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description=AS I TOLD THE GIRL THAT I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO, THANKS FOR LAUGHING AT ME HERE TODAY.;

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Text of the page (random words):
hings piling up on the outer regions of the internets she s blazing a trail and making her way to bring happiness to the masses me and bubbe making cream puffs also did i mention her cream puffs obviously that isn t meant as dirty as it sounds but homegirl can cook too we might just do a vlog with us cooking up some treats one day which is sure to wow the masses we re a match made in heaven she s sweet witty and caring and i m just funny to look at please google annie smack that fannie right now in all seriousness one moment doesn t define someone s lifetime but for all intents and purposes bubbe literally broke the mold when she hatched annie smack that fannie yes folks the awesomeness carried over when she birthed the holiest of all pigeon pooping people and has raised a smart funny caring immodiumabuser obsessed woman in her image take it from me when i say that the internet is forever grateful for that and one only needs to google annie smack that fannie to see why the apple didn t fall far from the tree and the poop didn t fall far from the pigeon for all these and many more reasons i celebrate you today and always you re truly a special lady and i hope you have a great day also did i mention those cream puffs and for your birthday here s a shot of me and darryl strawberry right before our dance off ok one more here s one of me and hal prince to make you feel young again you look like a teen next to him he s 91 years old and has ten times the energy i do hey yenta tell your friends share on reddit opens in new window reddit email a link to a friend opens in new window email tweet print opens in new window print share on tumblr like loading go ahead scream it s christmas neve december 24 2018 december 24 2018 www immodiumabuser com leave a comment hey yenta tell your friends share on reddit opens in new window reddit email a link to a friend opens in new window email tweet print opens in new window print share on tumblr like loading i thought i d get harry smotter when i read the books but i m just as dumbledore as before october 23 2018 october 24 2018 www immodiumabuser com 11 comments my sons have been devouring the harry potter books at record pace and although i tried to fight it they ve cast a spell on me too i know i m twenty years late to the party but punctuality was never my strong suit i ve seen the movies since i see everything nominated for the oscars and they finally won their lucky 13th try with fantastic beasts and where to find them there was never a reason i hadn t read the books before now and i gotta tell you i had some unresolved issues as we tore through page by page chapter by chapter and then finished each and every book i kept assuming they d finally address the elephant in the room the most important overlooked part of the whole saga but much to my dismay they never did one day when j k rowling and i are sharing tea and crumpets i ll her how amazing and creative her books are and then work up the nerve to ask her we re talking about the greatest sorcerer s the world has ever known one s even so powerful that we literally can t even mention his name without people trembling in fear but no one knows a spell for lasik it s bad enough that this kid has a lightning bolt scar on his head forcing him to grow out that bowl haircut to try and hide it but then you go and give him those glasses too i mean come on there s no lenscrafters at hogwarts if not lasik how about we get this kid some contacts i don t know that just doesn t sit right with me does anyone else confuse the oscar wining star of whiplash with this fantastic writer or is it just me apparently j k is the new trendy name like mary or joseph not the mary and joseph just a lot of kids with those names there s j k rowling j k simmons j k schaffer former cincinnati bengals player j k dobbins football player for ohio state player j k scott green bay packers another football player i mean come on i just can t keep em straight anymore it s only a matter of time before there s a j k kardashian or cardi j k i m gonna change my name to j k immodium abuser as it s obviously key to the success that s eluded me so far speaking of confusion the rita skeeter character is obviously based on skeeter from the muppets and i approve skeeter was so underappreciated and scooter always got all the attention twins my ass they forgot about dre she always got the shaft so i m glad that j k found a way to honor skeeter here i won t go through every book and storyline but i do wanna give a shout out to one part of the saga that really touched me deep it s very rare that i find an author who can speak right to my soul and i gotta give props when it happens i read that page and it s so eerie it s like she was speaking directly to me and only me it s in the half blood prince chapter 11 which for some odd reason is called hermione s helping hand which sounds very dirty to write in a kid s book and could actually be the next stormy daniel s film if we don t stop publishing her exploits in the tabloids either way here s a screen shot of the page and j k was not just kidding when she wrote this it s her message to the immodium abusers out there to let us know that she sees us and hears us and for god s sake she describes the harsh reality of my life when she talks about u no poo i mean it s obvious that they d have imodium at hogwarts he who shall not be named is literally scaring the shit out of half the students and you don t think everyone s doubling up on u no poo ron is a nervous kid normally so he s definitely taking as much if not more than me with those scary adventures for the love of god someone better tell harry potter he should take some too kid they re not gonna call time out during the match when you quidditch your pants up on that broom u no poo apparently it s not just the muggles who get the gastric struggles she writes about being purple in the face and straining and it s just like stop it j k you had me at hello full disclosure i m not normally in the common room or at mealtime when i m straining like that because i won t be able to hagrid and bear it also i ll need a new set of robes and they ll change the name of the class to defense against the dark sharts if i m not careful in there so since my kids now have the costumes wands movies and legos our house is becoming as crazy as bellatrix s hair it s hard to surprise them anymore but i ve found the perfect thing for them hogwarts bedding they re gonna be kicking the sheets out of those death eaters and they ll be slytherin under the covers this winter warm as can be now that i have these super dad to the rescue follow here to get harry potter set or many other kids check it out https www latestdeals co uk tags duvet if you re looking for your own set click the link to follow and get your own since they re harry potter themed you should get them from the uk to be official but even if you re not into harry potter they have other sets too you can always go with soccer themed holiday themed or teletubbies which randomly is my wife s pet name for me i m all for fun shit in the bedroom to help have fun dreams so my wife and i actually have the teletubbies set on our bed just kidding she d never let me try to get frisky on top of her tinky winky so we went with a normal set make the bedrooms in your house relaxing and fun and you ll sleep like a baby or you ll get frisky and make a baby just don t name it j k because there are just too damn many of them to keep track of this is where the magic happens hey yenta tell your friends share on reddit opens in new window reddit email a link to a friend opens in new window email tweet print opens in new window print share on tumblr like loading celebrituesdays bryce dallas howard she s a dino girl in a dino world july 10 2018 www immodiumabuser com leave a comment bryce dallas howard is on top of the box office with jurassic world fallen kingdom with more than a billion dollars so far but more important than that she s now on top of my celeb list chris pratt went through the garage like a brat but she came marching out to greet the posse waiting for her like a seasoned pro and rose to the challenge i found a video online of her managing the crowd and just being awesome in the process see it here check her out she s managing a crowd of people while signing autographs while taking photos and all the while she was being interviewed by multiple cameramen without missing a beat that was seriously impressive i ve seen celebrities that can t be bothered or do one or two and then leave but she took care of everyone like a champ i really liked bryce before but meeting her has moved her so far up the list she is awesome and i absolutely won t hear any different she s hysterical making fun of herself on the new season of arrested development great in the jurassic movies plays such an absolute pie eating bitch in the help and she even helped pete s dragon live happily ever after she can do no wrong in my eyes even if she was in twilight hey yenta tell your friends share on reddit opens in new window reddit email a link to a friend opens in new window email tweet print opens in new window print share on tumblr like loading bicentennial post that means 200 celebrating my independence day from sanity july 5 2018 july 5 2018 www immodiumabuser com 4 comments i can t believe this is my 200th post that s a huge milestone so i wanted to pause from our regularly scheduled program to take a moment and celebrate you by doing something a little different this is for every one of you reading this site and liking and sharing and commenting and laughing and sometimes rolling your eyes and emailing me with genuine concern that something is definitely wrong with me i won t drown you with a bunch of numbers because i don t like to fixate on them but 200 posts is nothing to sneeze at 51 000 visitors are in the rear view mirror and by this time next week 100 000 total views will be as well whether you ve stumbled onto this site for the first time or you re one of my 12 576 regular followers this post is in honor of you in the spirit of doing things different i m gonna pull back the curtain and spill it like the little yenta i am to answer some of the big immodium abuser mysteries that surely have been keeping you up at night the top question that people ask me believe it or not the thing most people ask me isn t did your sister really shit on that cat but when your sister shit on that cat was that cat s name really pretty yes pretty was the cat s name but take that in for a moment no one finds it odd or is put off by the fact that my sister actually shit all over a poor little kitty but the crazy part is the fact that the cat was named pretty also the follow up question 99 times out of 100 is always was it only one time it s not as if she s a mad bomber who s lost the ability to clench or has such precise torpedo aim that the feline community quakes in their furry boots as she walks by as far as i know it isn t a party trick she does when people gather of course it only happened once but really i should never say never about a repeat performance so let s keep those cats locked away just in case after my sister s literal shit storm pretty was never the same this year i actually pulled the best april fool s day prank on her obviously i mean my sister not pretty when i created a meme with her face and the words if you see this woman hide your cats i woke her up early that morning and lied to her that i posted the meme on twitter and hundreds of people had already liked it needless to say she flipped the flip out i was laughing so hard that i couldn t even tell her it was all just a joke obviously she has forbid me from sharing the un edited meme here which i think is a selfish mistake on her part but i ll throw her a bone once she saw the edited meme she was actually more irritated than she was at the original version she probably got crazy because i said her edited photo reminded me exactly of robert downey jr in the movie fur which understandably isn t exactly a compliment but also isn t too off base either do i really take that much imodium yes yes yes yes yes i do and i cannot function or commute without it i just ordered eight 48 packs to be set for july 4th and the site wouldn t let me order more than four packs so i had to use a different name for the second order ridiculous right and also please stop emailing and tweeting me asking if i m using it to get high i only wish i could get high and not shit in public from it but alas no psychedelic reactions to the ad yet also the post about imodium ad actually trying to stage an intervention with me is still the most popular post by many thousands of views more than anything else i ve ever written more than when i was mistaken for a retarded person twice in less than a half hour more than my famous baby jesus story and more than any celebrity stalking i ve ever done when my wife asked if i was packed for our long weekend away here s my weekend stash did the pope see it when the bird shit on your friend i think that the pope is everywhere and anywhere so a little part of me would like to believe that he did see the drive by pooping even though i know that priceless memory is only between me annie smack that fannie and that pigeon s anus just for fun let s get that phrase that pigeon s anus trending on twitter fun fact annie smack that fannie is the only non celebrity that has had the honor of having their face shown on this site she proudly wears that badge of honor and will fist fight to defend it but seriously if anyone gets shit on in front of me i m posting your picture too her mother bubbe is not one to be outdone so we ve been kvetching about making our own video so she can show me and everyone else her secret cream puff recipe yes i know that sounds really dirty and inappropriate but there s nothing dirty or inappropriate about cream puffs if they re made right we ve yet to work out the logistics but something tells me fannie might show up rocking her purple housecoat and try to sabotage or photobomb our video more to follow on that front although i didn t tell her i was going to do this so bubbe is probably sitting at the table reading this post while schvitzing and spitting out her morning coffee here s us introducing aj ross of abc news to the pope doll that s not lucky the most common reaction people have to hearing about my site when i tell people about immodiumabuser com they always think it s a joke they look at me as if i m kidding and then when they actually see that it s a real website their face changes into a mix of confusion disgust contempt and then back to confusion again doesn t matter if its people who just met me or that have known me for years the concern immediately takes over their face as they either first realize or finally confirm that something is definitely wrong with me the very next thing almost every s...