Meta tags:

Headings (most frequently used words):

august, 2011, friday, 26, tuesday, 16, about, me, followers, blog, archive, diary, of, quaking, fgc, er, ex, gay, versus, transgender,

Text of the page (most frequently used words):
the (126), and (60), this (28), that (24), for (22), with (21), but (20), gay (17), trans (16), all (16), from (15), her (13), people (13), you (13), was (12), she (12), #gender (11), like (11), will (11), diary (10), have (10), their (10), fgc (9), who (9), one (9), about (8), out (8), free (8), were (8), jane (8), july (7), too (7), just (7), not (7), change (7), are (7), being (7), here (7), can (7), friend (7), share (6), right (6), self (6), they (6), world (6), say (6), woman (6), get (6), these (6), what (6), john (6), dear (6), gathering (6), gluten (6), quaking (5), more (5), than (5), when (5), which (5), friends (5), known (5), many (5), morning (5), other (5), much (5), has (5), sex (5), after (5), been (5), back (5), going (5), tree (5), said (5), then (5), quaker (5), transgender (4), august (4), glen (4), retief (4), experience (4), try (4), advantages (4), movement (4), should (4), well (4), feel (4), food (4), still (4), way (4), toast (4), mean (4), curly (4), fragrance (4), 2011 (3), home (3), therapy (3), mine (3), both (3), also (3), where (3), don (3), peace (3), live (3), year (3), old (3), another (3), our (3), family (3), significant (3), violence (3), bathroom (3), went (3), into (3), while (3), looked (3), body (3), face (3), two (3), perceived (3), cultural (3), see (3), behind (3), edition (3), identity (3), disorder (3), community (3), because (3), discomfort (3), desire (3), recent (3), apa (3), distress (3), myself (3), deep (3), long (3), better (3), decide (3), sexual (3), orientation (3), male (3), through (3), american (3), would (3), jewish (3), buddhist (3), mary (3), place (3), quake (3), meeting (3), there (3), things (3), had (3), think (3), week (3), sorry (3), started (3), hand (3), love (3), class (3), some (3), never (3), glue (3), inc (2), theme (2), images (2), april (2), may (2), versus (2), blog (2), posts (2), bachmann (2), pinterest (2), facebook (2), blogthis (2), email (2), comments (2), posted (2), thanks (2), last (2), peterson (2), toscano (2), essay (2), writing (2), country (2), isn (2), wrong (2), takes (2), few (2), individuals (2), programs (2), gays (2), spiritual (2), fruits (2), great (2), against (2), tried (2), until (2), americans (2), report (2), sure (2), overwhelming (2), rich (2), wyler (2), named (2), them (2), able (2), support (2), could (2), stop (2), diagnosis (2), dsm (2), merely (2), make (2), psychiatric (2), interventions (2), rate (2), even (2), worse (2), today (2), coming (2), feelings (2), deer (2), example (2), above (2), decides (2), cross (2), identification (2), opposite (2), his (2), join (2), clinically (2), causes (2), strong (2), let (2), look (2), kind (2), argument (2), based (2), sexuality (2), recently (2), getting (2), full (2), piece (2), most (2), crazy (2), therapists (2), help (2), addresses (2), association (2), leave (2), how (2), bit (2), jesus (2), something (2), hug (2), perhaps (2), justice (2), allergy (2), airport (2), everything (2), completely (2), worship (2), messages (2), made (2), everyone (2), foot (2), trembling (2), cafeteria (2), haired (2), table (2), tofu (2), together (2), pole (2), garbage (2), saw (2), flgbtqsrdvi (2), ran (2), speaks (2), every (2), theological (2), pagan (2), light (2), friday (2), kevin (2), conference (2), now (2), sometimes (2), workshop (2), stand (2), got (2), apparently (2), reading (2), history (2), did (2), feet (2), problem (2), eggs (2), tables (2), thought (2), medical (2), turret (2), apple (2), down (2), scramble (2), know (2), offending (2), noxious (2), soap (2), aftershave (2), shampoo (2), deodorant (2), says (2), first (2), uncomfortable (2), safe (2), end (2), time (2), awesome, powered, blogger, ollustrator, november, 2010, february, march, june, archive, followers, view, complete, profile, subscribe, atom, older, labels, reparative, petersburg, times, publishing, sunday, inimitable, alerting, new, talking, point, teaching, survivor, issues, ever, expected, learn, abigail, jensen, helped, earlier, drafts, pointing, areas, misleadingly, grateful, destruct, equate, hard, won, life, giving, freedom, headed, extraordinary, intellectual, chutzpah, saying, rare, themselves, please, pastors, parents, bible, teachers, achieve, according, personal, interpretation, 600, book, vast, majority, motivated, fear, punishment, next, brave, integrity, quest, tend, terror, shame, numbness, hatred, slow, death, true, selves, souls, transition, act, courage, rebellion, requires, confronting, truth, heart, individual, does, risks, sake, joy, psychic, wholeness, shocking, widespread, use, mcdonald, baltimore, famously, beaten, seizures, employees, without, reacting, growing, research, illustrates, men, women, vicious, intense, discrimination, status, thirds, poverty, around, fifth, experienced, homelessness, denied, apartments, houses, result, freaks, privileges, associated, leaving, homosexuality, retaining, conservative, church, married, government, added, longer, risking, holding, hands, bus, controversial, implicitly, characterizes, illness, rather, recognizing, primary, source, results, societal, ignorance, phrase, useful, further, illuminating, absurdity, position, decades, attempts, accept, socially, assigned, roles, automatic, designed, straighten, effectiveness, anything, dismal, therapies, noted, 2009, evidence, acceptance, infinitely, healthier, transing, gaying, difference, between, already, focus, involve, case, inner, outer, become, allow, physical, reflect, within, return, cited, finally, accepts, always, examples, might, child, repeated, statements, insistence, behaving, member, trying, sports, teams, using, bathrooms, teenager, adult, include, suicidal, inability, function, work, disturbance, persistent, any, begin, concept, language, diagnostic, statistical, manual, mental, disorders, fourth, complex, its, essence, notion, straight, trapped, desires, certain, superficial, appeal, respectable, profound, misunderstanding, perpetuating, misconceptions, continues, tradition, peddling, snake, oil, instead, real, medicine, america, guilty, double, standard, regard, airplay, segment, npr, criticized, assuming, goals, patient, illegitimate, disclosure, author, partnered, interviewee, aforementioned, critic, yet, substitute, description, percent, poll, accepted, supporting, manage, own, lives, refuse, patients, grounds, hippocratic, oaths, harm, someone, dallas, health, sanity, needs, doe, check, meets, criteria, fits, visceral, role, encourage, adopt, behaviors, appropriate, counsel, hormone, reassignment, surgery, michele, husband, program, righteous, hypocrites, critics, psychological, lgbt, lobbying, group, human, rights, campaign, aimed, helping, genders, tuesday, humorous, satirical, wrote, quakerquaker, podcast, readers, severely, exaggerate, himself, attracted, eccentrics, social, outcasts, wondered, midwest, prairies, dine, fragrant, allergic, intolerant, stopped, talk, bespectacled, grandmother, weight, topics, burundi, sheer, exotic, brings, probably, bring, sometime, tell, rest, reflected, plenty, participants, forgive, organizers, shortages, lunch, boxes, shower, policy, insensitive, campers, closing, reconciliation, appreciated, mistakes, forgiven, exchanged, phone, numbers, promised, remain, small, capital, room, dropped, your, replied, badly, emotion, name, put, yelled, invited, tough, runs, defensive, brother, smiled, hugged, breakfast, embraced, shrub, volleyball, court, rusty, metal, dumpster, clasp, rainbow, badge, earthcare, shirt, sister, cried, embracing, strength, second, recoiled, terrified, maybe, overdoing, six, grandmotherly, figure, emerging, dorm, hugging, gripping, instinct, combines, schmoozing, compassion, nature, best, enjoying, centered, universalist, enjoy, range, shabat, honor, non, theist, discussion, diversity, events, granted, variety, problems, monday, off, blabbered, ugly, college, seminar, rooms, hope, accomplish, facilitator, run, away, singing, couldn, hold, note, yoga, strained, doing, sent, healing, center, chakras, rebalanced, took, afternoon, giant, black, whirlpool, middle, aura, healer, moves, clockwise, bad, omen, northern, hemisphere, little, experiences, loved, damnit, acronym, silence, fantastic, fascinating, calvi, lecture, torture, shivered, anxiety, anxious, rush, escape, lying, leaking, wheat, protein, composites, onto, toes, course, managed, stumble, mungous, didn, greedy, nous, gluttonous, need, nervous, asking, unless, refrain, eating, continued, yesterday, understand, gestured, cheeses, meats, yoghurts, grain, wasn, eat, foods, risk, matter, equality, slavery, issue, bran, flakes, understandable, guess, yes, blurted, idea, plate, wholewheat, dry, skinny, moving, shakes, flew, counter, laden, fell, excuse, asked, firmly, dish, tall, thin, hair, standing, front, moved, towards, delicious, onion, tomato, cilantro, take, stewardship, testimony, seriously, since, watching, movie, haven, touch, factory, farmed, milk, meat, options, limited, breaths, calming, cracked, leather, breeches, shaggy, locks, fox, sleeping, rough, road, clouds, seventeenth, century, dandruff, barely, keep, pen, trembly, shaky, odor, molecules, rising, yellow, basin, invisible, paired, clumps, perilous, protons, quaked, quivered, pulsed, vibrated, washed, scrap, white, fluffy, fake, plastic, poison, drain, kept, opening, plenary, overwhelmed, guilt, threw, strictly, used, official, left, locked, airtight, suitcase, sprayed, shaving, cream, hit, explain, very, strict, ban, fragrances, headaches, canaries, coal, alert, industrial, toxins, atheist, boyfriend, academy, rejects, sensitivities, organic, condition, views, psychosomatic, gained, invalidating, reality, practical, evening, provided, sold, odorless, store, nowhere, purchased, quakes, only, hour, big, shivers, places, knees, knocking, trigger, worried, web, site, strives, space, want, attend, welcome, proud, companion, palpitations, aren, helpful, either, mild, blurt, makes, clerk, tells, regularly, holds, bitten, fingernails, sensitive, quakers, strive, open, hearts, others, pain, limits, tremble, beginning, visitors, distract, teenagers, general, grinnell, iowa, years, bwi, fills, anticipation, admit, good, chronic, nervousness, miss, xanax, clearness, committee, medication, hypochondria, friendly, vitality, mind, comment, developments, south, africa, themes, jack, bank, hazing, boarding, school, intersections, race,

Text of the page (random words):
ars as i stand here in bwi airport the thought fills me with well a quaking anticipation i ll admit a good bit is just chronic nervousness i miss my xanax still i think my clearness committee on self medication and hypochondria had the right end of the peace pole friend said my clerk jane i love jane she tells me she regularly holds my bitten fingernails in the light friend you re just too sensitive to the world i know we quakers strive to open our hearts to others pain but there are limits when you tremble so much from the beginning to the end of meeting you make visitors uncomfortable and you distract the teenagers my messages in meeting aren t too helpful either i should say i have mild turret s so i sometimes blurt out things i don t mean to which makes quake even more but this week dear diary i m not worried on the fgc web site it says the gathering strives to be a safe space for all who want to attend that s me too i am going to feel safe and welcome jane will be proud of me as will you dear diary my companion through all these palpitations july 3 my first uncomfortable quakes and i ve only just been here an hour oh well still these were big shivers in the bathroom of all places knees knocking together what was the trigger well i should explain that fgc has a very strict ban against fragrances apparently many friends here get headaches because they re canaries in the coal mine alert to industrial toxins i m not like my atheist boyfriend kevin who says everyone from the american medical association to the american academy of allergy rejects fragrance sensitivities as an organic condition and views them as psychosomatic i say what s to be gained by invalidating other people s reality my problem was much more practical this evening fgc provided fragrance free soap and sold odorless shampoo in the gathering store but fragrance free deodorant and aftershave were nowhere to be purchased so there i was in the strictly fragrance free bathroom i used my official soap i d left my noxious aftershave shampoo and deodorant locked up airtight in my suitcase but then i sprayed shaving cream on my face and it hit me oh no offending odor noxious molecules rising up from the yellow basin invisible paired clumps of perilous protons i quaked and quivered i pulsed and vibrated then i threw the offending can into the garbage i washed every last scrap of the white fluffy fake plastic poison down the drain but i kept trembling all the way through the opening plenary overwhelmed by guilt july 5 oh oh dear diary i can barely keep my pen still i am much too trembly shaky one two deep breaths friend try to think of calming images from quaker history old cracked leather breeches shaggy locks fox sleeping rough on the road he was so free and strong clouds of seventeenth century dandruff i feel better now so diary you know i take our quaker stewardship testimony seriously and since watching that movie food inc i haven t been able to touch factory farmed eggs milk or meat so my cafeteria options this morning were limited but i did see tofu scramble on one of the tables i went to dish up a tall thin woman with curly hair was standing in front of me i moved towards the scramble delicious it looked too with onion tomato and cilantro excuse me friend asked the woman firmly are you gluten free my plate with the wholewheat toast and the dry skinny apple on it started moving in my hand as my shakes got worse the apple flew behind the counter then the gluten laden toast fell down right on curly s feet yes i blurted out i could feel my turret s coming on i mean no i d never gluten glue some idea the curly haired woman looked at me as if i was crazy understandable i guess no need to get nervous friend we re just asking that unless you re completely gluten free you refrain from eating the food at this table she continued yesterday we ran out and you have to understand friend here she gestured at the fruits cheeses eggs meats and yoghurts on the other tables were these grain based i wasn t sure if we eat the wrong foods we ll be at a medical risk this is a matter of equality for us like slavery i d never thought of it that way a justice issue in the bran flakes of course i managed to stumble out a glue mungous problem didn t mean to be so greedy glue ti nous gluttonous s s sorry in my anxious rush to escape i did leave the toast lying at her feet leaking wheat protein composites onto her toes july 7 diary things are going a little better i ve had some great worship experiences i loved the flgbtqsrdvi damnit i can never get that acronym right but the silence and community were fantastic i went to a fascinating reading about quaker history and in john calvi s lecture on torture i shivered but not from anxiety i love this conference s diversity so many events now granted sometimes this variety causes me problems on monday i started off in a workshop about class but i blabbered out these ugly college seminar rooms have no class at all i hope we can accomplish that this week getting this gathering some class the look on the male facilitator s face made me run away i tried singing but couldn t hold a note and then this morning in yoga workshop i strained my back doing a hand stand and got sent to the healing center to have my chakras rebalanced which took all afternoon because apparently i have a giant black whirlpool in the middle of my aura the healer said it moves clockwise a bad omen in the northern hemisphere but all in all i ve been enjoying myself as a jewish buddhist pagan light centered quaker universalist i enjoy the theological range i ll be going to shabat on friday in kevin s honor i ll stop by a non theist discussion but this morning emerging from the dorm i saw an old woman hugging a tree tree gripping dear diary speaks to my every theological instinct it combines jewish schmoozing buddhist compassion and pagan nature love it s the best in the world so i ran up to this grandmotherly figure spiritual sister i cried embracing her from behind with all my strength for a second she recoiled terrified maybe i was overdoing it i am after all male and six foot two but then she saw the flgbtqsrdvi rainbow in my badge and my quaker earthcare t shirt brother she smiled we hugged the tree together on my way to breakfast i also embraced a shrub a volleyball court pole and a rusty metal garbage dumpster at fgc we clasp everything at the cafeteria the curly haired gluten free woman who d yelled at me invited me to join her table i m sorry i was so tough on you with the tofu she said it s just that when food runs out people get defensive i m sorry i dropped a piece of toast on your foot i replied i don t mean to quake as badly as i do but i can t help it when i started trembling at all this emotion mary for that s her name put her hand on mine this is one place in the world she said with room for everyone we exchanged phone numbers and promised to remain friends with both small and capital f s july 8 closing worship was full of messages about peace and reconciliation which made me think about how much i appreciated all the mistakes i d been forgiven for this week what will i tell jane and the rest of my meeting when i get back home in the airport i reflected there were plenty things participants like me had to forgive this gathering s organizers for everything from shortages of lunch boxes all of the way to a shower policy that was completely insensitive to transgender campers still something brings people back here year after year and will probably bring me back sometime too perhaps it s what mary said about fgc being one place where you can hug a tree or have an exotic allergy a place where people can quake as they like perhaps it has to do with the weight of the topics gathering addresses from food justice to burundi or with sheer community or is it that gathering is a bit like jesus himself who attracted eccentrics and social outcasts today if jesus wondered the midwest prairies would he dine with a fragrant allergic gluten intolerant jewish buddhist dear diary if he stopped to talk to a quaking fgc er like me would he say something kind like mary would he hug a tree with me like that like bespectacled grandmother posted by glen retief at 6 21 am no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest tuesday august 16 2011 ex gay versus transgender thanks to the st petersburg times for publishing this op ed of mine last sunday august 14 thanks to the inimitable peterson toscano for alerting me to a new ex gay talking point and for teaching more about both ex gay survivor and trans issues than i ever expected to learn abigail jensen also helped me with earlier drafts of this essay pointing out to me areas where i writing misleadingly about the trans experience i am grateful to her too are the people who are going after michele bachmann for her husband s ex gay program self righteous hypocrites after all most of the ex gay movement s critics from the american psychological association to the lgbt lobbying group the human rights campaign support therapy aimed at helping trans people change genders let s say someone named john deer from dallas pa decides that for health and sanity s he needs to live as jane doe therapists will check to see if john jane meets the criteria of gender identity disorder if they decide she fits this diagnosis they will back her as she addresses her deep visceral discomfort with her male gender role they will encourage jane to adopt gender behaviors that feel right and if appropriate will counsel her through hormone therapy and sex reassignment surgery yet substitute sexual orientation for gender in the above description and most americans 69 percent in one recent poll will say that s crazy sexual orientation should be accepted therapists while supporting individuals right to manage their own lives will refuse to help patients change sexual orientation on the grounds of their hippocratic oaths to do no harm this argument that america is guilty of a double standard in regard to the ex gay movement has recently been getting airplay for example on a recent segment of npr s morning edition ex gay rich wyler criticized the apa for assuming his goals as a patient were illegitimate full disclosure here the author is partnered with peterson toscano another interviewee on the aforementioned piece and a well known critic of ex gay programs the notion that ex gays are straight people trapped in a body with gay desires has a certain superficial appeal after all who is the apa to decide that one kind of discomfort with self is more respectable than another but this argument is based on a profound misunderstanding of gender and sexuality and in perpetuating these misconceptions the ex gay movement continues a long tradition of peddling snake oil instead of real medicine to begin let s look at the psychiatric concept of gender identity disorder the language from the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders fourth edition better known as dsm iv is long and complex but its essence is 1 a strong and persistent cross gender identification not merely a desire for any perceived cultural advantages of being the other sex 2 this disturbance causes clinically significant distress examples of cross gender identification might be a child s repeated statements that s he is the opposite sex or his her insistence on behaving like a member of the opposite sex like trying to join the other sex s sports teams or using their bathrooms clinically significant distress as a teenager or adult may include suicidal feelings or inability to function at work the difference between the trans experience and the ex gay one should already be coming into focus while both involve distress in one case i desire to change myself change my deep feelings and inner being in the other i long to change my outer body so as to become myself so as to allow the physical to reflect what is known within to return to the john deer example cited above it isn t so much that john decides to be jane it s more that john finally accepts what he has always known until recent decades attempts to make trans people accept their socially assigned gender roles were as automatic as psychiatric interventions designed to try to straighten out gay people the effectiveness rate for these ex trans interventions was if anything even worse than the dismal rate for ex gay therapies today as the apa noted in a 2009 report the evidence is overwhelming self acceptance is infinitely healthier than de transing or de gaying the gender identity disorder diagnosis is controversial in the trans community because it implicitly characterizes the trans experience as an illness rather than recognizing that the primary source of the discomfort trans people experience results from societal ignorance but the dsm iv phrase not merely a desire for the perceived cultural advantages is a useful one in further illuminating the absurdity of the ex gay movement s position cultural advantages sure i see the overwhelming privileges associated with leaving homosexuality behind rich wyler named a few of them on morning edition retaining conservative family friends and church being able to get married and have a family with government support he could have added no longer risking violence by holding hands at a bus stop but the advantages of being trans a growing body of research illustrates that trans men and women face vicious and intense discrimination if their transgender status is known as many as two thirds of trans americans live in poverty around a fifth have experienced homelessness many report being denied apartments or houses as a result of being perceived as freaks violence against trans people is shocking and widespread just this april a trans woman who tried to use the bathroom in a mcdonald s in baltimore was famously beaten until she went into seizures while the employees looked on without reacting to transition to another gender in our world is an act of great courage and rebellion which requires confronting friends family and the world with a truth of the heart the individual who does so takes significant risks for the sake of joy and psychic wholeness i m not saying that a few rare individuals in ex gay programs who try to change themselves to please their pastors parents and bible teachers don t achieve peace when they try to live according to their personal interpretation of a 1 600 year old book but the vast majority of ex gays are motivated by fear of punishment in this world or the next not by brave integrity the spiritual fruits of their quest for change tend to be terror shame numbness and self hatred a slow death of their true selves which is to say of their souls in a free country people have the right to self destruct but to equate all of this with the hard won and life giving freedom of trans people isn t just wrong headed it also takes extraordinary intellectual chutzpah...