Meta tags:

Headings (most frequently used words):

2010, june, friday, 12, 11, thursday, graceful, willows, august, 2011, wednesday, tuesday, may, 13, april, monday, march, 29, my, facebook, blog, archive, support, we, miss, you, gwd, font, damnit, nikki, update, prayer, request, is, on, it, way, first, appointment, tator, tot,

Text of the page (most frequently used words):
and (61), the (50), her (49), that (43), she (39), this (24), was (23), all (22), for (21), about (21), just (20), baby (20), have (20), you (19), there (18), know (17), not (16), they (16), with (16), our (15), but (15), are (14), now (14), please (12), had (11), think (10), like (10), going (10), again (9), crib (9), blog (8), megan (8), new (8), don (8), can (8), over (8), will (8), still (8), right (8), nikki (8), june (7), 2010 (7), comments (7), posted (7), while (7), would (7), tot (7), from (7), their (7), out (7), what (7), then (7), want (7), been (7), has (7), weeks (7), here (7), never (7), grace (6), were (6), things (6), everything (6), get (6), ultrasound (6), pray (6), wish (6), feel (6), time (6), where (6), doesn (6), day (6), pregnant (6), since (6), grief (6), miss (5), when (5), everyone (5), rainbow (5), happy (5), back (5), how (5), really (5), before (5), little (5), sat (5), didn (5), first (5), tater (5), today (5), love (5), pregnancy (4), could (4), why (4), did (4), well (4), said (4), babies (4), different (4), last (4), saw (4), them (4), place (4), stuff (4), see (4), date (4), much (4), both (4), until (4), due (4), bedrest (4), anyone (4), january (3), april (3), your (3), very (3), paper (3), towel (3), sit (3), happen (3), home (3), need (3), too (3), fact (3), bellies (3), yet (3), maybe (3), felt (3), ever (3), continue (3), make (3), other (3), hoping (3), hear (3), appointment (3), thought (3), crazy (3), side (3), say (3), makes (3), any (3), being (3), moved (3), dresser (3), mattress (3), coming (3), people (3), fluid (3), anything (3), family (3), girl (3), nothing (3), pain (3), prayed (3), sorry (3), font (2), com (2), february (2), march (2), may (2), august (2), 2011 (2), memories (2), facebook (2), posts (2), anyway (2), got (2), work (2), getting (2), ready (2), more (2), post (2), nervous (2), tell (2), around (2), hold (2), tator (2), who (2), skirt (2), many (2), losses (2), let (2), healthy (2), cover (2), myself (2), picture (2), wrong (2), fears (2), nice (2), some (2), after (2), inital (2), hope (2), peace (2), supposed (2), office (2), location (2), because (2), dunno (2), talked (2), kicking (2), ultrasounds (2), look (2), scary (2), find (2), die (2), tough (2), only (2), bad (2), news (2), far (2), away (2), busy (2), good (2), another (2), guys (2), crying (2), same (2), spot (2), next (2), heartbeat (2), between (2), high (2), sides (2), safe (2), dare (2), thursday (2), update (2), lot (2), greedy (2), room (2), box (2), damnit (2), told (2), month (2), lost (2), wrapped (2), cast (2), deal (2), buy (2), looked (2), even (2), sleep (2), ashes (2), lay (2), hospital (2), empty (2), wanna (2), whole (2), thing (2), yea (2), life (2), way (2), along (2), leaking (2), world (2), stay (2), having (2), supportive (2), levels (2), least (2), brooke (2), prayer (2), friend (2), always (2), arms (2), prayers (2), understand (2), moment (2), chest (2), feeling (2), second (2), awful (2), hate (2), age (2), friday (2), year (2), hannah (2), beautiful (2), every (2), complain (2), graceful (2), willows (2), skip (2), changed, thecutestblogontheblock, gwd, support, archive, create, badge, davis, subscribe, atom, older, hugs, off, bed, write, later, made, unprivate, most, updates, private, weird, hello, proud, expeciting, nov, dec, hesitated, wheather, couldn, willing, welcome, follow, journey, http, lifebeneaththewillows, blogspot, monday, siting, telling, nooo, god, bring, vag, exam, undress, waist, down, give, something, big, entire, bottom, half, seriously, needed, those, pix, shirt, these, obnoxious, sleeping, reassurance, kangaroos, easy, open, pouch, peek, joey, development, turn, shouldn, mins, looking, probably, belly, happened, nurse, doctor, reassured, appreciate, insurance, company, won, long, chair, looks, peaceful, dark, wait, actually, sickening, particular, willow, beginning, jan, possible, luck, waited, hydrops, walked, headed, towards, maternal, fetal, medicine, stared, pregnancies, fast, forward, question, answer, sesion, blood, met, midwife, reason, switched, practice, begin, deliveries, working, amazing, several, understanding, 15th, try, properly, called, days, ryan, 4w6d, whatever, ultrascreen, awesome, risk, guy, nuchal, translucency, similarities, two, blogs, serious, differences, wouldn, mention, ttt, soon, read, turkey, such, deep, cry, mean, less, build, shelf, put, daughter, whoever, 4th, suck, vase, white, blanket, purple, bag, foot, print, bunny, pink, onsie, pic, found, brought, took, upstairs, urn, blankie, leave, forever, trust, sense, haven, kept, ment, should, bought, floor, sister, decided, move, heavier, normal, moving, heavy, guilt, sure, cards, bear, papers, footprint, hurt, kinda, quickly, 25th, through, inside, knew, gone, saying, rather, oct, amniotic, bleeding, also, short, cervix, wonderful, course, prefer, father, does, network, friends, level, tomorrow, guess, past, midnight, eval, left, asked, best, unborn, end, request, tuesday, thanks, actualy, discharged, came, sent, delievery, fluids, isn, 100, suprisingly, keep, further, weekly, monitor, steriods, thank, name, amaiyah, wednesday, though, repeat, enough, suppose, conceived, uncomfortably, close, unimaginable, smile, amazement, earth, wriggling, cooing, especially, whiny, heart, lynne, rose, born, inches, hasn, except, hosp, facing, care, knows, praying, young, yrs, old, face, wasn, real, aamiyah, spent, mind, definatley, case, terrible, self, delivered, months, ago, breathtakingly, however, birth, come, round, wow, missed, mad, comfort, facial, expressions, sad, fav, foods, else, tainted, fair, soooooooooo, beyond, tired, non, blms, blm, sometimes, ounce, perspective, amazingly, each, motherhood, mother, parent, anyways, rant, vent, sidebar, main,

Text of the page (random words):
graceful willows skip to main skip to sidebar graceful willows friday august 12 2011 8 12 11 it s been over a year since my last post not because i ve spent the last year with nothing on my mind or my grief is over that s definatley not the case in fact today is a terrible day with grief i wish grief would just go f it self we delivered our second baby girl hannah 8 months ago she s breathtakingly beautiful however with her birth has come a whole new round of grief wow this is what i really missed out on i m so f mad that i ll never know grace like i know hannah every first every new thing we ll never see it we ll never comfort her hear her know her little facial expressions what makes her happy or sad her fav foods or anything else all i have is tainted memories and a box of stuff i wanna hold her in my arms i want to and i can t it s not fair and i m soooooooooo beyond tired of non blms who just don t get it and complain and complain about pregnancy and their babies it s not that i wish being a blm on anyone i just wish sometimes that other people had just an ounce of perspective about how amazingly beautiful each moment of pregnancy and motherhood is i am a mother to grace but i ll never be her parent i hate that anyways sorry for the rant i just know this is a safe place to vent you guys get it i m so sorry that you get it that you understand but you do posted by megan at 2 57 pm 5 comments friday june 11 2010 damnit well nikki s baby girl aamiyah lynne rose was born this am at 21 weeks 10 oz 9 inches she didn t make it i prayed and prayed and prayed for both of them a lot of people did she still hasn t told anyone except for her family she s in the hosp right this second facing this with her family i don t care if she knows that i know or not i m still praying for her it s just so awful i hate that she s feeling and going to continue to feel this pain we all know so well she s so young too only 21 yrs old not that any age is an ok age to face this i wish babies didn t die i wish this pain wasn t real to anyone i m so so so so sorry to all of you that have felt this it s just awful grace s due date is still coming up i suppose it s been coming up since the day she was conceived it s just that it s this month now 6 25 10 i would have been uncomfortably pregnant right now and ready at any time for her i would have been so close to having that unimaginable moment where they lay the crying baby on my chest while i smile in amazement it s never going to happen for her and i at least not here on earth i m never ever ever going to feel her on my chest wriggling around and cooing i m feeling especially whiny today i know she s always with me both in my heart and on my dresser but it s just not enough nothing really new to say about it though i don t feel like i need to repeat myself over and over again you all understand you all know my pain my grief is still here it s nothing new posted by megan at 6 09 pm 9 comments wednesday june 2 2010 nikki update thanks for all of the prayers everyone nikki was actualy discharged her ultrasound came back ok and they sent her home on bedrest until delievery her fluids isn t 100 but are suprisingly high for as much leaking as she has had with bedrest we are hoping to keep baby in until it s further along she will have weekly ultrasounds to monitor fluid levels and she will get steriods in 5 weeks at 24 weeks again thank you all for the prayers for nikki and baby please continue to pray for them oh and ps it s a girl nikki is going to name her amaiyah posted by megan at 8 36 am 4 comments tuesday june 1 2010 prayer request why can t pregnancy always end up in a healthy baby in our arms i ve never asked for a prayer from blog world before but everyone please please please pray for my friend brooke s best friend nikki and her unborn baby brooke on the left nikki on the right she is 19 weeks along due in oct and she is leaking amniotic fluid she is in the hospital on bedrest now she is bleeding and and also has a short cervix she doesn t want anyone to know about it yet but it d be wonderful if you could all pray for her and her little baby she doesn t know anything about this baby lost world and of course i prefer it stay that way this is her first baby and she doesn t know what she is having yet the father of the baby is not supportive but she does have a supportive network of family and friends she doesn t even know that i know about what is going on please don t say anything on my facebook i just want so bad for everything to be ok for her and baby she is going to have a level ii ultrasound tomorrow well i guess today now since it s past midnight to eval baby and fluid levels i hope and pray that baby will be ok and nikki can stay on bedrest until at least 24 weeks please please please everyone pray with us posted by megan at 4 09 am 6 comments thursday may 13 2010 june is on it s way i miss her june is coming quickly and her due date will be here before i know it june 25th i just wanna sleep through that day i dunno how you all did the whole due date thing there are people i see that were pregnant at the same time as me they are still pregnant yea yea i know i m pregnant again but it s not that i miss being pregnant i miss her her life inside of my life i knew her and now she s gone i do love this tater tot baby so much and am not saying i would rather have her then tater tot i want them both maybe i m just greedy how dare me today we found a really good deal on a crib mattress i had to buy it i didn t think we would find another deal like that ok so i brought it home took it upstairs and looked at her there she is in her crib in her urn wrapped in her blankie she was there with all of her stuff the place she s been since january what was i supposed to do buy a new crib leave her in that crib in our room forever trust me i thought about it grief makes crazy things make sense that s why i haven t kept her out of the crib since january it was ment for her so she should be in there right but now i have this mattress i didn t even think about it when i bought it like i said there are 2 sides of me where would it go will tater tot sleep on a mattress on the floor while their sister s ashes lay still in the crib again i thought about it i decided to move her she felt heavier then normal while i was moving her out of the crib heavy with guilt maybe i m not sure i moved her and all of her things out of the crib the cards our peace bear her ashes my d c papers from the hospital her footprint cast everything the crib was empty so empty it hurt here is kinda what it looked like before i moved everything she s next to the vase wrapped up in the white blanket the purple bag has her foot print cast in it the bunny in the pink onsie has hear heartbeat in it this is a pic from february there has been much more stuff since then here it is now it s all moved now she s still in our room in fact now she is where i can see her all the time we are going to build a shelf to put her and all her things on until then she s on the dresser my daughter is on the dresser in a box damnit whoever told me that the 4th month after we lost her was going to suck you were right i love my baby turkey tater tot i love it with such a deep love that it makes me cry when i think about it too much it doesn t mean i miss or love grace any less like i said i want both i think i m being greedy i think i ll update ttt s blog soon i have a lot to say then you can think i m crazy when you read all about the other side of me posted by megan at 5 17 am 16 comments thursday april 1 2010 first appointment we had our first appointment for our rainbow baby today this is rainbow baby s blog i feel like there are 2 sides of me now this side here on this blog here in my safe spot and that side over there on rainbow s blog there are similarities between the two blogs and there are serious differences that i wouldn t dare mention over there it was just an inital question answer sesion with a little blood work and stuff like that we met with the midwife l c she is the reason why i switched to that practice to begin with i saw her do some deliveries while i was working in l d and i just thought she was amazing she has had several losses and was very understanding about all of my crazy fears i have right now i m going to have my first ultrasound on april 15th to try to see tater tot s little heartbeat and to properly date our rainbow she called me 5 weeks 2 days right now ryan and i think i am 4w6d but whatever then i ll have an ultrascreen between 11 13 weeks with dr awesome the high risk guy to look the nuchal translucency it was tough to go back there actually it was sickening the only time that i have been to this particular location for our ob office was the day that we got the bad news for grace willow in the beginning of jan we sat as far away from all of the other pregnant bellies as possible tough luck it was a busy day they all talked about their babies and how they were kicking we sat there and waited hoping to hear good news and hoping that the 3d ultrasound place was wrong we had another ultrasound and they saw the hydrops they saw everything we walked out of that appointment headed towards the maternal fetal medicine guys crying while all of the bellies stared at us with their nice happy pregnancies anyway fast forward to now i didn t want to sit in the same spot we sat as far away as we could but it was a busy day again and we had to sit right next to where we sat before that long chair that s where we sat last time it doesn t look scary it looks peaceful but it s not it s a scary dark place where you wait to find out that your baby will die we shouldn t have to go back to this office again there is a location that is about 5 mins from us that we will go to from now on there were still bellies looking at us probably because i don t have a belly yet i dunno maybe they know what happened to us it felt like they did again they talked about their babies kicking am i ever going to feel that we had a different nurse then we had last time we saw a different doctor things were different i want them to continue to be different she said that we can have as many ultrasounds as we need to make us feel reassured i appreciate this our insurance company won t but i do these fears are obnoxious i m back to not sleeping well it ll be nice if we get some reassurance after our inital ultrasound i just really really hope and pray that everything is ok in there like i ve said before kangaroos have it so easy they can just open their pouch and peek in on their little joey s development i wish i could do that too i just have to be at peace with the fact that things will turn out just as they are supposed to oh and why when they need to do a vag exam and they have you undress from waist down do they give you something about as big as a paper towel to cover your entire bottom half seriously i needed about 4 of those to cover myself i m picture happy ya know but not that picture happy they ll be no pix of me my shirt and a paper towel skirt don t get me wrong i did think about it as i was siting there in my paper towel skirt and l c was telling me about how she had had so many losses all i could do was sit there and think this can happen over and over again nooo please god please don t let this happen again please let me bring home a healthy baby please posted by megan at 5 10 am 6 comments monday march 29 2010 tator tot hello everyone we re proud and nervous to tell you all we are expeciting our rainbow around nov 29 dec 2 we re very happy and very nervous about everything we hesitated on wheather or not to tell everyone but we just couldn t hold back our new blog about our tator tot is http lifebeneaththewillows blogspot com all who are willing are welcome to follow us on this journey i made my new blog unprivate for a while i don t think most of you were getting my updates when i would post new things while i was private weird anyway i just got off of work and i m getting ready to go to bed i ll write more later hugs posted by megan at 9 19 am 13 comments older posts subscribe to posts atom my facebook megan davis create your badge memories of grace and our pregnancy blog archive 2011 1 august 1 8 12 11 2010 13 june 3 may 1 april 1 march 2 february 3 january 3 support we miss you gwd font i changed my font at thecutestblogontheblock com