine and whiskey healthy lifestyle options letting leisure hours slip by like fine sand falling through a weak fist my time was all my own and i couldn t even give it away once the bank holiday weekend was over there came the realisation i couldn t go back to graft at the start of september the thought of spending my days atelic and akinetic on menial data entry tasks a reasonably sentient monkey could do with their eyes shut while being micromanaged by that shower of pedantic humourless bureaucrats gave me the absolute horrors terrified by the prospect couple of days of generalised agitation insomnia isolation pacing the floor until i got it together enough to call the doctor stayed on hold for 10 minutes listened to vivaldi played on a digital watch got through to the receptionist who did her job to the letter by not allowing me to speak to any qualified medical professional about my burgeoning mental illness left on hold again until she d sorted me a prescription for tablets i had no intention of collecting never mind taking as well as the golden egg a month s sicknote depression and anxiety caused by work related stress digital signature emailed it to me on the friday afternoon sent it on to my boss knowing she d not open it until monday morning at the earliest turned my phone off sunday night to be on the safe side slept badly from 4 00 until noon as had become the routine welcome to self selected solitary confinement no more abrasive meritocratic glowering from behind a desk for the time being kept the cu...