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Text of the page (random words):
i read i listen i ramble about i read i listen i ramble search remembering you 10 wednesday feb 2021 posted by abhi in uncategorized 3 comments will i ever remember you fondly recall a smile on your face a moment of careless and carefree laughter leaning towards the sweet side of bittersweet all i feel today is bitterness in my throat and heaviness in my heart i bury the happy memories deeper for i fear you d detest my cherishing them but ever so often i comb through the debris of old memories in search of proof that we were once happy and shared good times in search of redemption just beyond my field of view is an ocean of guilt and yet i m far away tormented about the levels of appropriate guilt do i repent enough surely not enough to satisfy you but perhaps i m too easily satisfied it s hard to settle terms when one party is dead although thinking in terms of settling terms is unsettling a nagging fear that perhaps i only wish you were alive so i can prove that i was right a tempting thought but false nevertheless i didn t try hard enough even when you were alive was that merely cowardice i am really sorry however i am sorry for all that happened and all that never came to pass i am sorry that you never lived to see the day that trump was no longer the president i am sorry that you ll never live to see a daughter look up at you and to you i am sorry that you were in so much pain and that i didn t help ease any of it i am sorry that you didn t have anyone to share the pain the anger and the fear i am sorry you were lonely in life and in death in memory of jeevitha who passed away last june help is available speak with someone today national suicide prevention lifeline 800 273 8255 uselessrant 03 saturday nov 2018 posted by abhi in uncategorized 4 comments discarded post from a long time ago would you rather be angry or apathetic or is that a false dichotomy to my friends family and the sole reader or two of my blog my political stance and obsession with the current news wouldn t come as a surprise but i have always stopped short of writing about it because a i am woefully ignorant on the topic despite being strongly opinionated and b i am exceedingly aware of the echo chamber that i live in as i keep trying to joke unwittingly one is predisposed to have a certain type of opinion if all of one s news comes from the twitter feed of highly emphatic british musicians and humour column writers on the guardian but from orlando to nigel farage to istanbul and donald trump the newspapers read like a dystopian massacre earlier this afternoon i happened to listen to radiohead s the national anthem in the background when a bbc news video started playing this song that has been described as a jazz band matching up a brick wall as all hell breaks lose was a befitting soundtrack to the destruction and futility that all the breaking news of the week are i swore to stay away from american politics a few months ago after increasingly bitter fan followings of bernie sanders poured vile remarks on hilary clinton in an attempt to berate her and as the republicans dug their own mass grave in the primaries and the media flooded the spotlight on the monstrosity that is trump even the commentary that the joke has gone on far too long has gone on far too long yet here we are with all cliches alive and kicking i begrudgingly tried to stay away from writing about indian politics as well as every attempt at a discussion ended up in what i call a whatsapp war i truly believe that the existential purpose of whatsapp is to provide a platform for me to instigate arguments with my cousins from jnu to raghuram rajan and the beef ban and the honourable prime minister these have all been highly volatile topics any attempt to discuss this on social media has been met with confrontation and abuse and this brings me to the bigger question what is the point of talking about opinions on social media and armchair philosophising what good is a few hundred more words of whining about how crappy the world has become i would be falling into the same trapdoor of instant outrage i have been warning read tweeting about i am yet another filthy hypocrite i freely admit let me not kid myself i am serving no other purpose than scratching my own itch of helplessness and inaction by this rant and all those whatsapp wars and every time i bring up the headlines there isn t a higher noble purpose and this is the question that has been raging in my mind for the past few days how much longer do i have until i reach the breaking point which will tip me over the invisible line dividing anger and apathy would you rather be angry or apathetic does being angry help in any way sure you can hope that you find out a way to direct your anger into action but what if you don t and all you end up is wasting your life in the process wouldn t you be better off being apathetic rightfully impatient late night drive 06 thursday sep 2018 posted by abhi in night poems travel leave a comment the synchronized dance of traffic lights catches me unaware hypnotizes as i stay frozen in the left lane lost in a strange parallel world the driver behind slams on the horn rightly impatient and i blink rudely awakened in the fraction of a minute that the left turn takes my mind traverses vast expanses of desolate subconscious wasteland back to the living world with all of us driving and driving to everywhere and nowhere drunken malaise 24 sunday jun 2018 posted by abhi in poems leave a comment let the tears flow down the cheeks blistering washing away the guilt and erasing the memories of the dingy old bar intertwined bodies pushing against the wall stench from the dumpster up the alley passionless kisses in a drunken malaise let the tears flow down to the floor cleansing the soul in cathartic glory the final remedy 23 saturday jun 2018 posted by abhi in poems uncategorized leave a comment i lay awake late into the night starting intently at a patch on the ceiling in deliberate conversation distracting myself from the possibility of sleep i m afraid i d wake up and find it was all just another dream the voices in my head can t seem to comprehend this unfamiliar state of mind scarless and sinless they can t seem to explain the warm head on my chest the arm wrapped tight around me a feeling of inexplicable tenderness takes hold as i process you perfectly imperfect the way you carved into my hollow being alive and intact always welcoming the patch on the ceiling fully understands the two of us can hardly wait for the day i d tear you expertly apart our blissful ignorance cannot last and you d have no choice but to despise the depths of this morbid decay there is no way to reverse all that has been said and done stay still my love don t try to resist it won t be long now watch the pain fade far away one final remedy to my disquieted existence now playing the fragile by nine inch nails fading twilight 16 tuesday jan 2018 posted by abhi in poems uncategorized leave a comment i watch the passing landscape with one hand on the steering wheel one on the rolled down window in the fading twilight trees turn into silhouettes and the world turns black a long time passes without a soul in sight from the shadows a town emerges its glittering street lights penetrate the silence as if a switch flipped in my mind a horde of memories swoops in in a myriad of vibrant colours red yellow green and all shades in between the memories they are each as heavy as the next and as eager for my attention i devour them all until i m possessed i relive every minute just as i have a thousand times before but it s no different this time for i m every bit as powerless to make them stay any longer all i can do is to watch them fade back into the darkness where their ghosts will remain until the next time metoo 17 tuesday oct 2017 posted by abhi in poems uncategorized leave a comment who are we the ones who say metoo if not just nameless entities adding to the statistics we waded through our youths voiceless and powerless taken on wild rides we seldom cared for lost at birth a bargain we never asked for our stories were lost in the pages of insignificance and banality we were raised to ignore and trained to forget too bashful and reluctant to protest but there is power in the multitude undeniable and irresistible what one cannot do ten thousand can and so we add our voices feeble as they may be for in the process we might lend a helping hand to another hapless soul who in turn can raise their own voice and say metoo broody ale 19 friday may 2017 posted by abhi in poems leave a comment broody ale listens to a song a perfect way to start just another passing day reflecting a shadow in his heart broody ale could be a beer but he would rather not could be fun i insist disassociation would do its part broody ale gets a flash of a memory something familiar and beyond reach scrolls through the collection that was oh the things the memories would breach broody ale won t question why far beyond the answering point there is a time and place for everything a multitude of existences disjoint peachy boy and raspberry girl 08 saturday oct 2016 posted by abhi in uncategorized leave a comment tags poems i m writing a letter to my past self the one that wondered if she would ever find love i m telling her that i ve found them now over here making fruit ranking lists on a saturday morning he likes peaches pineapples and nectarines he likes them too much and cries over the ones he left out she likes berries in black blue and red lemons and limes though not on their own call us dumb but we love it call us happy and you would be right they don t tell you when you are fifteen that to be in love is to share the pleasure of simple things i ll stay 06 thursday oct 2016 posted by abhi in love poems leave a comment i ll stay as long as you want to make up for all the missed years back when i did not know you back when i was bruised and alone i ll stay as long as it takes to make it all right to overwrite the bad memories with pictures of a worthy future i ll stay with you now won t let you slip away anymore won t let you forget this promise even on the days you will walk alone and when winter arrives like a picture on a postcard we will have to part but i ll leave behind my memories to keep you warm older posts archives archives select month february 2021 1 november 2018 1 september 2018 1 june 2018 2 january 2018 1 october 2017 1 may 2017 1 october 2016 2 september 2016 7 august 2016 1 may 2016 2 april 2016 2 march 2016 1 february 2016 5 january 2016 3 december 2015 1 september 2015 1 july 2015 2 may 2015 2 april 2015 1 january 2015 1 november 2014 1 september 2014 1 july 2014 9 march 2014 1 february 2014 3 january 2014 2 november 2013 1 october 2013 2 september 2013 3 august 2013 1 july 2013 1 april 2013 1 march 2013 1 february 2013 2 november 2012 1 august 2012 3 june 2012 1 may 2012 1 january 2012 2 recent posts 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