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enjoying each other s company in heaven i bet they are watching over me and having a few laughs over my bumbling efforts to get things done all things considered it has been a year of growth and change for me i have tried to live each day and handle each challenge in a way that would make ed proud i just cannot believe that it has been a year since our world as we knew it fell apart i am slowly but steadily rebuilding my part of that world christmas is not the same this year and probably will never be the same joy filled holiday that it was with ed his elves daughters shannon becky and tara don t have any elf work this year that was always such a fun secretive time ed just handed over his credit card and my wish list and sent them out on the hunt they loved being his elves he loved having them help i loved the bond it created between them i will be spending the holiday with the children and grandchildren grateful for our many blessings i will be thinking of all of you and wishing you and yours a very merry christmas hug your loved ones live each moment as if it is your last and keep the faith god is good luann posted by ed winkle at 7 32 pm 546 comments saturday october 17 2015 time winding down my time to live on this beautiful farm is winding down i can literally feel it with each passing day just as i felt the time i had left with ed became more and more precious in the days before he passed away so too are my days here becoming more precious for nearly eleven months since ed s terminal diagnosis i have been slowly steadily walking toward the inevitable day when i leave here sometimes marching sometimes trudging sometimes backtracking but always steadily forward we both knew it we planned for it accepted it and understood it he has been walking with me every step of the way the auction is scheduled for november 6 http www hessauctionco com winkle htm the bill of sale is printed and the listing is online there is no turning back now the house is nearly empty and everything to be sold is being moved to the pole barn the items i am keeping to move with me are packed and ready for the movers to pick up ed s son is picking up the last of ed s personal items this weekend to share with his siblings i have my a team of supporters who will be here with me on auction day farmer rob morris our e son from marshall illinois our son eric and our best friends allen and shelly dean from dean farms in bryan ohio i could not ask for a stronger more compassionate group to prop me up on what will undoubtedly be one of the hardest days in all of this our three daughters have been my sounding board and although they can t be here in person they will be with me in spirit ed s sons will hold me in thought and prayer that day i am certain ed was diagnosed right after harvest last year he passed right before planting season began last spring i calculated everything the past eleven months in terms of a full season in god s time the first full crop season is nearly complete i literally felt each passing season with him in the same way we lived each crop season together finding the right tenant farmer was easy jay farms the way ed wanted with respect for the soil throughout the summer watching the crops grow without the endless commentary from ed was a challenge i will never outlive the urge to windshield scout that he taught me from coast to coast over the years we drove along and looked at crops some might call that boring i called it a blessing then the change in the placement of the sun in the sky and the inevitable shortening of days came too quickly signaling the beginning of the end of the crop season it seemed to pick up pace in september and the last couple of weeks with combines and grain carts and the hum of the fans in the bins we are approaching november the auction coinciding with the culmination of the harvest around here it all comes together with the harvest season as will this part of my journey come together at the time ed most enjoyed the grain in the bins the firewood on the deck the approach of the holidays that he loved and the opportunity to hunker down for the winter until the next crop season please keep me in your thoughts and prayers over the next three weeks as i wind down the time i have left in this beautiful place as ed always said god s farm temporary caretaker posted by ed winkle at 10 12 am 21 comments saturday august 8 2015 a giant step backward i took a giant step backward in my grief journey this past week two weeks and it nearly derailed me thanks to help and compassion from my daughters i am back on track and so grateful for their love and kindness as their mother i know that they love me and will do anything to help me but i think it is greater than that they both loved ed with all their hearts and would do anything to honor his memory by helping me when i am down as he would have done if he was here my setbacks were two fold being overwhelmed with work and the care of this beautiful property as well as a deep concern for two family members with major health issues i needed to step back and analyze the work and property situation for what they are just a part of normal life but i am doing it alone instead of with my partner when the garage doors the dishwasher the steam vacuum all quit this week and a major work project come at you all at once it seems overwhelming and it is ed took care of all that stuff so instead of them being a catastrophe they were an annoyance ed took care of all that stuff so i could focus on my work why should i expect that i can do it all alone as well as ed and i could do it together that s unrealistic hiring some help to deal with the maintenance and repair issues has helped tremendously things will break and things will need to be repaired replaced painted and caulked that is normal life so i got some help hard to admit i needed it but easier once i got it the health issues of my two family members are not so easily resolved a loved one is facing a recurrence of cancer that he has fought for two years another loved one is facing the inevitable decline that comes with age both brought back a lot of emotions related to ed s diagnosis and treatment my loved ones situation brings back some tough questions about quality vs quantity of life i miss ed terribly but the quality of life that he had was not what he wanted for himself i sure wish we had had more years though so i fell backwards into a bit of a pit these weeks today however the sunrise was beautiful and i awoke with a new determination to keep walking forward god placed a dear friend in my path at the grocery store and we shared some wonderful memories of ed and that encounter gave me joy and hope i had great visits with several of my grandchildren yesterday god is good i know that the lord my family and my friends are walking with me and i will get back on track god s blessings luann posted by ed winkle at 1 36 pm 12 comments friday july 3 2015 in memory of ed i awakened suddenly from a deep sleep at 6 48 this morning highly unusual that i would sleep that late but i am on vacation for the next 11 days today is the three month anniversary of ed s passing i got a call from hiron s monuments yesterday that his headstone was completed and set at the cemetery i went right after work to see it and here it is ed now lies beneath a monument that depicts one part of his life that was so special to him his beloved farm yesterday i recalled to his family with vivid detail a moment on our honeymoon on july 2 at wall sd fourteen years ago we pulled into wall with the truck camper and started walking down the street to see what the fuss was all about ed pointed out a bank clock above us that showed the date 7 2 2001 and he said happy birthday dad then he went on to say monk can you believe that my dad is celebrating his first birthday in heaven with jesus yesterday ed was celebrating with his dad in heaven on what would have been his dad s 100th birthday so much has transpired in the past three months in some ways things have gotten easier but in many others they remain difficult i find myself missing my identity as a farm wife i loved being identified with farming and the noble profession of farming i have been involved in farming since the age of six when my dad bought our beef farm never never have i felt disconnected from farming that was one of the things that ed and i shared on the deepest level our love of the land i loved that ed either through his own crops or through his knowledge and expertise helped farmers to produce better crops and promoted stewardship of the land god s gift to us he frequently said he wanted a sign at the end of the road that said god s farm we are temporary caretakers i miss that part of my identity with the land and grain facility leased out and the farmstead for sale i no longer have a stake in the risks and rewards of growing a crop i miss the daily phone calls from farmers and the pickup trucks in and out of the barnyard i miss his daily reports to me on commodity prices and rainfall i miss the sound of his keyboard as he typed out his blog and contributed to nat which brings me to the true substance of this post with the placement of his headstone i have tried to ensure that ed will be remembered as a farmer you may wonder why i mentioned the exact time of my awakening this morning three months ago today ed passed at 6 49 am have a blessed day luann posted by ed winkle at 8 52 am 11 comments sunday june 21 2015 sable needs a farmer good morning everyone today is an especially hard day as six kids lost the best father you could imagine it is our first father s day without ed tomorrow is our wedding anniversary it is hard to believe it would have been 14 years tomorrow that i married my best friend so many memories just a note to update you on things around here in the past month and to make a heartfelt request for help i think sable needs a farmer she has a home and a farm to roam but she is still lonely beyond imagination it is heartbreaking to step outside and walk towards the dakota and watch her race to the door and hope for a ride to scout fields i work about 10 hours a day and by the time i get home i am not able to give her the time and attention that a loyal german shepherd needs she is my company and protector but i am not doing right by her i know i am looking for a farmer for her someone who will take her in the truck and let her follow him her everywhere someone who will rub her belly and scratch her ears and talk to her like ed did she is 6 1 2 years old spayed and has a very handsome pedigree her bloodlines are very good she has absolutely no sign of hip problems and the vet says she is in great health if someone is interested in taking her please email me i will deliver her to wherever your farm is i only ask that you love her and treat her with kindness part of my request comes from my decision to sell the farmhouse and farmstead even with the kids and friends and neighbors helping i am having a tough time keeping up with this big old place besides it is just too big of a house for one person i need to be in town near people and in a house that is easier for me to manage i know that when i move into town sable will be miserable i m not sure that a fence or an invisible fence will contain her if i move into town she loves to roam the land and sleep in the laundry room at night i have the house listed as of last monday and need to be able to place her when it sells this is so hard other than sable all of it is hard but not impossible ed is walking with me every step of the way i have gone through all of his papers files and files and boxes and boxes of everything he wrote or kept for the information that he could include in one of his radio spots or workshops i gained so much more appreciation for his depth and breadth of knowledge and his love of teaching others he sure loved farming and sure loved to help farmers solve problems i have found amazing documents of things he wrote over the years he sure was prolific the scholarship fund is set up to receive applications and i am so pleased about that matt and i went through ed s oliver toy tractor collection and have selected 14 to be given to the grandchildren this coming christmas each will have a package under the tree from papaw even if he is not there physically he will be there in spirit the rest will be placed into a permanent collection to stay in the family i have scheduled an auction for august 8 for the small tools and what little machinery is left here it won t be a big auction by any means but i can t take it to town with me one more difficult thing to get through but i am walking by faith and trying to do my best to make ed proud i am still humbled and astounded by how many calls and emails i get just checking in on me to offer encouragement and to see if i need anything thank you for your prayers and friendship please think it over and if you are in a position to take a great farm dog into your life let me know in the meantime please know that i appreciate all of your support and i think of all of ed s blog followers daily when i offer prayers for your safety and prosperity god bless luann posted by ed winkle at 11 01 am 7 comments wednesday june 10 2015 i made a decision it s been ten weeks since ed passed leaving me with a heavy heart six devastated adult kids fourteen grands who miss their papaw a lonely dog a farm to manage a consulting business to run a house that s too big our two elderly mothers with health issues and a job that needs a lot of my time and attention where do i begin for two weeks i functioned on autopilot doing what needed to be done but not fully aware of my feelings as i did tasks i went to work every day and tried to dig out from under the pile of work that had accumulated during the three months that i was caregiving ed i looked for him in every room and talked incessantly about him and our life together to anyone who would listen privately i mourned the loss of my life as i knew it the next two weeks i cried every day as i drove to work that was my private time to mourn the loss of the familiar morning routine where we read scripture and planned our evening meal and drank our coffee and hugged goodbye i went to grief counseling and joined a grief share group at church the next two weeks i started cleaning out the garage and the barn and packed up ed s clothes and mailed them to a family member in need it gave me comfort knowing they would be used and appreciated so much more comforting than dropping a black plastic bag into a receptacle at the grocery store parking lot i reminded myself with each sweater i hugged to my chest that keeping his clothes would not bring him back i designed his headstone and thought about leaving our farm for a place that was smaller and more manageable and closer to my family i sent up his scholarship fund i kept on sorting i was busy busy busy after six w...