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Text of the page (random words):
up from work i wouldn t have walked through the field i wouldn t have seen the dandelions and i wouldn t have thought about wishes he was late though and i did walk through the field and i did think about wishes i plucked a full white puff from the ground made a wish and blew with all my might to be sure the wish came true the wish i made was a simple one and not for me it was a wish for jessie that she was doing well at that moment and happy at peace that s what i wanted doing well happy at peace he was all apologies when i got into the car not a problem i told him it was a nice walk and i made a wish for jessie i reached for my phone to call her no answer i called her cell phone no answer perhaps i thought she s in the bathroom i heard the whisper from the wind she always has her cell phone with her in a sock with her cash pinned to her bra sadly and regretfully i did not pay attention to that whisper jessie s biggest fear was that she would fall and be unable to get up it happened before she d call me 911 a neighbor we d get her up she had a caregiver provided by her insurance but the caregivers all of them were for the most part without any use to her they did not cook didn t clean very well occasionally stole from her didn t show up or showed up late without calling jessie would get to know and like the individual would help with bus money or groceries when needed but would sadly realize she was being taken advantage of and call the nursing company to request a different caregiver another equally desperate but uninterested one would show up in a week or so the nursing company knew me all too well i d call complain explain take numbers get promises and then dammit i d have to call again because nothing would change her daughter and i had fought before what was best for jessie had to be what was most convenient for her daughter it was never in jessie s best interest many a facility nurse insurance agent got familiar with me as jessie would say please talk to my real daughter i fought and negotiated on her behalf her daughter was always too busy the problem was that jessie s daughter was angry her daughter was angry that she was adopted by a maid her daughter was ashamed of jessie i was proud of jessie and her daughter was not we were to the word at odds i loved jessie her daughter resented i bought for jessie her daughter stole i gave her daughter took her daughter broke her heart i loved her heart when her daughter called the next morning she was matter of fact she just wanted me to know that jessie died that morning the caregiver found her heartbroken as i was i didn t believe her daughter for a minute i knew then as i know now in my heart that jessie died the day before the day she did not answer the phone the day when again a caregiver did not show up i went to her house that afternoon as soon as i could compose myself and drive there the house was full her daughter holding court seemingly drinking the attention dry eyed and laughing the caregiver came in they hugged and she said that jessie was fine when she had seen her monday night but this morning she found her in the bathroom slumped over this morning was wednesday that caregiver never showed up for work on tuesday i gave her a look of pain anger and knowing better i locked eyes with her and quieted her but i bit my tongue my lifelong friend died alone with her biggest fear that of falling because someone did not take their job seriously enough to show up i cut through their laughter and i said goodbye jessie s daughter said she had something for me and left the room she returned and handed me a watch said that jessie was wearing it when she died she said jessie had always had it and was sure that she would want me to have something the watch was a timex day glo that my friend had given jessie a few months beforehand i spoke at jessie s funeral service she was there before me in a beautiful pink casket i held hands with and cried with her sister brothers fellow church goers auxillary group nuns friends and cousins aunts nieces nephews all of them spoke of jessie s love for me of our friendship i quietly tucked into her casket under her right arm a gold rose that my father had given me years ago and a silver earring with my grandmother s initials engraved my grandmother adored jessie and the feeling was mutual my father and jessie had the same heart it was fitting if not exactly orthodox standing at the podium above jessie s earthly body with broken heart shaking hands and steady voice i read maya angelou s poem when great trees fall when great trees fall rocks on distant hills shudder lions hunker down in tall grasses and even elephants lumber after safety when great trees fall in forests small things recoil into silence their senses eroded beyond fear when great souls die the air around us becomes light rare sterile we breathe briefly our eyes briefly see with a hurtful clarity our memory suddenly sharpened examines gnaws on kind words unsaid promised walks never taken great souls die and our reality bound to them takes leave of us our souls dependent upon their nurture now shrink wizened our minds formed and informed by their radiance fall away we are not so much maddened as reduced to the unutterable ignorance of dark cold caves and when great souls die after a period peace blooms slowly and always irregularly spaces fill with a kind of soothing electric vibration our senses restored never to be the same whisper to us they existed they existed we can be be and be better for they existed when i finished i took a deep breath and the people there applauded the words reached them and they clapped and stood and rejoiced they knew me and they knew our love my sweet jessie and me i was hugged and kissed and asked to send those words to this one and that one i felt that i did jessie right that day i loved her sister and her brothers i cried with the best of them i followed the hearse to the gravesite and was pulled to the front row by her sister i dropped roses on her casket and i sadly desperately said goodbye i stayed there at her grave because i had nowhere to go without her i stayed and cried and then i walked away but i keep my dear friend right in my heart where she has always been posted by duly inspired at 9 48 am no comments wednesday january 06 2016 rising i can t write unless or i don t know until my head listens to itself or my heart or the subtle scratching at the door that says to line up my words and march them through my fingers and out into the fresh air when i don t write it s as if i m sitting a child in the corner and ignoring her completely for days weeks or in this case over a year poor ignored child sitting in the corner let s get her out shall we posted by duly inspired at 4 11 pm 2 comments saturday november 29 2014 giving thanks two weeks before thanksgiving the weather in houston went down to temps we usually don t have here i read that the last time we had had temps that low that early was in 1909 even though i am loathe to wear more than long sleeve t shirts and at most a down vest in the winter meaning i can t stand sweaters or coats i did happily pull on my boots that first morning of cold air two nights in a row we reached freezing temps and then back to the typical high 40s to low 70s the boots went back in the closet just a few days after that brief freeze the magic appeared we had an explosion of fall colors everywhere trees up and down my street were glowing golden yellow and orange my drive to work was dotted with deep reds and golds that brief freeze gave houston the gift of fall actual fall during the fall season occasionally we get some fall color in january but it is a dizzying punch in the gut to have thanksgiving christmas new years and then fall colors i have been so happy walking my streets driving the roads so happy with the colors filling my eyes i just stare at the deep yellow leaves and take a deep breath give pause and appreciation for this unexpected delightful beauty this year this glorious year thanksgiving day was surrounded by the colors of nature in change the colors i love the signs of transition from one season to the next i see it as a special gift and i m so happy to be experiencing and enjoying it i might not be equally happy when it comes time to raking the yard but a little effort is not much to pay for a whole lot of beauty posted by duly inspired at 9 42 am no comments monday february 03 2014 yesterday s news i think that like many people i was shocked on sunday to learn that philip seymour hoffman died all avenues of media went into a frenzy in the bathroom needle in his arm empty heroin bags nearby the whole ugly mess of his death why is it always in the bathroom for as much as anyone can like another without knowing them i liked mr hoffman i lost him in movies to his characters and i think that is the coolest thing about being in the audience to lose the star in the movie because he or she is that great an actor i read his interviews and was sure to check out talk shows where he was the guest beyond that though i didn t seek him didn t google him didn t do more than appreciate what he gave but to be clear i was a fan and sunday the news of his death i ve watched interviews where he spoke proudly of being 23 years sober i did not know that he went into rehab recently that he d fallen off the wagon as they say i did not know the devil was after him again i do know that this has nothing to do with me not a single thing but but sunday afternoon on facebook someone i know posted sadness at mr hoffman s death i read the comments and about seven comments down was this pure stupidity the comment was in reference to the overdose and i took offense i commented right below that addiction has nothing to do with intelligence or lack thereof plenty of people liked my comment and that felt good i want to tell you why it felt good and what my connection is to mr philip seymour hoffman when i was nine years old i was already loving a drug and alcohol addict though her path had just begun she was my hero i remember the smell of her hair and the shape of her young arms i knew the way her jeans hung low from her hips the curve of the belt that held her jeans on her body i watched her every gentle move with animals and i spied on her when she stole our parents cigarettes she wasn t an addict then not yet but the spark was lit and the flame was beginning to take hold her unraveling would go on for years i can tell you something about addiction it is constant it is a monster a hungry beast that is never sated we we humans are frail and beautiful beings we can love and hate heal and destroy we are tender and mortal and yet powerful beings but we are no match for addiction addiction will feed itself at the risk of life addiction is so fucking strong such a cruel and savage beast it will convince the brain to believe that whatever it wants is absolutely necessary for the body it will incorporate whatever substance into the mind and body s sense of normal and subsequently the body and mind become dependent and must have more addiction might be a habit but it s not a decision or a choice it s an override of the power to choose a block to reason yeah i ve seen addiction at work i ve seen it steal starve threaten point a gun destroy friends family neighbors and strangers i ve seen addiction reduce a healthy vibrant being to a sickly and ashen shell i ve seen heroes fall and young dreams fail i ve seen addiction take everything and everyone in its path down a swirling tunnel of destructive hell ruined lives ruined connections destroyed trust tortured hearts wrecked cars destroyed beauty and destroyed minds addiction has nothing at all to do with intelligence it does not give a flying fuck if you are rich poor smart or otherwise not if you are male female a child or adult not what country you live in neighborhood you live in or car you sleep in addiction does not care about your popularity your net worth or your children it doesn t care about your house your promises your confidence or your job not if you are an oscar winner or struggling to get a spot in the school play addiction does not discriminate so yeah that s why it felt good to have the support on my comment to the person who could only summon up the word stupidity at least in that conversation thread more people were area of what addiction is than were not i did click on the person who made the comment though and on his page i learned that he has lost friends to overdoses it is a very real and current issue in his life he is hurt and angry and i understand that i hope that he can reach out past the anger for some comprehension without understanding the disease he ll never be able to forgive the behavior posted by duly inspired at 9 56 am 6 comments tuesday january 28 2014 day care a few years ago a friend and i volunteered to pick up some dogs from a boarding facility and transport them to an adoption location for a local rescue organization s adoption day when we arrived at the boarding facility a woman named jamie greeted us with a megawatt smile and such warmth and joy such friendliness and gratitude that i felt immediate comfort around her she was hopeful and enthusiastic about her babies getting adopted that day these two are my babies she said as she helped us load the dogs and their crates loving on them and wishing them luck for a forever home i would soon learn that all dogs are jamie s babies she s an animal lover to her core and she s a natural with dogs i began to take dixie in a couple times a week for doggie day care on days i wanted to give cheyenne a break from dixie dix took to jamie immediately and i knew that she was in good hands with jamie jamie and i became friends sometimes i would bring her coffee and we would chat for a while when i dropped off dixie jamie shared her dream of opening her own doggy day care place one day she had big ideas big dreams i couldn t help but get caught up in her excitement when she spoke she wanted to help the rescue organizations so she wanted ample space for kennels she wanted to work with the rescued dogs and get them socialized and trained and ready for adoption and she wanted a certain kind of kennel that by design was environmentally safer for the dogs keeping them healthier through lack of exposure to any illnesses she wanted a veterinarian to open shop there she wanted to provide a neighborhood doggy day care center with plenty of land for dogs to run and play during the day while their owners went to work i could see her dream unfolding as she spoke jamie opened that place late 2012 it has a reception area a lounge area with couches and a television where you can wait while your dog is seen by the vet it has a huge room in the center that is divided into three large enclosures with short walls of varying height this is the indoor play area separated into play rooms for you probably guessed it large ...