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right typing the silver lining posting only the best pics and touching on the slight impurities of the moment to keep it real thats what we do we don t mislead we instinctively focus on the better side of the story my posts and pics were never false or fake they were edited thats where the title comes into play if i were gay this would be my coming out post lets get one thing straight i never set out to withhold truth i was surviving sometimes talking about the darkness and the grit it takes to survive is difficult for even yourself to face life was not all what it seemed to be on my blog and not all what it seemed to friends at a distance the fake and the truth the truth is the last three years i was drowning i was unhappy 75 of the time on a good day and i was lost don t get me wrong there were moments where i was so happy my heart could bust moments of pure joy but when those moments were in the distance there was pain fear and a pending gloom that i was pretty much blowing it as a wife mother and daughter of god i tried for years to dig my way out of the pit i seemed to continuously fall in for many years my efforts reaped goodness and blessings poured down but there came a time where my load became too heavy and i started to give up six months ago was the peak of loss when i stopped caring for things i cared for previously i stopped trying stopped pushing myself and stopped seeing my families future in the light i had once seen it in idealistic terms i didn t even know how it would all play out eventually i was lost physically spiritually mentally and certainly emotionally by the grace of god there was a change that came into my life and fixed many if not all of those areas through becoming well through giving my body nutrition it was being starved of that is a whole other post in a nut shell i couldn t function without giving my body what it needed to survive stress the stress was killing my abilities to handle my kids and the stress was ultimately destroying my life dreams of who i ultimately wanted to be as a person but what i found in the end was we should never underestimate what is out there for resources it may be a friend you write off as too unlike yourself to relate to your troubles it may be taking a step back and taking back your personal life a little even though what you are giving to your family and others is worthwhile if you are suffering and unable to fill your own bucket what truly are you able to give them in the end learning to put our own oxygen mask on before helping others is something i only recently truly understood i feel saddened it took this long and feel the need to apologize to my kids for serving them too often over myself because in the end neither of us really benefited the way i had hoped but when we know better we do better the morel of the story our dreams never have to die they can be fulfilled in a different version of how you originally created them you can have it all if you open yourself up to sacrifice and always putting the most important things above those you want in the moment but never forgetting that one of the most important things is to feed yourself first feed yourself though worthwhile personal nourishment take care of your physical and spiritual self stop believing the lies we tell ourselves that those around us won t feel the effects of our lack of joy as long as we keep doing what we are suppose to though action people know when your going through the motions and your kids do too start focusing on your personal development there will be defining moments in life where you sometimes have to just move forward with a decision for the only reason being that it is the right one sometimes those correct choices you made won t produce immediate fulfillment or grant you what you wanted right away but you can never go wrong by doing right don t take the shortcut the path that has the least resistance i e the wrong path i would like to believe that although my choices were not always the best overall when it came down to it i chose right when it mattered the most know that the right path may be a long hard road but it s never the wrong path to take the right path may often not be most glamorous but your time will come full circle in the least unexpected moment never give up hope never give up on your dreams and never lose sight of what is really the most important no matter how much you really want something what you want isn t always what you need at that moment in your life be open be teachable be patient your time will come posted by jamie and heather darger at 18 3 16 no comments what unespectidly changed my life posted by jamie and heather darger at 18 3 16 no comments nothing can recap 2014 2015 school year except for survival in time management crazy year too much to keep up with high school grad kinder grad pre k grad and a freshman thrown in the mix beautiful mess there were many more that attended the ceremonies that evening we could not be more happy for all the support and love that our family and friends show naya even came and was bailey s personal hair stylist that afternoon proving once again to be an unconditional friend or was that prom perfect example i was in a whirlwind of chaos and keeping my head above water during that timeframe posted by jamie and heather darger at 18 3 16 no comments 20160106 icloud is pushing me to document the crazy years i always wonder if i will regret not documenting the growing years i certainly will never capture even a fraction of all that has gone on the ups and downs the learning moments and the survival methods we had some hard years but in between the tears and plea s for help there were some good times parenting is not for the weak here are a few of the moments just so my phone can have a little breathing room kicking it off with my favorite moment of the last two years every kid laughing interacting embracing life sideby side each other nothing but beauty here you never want to end posted by jamie and heather darger at 6 1 16 no comments starting fresh back to blogging starting fresh how does one go about that on a blog that has been neglected for too long the past few years have had a lot of heartbreak transition from frustration and despair to a rebirth and new chapters there is no amount of posting that can recapture what transpired so to recap and clear saved pictures off my phone my solution is a preview of a portion of our lives lately scrolling through the photos of last year i start to feel a sort of emptiness in the pit of my stomach there are times i can only relate my emotions of the past six months to the process of a mourning parent i mourn what could have been life should not be like this i should be grateful for a healthy living daughter but rather i see our situation as one who has not blossomed into adulthood and is tripping over her own insecurities and self absorption truthfully it pains me to look back at all the aspirations i saw at her fingertips but those were not the aspirations she desired for hrself i wish she would find something that moves her something that puts a spark in her life and drives her until then i see her potential and know of her future strengths for now i work on patience this kid is my best distraction 3 posted by jamie and heather darger at 6 1 16 no comments 20150130 cuddow me ma just needed to make a note before i forget this boy was the perfect kiddo to have last he s a cuddlier more recently about every hour when at home he takes a break from playing to get a few minutes of just he and i time we tickle compare hand sizes and of course he wants to feel how hot or how cold my hands currently are it s is so nice to be able to bond with him among a normal routine of commotion posted by jamie and heather darger at 30 1 15 no comments 20140707 first dive lessons posted by jamie and heather darger at 7 7 14 no comments 20140412 so this finally happened max had her moment in class little girl special day to go to her first dance class max darger bailey had the invite to be trained to teach creative movement for the 3 5 year olds under allison mcelfresh past private instructor from 2013 i can not say how much i simply adore her she is amazing and hate to see her move back east as bailey was learning teaching methods max was enjoying her official intro to dance sisters who dance together stay together posted by jamie and heather darger at 12 4 14 no comments 20140108 not gunna lie best part if being a stay at home mom 1 i m my own boss after kids are off to school some days we just chill for a good 2 hours hey its good for the soul to check out when needed posted by jamie and heather darger at 8 1 14 no comments 20140107 finding happiness bailey and i have been fighting nice word for putting up with how much we annoy each other for the last 5 years i cherish the infrequent happy moments of hers that are captured it pains me we have not completely figured this out but life is getting a little better and we may both get out of this alive just thinking of her today wishing i was a better teenage daughter mom tired intolerant cantstanddisrespect imhumantoo motherdaughterdynamics sheandideservemorekindness posted by jamie and heather darger at 7 1 14 no comments 20131226 what did i miss a lot london learning to drive actually less stressful than bailey if you can imagine i ve decided i m not waiting to teach him after what i ve experienced with her no worries we go where no other cars are your welcome fellow drivers of 2015 baileys first drive through experience max starts off her dental life with a cleaning and is seriously the best patient she made me a proud past dental field worker it makes me want to plop don t in the assisting chair the whole time i m there but i refrained you missed the twerk movement sweeping the nation p s twirl don t twerk um yeah don t tan no matter how great you think it will look regrets of my twenties but no matter what we keep smilin bailey was age eligible to attend a school dance yes our rules not the schools so homecoming came and went i didn t get any pics except for a few paige and her took together bailey wasn t really ready and but i m glad she had fun never the less their dates had not arrived yet for pics because of a swim meet but aren t these two just adorable dont get me started on the dress it didn t even work with alterations whatev the battle of the room i am going to lose my mind with bailey not keeping up her room so we got a kick start for her to have a clean pallet to play with not finished by any means but we are getting to some sort of look at least before and after my heart grows every time elders write her a nd even more when she writes back yay for missionary letters thanksgiving q is in love with cousin jacob s old mg car currently he is serving a mission but we may just steal it to keep this guy entertained who doesn t want a stationary babysitter you missed us being protective and proactive one night after a football game with a punk who was asked to stay away from bailey numerous times its tough being a parent and trying to look out for your daughter we have gone to extreme measures to help her stay away from guys who may not be the best for her okay we drive away the ones who will drag her down with them but if it keeps her from falling into addiction or she s not being treated with respect we will take the repercussions of it for the sake of her future i count my many blessing she has chosen not to get into that trap of partying but there are times that shake up that obvious line of right and wrong and we intervene sometimes as in last month it will cost us dearly not our proudest moment but we are so thankful that we have each other no matter what i m also thankful for the many other people around her at school and otherwise that have her back and don t annoy me to no end this is one of my favorite pics from the year for many reasons we have a good girl she s not perfect but shes a great kid and we love her so to sum it up if your a drug addict or want to manipulate and push her standards to a dangerous level be prepared for the darger wrath it may or may not come with a restraining order great day to move forward and stay happy bailey and dad thanksgiving day 2013 after church pic s of course max and q love love love this place i seriously have no idea why other stores do not catch the fire and offer this lifesaver bashas kids club a few months ago q hit the age minimum to attend and i did the hallelujah dance as i walked away alone to shop target take note this kid is seriously the best sitter and big bro he plays with them until they fall asleep and even though we are missed see max sleeping by us he manages max adores him as you can see her wearing londons things thankful we get a few dates in every once in a while not nearly enough but we are working on it precious moments on lazy sunday afternoons nothing beats watching the age gap lessen and watch these two bond t and then this happened bailey finished her personal progress love and she worked on spending more time with her sister again love and played the piano again and a job first job which is perfectly close and few hours no one likes to chill making pizza but its a great fit for this year missed photo shoots just a few i believe we have reached a decade of teens and photo shoots its an epidemic bailey and belle finally reunited and re met aftera 12 year break howie and jamie were best friends growing up and the girls danced together now she is a darling girl with a ton of talent they met up and did a photo shoot together for fun excited to see where her voice will take her it s pretty incredible you missed a diamondbacks game and yup this is the only pic but its a keeper halloween came and went grrrr the neighborhood cat smoky you create havoc at this house go home endured many hot football games for nbjh these two still attached at the hip most the time summer fun with my primary kiddos london advancing and on way to eagle project soon and about to advance to life got suckered into picking him up from scout camp and went shopping in flagstaff apparently his toe was hurt bad but we both know it was good enough to stay by the time i got there so we enjoyed our time away from the heat only to have the air go out in the truck during the trip it was a fun adventure it always is all through these moments with him lately i just keep thinking how much my heart will rip out when he leaves our home but i m counting on dealing with it and pray it is only through a mission so i can cope with my loss better first birthday invite first day of pre school summer came and went she s fearless week away annual oceanside trip w disney max right before the er dang that croup took her from all the fun she got one ride in and i spend the rest of the day by her side until 9pm waiting for her oxygen levels to rise upon returning to disneyland to meet up with the others she ...