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elieve the opportunities improv has afforded me and i am constantly in awe of the talented and hilarious people i get to meet and perform with on a regular basis it is dream kind of stuff for me and it helps make everything better though i didn t do as much writing as i d like i did get help editing my novel from betsy and i have gotten tremendously helpful advice on my query letter from carol and robb and i even made headway on a new novel that i hope to complete in 2015 there were other high points like running three 5ks with my dear friend karin and a story i told at a local story slam was published in a book but best of all jude was funnier and sweeter and crazier then ever i got to take him to disney and to the beach and we went on so many fun day trips together being his mom is the best thing that has ever happened to me and i look forward to continuing all the fun and laughs we have together in the new year photo credit devon anne photography i am eager to begin 2015 next week i begin a sketch writing class and the week after that my house team premieres on january 30th i will see jack white at madison square garden so i m cautiously optimistic no matter what 2014 brought all of you i hope 2015 is joyful prosperous peaceful and so so happy xx posted in daily life happy life tagged blogging grief happy happy new year hopeful improv looking back looking forward loss new year new years eve writing 5 comments elf shaming posted on december 2 2014 by gina i wasn t going to be one of those elf on the shelf moms it just seems wrong to let jude believe i d buy a doll for the express purpose of spying on him and reporting all of his misdeeds and tantrums back to santa i mean what kind of a monster am i i was secure in my decision too until i experienced a weak moment last weekend at the hands of the target machine i had been wandering the aisles for a while letting my eyes glaze over the rows of glittery holiday items that i don t actually need but somehow always want and that s when the boxes of elves appeared there were tons of them waiting for adults to take them home and start up a new tradition with their little bffs i surprised myself by picking one up to examine it closer and that s when i began to wonder if my hesitance to join in the elven games was somehow depriving jude of a shared experience with his peers i pictured him standing around with a group of friends as they traded stories about their weird parents and the sadistic elf they brought out every year to shame them into behaving i realized in that moment that jude deserved his own story and by god i was going to make it happen for him i put that elf in my cart and i never looked back so i guess i m a little bit of a monster but no more so than most other moms right right upon further reflection it occurred to me that tiny our new elf on the shelf as named by jude is just the next natural step toward my depravity i spent a healthy amount of time last year promising to call santa each time jude misbehaved last holiday season this meant not only threatening the action with words but also sometimes picking up the phone fake dialing and then fake tattle taling i am proud of none of this and even more embarrassed to admit that it worked so well hey whatever it takes to get a toddler to put his pants on amiright so tiny is just an upping of the ante or so i thought it was nice at first having a scapegoat in the house jude if you don t go up and take a bath tiny is going to be very upset do you want to upset tiny all of a sudden tiny was tony soprano actually santa is tony soprano tiny became more of a paulie walnuts if we re being technical but whatever the point is it was dirty work but tiny was up for it and then i went a bit too far jude was acting like a complete and utter maniac in the mall on sunday to be fair this occurred after several hours of marathon christmas shopping during which he was pretty great and accommodating by the time we took a break to eat dinner he was ravenous and exhausted so it should not have surprised me when he ran out the door to the mall rather than into the restaurant without wearing his jacket of course jude i was also beside myself with hunger and fatigue and had no patience for toddler hijinks that s it i m calling tiny right now that s right i was threatening to place a fake phone call to a plastic headed stuffed doll so that he would report my child to santa during his nightly magical trip to the north pole hello tiny i said into my phone after pretending to dial jude is not behaving nicely those are stern words mommy look out no mommy jude said don t call tiny the quiver in his voice let me know that my evil plan was working once again tiny to the rescue he says he is not happy right now i said rubbing it in mommy no he jumped and flailed his arms in protest as i led him into the restaurant against his will i d like to say it was my own desperate need to eat that prompted my actions but that would be a lie i enjoyed making tiny the bad guy i liked raising my hands in the air and saying hey i m just following protocol buddy i m just a pawn in santa s game i m not just a monster i m sick a couple of days ago jude wanted to watch tv in the living room rather than get his shoes on to leave for school i explained that this was not possible which made him quite frustrated in response he held out one hand using the pointer finger of the other to jab at his open palm boop beep boop boop boop he said as he pressed he was mimicking my fake dial i was simultaneously amused and appalled hello santa mommy s not being a good girl he said with his open palm to his ear boop he said removing the phone from his head and pressing at the center of his hand once more to hang up satisfied with the report he just delivered the student had become the master as i suspected purchasing tiny was not a great idea in fact it s much worse than i anticipated he s reduced us to the sort of petty snitches that are pretty much guaranteed to end up on the naughty list at this point i ll let him ride out the season i can t say that i won t invoke his powers when the need arises i mean i did threaten to text him last night when jude wouldn t go to bed i know i know but after this christmas tiny is going back in his box where he can spend the rest of the year thinking about what he s done maybe if he s lucky i ll think about letting him out again next year but i can t say i like the person i become when he s around so he d better watch it i wouldn t harm him on purpose but if something were to happen by accident well let s just say i don t know if i d intervene i need help posted in happy life toddler life 6 comments this time last year posted on october 18 2014 by gina the other day i received an email from amazon com i was sitting in a car dealership waiting for a shuttle to take me to work while my car was being inspected repaired i get so much junk email from the various stores that feed my second greatest addiction shopping the first is diet pepsi so when i first saw the email my instinct was to delete it and that s just what i was about to do when i focused on the subject line referencing something about a birthday gift card it was not my birthday so i became curious did i have an old gift card that was about to expire so i went ahead and opened it and that s when i was really taken aback the email was a reminder last year at this time i purchased a birthday gift card for someone it told me wouldn t i like to do it again the gift card being referenced was one i sent to my dad for his sixty second birthday and as much as i would very much like to send him another i can t dad isn t having a birthday this year on the evening of june 4th we were getting ready for a trip to orlando jude s birthday is on june 7th and we were going to celebrate his third with mickey mouse my dad moved to orlando when i was about eight so we were planning to work in a little visit with him too he was going to spend the day with us at the animal kingdom on sunday the 8th though i knew i d most likely see him before that for dinner the last time i saw my dad was the june of last year when he met jude and i for lunch one afternoon growing up we saw my dad once a year so the gap in time wasn t unusual for us i had so much to do for the impending trip and i was feeling the stress at about seven o clock that night i was planning on planting some flowers my mom bought me so they didn t wilt while i was gone in fact i was wearing my grungy clothes frantically throwing last minute items into my bag and crossing items off my list when i got the news that my dad died earlier that day he didn t show up for a social engagement so a friend went to check on him and found him lying still in the garage he hadn t been in the best health in the last couple of years but this was a shock the kind that felt like someone carried a brick wall into my bedroom and dropped it on top of me all i could do was could myself into a ball shove a pillow into my face and scream i screamed and screamed and screamed until i couldn t make any more sounds i felt so mad and i needed to get it out so i called my poor mom and yelled at her for an hour about nothing about everything even though she and my dad had been divorced for decades she was hurting but she let me go anyway after a while i went outside to plant those flower even though i was distraught i couldn t just let them whither i didn t even bother putting on gloves or worrying about where i was placing them my nails and palms turned brown as i jabbed through the mulch and dirt to make way for the new guinea impatiens and begonias my dad did not want a viewing or a funeral his final wishes were to have a party at the bar he frequented where the patrons and staff were like family to him the party was held a few weeks after my trip and because i had just been there i was not able to return so my closure was helping to sort through the things in his house one last time before a cleaning crew came through and emptied what was left i told myself this was okay i told myself that i was just a fast processor of things like this and i went back home and continued to trick myself into believing it but the problem is that i am too often flooded with thoughts or moments that threaten to poke holes in my carefully constructed barriers and that s just what this email from amazon made me feel it was a reminder i didn t need like death grieving is inconvenient it never fits neatly into plans or seems to care what else is happening in a person s life good or troubling this morning when i turned on my computer i got an alert from my calendar dad s bday tomorrow it reminded me october 23rd is going to be here every year and it will never stop reminding me though the emotions might lessen over time it will always be difficult to not send a gift or to call and wish him a happy day it will always be hard to know that we left things unfinished he and i and that this is the way it will always remain when the loss stops being so ever present maybe the reminders won t be so profound maybe his birthday will come around and i will welcome the memories maybe it s better for those around us to have things like birthdays and holidays anniversaries so that they can hold onto a piece of what is no longer there for now though it kind of sucks and so does amazon posted in daily life tagged amazon death dying family grieving life loss love pain 3 comments what jude said posted on january 11 2014 by gina i often find myself wanting to write posts about my son because he is the central focus of my life i think about him almost every moment of the day and he s the person with whom i spend most of my time but as much as i want to show everyone in the world how amazing and funny and adorable he is i also want to stay true to the theme of this blog which means i want to talk about all the ways in which i try to live a happier life some days that means i ll want to talk about jude and on others i want to zoom the lens in elsewhere because my brain is filled to capacity with jude stories i decided to free up some space by creating side blog called what jude said it is quite literally a collection of the humorous things he does and says each day and i thought that by preserving them in one space i d have a better chance of remembering them also i hope readers might find it entertaining please follow us on tumblr or check back often for updates using the link in the millions of suns header happy saturday posted in happy life toddler life tagged blog blogging funny kids mom moms motherhood parenthood toddler tumblr wordpress writing 4 comments the icing posted on january 9 2014 by gina on what was to be the coldest day in decades in our corner of pennsylvania i decided to keep jude home from school so we could hang out and cuddle i am still on holiday break and though i want to ease him back into school i also want to spend quality time together while we have it i figured that single digit temperatures and whipping winds made for good enough reasons not to run across a parking lot from the car to the school building and back again turns out i was somewhat deluded naive about the fun involved in being confined indoors all day with an energetic two and a half year old oh there were highs like watching a little mickey mouse clubhouse hand in hand and making diy no bake play dough top left food coloring hazard bottom left a stegosaurus by request that color was supposed to be purple but ended up er rainbow there was also homemade pasta sauce with enough leftovers to freeze for a month s worth of deliciousness a good indoor run and a pretty stellar nap for mom and baby boy there were also some lows including three time outs a frozen pipe in the upstairs bathroom and way too much tv watching staring at iphone despite the continued chill i d planned on taking jude back to school on wednesday so i could have a little me time and it ended up being just the right counter to the previous day though i love being with my best little friend i do find myself missing my solitude now and again before my son was born the time i spent on my own was often my favorite i loved coming home to an empty house and putting my feet up on the ottoman enjoying a diet pepsi a snack and some mindless afternoon tv before a long luxurious nap i am the kind of person who likes going shopping and out to eat and to the movies by myself it s just rare that i get to do that sort of thing anymore so on wednesday after dropping jude off at school i headed to the beautiful ambler theater to see inside llewyn davis the newest release from the coen brothers i am crazy about the coen brothers and i thoroughly enjoyed their new movie especially the beautiful music and the perfect performance by oscar isaac also the popcorn was delicious and the parking was free because the meter machine was out of order hooray the afternoon was sublime and t...