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Text of the page (random words):
around was a bit difficult we had looked at some 20 homes already when we walked into that house that night we knew that is how we ended up in the house we are now renting my heart was full as friends and family helped pack and move us i cried about not having best friends next door people who had truly been angels and saviors in our lives i cried to withdraw my students from a great school i cried to leave the ward that i had grown up in as a youth myself i cried to leave our bishop who had become our counselor friend confidant and who was a major part of saving our marriage i was anxious for a fresh new start i was also terrified then we went to church that first sunday in our new ward and i knew all would be well i was greeted by many who made me feel right at home the landlords had told us that it was a great friendly ward with a lot of kids the same age as ours that was a big draw what they couldn t have known was that there were friends of my mom s from each home i d lived in who were in this ward the school situation was an adjustment no surprise pammie slid right in and made a new friend right away she did have some trouble with bullying by some girls who kicked her out of their group when she stood up to them for intentionally messing up the chalk drawings done by other students i was sad for her to learn that lesson but so very proud of her for standing up for what was right little did i know what a lesson she was teaching me at that time she didn t let it get to her too much and in no time had made more friends and felt right at home will had a harder time his new teacher was a very difficult one and not a good fit for him we had been incredibly blessed with his last one and i would have driven him there daily if only they had allowed me i did try but they wouldn t consider it because of overcrowding he was having frequent migraines and his reading level was dropping i fought my way all the way to our assistant superintendent but to no avail i kept will involved because i wanted him to know i was concerned for him and would do all i could to help him but that i also needed him to do his best in class as well after speaking with his pediatrician and with a good friend who lobbies for the school district we decided that pulling him out of school for the remainder of the year would be better than his staying in with frequent stress and migraines i told him this and that i would be willing to homeschool him it was a hard decision on all our parts but i feel like he just needed to see that i was willing to do that for him his confidence seemed to improve after that and he made some friends in his new scout group he figured out his teacher a little better and how to not take her so personally and he decided to go ahead and stick out the year in school i finally got them to listen to me about his abilities and the fact that he was not reading at a first grade level like his teacher was trying to tell me but rather a fifth grade one and he was able to test for gate and get started right away all these things helped him remember what a great student he was and he finished out the year beautifully kyle had to switch his speech therapy teachers as well but we could immediately tell what a blessing that would be as his new teacher has been fantastic for him and he made immediate strides as a family we all felt overwhelmed by the love and welcoming arms of our new ward family treats arrived welcoming us parents quickly helped figure out what kids were the same age so friends could be made there is a park next door to our school which we can easily walk to and from each day and we soon found ourselves right at home with the others as we stayed after school to play and visit awhile what a blessing it s funny how you can feel so blessed and yet have such a hard time all the same it was a few months after our move that i started really missing people i hadn t seem my family for a while so i missed them i d tried to arrange for us to get together over an overlapping spring break weekend halfway between our homes but they cancelled i still talked to and occasionally saw my former neighbor but it just wasn t the same as having her right next door where we d chat outside nearly every day kyle had had mrsa so we had either been stuck at home for a couple of weeks or at dr appt after appt trying to get the poor sore cleaned out without doing actual surgery i d gotten out of the house finally for a book club craft night only to find myself feeling incredibly uncomfortable with conversation going on not wanting to make a scene but also desperately wanting now to be home i quietly left i felt worn down and so alone i remember how alone i felt but i also remember how much i felt my savior there beside me supporting me and praising me and how close i felt to my husband as i knew that we were going through hard things but doing so together and as very best friends who had been greatly strengthened and brought nearer to each other and to our savior together i had been serving as a women s support group facilitator for a group with the church s addiction recovery program it had been a tremendous blessing and life support for me but i had to stop going at this same time and turn the role over to another because of a new calling i had received in the ward i felt so blessed to see the journey i we had made over the last year or two and where we were now i felt so blessed to have this fresh start before us but it overwhelmed me all the same it was an adjustment it was a change change can be and often is good change is also hard when we looked forward to our move with a hope of fresh starts we had no idea what we were really getting in to after my feelings of exhaustion and loneliness i made a bit of a vent on facebook it was nothing more than a vent but some took it to heart and found offense where none was intended before i knew it i found one of my very best friends from my youth sending me hurtful and painful emails detailing everything wrong with me and taking a stab at literally every aspect of my life i had made the hard decision to say something about something that was bothering me i thought i had clarified it in a way that would make it clear that i meant no personal attack but merely a stating of a decision i had made and a desire for everyone to be better figuring we could all agree on that even if we respectfully held different opinions on other things i have always figured friends could agree to disagree and still respect and love one another however i could no longer ignore that voice in my head constantly saying dare to stand alone or stand in holy places i found myself being reminded of my sweet daughter who said to her new friends i don t think that s a good idea and holding her head high after they said she couldn t be in their club any more i thought of the primary children i had just been called to teach about choosing the right i thought of the pain i had endured and the questions i had faced soul searching i had done as my marriage hung on a thread while satan had ever so slyly weaseled his way into our home i didn t want that for any of my friends and i certainly didn t want that again for myself or my family so it was that i said what i would and would not allow in my home or in my life so it was that i suddenly found myself in one of the hardest situations of my life so it was that i lost my entire social circle in seemingly one fell swoop i never thought i would have to be in that sort of a situation as an adult i certainly never thought that it would go the way that it would we so often think that we will be blessed right away for standing for truth and righteousness and for choosing the better part losing my best friend losing my book club losing my girls night outs certainly didn t feel like a blessing i was sad and angry and hurt for a long time at some point i realized that i was grieving like the loss of a loved one who has left this life i prayed for help and direction and for the negative feelings to be taken away i didn t want it to be as hard as it was i didn t understand why it was as hard as it was when i had done something right as i prayed the only response i would get would be an overwhelming assurance that i did the right thing and that it would be ok satan is tricky though and that feeling wouldn t stay for long i don t recall how long it was but eventually the feelings faded and i found my courage and myself again it started when my visiting teacher showed up on my doorstep she had come to bring me a treat and to apologize for not being a better visiting teacher because she hadn t really come yet to visit and bring a message i don t know what came over me but i was feeling especially honest and had just been praying about how i d felt about this lost friendship i suddenly just spilled my guts to this poor visiting teacher i just told her what i needed i shared with her what had just happened with my social life and that i didn t really need someone to come by and bring me a spiritual message out of a sense of duty i said quite frankly i just need a friend you know what she was an answer to my prayers that night she then told me about a playgroup and a book club and just sort of about the social life of the women in the ward she made an effort to make sure i knew about those things i could be involved in and she did it out of love what a blessing so i found myself back in a book club i ve still been in my mom s old book club which is a total blast but scheduling has made it hard to attend often this past year and back to hanging out at the park with moms while the kids played and just plain feeling right at home again i knew that was my heavenly father s little way of letting me know that he hadn t forgotten me and hadn t left me in just the company of my husband and family which are fantastic don t get me wrong that was the spring summer i had many other instances over the summer where i found myself overwhelmed by love and support from sources other than those i would have expected it from i found them as blessings after having again to stand up for myself or my family when it was hard i have been open and honest with my children as we have gone through various situations and i am amazed at their maturity and ability to empathize we have grown even closer as a family we are so blessed now as the year has drawn to a close i have reflected much on where the year has taken us i have absolutely loved my calling at church one i was really hesitant about at first and i have made great friendships as a result of it i get to work with some of the best people and i have the example and strength of the children to lift me up i am deeply in love with and proud of my husband and i mean that i have seen the work of the atonement through him and i have seen how our natures really can be changed by applying it and by hard work on our part that is my hope for myself in 2013 will has been blessed with the most amazing teacher for him and has just completely blossomed i ve even been impressed and surprised i never thought he would come out of his shell as much as he has especially with the parents he has pam has made some really great friends without having to sacrifice any of who she is our new home has a separate room in the garage that has become billy s woodshop he has found himself there and uncovered a talent and hobby that took off largely because of some people in our new ward i am convinced that he would not be where he is today were it not for that little room of his and the support and encouragement of people who like his stuff if you ve made it this far i m pretty impressed i m almost done i promise i just have to share what happened a few weeks ago some time between my birthday and the middle of december i started feeling sad again i wasn t really sure why was it that i was missing my mom i always do this time of year but that wasn t quite it was something off at home no not really i was feeling quite content in my life of crafting and mothering and i wasn t having any of those i ve got to get out for a girls night feelings no i really had nothing to feel particularly bleh about i talked with billy and then a couple of things occurred to me i d been struggling with again allowing those negative thoughts of hurt and sadness about what happened earlier in the year thoughts of this friend kept coming to mind not that i was wishing anything bad on her or anything like that nothing of the sort in fact just general thoughts that then brought back that sadness and sort of those grief feelings i guess then billy reminded me how much we would often do together this time of year isn t it funny how once you pinpoint the source of a negative feeling you can feel such a burden lifted well that s how i felt so i knew that was it on top of that there was the usual stress of finances around the holidays i had been applying for jobs here and there for months i wanted badly to pay off all our debts as a surprise gift to billy for christmas this was a sincere desire of my heart to be debt free and to contribute to some extra for the kids to actually participate in extracurricular activities and just to have some extra money i knew that i would be blessed with this because it was the sincere desire of my heart but i also knew that i desperately wanted to be home with my children and have truly been loving my role at home so i ve been so torn about this anyway i ll be honest with you i m not particularly good at consistent prayer never have been i can testify to you up and down about the power of prayer and i have had some very powerful experiences with it but for whatever reason i just suck at consistent personal prayer so once again i was on the bandwagon and feeling very grateful and humble i hopped back on the wagon for no reasons other than the fact that i knew this was something i needed in my life i was seeing a difference in my life with daily personal prayer and my life without it i knew i needed it i am sure that many can relate with the financial struggles of our day i looked at the math and i don t know about you but we are truly getting poorer year by year utility costs and grocery costs rise while our income stays the same that simply doesn t add up i continue to cut corners wherever possible and i know i don t always make the best of choices or i know some would say to give up date night which is a whole different argument or other things we enjoy anyway i will spare you all the philosophical thoughts on all this and get to this remember that car accident that was a part of starting the year it totaled our car on the advice of people whose opinions we greatly trusted i got a lawyer to handle all the insurance stuff i have prayed all year long for that case to just be done and over with so that i would know where we stood financially i ve never been through this sort of thing before i have prayed all ...