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through my eyes home jasmine portfolio rss through my eyes capturing snippets of what i see now so when i look back at them years later i might see again with clearer vision and take delight in what my life has been creative life media people recommendations reflections social issues spiritual travel latest entries on newborns and grace filed under uncategorized leave a comment february 23 2021 it is a cool breezy morning i walk past the hospital lawns to get to my antenatal appointment about 30 weeks pregnant on a similar autumn morning two years ago i had sat on the very same lawn in tears after a night of the uncomfortable balloon catheter and a failed attempt to break my waters 24 hours before harrison was born looking up from the lawns i can see the window of his birthing suite what a special place full of intense memories i have just received a text from a friend that she is rolling into theatre right now in this very same building she is about to meet her twin babies today and i cannot contain my excitement for her i walk past newborns and birthing suites to get to my appointment room i cry every time i see a newborn lately so i know i m in the third trimester getting ready to meet my baby new life fills us with so much awe and wonder and gratitude i m feeling again for the first time since harry s birth an overwhelming sense of how much of a gift life is how fragile and utterly dependent a tiny baby is and how much love and nurture they need those feelings sustained me through the first months of motherhood and i remember them spilling over to my stepson even though i did not birth him or know him as a baby now my thoughts are turning to my next baby the way i had thought about harry before he was born with her i have two extra years of experience as a mother my first pregnancy was a roller coaster of emotions and worry about my changing family structure but this time it is hardly a blip on the radar i have had two more years of struggle and hopefully wisdom as a mum and out of that comes the naming of my baby with what s moved my heart most deeply lately grace it came from a book i read parenting by paul david tripp the grace laden e pages were like waves that washed over me soothing the frustrations and anger over difficult and disobedient behaviour i need more of this in my parenting my heart cried it cried for all the times i am not like this to my kid s it gets harder as they get older p it softened my heart to have more mercy instead of calling every single bad behaviour to account because i want my orders obeyed i don t know how to capture it for you here except to say the book presented a perspective that didn t demand more perfection from me or the kids it seemed to be a recipe for more patient and joyful parenting it focused on how we are all works in progress in the loving arms of a heavenly father a perspective i think all can share regardless of religion i quote from a book review because i am running out of child free time the essence of what moved my heart children need compassion understanding patience acceptance forgiveness grace more than criticism judgment condemnation punishment although they need authority rules enforcement accountability don t settle for winning the battle over the behavior fight for heart behind the behavior move towards children with grace of forgiveness wisdom correction rescue don t give way to irritation frustration impatience discouragement when our baby is born in may we will most likely call her gracie i hope i will always be able to draw on the magical feeling of holding our new baby to remember that our children and any other children we get the privilege of caring for now and in the future are priceless treasures may her name always remind me of the way of grace and our home life abound with it even in chaotic desperate times when laundry and lunches have once again cluttered the clarity of vision i have in this quiet moment share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x like loading tags parenting comment 2020 on wealth parenting gratitude filed under uncategorized leave a comment december 29 2020 reflecting on our new trading venture this year we both haven t been very driven to make it big granted we both have other commitments taking up our focus and energy but when we explored the whys a reason we identified is that we are comfortable with where we are at and are not fueled by a big desire to succeed at trading this led me to revisit one of the big questions what is my why that energises me last night harry and i read our new wiggles book on feelings picked up for free from our buy nothing community and he learnt how to say happy and sad he was so proud of himself he kept opening his eyes to practise those words while nursing to sleep despite feeling generally drained and tired i noticed that this gave me the excitement and motivation to seize and build on his learning so i made stuck up a bilingual feelings flashcard at his table i was really energised to do this but i can t say the same of every other mothering duty motherhood comes with many opportunities for self discovery and the above is a clue for me as i continue to seek purpose and direction i get huge satisfaction from helping and seeing people learn grow regardless of whether they are my children i truly get excited i think that is a part of my personality character that has also given me drive in stepmotherhood and made nurturing children an easier job i am realising that every mother stepmother has a unique makeup that makes some aspects of parenting easier or harder for them to further illustrate from my own example i ve realised my anxious tendency to preempt and prevent instead of fix problems tends to cause me to subconsciously interfere with my children s days more than i need to before harrison has totally or even slightly haha got to my tiredness i ve already whipped out the ipad so i get 30 minutes of peace instead of giving him ideas to go play with his other toys alone the latter definitely sounds more ideal to me but in many ways i easily fall back to my former comfortable problem solving mechanism you can never escape yourself even or especially in parenting still back to trading as of today the growth in our crypto portfolio has exceeded the income i would have brought in going back to work this is a confronting reality for me as someone still practising her new wealth mindset it is not strictly comparable as growth does not equal cashflow but to think my wealth grew with me doing less not more cements my new beliefs which delinks the strict correlation of time effort and money my last reflection is on gratitude one of the most memorable books i read this year is ann voskamp s one thousand gifts it is about intentionally looking at giving thanks for the graces in your life awhile ago a neighbour commented that i must have lots of friends as she sees many people come in and out of my house it is funny that i had the exact same thought about her and the wonderful supportive community i imagine she has in our struggles which are not to be belittled it s easy to look longingly from the outside into an imaginary picture of other people s lives things you wish you had or were but what a pity if it dims our eyes to all the good things we do enjoy the incident turned my attention to gratitude all the good things in my life we are in a situation now where i can be a stay home mum something we couldn t imagine financially when harry was born we are expecting a baby girl with 90 certainty the ultrasound technician said in may all of chris dreams come true at once it is challenging to wonder if my daughter will take after me i am also grateful for opportunities to welcome other children friends and students into my home it is a funny thing to say for all the joys they bring i am often tired and frazzled at times lost in exhaustion wondering who am i and what is left but i tend to come back to the same answers if i ve made a difference in a life beneath everything else that s what really matters to me and brings me deep joy that bubbles over share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x like loading tags parenting comment dream houses and aspirations filed under uncategorized leave a comment april 17 2020 is it beautiful where you live have you walked in a suburb more beautiful than yours this year we have had to take our car to the service station several times for repairs the station happens to be located in the beautiful leafy green suburb of medindie and we accidentally stumbled into a whole new world walking through the streets the fragrance of flowers wafts through the air beautiful houses with unique architecture no not our modern cookie cutter houses delight us at every turn and leave us with a sense of awe wouldn t it be inspiring to live here my husband says yes i agree but i am also happy where i am our kids have a comfortable bed and a playground nearby do they really need anything more am i strange do you think that contentment is stopping me from pursuing more materially i do not have those dream house dream car desires within me however if i dream for a minute that i live in a large house with a pool i d love to have all the neighbours kids over to enjoy it i d be able to host family and guests more often i would have more space options available to me for business to bless other people and then 10x more actually maybe my kids can have better play spaces that might improve my wellbeing and actually if i m not so scared of the house costing more money and needing more maintenance or of myself not being able to manage such wealth maybe i might even stretch my hand and pluck my dream house right off the apple tree aspiring to more is going into uncharted territory isn t it i don t mean being jealous of what other people have and then wishing you have it too i don t see how that kind of race could be fulfilling i mean reaching outside of what you considered normal comfortably within reach and imagining something different new possibilities that is the foreign space i find myself in when i consider what more looks like babies grow exponentially they try and learn one new thing after another can you fathom a tiny newborn walking it s a big transformation in a year what does growing look like for me now i wonder where am i going to be next year that i can t possibly fathom yet share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x like loading comment celebrating a first birthday filed under uncategorized leave a comment i spoke to a few pregnant friends recently and it was hard to contain my excitement for them as their delivery dates drew near i think i felt more daunted than excited leading up to harry s birth but as my baby boy nears his first birthday i feel an all consuming sense of joy at his little life i love his chubby cheeks his milky sweet breath his cheeky smiles his babbling sounds the way he flaps his arms when he is excited or frustrated the way he feeds me food gives me a kiss more like eating my nose cuddles into me it takes my breath away to watch him develop new skills i love seeing myself in him i remember the tough times too but they tend to fade the painful wrists utter exhaustion boredom frustration i looked at what i wrote last year when i named him with a prayer captured in his chinese name that his life may be marked with a depth of wisdom a soaring spirit in the face of life s challenges and an abundance of generosity what a beautiful prayer and while i continue playing laughing with him and telling him off by nature of being my son i hope he will inherit those things from watching me and relating to me in everyday life i pray son that different people who cross your path will inspire nurture challenge and guide you to see you uncover your full potential go light your world with your life share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x like loading comment older entries copywriting translation work twitter tweets by jasmineyow publications behind that shiny resume get behind that shiny resume on amazon google no instagram images were found read my story recent posts on newborns and grace 2020 on wealth parenting gratitude dream houses and aspirations celebrating a first birthday end of year reflections top posts pages the paradox of stepmotherhood create a free website or blog at wordpress com back to top subscribe subscribed through my eyes join 219 other subscribers sign me up already have a wordpress com account log in now privacy through my eyes subscribe subscribed sign up log in report this content view site in reader manage subscriptions collapse this bar loading comments write a comment email required name required website d design a site like this with wordpress com get started