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description=8 posts published by greg during August 2013;

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a birdcage from a single block of wood it may be silly and archaic but it s also pretty wonderful working iron and then of course there s the midway that s the term used in the u s and canada for an area deliberately separated from the exhibition sites and designated for various forms of entertainment the term midway was coined during the great chicago world s columbian exposition held in 1893 columbian because it was the 400th anniversary of the arrival of christopher columbus to the new world and yes it was actually the 401st anniversary and yes there s absolutely no connection between columbus and the city of chicago but don t blame me i m just explaining the origin of the term the midway is where you ll find the games of chance in which chance rarely plays a part the very worst forms of fair food which is saying something amusement rides designed i m convinced to provoke the regurgitation of fair food and other sources of pleasure and delight the midway the midway is the gaudiest noisiest smelliest craziest drunkest annoyingest and most aggressively fascinating part of the fair this is what the iowa state fair has instead of the charge of the light brigade there s an aura of self destructiveness that infuses the air of the midway all the things you know you probably shouldn t do are available here the midway is where you re most likely to step in puke most likely to see a fistfight most likely to see tattoos in the most unlikely places most likely to death metal t shirts and most likely to win a giant plushie banana more of the midway the midway reaches its peak madness hours after dark which is why i tend to leave before twilight i have grown older and wiser and less tolerant of noise and vomit and drunken bikers but i d be lying if i said i didn t like the midway no state fair experience is complete without a trip through the midway on the periphery of the midway you can find the more tame amusements the ones designed for children you can t always see the children s rides but you can locate them by the wide fringe of camera toting parents surrounding them super slide i spent about six hours noodly about at the iowa state fair and that was enough i didn t get to see everything i d wanted to see but still i managed to eat a bacon wrapped barbecued rib on a stick a deep fried pork tenderloin with bacon on the inside and outside and a deep fried hostess twinkie on a stick surprisingly without bacon it wasn t until i was driving home that i realized i d neglected to see the butter cow that s been an iowa state fair tradition since 1911 a life sized cow carved out of around 600 pounds of butter each year since 1996 iowa s sesquicentennial there s also been a companion butter sculpture that first year it was a butter version of grant woods american gothic i swear i m not making this up there have also been butter versions of elvis da vinci s the last supper john wayne honest i m really not making this up a harley davidson motorcycle tiger woods don t look at me i m just reporting this neil armstrong s walk on the moon and harry potter 1911 postcard of the original butter cow sculpture this year the companion sculpture was a butter abraham lincoln in honor of the centennial of the completion of the lincoln highway which runs through iowa that s the iowa state fair a bacon wrapped barbecued rib on a stick a pig that weighs over 1000 pounds did i forget to mention the largest pig and cow competitions and the great emancipator carved from a solid chunk of churned cow s milk ain t that america posted in stuff i like a lot where i went 7 replies no dream is impossible posted on august 14 2013 by greg 2 oh c mon texas i m beginning to think y all are doing this on purpose seriously y all have managed to pack an entire psychopathology into three little words republican from texas i swear when the next version of the dsm is released there ll be a diagnostic ladder for republican from texas that three word phrase has already become shorthand for bone stupid delusional obsessive and well armed texas you started us off slowly so to speak with george w he wasn t so much stupid as he was intellectually disconnected and entirely unimaginative but then you doubled down with rick good hair perry and before you know it we were up to our hips in louie gohmert the republican from texas poster boy gohmert is so fucking stupid and delusional he won t tie his shoes because he thinks shoelaces are gay that s why he wears cowboy boots so his laces won t get gay married louie gohmert republican from texas poster boy but texas you re not satisfied with your rick perrys and your louie gohmerts no sir you have a bench of republicans from texas full of goobers tuna heads whack jobs and 40 watt dimwits folks who are so loopy that in other states they d be locked in the attic and fed table scraps don t even get noticed among republicans from texas including poor blake farenthold and just who is blake farenthold you ask this is blake farenthold blake farenthold republican from texas he s the one on the right no i m not kidding the guy in the blue pyjamas with the yellow duckies guys that s the united states representative for texas s 27th congressional district and i m willing to bet a shiny new nickel that you probably hadn t even heard of him before if so that s not congressman farenthold s fault it s because he s just not quite as irresponsibly insane as other republicans from texas don t get me wrong the guy is completely loopy just not that loopy not on the republican from texas scale but he s trying give pyjama boy credit he s trying at a town hall meeting with his constituents just last weekend farenthold was given proof that president obama committed a felony by being a secret muslim atheist faggot from communist kenya proof mind you put right into his hand so why hasn t obama been impeached farenthold said that was a question i get a lot if everyone s so unhappy with the president s done why don t you impeach him i ll give you a real frank answer about that if we were to impeach the president tomorrow you could probably get the votes in the house of representatives to do it but it would go to the senate and he wouldn t be convicted farenthold apparently believes making texans unhappy is an impeachable offense the house of representatives would impeach him for that but those fucking senators no ma am not gonna do it farenthold believes it should have been done a long time ago and now it s just too late i think unfortunately the horse is already out of the barn on this on the whole birth certificate issue the original congress when his eligibility came up should have looked into it and they didn t i m not sure how we fix it oh if only the original congress had been patriotic enough to keep that birth certificate equine in the barn mitt romney would be president today and we d all be eating crème brûlée while riding on dancing horses blake farenthold republican from texas legislating his little heart out congressman farenthold has some serious work to do if he wants to politic with the boys in the big hats but he s making the effort he s putting himself out there meeting with his lunatic constituents saying all sorts of crazy shit and doing it in public he s doing all he can to represent his congressional district and uphold the standards of the texas republican party blake farenthold republican from texas representing his constituents if blake farenthold can find the energy to keep this up and i ve no doubt he ll do his very best he has the potential to some day be known as the louie gohmert of south texas no dream is impossible posted in current events politics republicans from texas 2 replies coffee guns sensitivity posted on august 12 2013 by greg 2 starbucks you get coffee at starbucks i get asked that question periodically sometimes by people who dislike the cost or taste of starbucks coffee sometimes by folks who dislike the way starbucks treats its employees sometimes by people who dislike the music at starbucks or the customers who frequent starbucks or the name starbucks and lately i ve been asked that question by folks who are appalled by the refusal of starbucks to ban firearms from their coffee shops that s right starbucks allows its overly caffeinated customers to be armed not every starbucks only those starbucks in states that have open carry laws according to zack hutson a spokesman for starbucks we comply with local laws and statutes in the communities we serve abiding by laws that permit open carry where these laws don t exist openly carrying weapons in our stores is prohibited so if your state or city allows folks to openly tote a firearm then starbucks says you re welcome to take that firearm into their coffee shops they don t advertise this but there it is gun safety advocates think this stance is massively stupid gun rights advocates are basically divided into three camps there are those who think anybody who d enter a starbucks is a communist who s only about five minutes away from gay marrying a sheep there are those who dislike starbucks because they re only gun neutral instead of pro gun and there are those folks who think starbucks deserves a round of applause for their bold hey we didn t write the law stance on firearms the latter group organized starbucks appreciation day which was last friday in case you didn t notice and you probably didn t starbucks appreciation day was sort of like chick fil a appreciation day only that was for hating gay folks and this was for loving firearms given that there s some serious overlap among the gun loving and gay hating subsets it s not surprising that starbucks appreciation day received some blowback hah blowback see what i did there from the triple shot testosterone black coffee crowd the ceo of fagbucks told the rest of us that if we dont support ass munchers getting married we should not buy fagbucks so i now go to the coffee bean i m aware of starbucks recent backing of homosexual partnerships my point was that they have not changed their open carry policy and that behavior deserves acknowledgement as long as the homosexuals don t invade my space i ll let them suffer the consequences of their lifestyle yeah fagbucks one argument for getting coffee at starbucks is you re not likely to meet the guy who refers to it as fagbucks in any event i was pleased by starbucks appreciation day not because i support the notion of openly carrying firearms i definitely do not i like starbucks appreciation day because 1 it brings attention to starbucks policy which in my opinion really needs to change and 2 i m a very firm believer in the first amendment of the u s constitution which guarantees the right of the people peaceably to assemble so it makes me perversely proud to see people with whom i actively disagree making a public stand and exercising their constitutional rights i m more willing to support people who openly stand up for causes i dislike than i am to support a corporation that quietly refuses to adopt a policy that s in the best interest of its customers here s the thing about freedom of speech and freedom of assembly if it s to have any meaning at all it can t be limited for reasons of sensitivity these rights cannot be restricted simply because they might upset somebody it would for example be incredibly insensitive and deliberately offensive for gun rights advocates to hold starbucks appreciation day at a starbucks in newtown where more than two dozen children and teachers were murdered eight months ago only a group of world class jackasses would schedule a pro gun rally in newtown and so of course that s exactly what the connecticut citizens defense league decided to do not surprisingly gun safety advocates objected equally unsurprising pro gun folks mocked them interesting comments by the victim class from newtown they need to suck it up we don t all stop driving our cars when there is a big car crash we don t ban flights over a town where a plane crashed to heck with all that if we want to be sensitive of the kids fears then let them stay home from public school for a year my rights are not negotiable on someone elses fears as if we should be ashamed at insisting on rights in such an insensitive way screw that sensitivity is why they band open carry and concealed carry in most states ages ago it took us decades of tragedies before people started insisting on overturning those laws we will not crawl back in our holes because someone whines and cries i guess civil rights stop after a killing seriously these guys were actually offended offended by the notion that they should be sensitive to the pain and suffering of parents whose six year old children were recently murdered in fact they seemed to see this as some sort of challenge you don t want me to bring a gun to your starbucks in newtown fuck you in the neck you whining babies i m going to drive an extra ninety minutes just so i can bring a gun to newtown in fact fuck you so much i m bringing two guns now sensitivity is for pussies suck my puny white dick the whole starbucks appreciation day idea put the corporation in an uncomfortable public relations situation which let s face it is exactly where they belong for having such a passive policy they had to choose between 1 maintaining their policies and showing themselves to be heartless corporate fuckwads or 2 being decent members of the community they tried to choose both starbucks issued a statement on the decision of pro gun advocates to hold appreciation day these events are not endorsed by starbucks that said our stores are gathering places for the communities we serve and we respect the diverse views of our customers we recognize that there is significant and genuine passion surrounding open carry weapon laws our long standing approach to this topic remains unchanged oh starbucks you had me at that said except of course this is not an issue of diverse views as the starbucks statement suggests it s an issue of health and safety while it s true that occasionally somebody carrying a concealed weapon will prevent a crime from taking place it s a lot more likely somebody carrying a weapon will fire it in anger and i don t know about you but every time i m behind somebody who orders a venti iced skinny hazelnut macchiato sugar free syrup extra shot light ice no whip i want to kneecap them it s even more likely somebody will discharge their weapon accidentally and if we re lucky they ll only wound themselves in the end starbucks is a corporation and the only thing corporations really care about is maximizing profit starbucks isn t about coffee it s about selling coffee at least whoever owns the newtown starbucks franchise had the decency to close the coffee shop five hours early so there was no starbucks loves guns event there oh and if starbucks is so wicked why do i buy their coffee on occasion simple there s a starbucks about seventy paces from the entrance to th...