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the (332), and (250), not (88), that (82), god (54), for (47), have (46), from (46), life (44), this (40), are (39), with (37), was (33), but (32), which (29), will (27), #christ (27), our (27), you (26), can (26), truth (25), there (25), all (24), some (24), 2013 (23), what (22), been (22), people (22), love (21), would (21), christian (20), john (20), #because (20), meekness (20), things (19), who (18), however (18), job (18), one (17), other (16), world (16), way (16), than (16), might (16), has (16), more (15), winter (15), believer (15), how (14), know (14), then (14), their (14), even (13), cold (13), they (13), had (13), like (12), suffering (12), prayer (12), bible (12), his (12), only (12), others (12), about (12), spiritual (12), lifestyle (11), such (11), must (11), time (11), human (11), cannot (10), could (10), individual (10), these (10), mean (10), day (10), many (10), may (10), when (10), why (10), good (10), order (10), prosperity (10), climacus (9), old (9), through 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Text of the page (random words):
istian beliefs i know because i am guilty of this myself generally it has been an unconscious process in other words i was not always aware of the discrepancy between my behavior and my beliefs i was aware sometimes however and i felt confusion within myself and a certain helplessness to conduct my life in any other way there were some issues of morality and ethics in which i felt that sharp sword of christian values but there were other important areas of everyday coping in which the need for relief from stress eventually dulled my senses and eroded some of my values indeed the word of god is living and effective sharper than any two edged sword penetrating even between soul and spirit joints and marrow and able to discern reflection and thoughts of the heart no creature is concealed from him but everything is naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must render an account hebrews 4 12 13 people live and work under so much stress that discernment of the reflections and thoughts of one s own heart becomes extremely difficult it is not that people are aggressively sinful but perhaps negligently so the primary focus is on survival in a complicated if not hostile world with a secondary or supportive focus on spirituality rather than spirituality as a transformational event or process some level of spirituality is somehow balanced into one s way of being and pattern of survival in the world as i have gotten older and as i have been able to separate myself somewhat from the 9 to 5 workday world my past way of being has become more exposed to my eyes there are things for which i must render an account things done before the eyes of god and the saints things which i minimized and things which i boldly did because i lacked awareness and i lacked awareness because i lacked true spiritual transformation i did not conscientiously follow christ but believed in him from afar there was an incident recently in which i regressed to an old way of coping you might call it a temptation an experiment a decrease in vigilance or a moment of irrationality it was a mistake i regret it but it enabled me to experience the contrast in reality between my old way of coping and my current quest to focus primarily on the spiritual life my old pattern was no longer functional in practice though it was always sinful in nature and in fact it was an obstacle to living effectively as opposed to coping with and surviving in the world in the word of god bad fruit 12 14 2013 01 05 2014 winter believer christian lifestyle consequences st john climacus when i think of fruit or fruitfulness i always think of spiritual fruit virtues or good deeds or perhaps the conversion of souls st john of the ladder however warned of the fruits of sin run from places of sin as from the plague for when fruit is not present we have no frequent desire to eat it st john climacus step 3 9 fruit can be evil sinful fruit can tempt us if we see it but it is less likely to lure us away from the spiritual life if it is not in front of us the sight of something puts an imprint of itself in the mind and then the mind associates it with various feelings desires fantasies and memories moreover there are certain places in which evil fruit is more plentiful than in other places st john advises us to stay away from those places of plague advertisers and store managers know that the sight of something can be tempting that is why some people do impulse shopping supermarkets stack a display of junk food at the entrance to the store and arrange candy and magazines by the cash register it is not wrong to buy a candy bar but you might not have wanted it if you had not seen it and the kids might not have begged for it if it had not been placed on a shelf at their eye level of course there are worse things than eating candy sinful fruits are usually present in certain places and we can easily avoid committing the associated sins by avoiding the places it might be a nightclub the home of a friend who uses cocaine a certain neighborhood or section of the city a fraternity or sorority at the university or it might mean turning off the television because love grew cold 12 14 2013 12 15 2013 winter believer life review love suffering as i age i try not to indulge in reminiscing about the old days there are two reasons a the good memories are fewer than the bad b there are more years behind me than ahead of me and reminiscing becomes complicated and unproductive occasionally however an image from the past surfaces to the present and just floats there until i acknowledge it reverie by camille corot recently i encountered one such image on the internet it was a place from my young adulthood and it was associated with certain people and events this place however seemed to stare at me like the house from the amityville horror as though it had eyes and it was looking down at me daring me to come in again tempting me to repeat past dysfunctional patterns expecting me to succumb to that which cannot be changed i suddenly felt cold i felt so cold that i shivered even in the heat of july a chill permeated my bones and stiffened my skin why would i feel cold my personal amityville had been a very unhappy time in my life the details of which i do not need to discuss because the impact of the image is itself the memory and the message i will not go back into that place but what was the message why did i feel so cold in the bible hell is described as a place of unquenchable fire it would seem that unhappy times and places would be hellish and hot you know hot as blazes certainly as hot as a summer day in july however the bible indeed contains a possible explanation you will be hated by all nations because of my name and then many will be led into sin they will betray and hate one another many false prophets will arise and deceive many and because of the increase in evildoing the love of many will grow cold but the one who perseveres to the end will be saved matthew 24 9 13 when there is an absence of love there is coldness whether the love grows cold or was never really there to begin with there is an atmosphere perhaps psychologically and spiritually of coldness which in my case actually manifested as a physical sensation when i began writing this essay i was only going to quote part of verse 12 the love of many will grow cold that phrase summed it up for me but i thought it was important to read the whole context to understand why love grows cold and the impact that betrayal and hatred can have on the individual i know what betrayal feels like it is devastating i have experienced failure in human relationships some of which was my fault but some of which was due to love having grown cold on the part of others it has never been clear to me how much of this coldness was just typical incompatibility or human weakness and how much may have been a reaction to my being christian i mean christianity as an underlying dynamic and not necessarily a conscious rejection on the part of others if love grows cold then that seems to imply a process of deterioration and not a quick and conscious decision if some people stopped loving me then my belief in christ must have been a factor along with other factors such as my personality and background however what if the people who stopped loving me were followers of christ that would mean their love must have grown cold because they began drifting away from christ that would mean they would have stopped loving me no matter what kind of personality i had and no matter what kind of background i came from their love grew cold at that time and in that place and i can still breathe the chilled air to this day however i will not go back into that place not even if invited today i will not be led into sentimentality curiosity or neurotic guilt today i will persevere today i will walk in the sunshine and walk in faith the amityville horror was used figuratively and emotionally and not literally to mean paranormal activity be charitable to everyone 12 14 2013 04 27 2026 winter believer life review old age prayer my new quest in life is this to be charitable to everyone this is how i want to spend the remainder of my years possibly 10 20 or 30 years only god knows how many more years are left to me i could be suddenly stricken tonight like an old refrigerator that finally broke down beyond repair or i could go on breathing thinking writing praying and cooking dinner for perhaps as many as 40 more years do i want that yes i want more time i want to live yet i feel the need for a genuine preparation for death as the aging process hovers over me my goals have necessarily changed i no longer think in terms of college diplomas and career advancement i am not planning any vacations i do not know if i will even do christmas shopping this year i have other basic tasks and my scope of living has narrowed so i thought that i would dedicate myself to a life of prayer a tapered life is a less distracted life and a prayerful life is a quiet life if i am perfectly honest however i must admit that sometimes i am too tired to finish lengthy prayers at night my eyes get tired as i read from prayer books and devotional books especially after a day at the computer sometimes i turn to a cycle of the jesus prayer combined with a few memorized bible verses such as the lord is my shepherd i shall not want that way i can rest my eyes while my soul remains vigilant surprisingly i find that a life devoted to prayer is not a total answer to my aging process i still have to interact with people and loving one s neighbor is the christian way of interaction the concept of charity covers the social aspect of life because everything is conducted in the presence of god and with humility and compassion an act of charity might be a simple courtesy in the supermarket or a loving smile to a child as well as a prayer said at night and known only to god charity is all inclusive a commandment and perhaps a way for me to prepare for death ultimately relying on god s mercy to deliver me be glad christian bloggers 12 14 2013 12 15 2013 winter believer discipleship life review what does it mean to be a christian blogger or to blog as a christian i gained new insight into this as i read my life in christ by st john of kronstadt he talked about the daily process of being a priest and serving at the altar i ought to rejoice in the fact that it very often happens to me to carry in my mind and heart and to pronounce with my lips the name of god the name of our lady the mother of god those of the holy angels and saints either of them all by name during the year or of the special ones daily mentioned in the church prayers or in the office of the blessing of the water st john of kronstadt part ii page 202 christian bloggers travel a similar route what a privilege to be able to write about god every day how fortunate we are to be able to refer to the examples of the saints to quote the holy fathers and to spend a portion of each day devoted to spreading the gospel what a productive way to work out our salvation and to be a friend to others as we write about our struggles and victories in the spiritual life as we share our insight and perspective i believe we are pleasing to god because we are acting as his servants be true to truth 12 14 2013 06 21 2014 winter believer truth we know that through jesus christ we are delivered from sin and death christ tells us that the truth will set us free and that we reach truth by remaining in his word how do we define truth and freedom jesus then said to those jews who believed in him if you remain in my word you will truly be my disciples and you will know the truth and the truth will set you free john 8 31 32 biblical truth all the words of the bible are true as expressions of truth for example we have the ten commandments and the beatitudes if we abide in such truths we are freed from sin and death personally i have found truth to mean the opposite of lies and idolatry and freedom to mean the opposite of dysfunction and oppression yet truth is attainable and freedom is operable even within adversarial environments biblical truth also involves more than or other than doctrinal declarations biblical truth anchors the individual in a relationship with christ and in a lifestyle of discipleship while there are doctrinal separations between orthodoxy and catholicism and then again regarding protestantism and within protestantism biblical truths such as the ten commandments and the beatitudes have not been grossly altered and these are the general lifestyle truths of discipleship as practiced by everyday christians knowing speaking and living the truth it is not insubordinate or presumptuous if average christians study the bible to know truth and to be set free free from false authorities inside and outside church structures perhaps this freedom does not emerge politically civically or administratively but the individual is released spiritually and emotionally from bondage it is not wrong for christians to speak the truth to speak truth to speak it within a relationship of respect and trust or to speak it before others in a refusal to accept falsehood this is what the martyrs did is to affirm the faith and witness of christ jesus christ spoke truth nonetheless he did not defend himself in an argumentative manner against the pharisees and he did not answer to a corrupt judicial system in which he would not get a fair trial anyway this is because christ could not be tricked he could not be distracted defocused or derailed from his mission he demonstrated the truth of his teachings through his lifestyle culminating in crucifixion i e no greater love for mankind the crucifixion of christ changed the world in a way which argumentation or court transcripts could never accomplish truth forever as i continue reading the bible noticing words and concepts which i never noticed before i gain a certain mental equilibrium through its truth through illumination of who is who and what is what and how it all happens you can persecute and exile me browbeat and ridicule me misunderstand and misjudge me dismiss and ignore me but you cannot drive me crazy or take the truth away from me once i have seen its radiant light you can be the biggest egomaniac in the world or in a church but i am not obliged to indulge or pamper you follow or join you and defend or excuse you in other words i will not and cannot idolize you and i will pay a price for this the price of discipleship yet i am free or freed i can only follow or try to follow the ten commandments i can only live in accordance with the beatitudes i can only worship christ truth is truth whether or not you and i recognize it and accept it however nobody can be a disciple without it and do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul rather be afraid of the one who can destroy both soul and body in gehenna matthew 10 28 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