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hope is a four letter word hope is a four letter word most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all dale carnegie blog archive 2010 2 june 1 sometimes i just don t want to go to sleep may 1 2009 2 november 1 october 1 2008 26 september 2 august 9 july 7 june 6 april 2 about me 5foot view my complete profile thursday june 10 2010 sometimes i just don t want to go to sleep oh it s not that i m not tired i m exhausted i m 18 weeks pregnant with a 13 month old i need the sleep but every once in a while if i stay up in the quiet of the house it seems like it might be a different day tomorrow that i can sleep in that i don t have to make breakfast lunch and dinner for someone other than myself don t get me wrong i love being a mother and i adore my scrunchy monkey but you get tired every once in a while and dream of a break sometimes i get that break when it s late at night and everyone is sleeping but me it s my time then problem is that the inevitable happens everyone wakes up and then i m tired because i stayed up too late so i guess it s off to bed with me so i can try and keep up with the munchkin tomorrow and on a completely different note happy birthday justin i love you and miss you more than you know i hope you re watching over my daughter the way you watched over me posted by 5foot at 10 46 pm no comments monday may 3 2010 i m pregnant again i m 13 weeks now and i ve been really hesitant to write anything since we were able to get pregnant on our own this time and i m just waiting for the other shoe to drop it s like since we needed a re s help on the first i didn t worry as much but since we did this the old fashion way i m waiting for something to go wrong i know that must sound so strange but that s just how i m feeling but right now we re all doing well the scrunchy monkey is already a year old i m into the second tri officially and i just got my 1st tri screening results back which said my stats are the equivalent of a 15 year old if only the rest of my body felt like a 15 year old the u s went well last week too so we re headed in the right direction i should just accept this as a blessing and move on i just don t know why i m more nervous this time around it may be hearing all of these horror stories about women that make it to late 2nd tri only to lose their child or something equally horrific i don t know that i could bounce back from that and it keeps weighing on my mind but as i said this is a blessing and i m going to accept it as that a healthy blessing that will hopefully be as happy and healthy as our monkey is for now i ll try not to worry i can just continue to hope that everything will continue to go well there s that hope again posted by 5foot at 4 18 pm no comments sunday november 1 2009 admitting something is the hardest part or so they say i m not sure who they are but it doesn t seem like that s the hardest part at all working through it seems like it s going to be that much more difficult you see i m having marital problems and it all stems back to the same thing moving we moved from nj to ca about 3 1 2 years ago and although we told everyone it was supposed to be from about 3 5 years we never really knew how long it was going to be it all depended on jobs etc fast forward to now and we have the munchkin and i want to move back my family is there his is there my friends etc the support system that i am so lacking out in ca is there in nj problem is he does not want to move back at all i guess for most this wouldn t be an issue but this is what s driving this huge wedge in between us he won t be happy there and i m not sure i ll be happy anywhere else i originally thought that i was this adventurous person and didn t need to live that close to my family and friends i was wrong i miss them i want the munchkin to know grandparents aunts uncles cousins etc that won t happen so much if we re out here in ca so we continue to have this conversation that goes round and round and round how do you find a solution to a problem where one answer moving to nj would make one person miserable and the other not moving back would make the other person miserable this has been an ongoing problem for quite some time and now with the munchkin it s just been intensified and i don t know what to do seek help sure but to what end in marriage you have to compromise we both know that but how do you compromise in a situation like this it s an all or nothing answer so again admitting we have a problem is not as difficult as actually solving the problem posted by 5foot at 6 51 pm no comments friday october 30 2009 so much has changed wow fast forward over a year my scrunchy monkey is six months old i m a stay at home mom sahm but we re still living in southern california so some things haven t changed this has been quite the roller coaster ride for me mostly emotionally i love being able to stay home with the scrunchy monkey but i ve lost the working identity of me that i had for over 10 years and now that i m a sahm i m don t have the community i would have if we were living back east which is always a point of contention i want to go back home and he doesn t it s a no win situation one of us would be happy and the other not so much but right now i m not happy being here and he s willing to move just not necessarily back east so what do we do not sure that s a long term discussion we re still working on right now i m trying to find mom groups that i could join and see if i can connect with anyone there are days i fell very alone and today is one of them i went to a park where a local group meets weekly but no one was there because they were all going over to someone s house for a halloween get together which we could have gone to but it s right in the middle of her afternoon nap i thought someone would show up at the park but alas i felt like my loserhood had been solidified when it was no one but me there yes having a bit of a pity party here but i just feel like i can t catch a break with finding other moms to hang out with if i were back east i d have a plethora but we re not we re here for now posted by 5foot at 4 16 pm no comments wednesday september 24 2008 going back to jersey so i fly home tomorrow to see the family and friends i get to see my sister s new home my brother s new condo and am going to tell a butt load of people part of me is really nervous to tell so many people because what if something terrible happens after that i know i know i can t live with what ifs but there is a part of me that s really nervous about telling so many people but what can you do i m actually going to be around a lot of my family on friday night so i can tell aunts and cousins in person and the friends that i m telling saturday night i have no issue telling them at all i guess there are some other people on saturday night that i don t really want to announce it to but again what can you do i m excited to go home i haven t seen my grammy since christmas so this will be great to see her and i haven t seen my dad or brother since february so also great to see them i just hope it doesn t rain like it s supposed to all weekend long that would be a bummer let s hope for some sunny weather posted by 5foot at 3 13 pm 1 comment thursday september 18 2008 so much has happened so i m 9 weeks pregnant now i ve graduated from the re and will be seeing the ob gyn on monday for the first time it s a new ob gyn which my re recommended so i feel a little comfortable i still don t feel pregnant or look pregnant i haven t gained any weight not that i m concerned about it i just thought with the way my body couldn t lose weight before i got pregnant i thought i d be packing on the pounds by now i m happy i m not though i stopped rowing right after i found out i was pregnant i just didn t think it was something worth taking a chance on it will be there after i give birth so our lima bean as my husband called it was doing wonderfully last thursday at our third ultrasound the re said everything looks fabulous and right on track yay so we ll get another u s on monday at 10 weeks which is cool because i m going home on thursday and will get to see my family although they know already i m still excited to see them i get to tell a lot of my friends in person which is really cool i m still hesitant to tell those people that i know that are having tttc i know they ll be happy but i know that there is going to be a part of them that will be disappointed it wasn t them and i feel bad about that if we could all be pg at the same time i would do it in a heartbeat it s only natural for them to feel that way i just don t want to be the one to make them feel that way but i digress so the hope still continues the hope that this is a successful pregnancy the hope that the baby that is born is healthy and that i won t give them too many reasons for therapy later in life the hope that one day no one will have to deal with if posted by 5foot at 1 28 pm no comments monday august 25 2008 i m 6 weeks pregnant my due date is april 20 2009 i can t believe i m even writing that so much has happened in the last week we had our first u s this past thursday on 8 21 2008 we got to see the gestational sac and yolk sac so everything was where it was supposed to be we have another u s scheduled for this upcoming thursday and we should be able to hear the heartbeat i m just praying that everything still continues to go in the right direction this past thursday night we were able to tell the family i swear my sister hit a new octave when we told her i just wish it could have been in person but oh well what can you do so thus far i have been having such a craving for carbs anything carb related and i want it a bagel and cream cheese has become my new best friend sad really and i think my boobs are already getting bigger i really don t need that to happen i m big enough as it is all very interesting changes and i turn 35 tomorrow this is the best birthday present ever posted by 5foot at 3 01 pm 1 comment older posts home subscribe to posts atom