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Text of the page (random words):
eavy anxiety depression poetry fiction books on writing introvert playground october 3 2023 the ground swept out from underneath and so i ve returned from another traveling adventure to find the runway missing it s not important what s wrong the important thing is that i left on top of the world had a great time in greece and iceland and came back to turmoil things could be worse one voice in my head immediately chimes in you are not dead yet all is not yet lost we are undeniably fucked another replies things will never be as good as they were again no have hope find solutions we can survive this the first voice shouts back trying already to dry tears i haven t yet had the chance to cry my word of the year was courage and courage can only exist at the same time as fear well i have fear too and right now while all the different parts of me try to calm me down prematurely i know that the real answer is to do nothing and just feel how i feel to wait to gather information to see the playing field in its entirety before planning my next move to feel these emotions before i try to stifle them shove them into presentable packages to scream and freak the fuck out for a little bit and to let that be okay before putting myself back together again avoiding emotions just makes them feel worse acting too quickly can bite you in the ass fear yes but also courage and patience all is not yet lost but i m allowed to feel like it is i ll figure it out when the time comes i always do share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest more email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print like loading heavy anxiety depression anxiety courage depression fear hope mental health mental illness solutions tragedy 0 comments may 4 2022 my poem has been published in lit202 magazine for the first time i have had a poem professionally published it is called i do not miss the spring and you can read it online here https lit202 org issues issue one it will soon be available as a physical copy as well if you wish to purchase it share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest more email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print like loading on writing poetry christina bagni lit202 magazine poem poet poetry published writing 4 comments april 25 2022 i m getting published i am beyond excited to announce that my book my only real friend is the easter bunny at the mall will be published by deep hearts press in 2023 after a long road of writing rewriting editing beta reading and querying and getting rejected over and over and over and after another long process of more editing cover designing marketing and so on i will drumroll please be a published author it s been a long time coming and a huge dream come true i ll be posting updates as i am able for now feel free to check out what else this wonderful small press has worked on https deepheartsya com and enjoy this cute little video i made on the querying process a true road of rejection https www youtube com watch v ff4 a5tglvk edit from me in the future it s available now https deepheartsya com my only real friend is the easter bunny at the mall share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest more email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print like loading on writing author books christina bagni edit editor my only real friend is the easter bunny at the mall published publisher query read writing 4 comments june 3 2020 forgiveness i think there might be two definitions of forgiveness the first is the one i held most of my life to tell someone that what they did is okay as in someone breaks your pencil and you say it s okay therefore absolving them of blame and guilt it s hard to do that kind of forgiveness how am i supposed to tell an abuser either in real life or in my head that what they did to me is okay it wasn t okay in the words of herb from bojack horseman you ruined my life and i will never forgive you for that i think herb was kind of right why should the person who hurt you get to live without blame get to feel like what they did was okay later on another character tells bojack that it s not enough to just apologize he has to be better yeah absolutely bojack has to be better he doesn t just get to be forgiven every time he hurts someone but then why is it a good thing to forgive people i m not religious but jesus s whole thing is forgiving right he forgave our sins and all that forgiveness is next to godliness it must be a good thing i realized recently when fuming at someone for doing something small that they couldn t take back that i could either be mad at them and fight with them for an hour then get over it and make up or i could just skip the being mad and fighting part and just get over it and make up or i could do something in the middle tell them that what they did hurt me so they can try to avoid doing it again in the future then get over it and make up so that s where i realized that getting over it and making up might be the second or alternately the true meaning of forgiveness it s not telling someone that what they did to me was okay but instead telling them that it was not okay but then getting over it and making up i think that that is why the word sorry is so disappointing hearing sorry is so rarely placating it doesn t help the situation it doesn t make anything better it doesn t make you unlate it doesn t unbreak the pencil but it s all you can say when you know you are in the wrong and if someone knows they are in the wrong 90 of the time they will try to be better next time to be better like bojack needs to be isn t that the point of telling them that they hurt you in the first place p s those 10 who won t try to change aren t worth your time so now i m working on a second definition of forgiveness telling someone either in person or in your head that what they did was wrong and that it was not okay then getting over it moving on and making up getting over it and moving on might take years of therapy the making up part is optional depending on what they did this definition makes more sense and is much less angering than the one that involves telling someone that what they did was okay especially when it wasn t maybe this was just me finally understanding what forgive and forget means share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest more email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print like loading heavy anxiety depression introvert posts uncategorized abuse anger anxiety bojack horseman depression forget forgive forgiveness get over it healing moving on 0 comments may 28 2020 i wish we had known when we left that we were leaving when i left the high school for the last time on friday march 13 i thought we d be closed for a week maybe two i told my students to enjoy the week off i didn t bother saying goodbye to the students i didn t have that day i left a water bottle in my room i left a stack of papers ungraded i left a sweater i left homework written on the board i miss my students i miss even the annoying ones i miss the busy halls and filled up lunchroom i miss the hectic joy of graduating seniors i wish we knew when we left that we were leaving because now we re gone and the school is a ghost town but the ghosts have all left share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest more email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print like loading heavy anxiety depression poetry uncategorized coronavirus covid 19 online learning quarantine school stay at home students teaching 0 comments may 24 2020 how we doing sometimes i feel like i should put more effort into uplifting the world sometimes i feel awful sometimes i feel bad about the fact that i ve apparently spent 17 hours staring at a screen today sometimes i don t since that includes my yoga class and all my time with friends now sometimes i just feel alright sometimes i feel pretty damn good i just want to go to a restaurant i should feel lucky i m not dead anyway i m not sick no one i know has died people i know have gotten covid 19 but no one has died no one has even gone to the hospital yet 5 000 people in my state have died 50 000 have gotten sick is it lying dormant in my body well in normal times we d but because of all this i think i ll find my mask in the bottom of a desk in a few years what will i think about it how will i feel about it will i smirk will i fold it over in my hands will i tell young children what it was like like the great depression will we all be traumatized by nights in what will the next sickness be like what will the next school year be like what will the next farmer s market look like when will i be able to dance again share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest more email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print like loading heavy anxiety depression uncategorized coronavirus covid 19 pandemic quarantine 0 comments april 28 2020 my stride hitting my quarantine stride has meant creating normalcy as much as possible while living through a very un normal situation i am tired of hearing the words unprecedented challenging and trying when they precede the word times i am tired of advertisements showing families on zoom calls i am tired i am tired of my dumbass president i am tired of everything and so are you i don t know what to tell you you know we re all in the same boat there s no news there s only a growing sinkhole in everyone s stomach these trying goddamn times my dude so hitting my stride yoga writing reading work at home animal crossing walks with the dog in cemeteries making tea after tea after tea wearing the same pants for days can you imagine going to a concert right now share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest more email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print like loading heavy anxiety depression uncategorized anxiety coronavirus covid 19 quarantine trying times 0 comments april 16 2020 so what are you doing during quarantine it s kind of weird how it s being treated like a i don t know summer vacation i shouldn t complain i suppose i really shouldn t unlike a lot of the world i still have a job i am an editor i edit books and because i do so via the internet i m still working luckily people are using this time to write so i am still getting clients i am also a creative writing tutor and my students are still having me teach them virtually which is great for both of us one of my students parents told me that after we resumed lessons after the first two uncertain weeks her son was in a much calmer mood i must admit getting back to normalcy in that one small regard helped calm my anxieties a bit too i am also less fortunately supposed to be dong my student teaching through grad school they have accepted my first observation as a filmed flipped classroom type video dunno how the rest is going to go besides work and grad school i too am writing i ve started a new project for the first time in about a year it feels great to be writing again i love writing on paper especially this fancy old timey parchment i bought this leather notebook at a renaissance faire last year and i love writing on it it has two dragons embossed on the cover it s awesome it feels awesome to write in and i love my new story it s going so well i m also getting into yoga and meditation i like that i get to sit out on my porch in the just warm enough april sun i like that i get to take my dogs on walks even if it is in the cemetery because the woods are full of people now and even if i do have to wear a mask i like playing animal crossing with my boyfriend and i like doing virtual calls with friends who live far away i am reading a ton i have plans to make floral tea mixes and candles i am submitting my writing to magazines and submitting my finished novel to publishers and agents i am working on my posture i am working on my baking i am sewing dolls i am trying to fill my time with all these things and yet the day is so long i am realizing how much of my time i used to fill with things i didn t enjoy i am realizing that despite how much i ask for it i don t need a lot of alone time i am realizing that i miss my friends my family i miss my boyfriend s family i miss restaurants and coffee shops and libraries and my students i miss going to the movies i miss food shopping i miss life on top of it i ve also realized that i m not as healthy mentally as i would like i ve taken freedom and busyness for granted when all this is over i am going to go back to therapy i am going to spend more time outside with friends and i am going to hug them and compliment them more i am going to live and appreciate life i am going to smile more smile at strangers more share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest more email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print like loading heavy anxiety depression introvert posts uncategorized alone coronavirus covid 19 friends life lonely miss quarantine stuck inside therapy 2 comments april 14 2020 what a time to be an introvert i never thou...