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has had to be on the bottom of the list i still love all of you and hope you are doing good i will try and read about how you are all doing as i find time for those of you who still even reading even though i am a bad bad blogger here is an update if update sonohystogram not a fun experience at all but i had gotten myself so scared and worked up that it was much better than i thought the cramping was really intense once they started filling me with saline and looking around everything looks really good the lining and shape are normal he also looked at my ovaries and there were plenty of eggs it was really cool to see that and hear that i have lots of eggs waiting the cramping stayed bad for about an hour or two and then slowly went away and i was totally fine the next day mfmd now that i have finished all my testing all of which are normal i have an appointment to see my mfm dr for follow up on the 27th at this appointment we will talk about everything that my tests show and come up with a plan on how to move forward i have been pretty bummed that all my tests came back normal i really wanted there to be something to fix either way i will be glad when we come up with a plan i keep telling myself that the 3rd time is the charm project creating life my plants are amazing some never sprouted but the ones that did are huge i will take pictures tonight and post them asap life update job i actually found one it is for a company that i used to do design work for i have always loved this company and am excited to finally be working for them i am a little sad that it isn t in design anymore but the change has been really fun too bad it is an almost 50 cut in pay to what i was making as a designer stupid economy another plus should be more frequent blogging since i am at a computer all day marriage my dh and i have had a hard time in the intimacy department of our marriage lately i think that all the pressure to make a baby has really taken a toil we are thinking of meeting with a counselor to see if they have any ideas and to talk about how we are feeling and why we might be having the problems anyone else have ideas on how to help with this problem weight loss back in january i posted that i had lost 8 lbs sadly my miscarriage emotional eating caused those 8 pounds 3 more to come back i really hate myself for letting that happen we are going to the beach in 6 weeks so i am trying to work really hard to get back down i have lost 5lbs so far and have 15 more to go to be at my ideal weight i would like to be down at least 10 more for the beach overall i am doing pretty good the weather is beautiful and i have lots of things to look forward to i am excited to move forward in my quest to become a mom and am keeping my fingers crossed that it will come and stick in the next few months posted by baby hungry at 1 46 pm 10 comments labels updates of a slacker blogger 3 28 2010 1 45 pm mst tomorrow sonohysterogram me freaking out just a little bit wish me luck for tomorrow part of me hopes that everything is perfect in there and part of me hopes there is a very easily fixable problem so i know why i keep losing my babies the mind of a multiple pregnancy loss er crazy i ll make sure and tell him to check for mold posted by baby hungry at 10 22 pm 18 comments labels getting answers i think i m going crazy if mfm waiting over you want to stick that where 3 18 2010 operation creating life cd16 well i thought it was time for an update on my operation creating life experiment i have had both successes and failures i feel like i have been able to draw some conclusions about my fertility as well look at my veggies they are doing pretty good i have tomatoes cucumbers hot peppers bell peppers and my basil hasn t come up yet my cucumber is the big tall one i am so proud of it maybe next time i am pregnant i need to eat more cucumbers look at my flowers they are doing ok but not great the morning glory and lobelia are doing the best i think about half have sprouted and the other half are still just dirt if that was true about my pregnancies then my last one should have stuck i am starting to get discouraged they might not be warm enough to sprout i hope my uterus isn t a cold place that my little babies don t want to snuggle in i will have to ask my dr about it this may look like snow but it is defiantly not it is mold mold of all things i am growing mold and it is doing great i clean it off all my plants every couple of days and then it comes right back even stronger it hasn t killed any of my plans yet but i am really worried that it will i hope the lining of my uterus isn t all moldy i keep telling my mom that i must have a cold cold moldy uterus and that no one wants to live there she doesn t think it is very funny posted by baby hungry at 5 43 pm 12 comments labels operation creating life 3 04 2010 lost babies token i realized that i never shared my miscarriage token it was with all your help i was able to come up with something that was just perfect for me and my little ones ann sent me a website selling loss remembrance necklaces they had a forget me not flower with birthstone charms hanging below to represent each loss i loved the idea and thought the simplicity was beautiful i was all ready to place my order when i decided that it would mean more to me if i made the charm all on my own i went to the bead store and got everything i needed since my jewelry making skills are pretty non existent i was worried that it wouldn t be perfect but my inexperienced craftsmanship is one of my favorite parts about the necklace it is perfectly imperfect the opal charm is for the amazing october that our first baby gave us and the amethyst charm with an opal finish is for the great week in february when we thought our goal of 10 10 10 had been met when i first posted that i was looking for a token to remember my first miscarriage jenn sent me a message saying she had the perfect thing and would send it off i was so excited to get her present she sent me the sweetest bracelet the pomegranate thread for infertility s common thread the charm for my baby in heaven and the 5 beads on each side for the 5 stages of grief i have had this on my wrist since the day i got it not only is this another reminder of my first loss but it reminds me of all the awesome people who have come into my life because of this trial it shows me another blessing that has come because of my pain thanks to jenn s great example i would like to pass her generosity and love forward i would love to make a necklace charm for anyone looking for something to help them remember their lost little one please send me an email to imbabyhungry at gmail dot come if you want one posted by baby hungry at 2 15 pm 8 comments labels i love you baby loss pay it forward the if community is awesome 3 03 2010 operation creating life implantation day i have started a little experiment using the scientific method here are the details 1 ask a question am i baby hungry actually able to create and sustain life 2 do background research 2 miscarriages not looking so good 3 construct a hypothesis if i am able to grow plants from seeds and keep them alive i just might be capable of making a baby 4 test your hypothesis by doing an experiment my experiment is simple plant and nurture seeds until they grow into plants that can survive in the world on their own 5 analyze your data and draw a conclusion implantation day went off without a hitch i was able to successfully sow my seeds they are hanging out in a warm place away from sunlight waiting for the first signs of life 6 communicate your results you should all be pleased to know that you will get weekly updates on how my little experiment is working i really hope i can pull this off my mom is a little worried about this not working out so she planted some backups for me gotta love moms posted by baby hungry at 2 58 pm 6 comments labels operation creating life 2 23 2010 check check and check i did it i achieved all 3 of my goals wahoo what a relief i was so so nervous driving to my appointment but felt completely at ease with my dr he was good at listening to my questions and the things i was scared about he made me feel much more at ease about the situation i am in but also didn t dismiss how scared and frustrated i am plan of action for now a truckload of blood work and a sonohysterogram truckload of blood work not fun i have terrible veins it took 4 sticks 3 in my hands two blown veins and 1 5 hours to fill my 9 tubes of blood the girl taking my blood told me she had 3 miscarriages before her successful pregnancy with twins i really like hearing about those who have overcome recurrent pregnancy loss i still have 2 more tests to give blood for so hopefully i will have better luck next time sonohysterogram i need to wait a couple of weeks to start pro vera to force period and then schedule test for the day i stop bleeding i am nervous for this test anyone overall i am very happy about how things went other then the bruises rapidly showing on my hands i feel so good about my decision to go to this dr and really feel like i am in the right place for me thanks for all your well wishes posted by baby hungry at 7 44 pm 23 comments labels getting answers if mfm simple goals i have 2 main goals for today s appointment 1 don t push any pregnant women down it is not their fault i can t stay pregnant 2 do not have a complete emotional breakdown i just need to keep it together until i get safely back in my car and my other goal 3 get answers and come up with a plan so i can hopefully not do this again i will let you know how it goes posted by baby hungry at 9 31 am 16 comments labels if loss mfm the world hates infertiles waiting over 2 21 2010 cheering myself up welcome iclwers i am excited for the iclw since it has been a few months since i participated here is a little blurb so you know what is up over here are baby hungry we got our first bfp on clo mid in september 2009 after ttc since january 2008 our dreams came crashing down when we miscarried in october i was 6 5 weeks along february 2010 brought another bfp followed quickly by miscarriage 2 at 4 5 weeks i am currently trying to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and get some answers to why my body doesn t want to stay pregnant clo mid was my magic potion for getting prego now i just need to find the magic elixir to keep that pregnancy for 9 months i am meeting with a multiple pregnancy loss maternal fetal medicine dr for the first time on tuesday an update for my faithful readers i have been working night and day on cheering myself up i have successfully kept myself busy enough to keep the crying to a minimum either that or i am just in denial either way here is what i have been cheering myself up with hosting a valentines day brunch for my mom and sisters buying myself flowers and getting roses from my dh girls night reading reading reading movie valentines day shopping pedicure road trip to find the sun we found it and it still exists movie when in rome eating treats lots of treats i really need to stop that making an appointment with mfm dr i m really excited to get some answers and come up with a plan did i mention i have been eating lots of treats i am doing much better with this miscarriage then i did with the last one i think much of that is because my heart was guarded with this pregnancy and i didn t give the whole thing to it for fear of it being smashed into a million pieces again i hope i can feel safe enough to give my whole heart to this dream but right now i am trying to protect it i thank you all for your kind words i could really feel the love and support from you all i hope i can pay it forward to those in need ps today is my birthday go out and eat come cake to celebrate since it is my favorite food i know i will be posted by baby hungry at 12 03 pm 28 comments labels a better attitude emotional affects of if finding peace iclw my dear friend hope updates of a slacker blogger 2 11 2010 good bye 10 10 10 i woke up at 4 30am with terrible cramping blood is gushing out of me now it is over 10 10 10 will just be a day i cry over my two lost dreams posted by baby hungry at 8 36 am 45 comments labels ahhh so mad cheer up charlie loss so sad today waiting over 2 10 2010 the results are in and they don t really say jack beta 88 progesterone 4 6 according to dr both are low unsure if pregnancy will be viable re test on friday she said i could try taking prometrium for my low progesterone but that it might be too late to do any good what to do this miscarriage that is what i am calling it is bringing with it a lot of anger last time i was too buried in hear break to feel any anger this time the anger is right in line with my heartbreak when i walked into the women s center to get my blood taken and saw all those women with perfectly round bellies i just wanted to run up and push them all down i had to remind myself that each and everyone of those women could have gone through all the heartache and disappointment of infertility and loss and are just now getting their miracle after years of pain but watch out i sure am mean these days a crying mean nasty mess this is not how i am supposed to feel during my favorite time of year i did make an appointment for a maternal fetal medicine dr who specialises in multiple pregnancy losses i see him on the 23rd i hope he will be more sensitive to my situation and the questions and fears i now have after losing teo one was random two scares me posted by baby hungry at 2 19 pm 9 comments labels ahhh so mad cheer up charlie emotional affects of if if is so confusing loss so sad today the world hates infertiles older posts home subscribe to posts atom currently waiting on pins and needles for baby girl to decided to join us us our kids if jorney in a nutshell june 2004 start the pill november 2004 marry the love of my life november 2004 december 2007 happy married life with no desire for kids january 2008 go off pill and start ttc march 2008 first period since going off the pill june 2008 see obgyn about lack of period get put on provera to force periods schedule appt for 6 months june 2008 december 2008 continue to take provera to force peiord each cycle december 2008 see obgyn she wants me to chart bbt and take ovulation tests dh needs to do sa schedule appt for 3 months out january 2009 march 2009 take small break can t handle all the stress march 2009 june 2009 track bbt and o no ovulation dh gets sa and it comes back great 28 on the 1 30 scale of fertility june 2009 see obgyn prescribes clomid for cd 5 9 schedule no follow up appt because i think she is not doing enough schedule with re for september 2009 july 2009 take a cycle off too many vacations and don t want to have first clomid cycle out of town reschedule re for november 2009 august 2009 first clomid cycle 50mg late ovulation about day 26 bfp on cd40 october 10 2009 miscarriage 1 at about 6 weeks oc...