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Text of the page (random words):
persuasion persuasion dance to the music so my new workout is supposed to help shape my very european arse into something more substantial note to the people bread without yeast doesn t rise i am convinced that my trainer who is very sweet and has the perfect body has decided that the gym could use a little comedy routine disguised as a workout guess who the performer is after she showed me a very detailed and intricate walking leg and glute workout i reminded her that there was a reason i didn t take step aerobics i distracted the class too much the last time i attempted i think step aerobics was designed to make upper middle class white women with educations but not working think they can dance well that plus one more cosmo and ymca and they can t get onto the dance floor fast enough we like to know what to do i mean how many ethnic varieties fill the spaces in line dancing that s what my new workout feels like one big line dance except that i have to do it to nelly nellie and nas the rhythm just doesn t seem to work it being thursday the night the girls are with r during the week i came home soaked until my toes and fingers nearly dropped off while reading part two of wide sargasso sea and got into my bed see 4 where i fell asleep in about 12½ pages see my time is once again measured by how many pages i have read or need to read oh joy i am not one of those overly exuberant people about working out i mean i don t walk around the gym smiling and talking to everyone and watching myself in the mirrors the entire time well i do look in the mirrors occasionally because you know you re supposed to watch yourself during the execution to ensure proper technique i mean that i don t go there to hook up with anyone and i certainly don t have any goals of becoming a body builder i have however been thinking of a purchasing a new t shirt or ball cap to wear to the gym though i m not sure that most people would understand the reference and while i like this one i might offend some of the other jasminlive females there i exercise and lift because it is healthy and because i am vain so you can imagine my excitement about getting a new plan today a new plan means working the muscles differently maybe even new muscle groups which means discomfort perhaps even pain as a who dealt with many different kinds of pain i used to wonder at the expression no pain no gain how ridiculous now i know some german must have made that one up the older i get the more i think freud was right about a few things and no that particular theory isn t one of the few things inside note to stacy what do you think good crop no between midterms preparing my anatomy of a page from the graphic novel blankets incredible book spring piano recitals and preparing for the vagina monologues we open monday and run through wednesday evening i am sleeping reading writing or driving i may have something for you next weekend a few random thoughts until then i like tolstoy s short stories i don t like ezra pound i like finding old words to be used again like noodle and whelp amores perros was an amazing film i see el chivo around campus he s down to one dog and rides in a motorized wheelchair waiting for news of acceptance or not of a submission to a collegiate journal is torturous 471 the smell of diesel and hot brakes wafted through the open windows two seats behind me tanti was making out with the third guy since we turned off penn i robbed her of her spectacle by staring out the window while i counted the number of homes with garage doors open i imagined the people according to the car inside delta 88 elderly jewish vega mid thirties farrah feathered mercedes benz lawyer retired three more stops and i would be free for exactly two hours and twelve minutes my liberty was planned according to the cbs afternoon line up gilligan s island the brady bunch the partridge family i love lucy the remaining twelve minutes would be for quick clean up and fast escape to tanti s to hear all about french kissing the bee gees and which hardy boy was the real fox i would have a peanut butter and jam sandwich maybe something else if there was anything else tanti got off at her grandmother s her lips ruby and lumpy like a pomegranate her last in line flicked his tongue at her as she walked backward across the lawn i know because i pushed my eyes to the farthest corner to watch but i never turned my head the scent of lima beans and boiled potatoes and things unwashed but not yet soured moved past me and i knew without opening my eyes that we were at johnny mcfat s corner that wasn t his real name but that s what everyone called him since i can remember the cruelty of my peers bothered me but not enough for me to befriend him ask him his real name defend him when the mcgann brothers climbed into the row in front of him to spit into his ear as he stared at nothing and nowhere i wondered if jan would find out who her secret chaturbate admirer was this afternoon yesterday had been a rare to be continued episode then i wondered if tanti would be pregnant before high school like my mother said maybe i would have a mustard mayo potato chip sandwich instead rachael gomez rose and walked the isle while watching her feet the entire length as she moved i smelled fresh start and cling free the blue kind and summer and heard her tights rub together against her thighs fsht fhst fsht she didn t wear her glasses today and when she had chosen a place one ahead of me our eyes met briefly and i saw she didn t really have brown eyes at all they were a muddy mossy hazel they made me crave plunging my hands into the thickness the coolness of mossy mud 36 candles it snowed last night still is i am listening to lori mckenna s bittertown i had a piece of c s birthday cake with ice cream and coffee with cream for breakfast this morning more years than not i have awakened around 3 a m on this day i lie awake for a few minutes and wonder at what i will never know and because i never will have reconstructed into short stories novels poetry over the last however many years of consciousness there are no pictures from this day so long ago no snapshots of birthdays or firsts my only conclusion is that he must have been in them somewhere perhaps his back or part of his face an arm or hand so she removed them entirely along with any memory of such things by which to answer my questions the few pictures of my hood i stole from her i was an adult and visiting she was already in bed for the evening e five months old and full of her mother s milk was contentedly asleep next to me in the guestroom i spied the basket in which she tossed all snapshots i dug through them for hours excavating only 13 from the hundreds i fell asleep exhausted angry feeling only slightly guilty from my theft of the pictures that were safely ensconced in the bottom of my luggage now onto less melancholy things a gift from you to me tell me your favorite top 40 hits from the past 36 years you can give me all 36 or just 12 or only 1 your choice i am going to post mine later today on my https www jasminelive online profile r v w last week while a and i were driving home she asked if i thought abortion was o k this has always required me to articulate what i demonstrate she also like any intelligent human being prefers honesty rather than tickling of ears i have been pregnant four times as stated in a few things i didn t particularly like pregnancy i always gained 50 60 pounds and delivered large this isn t easy to do i don t know a woman alive that will say so and if she has bragged about easy pregnancies and deliveries she has either learned to no longer do so aloud or she is a complete feck because most women don t like to hear just how easy it is to grow and deliver another human being and as in all matters of mothering i took it very seriously i considered what i ate what i viewed what i read i took it to the extreme so i prefaced what i was about to tell her with the above information i then told her that honestly about 05 of me doesn t like the idea that some other entity can force me to do something that is so demanding and since we are talking strictly about pregnancy it is demanding kick your a demanding i then proceeded to tell her that i thought that if a woman s life was endangered by pregnancy and i gave an example of ectopic pregnancy or a woman who is battling a debilitating disease such as cancer she should have the right to choose to terminate the pregnancy in order to not risk her own death she told me that she agreed and that she also thought that a woman who had been abused should have the option to abort i agreed i then informed her that those situations were lawful before 1973 what became law in 1973 was that a woman could choose to terminate a pregnancy without providing reasons why to anyone after a few minutes of silence she said i don t think it is right for women to seek abortion just for the sake of convenience i asked her to clarify she told me that if a teenager had become pregnant or if a was conceived as a result of an affair she didn t think that was reason enough to abort simply said i don t think it should be allowed to save a reputation or to prevent embarrassment i told her that the highest percentage of women seeking termination of pregnancy weren t those that would fall into the life saving category the highest percentage of abortions are had by white middle and upper class females ages 18 24 i asked her what she thought most of those females were doing with their lives during those ages again she thought for a moment attending college bingo anyone who has read this blog for any length of time knows my position i don t feel the need to push it off on readers it is simply an opinion but as a person whose mother didn t seek an abortion simply because it wasn t legal i know the power an opinion can hold over life contrary i have been thinking about my faith for the past year and maybe not so much my faith because i do believe in god and in jesus christ but there are issues that are centered more on denomination and interpretation with which i wrestle more than anything else some of the thoughts swirling around my head along with scrubs and rousseau and henry james and saussure and barthes and saxon 54 and mozart and they might be giants and suzuki and taxes and pork loin roast with garlic and shallots and death by chocolate 1 who s right the catholics or the protestants 2 of the protestants who is correct does it matter as long as we are agreed on the basics the immaculate conception the deity of christ his sinless life etc 3 what is the real place of women within the context of church leadership teaching etc 4 what is the future of protestantism in america what about for catholicism 5 by what standard are we to measure those who claim belief and genuine faith but who also are more liberal i e christians who personally disagree with abortion but believe it to be guaranteed under the constitution for a woman to choose to have an abortion 6 are christianity and culture diametrically opposed really and truly exhaustion consumes my body most nights in between the reading demands placed on me by my classes and mothering four girls i slip in a paragraph or two from personal reading in hopes of relieving my wondering not wandering mind archives windows i made him nervous ballades and birds a bottle of rum something real copyright ichthux com