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hekate s supper skip to main skip to sidebar hekate s supper crateis enodia kurotrophos propolos hail friday november 23 2007 i m moving and visiting from infertility island this was my spirituality blog but i ve since returned to wordpress because blogger is once again driving me mad my if blogs are below hekate s supper pagan spirituality birch and maple infertility with a side of bitter the liminal universe infertile and pregnant cheers hekateris oro posted by i_sell_books at 2 54 pm 1 comment saturday september 22 2007 meditation exercise these are two generic exercises gleaned from various books the titles of which i can t remember the first was part of a writing exercise to stimulate creativity the second is the standard golden sparkles thing i use both of these to journey to hekate but will be fudging my specifics as yours will undoubtedly be different or maybe not you ll have to let me know to start find a comfortable position where you won t be disturbed turn off your mobile phone it ll startle the heck out of you otherwise imagine yourself surrounded by a bubble of filled with golden sparkles you might find yourself surrounded by the healing dark instead breathe deeply imagining the sparkles coming into your lungs the energy going to your feet and ankles with each breath your focus moves up the body section by section until you reach your scalp by this time you might feel sleepy or tingly or just really relaxed now imagine yourself in the center of a glade a still and deep pool of cold clear water at your feet this is the wellspring it goes deep deep deep drink from it if you wish when you re ready look about you and see if there s a path if not perhaps you re drawn into the glade perhaps there s a forest perhaps someplace else entirely go where you re called i must stop here because i don t know where you will be called or by whom you might find a spirit a deity or merely a place to be i highly recommend you speak to whomever or whatever you come across ask questions and remember that if you get answers to any questions they ll likely be emotional rather than verbal if you fall asleep you might find that if you ve asked a question you already know or suspect the answer or you might have to try again good luck hekateris posted by i_sell_books at 10 27 pm no comments sunday september 16 2007 the post on faith originally written for my infertility blog i don t know what it s like being an infertile person who believes in god but i can tell you that as a pagan i suspect it sucks a little less oh it s just as painful especially around ostara eostre easter and beltaine may day because of course what s being celebrated is fertility spring is always a big slap in the face when you re infertile but boy i can t think of another faith that actively celebrates it lest you think pagans are all about sweetness and light and saving the dolphins let me tell you there are plenty of witchwars bitchwars flamewars never mind the whole you re not a real pagan witch wiccan because you weren t initiated or you re not a hereditary witch because or your tradition is a big pile of made up crap thing oh it gets very tiresome very quickly and then just like everywhere else there are the passive aggressive folk and the well meaning folk and quite frankly i ve often found they occupy the same body y know the type who tell you to just relax or just pray or so and so adopted and then got pregnant with pagans you can include spellwork just work with the moon and eat lots of nuts and seeds and go vegetarian coming out as an infertile in paganism is a minefield one which after i mentioned it to one or two folk i decided i would never do again so why do i say it might suck a little less because there s no deity hanging over your head no expectations in the faith that having children is what you must do that if you don t have children it s because you ve done something we beat ourselves up about that enough as it is i for one don t need god punishing me further in paganism infertility is just something that happens could be you could be your neighbor there s no rhyme or reason for it it simply is still sucks but it s not because you had a termination or rode your bike too much or played football or wore tight underwear or slept around in your youth it just is i was reminded of this with the most recent birth of sextuplets you know the young couple in florida whose son wanted a sibling so they did iui and now of course have lots of tots who may or may not make it ever notice how it s always god s will how come it s only ever god s will when you get something you want why is it never god s will when something you don t want happens muslims jews excepted it s never god s will when the star football player becomes a quadroplegic it s never god s will when a girl gets pregnant because of incest it s never god s will when mentally slow man gets beaten to death by a bunch of good ol boys and why are so many parents of multiples typically fundy christians is it just a matter of cause and effect as in we re going to choose the treatment that gives us the best option of having multiples seriously what drives people to be so irresponsible and my that i mean how could you choose to bring children into this world when it s unlikely all of them will survive i couldn t do that i d have to give them the best possible chance of survival period i d rather have one healthy baby than six who don t have very good chances of course that s just me obviously people have different ideas on what survival and happiness mean and yeah i do judge them in real life far more harshly than what i ve written above but i m trying to keep my comments uh polite one last thing how do you have faith and be infertile is it easier or more difficult do you lose faith is your faith stronger for it is being in religious community better or worse articles of interest so your friend is a witch the main pagan paths posted by i_sell_books at 12 48 pm 4 comments friday september 14 2007 things change it s funny how long and hard i struggled against hecate in retrospect it s easy to see how she called to me a siren song audible and ignored it s even more ironic given that i am a person who sees choice for everything i don t mean gee should i have an apple or a pear for dessert but i can see multiverses for every singe choice we make frex choosing to fly to scotland to meed a man i d spoken to twice over the phone i d never been on a plane before i d never been out of the country save for quebec city when i was a kid i didn t even have a passport all i knew was that i had to make the choice to go or not that it was the most important decision i d ever make in my life no matter the consequences and i was right it s been the best decision of my life no question this post sounds ridiculous but i don t know how to be more specific without babbling even more what the heck i ll give it a try anyway maybe in the next post the kid wants food hekateris and co posted by i_sell_books at 1 14 pm no comments thursday september 13 2007 it came to me in a dream i ve been a pagan since birth although i didn t know what i believed had a name or what it was called until i was 12 13 the typical age i d been doing lots of research the usual texts crowley adler starhawk mariechild etc and although i tried to find something that fit what exactly i believed i never did until i was around 30 i knew i wasn t wiccan the lack of the god disturbed me and quite frankly some of the feminist aspects did as well my mother a child of european immigrants a single parent raising a mixed race child in the late 60 s early 70 s yeah she was the living embodiment of feminism still is so that was my example of feminism didn t fit with what i read in books crowley was well he was crowley nuff said starhawk was is very west coast a little too california for this new englander so i dedicated myself to the goddess when i was 12 13 knew i d made the correct choice although i didn t adhere to any particular philosophy i did my own thing and was happy although lonely little did i realize that the area i live in was and continues to be rife with pagans of all flavors a lot of christians jews and buddhists too but not too many muslims or hindus as far as i m aware i am a classicist at heart i feel a pull to greece and rome that cannot simply be explained away by education and research my name is originally greek and unknowingly my first internet nickname was one greek version of my name as have been the other two main nicks that i use i feel a pull to the ancient mediterranean that sometimes frightens me a soul deep dna deep recognition and awareness that i feel no where else save scotland i can t help but think part of this stems from my ancestors yet i have no proof of that whatsoever how else can i explain the lack of interest in my american roots african and native american some twenty years later i m in scotland married trying desperately infertility the best way to kill your sex life ever to get pregnant and not only having to adjust to living in a foreign country but being away from friends and family too i was stressed and depressed and in an effort to connect with the land i began re reading what books i had brought and what books i had bought and lo i came to the sudden realization that the deity i d been looking for had been my shadow all my life i now can t recall what the trigger was but i was very excited and filled with trepidation one doesn t dedicate one s self to the queen of witches lightly but i did it and that night had an amazing dream the only part of which i remember is being in a ditch in between a field of low crops and a raised road in a hot dry country in retrospect i m pretty sure it was greece or my imagination s idea of greece as i ve never been there the sky was cloudless and blue tinted white there was a warm breeze and as i looked over the road xena warrior princess crouched before me with a gentle smile and kissed me full on the lips i woke from that dream with a pounding heart the day was like a really long extension of how i felt when i d dedicated myself to the goddess all those long years ago filled with excitement and hysterical joy makes me smile just to think of it for the first time in my spiritual journey i was home i can t begin to explain it any more than a christin can explain being born again it simply is and as i began my research into her whom i d been frightened and wary of my entire life it came clear to me that the god was there too although i wasn t sure in which form perhaps my classicist education came to the rescue or my research or him i don t know he is pan dionysius cernunnos sometimes he is anubis or hermes although not in the same way as pan i connected with the land in scotland it was slow and sleepy from centuries of farming but awake to those who were aware of it i visited the clootie well in munlochy with my in laws and felt the rythms of the seasons in semi rural aberdeen city the north sea storms the hot summer days along the beach esplanade it was a shock to move back to the us after 10 years abroad took me a good week to readjust to the land pulsing with life the animals the birds the very air once again i was home through the miracle of science i m now pregnant i m still dedicant to hecate who s been with me through all of the pain and loneliness of infertility and now the fear and terror of being a pregnant infertile i m old and fat and hoping i have a real life baby next year gods willing in a nutshell that s me welcome to my blog hekateris and co yes yes i know i m including them for the sake of simplicity posted by i_sell_books at 7 31 pm 1 comment home subscribe to posts atom barren bitches brigade canadapharmacy cyclesista ivf connections ivfmeds com miscarriage stillbirth and infant loss blogroll pagan infertility adoption network resolve stirrup queens and sperm palace jesters the knowledge dreamflesh shrine of the forgotten goddesses the goddess dancing the wild hunt theoi uk pagan blog archive 2007 5 november 1 i m moving and visiting from infertility island september 4