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und but i get it when you don t feel pretty or like yourself why would you want to document that i also get all of those pregnant people who feel fat while i know i m not fat i m pregnant it still shocks me every time i walk past a mirror and it s weird to have to roll myself slowly off of a couch or bed so that i don t get nauseous yes still at 20 weeks or dizzy it s hard to watch your body gain weight that you have little control over it s not like you can restrict calories theoretically you can eat healthier meals but maybe you re like me and apples literally make you throw up starting in week 17 whereas in week 16 they were a favored food i like salad green beans asparagus and broccoli now pre pregnancy i would eat any vegetable you put in my face it s not that i don t want to eat healthy foods it s that sometimes i physically can t unless i enjoy vomiting and i do not at my first visit to my obstetrician s office the nurse said eat what you can keep down your baby gets all of the nutrients it needs even if it has to take them from your body mommy s little parasite so my baby gets a lot of burgers and fries and while i love burgers and fries i long for the variety my diet used to entail and guys i don t like water anymore i used to be able to almost exclusively drink water now it has to be super cold or i have to be exercising for me to choke it down i m so so grateful i m still able to workout i know i would feel even more lost without the ability to get some workouts in it s still hard to slow way down while running i can probably still out walk you as long as we re not on a hill but running not quite my calves begin to hurt when running too my trainer friend said it s probably because i m planting differently i can t quite fix that even though technically i should be able to it s better since she told me that but not completely probably the biggest issue of all sleep i have to go to the bathroom all the time that means i can t sleep more than 4 hours at a time max and i haven t for literally months i m always tired i knew it was part of the territory in late pregnancy and when the baby s here i did not expect it to start at 4 weeks pregnant and seriously if one more person tells them i need rest or even better sleep now teehee i m going to ask for their phone number so i can call them every time i wake up or need a nap so 7 times a day trust me i know i m being ridiculous so i will end this on a happy note rashan is awesome i have bombarded him with my crazy and he hasn t flinched he s even known without my saying it that i needed him to tell me i can t be crazy enough to chase him away i m amazed at how much my love for him has grown and i can t wait for it to grow even more when i see him with our baby just so you know how ridiculous i am a picture at 20 weeks i promise if i read this post from a chick struggling with body image and she posted that picture of herself looking like that halfway through her pregnancy i d be reacting as you probably are eye rolls and guffaws lol writing this made me feel better so thank you for taking some of the heat off of my love posted by jameil at 5 30 2013 11 57 00 pm 11 comments 4 26 2013 it s a boy no i haven t decided i want to find out what we re having i decided to try to use some mother s intuition mother that sounds so old i actually cried to rashan at a moment of overwhelm i m not old enough to be someone s mother he paused confusedly and said you re plenty old to be someone s mother i know technically i am but 1 mother sounds really really old not as old as matron but pretty doggone old 2 i really don t feel old enough to be someone s mother sometimes can we talk about moments of overwhelm sometimes it s like how do you ever truly prepare yourself to be someone s mother you can t i know this 40 week gestational period is supposed to help you get used to the idea but my goodness sometimes the weeks fly and sometimes they drag i turn another week pregnant every monday my due date s a monday and at or around midnight we celebrate by reading that week s fetal development it s so cute and i love it side note on my due date it s october 14th the 15th sounds like a much better day to me i just like the number 15 better than 14 sometimes i m like dude there s a person growing inside my body and it s moving i was walking around yesterday and the baby moved while i was moving for the first time i usually feel him moving while i m laying down or sitting still i freaked out aloud frightening the people i was walking with it was startling so unsettling i couldn t calm myself down for a good 20 minutes not like hyperventilating but just on edge waiting for him to do something crazy again it literally felt like that dude was trying to claw his way out via my stomach it ain t time bruh i ve always wanted at least one little girl of the three children i want one girl or more would be awesome but here s why i think it s a boy before i was pregnant i had a dream that i was driving i think i was in atlanta and talking to our kids in the back seat i looked back and saw a boy and a girl they were so cute and old enough to talk but i woke up disappointed that there weren t three i couldn t remember which one was older so i just filed it away i feel myself looking at girl clothes wistfully like awww one day girl clothes are adorable but they don t seem like a reality to me when i see myself saying hello to my baby for the first time i call his name i ve said hello to our daughter too but i see her coming second i had a daydream today and i envisioned myself sitting at my dad s country house rocking and feeding the baby on the front porch at sunrise i didn t see a gender there but then i envisioned a couple years later with us standing among the chickens and it was a little boy with curly hair like his daddy at that age and then the chicken pecked at my baby i ran after it caught it and told my dad i had to kill one of his chickens for pecking at my baby this child didn t care he was chasing chickens himself seconds later i could be nerd girl tho and be straight up wrong lol because rashan is the opposite he wants a girl and he sees girl every time he envisions our bambino the first week of june all will be revealed to rashan and the ultrasound tech but for now only god knows posted by jameil at 4 26 2013 01 30 00 am 6 comments 4 18 2013 pregnant questions how do you feel i never know what to do with this question i don t feel like i should really complain about my symptoms because i know people who have had it much worse plus when i ask someone how are you i never want the real answer unless it s good so i m usually just non committal pretty good good and bad days that s true but with no detail i know my mom and mother in law want more details so they get them sometimes i feel like people want me to say i feel terrible that s a weird feeling but after that question the number one question is do you want a boy or a girl i have no clue i just want to hold my happy healthy baby at the end of it i know that sounds cliché but clichés exist because they re often true and i definitely don t have a feeling one way or the other about who s inside there all i know is that it s a baby or a velociraptor one can never be totally sure about these things now rashan of course he wants a happy healthy baby but he really wants that baby to be a girl awwww i love that he wants a little girl how adorable is that so then of course comes when do you find out funny you should ask this we ve made our appointment for the anatomy scan so we ll be able to find out when i m 21 weeks now 6 5 weeks away then 8 weeks away rashan said that s a long time i absentmindedly said is it i m just excited we get to see the baby again and add another video to our ultrasound dvd and to hear that marvelous heartbeat we got to hear it at 8 and 13 weeks and it is so amazing the first time i cried the second time i just smiled like a nut dddd as much as i like to plan and do this and that to prepare for things i don t want to find out the gender and i have no idea why other than i just like the idea of finding out at birth and i m not in any rush to know that s all i got know what i m in a rush to do feel this baby move regularly even the other reasons people use for why they don t won t find out are meh to me i ve also heard all of the reasons to find out early most of which surround the baby shower none of them move me but the baby shower is the worst one of all the things a baby needs most of all are very easily gender neutral and clothes don t expire so you can get them at any point if you so desire if rashan could find out the gender on the pregnancy test he d be delighted lol our options were just he finds out and tells no one or we both find out and tell no one both of us finding out and telling everyone was never an option for me you guys don t know yet how much i like a surprise when else will i get a 40 week surprise to build toward only my next pregnancy twill be awesome i ve already started composing cryptic announcements to build suspense on delivery day neither of us finding out wasn t a fair option for rashan since he wants to know so badly i really really don t want to know after much much much much discussion we re going with rashan finds out and doesn t tell anybody at the anatomy scan i ll let the tech know i don t want to know but i want him to know am i nervous about only rashan knowing nope if i couldn t trust him with information we wouldn t be together i m just excited we can both get what we want do i not so secretly hope the baby keeps his her legs closed yes lol posted by jameil at 4 18 2013 09 43 00 pm 11 comments 4 10 2013 race recap gate city 8k i originally signed up for the half marathon before i got pregnant once i found out i was knocked up i did some research on running while pregnant and determined there s basically no way to predict how you ll feel at any point of your pregnancy no matter how much running you d done before people are stopped at a variety of points in their pregnancies for a bunch of different reasons some women can run throughout of course i m hoping i m in that last category but we ll see at 4 weeks like i said in a previous post i did 10 miles i did 8 and 6 in subsequent weeks then the three weeks before this race i got in a total of 7 miles over 3 weeks omg there was no way i was running a half with that level of training i d been too tired to get out of the house and running just wasn t a priority i figured if i was that tired running wouldn t help plus i felt off the week i was in mississippi and only got in a mile that entire week so i emailed the race director about switching to the 8k after the third email in a week and a half side eye i was finally told yes i slept shall we say oddly before this race couldn t fall asleep until after 2 was up after an i missed the race nightmare at 4 58 that is a fail i had my traditional oatmeal with raisins pumpkin pie spice and molasses and got on the road i knew i d be staying around for hours after my race to wait for my half running buddies so i told rashan he didn t have to come as i arrived at the race i got a spot one block away from the finish line score i saw my race buddies and got a little sad that i wasn t running the half i knew i wasn t ready but i wanted a second half so badly i went to packet pick up and easily switched to the 8k then hung out with my peeps until the start of the half 20 minutes before the 8k as they nervously lined up i said trust your training and off they went bittersweet couldn t find my running gloves so i wore socks lol i went to the bathroom checked my sweatshirt at gear check did some stretches and lined up we took off right on time at 8 20 to the a t drum line which was pretty cool it takes me a lot longer to warm up now so i settled into a run walk pattern at the back of the pack for the first mile i was also feeling the annoyance of a muscle strain i seem to have developed in my calf during my weeks of little activity i decided to mostly run when i realized it didn t feel any better when i walked it eventually went away so that was awesome i ran all or most of the second mile and was rewarded with a water stop yay i walked through the water stop around a country club really beautiful area passed a couple of people then started running again it was easy to smile at the appropriate times because the photogs were very conspicuous on the sparsely runner populated course at this point there was literally no one within 20 yards of me in either direction huge gaps between runners at the back there were tons of course officials and police blocking traffic and directing runners i mean tons it was crazy it almost felt like there were more course officials than runners around 2 5 miles a police car comes past me i don t think anything of it until i see a guy come flying past me dude that was the lead car and that guy is finishing the half and he started just 20 minutes before me he ended up finishing the half in 1 hour and 11 minutes hahahaha my next half goal will be 2 30 eventually i hope to approach 1 45 maybe 1 11 as this guy is passing me a police officer looks at me and says go catch him i said eh he s alright lol it is also at this point that i stopped feeling sorry for myself that i wasn t doing the half and felt sooo happy that instead of more than 10 miles left i only had about 2 5 an 8k is 4 97 miles that put a huge smile on my face and i picked up the pace i passed a few more people and came upon a power walking family that i d been trailing but keeping in my sights the entire time there was no way they were beating me across the finish line this was around mile 3 i thanked them for pushing me as i passed was that rude they seemed okay with it another half mile later i came upon a guy helping his friend run and i heard him say you can do this only 1 mile left i was like okay i m running the rest of this mile dude lied my phone was dying so i wasn t tracking this race i knew that sounded wrong but i was about to find out how wrong shortly nearly half a mile later aye carumba when i can see the finish and hear the drum line i see a course official standing in the street i m like why are you standing there in the way i m about to say something to him about it when he says you need to turn here i was like why no i literally whined that at him sooo demoralizing take that turn away from the last mile it is horrible shortly after i saw the 4 mile marker and started passing people who looked more defeated by that mile than i felt tres bad i told myself we d run through this for real last mile then i saw a final water stop at i believe 4 25 miles i got some water and walked i started running again after i finished my water and saw a lady sweeping her porch ducking from a bird i laughed and said attack lol i needed something to help me along the way i round another corner approaching the final tu...