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telling people that as an introduction i am more than one attribute of myself we met in person a week or two later i remember actually enjoying my conversation with his guy there was no bated breath of will he like me i was actually interacting and finding out if we liked each other a couple of hours into the conversation we realized it wouldn t be a good match he was too driven and ambitious for my liking he felt i was too dreamy and vague for his liking with all my plans of maybe writing a book someday so we didn t get any further with this and then came along my husband i actually enjoyed talking with him on the phone and looked forward to meeting him i actually found myself flirting when he visited flirting requires you to actually feel good about yourself i could not have been in this state of mind even a couple of months before this guy stayed on for more than a couple of hours and we ended up talking all day long and then he reluctantly left and said he would be back again the next day and of course he ended up staying in my life since then i wish i could say that was the end of my self image issues and i lived happily ever after it took another 7 or 8 years to get past it that was a turning point though one that i am grateful for posted by jeevita at 8 22 am no comments tuesday september 17 2013 dealing with it i read an article online yesterday about a lady who has never quite come to terms with not having had another child doesn t seem like a big deal but to her it is her narrative is pretty emotional got me thinking about all the things i ve not come to terms with yet starting with being away from india from my parents it s like a big raw wound time covers it up with scabs and it seems like it s healing but then i visit them or they visit me and voila it opens up again painful as hell and i question my self what the hell am i doing in this city when i don t want to be here at all and when i fall sick or feel low about other things this joins in with the other hurts and makes it all into one giant snowball of a hurt i dont know how to deal with it i wish i did all i know is when i first left home to fly away i didn t know it was going to be forever posted by jeevita at 3 06 pm no comments monday july 01 2013 this and that and that too a wise soul once told me you ve got to do what you ve got to do before you can do what you want to do well guess what wise soul i took your words too seriously without even intending to at that time it sounded profound at any given time when i wasn t doing what i wanted to be doing i justified it saying i am doing what i ve got to do soon i ll be doing what i want to do soon it s been 11 years since then 11 years of not doing what i want to do 11 years of not even exploring what i want to do heck i ve no clue what i want and the list of things that i ve got to do keeps growing will never end i can t stop doing them though so i need to find the time to do the things i want to do in between the other things posted by jeevita at 10 57 am no comments thursday june 13 2013 desires today i told my baby daughter that she should never get married but have as many boyfriends as she wants desires and have an amazing successful career too then i realized that what i want for her may not be what she wants for herself when she is older also maybe this vision is what i wanted for myself in retrospect so i think what i really want for her is to have and seek whatever she wants from life without my imposing my wills wants on her posted by jeevita at 3 08 pm 2 comments tuesday may 28 2013 when we spend too much time thinking what life should be we miss out on what it is right now random much posted by jeevita at 11 21 am no comments saturday february 16 2013 kuttima so i have a daughter now all of 6 weeks old new hope for an old and cynical heart my son is super jealous and my heart aches for him and for the new one through the sleeplessness and anxiety about the future my love for her grows on i can t stop kissing her perfect little head and her tiny little nose posted by jeevita at 1 06 pm no comments tuesday april 24 2012 free breaking my long time silence here to say a couple of things it s no secret i am fat really fat what you probably don t know is how it has affected my life and dominated my thought process okay i might have talked a bit about that too well i am on a new diet it s called eat whatever the heck you want diet no seriously i am done obsessing over my weight i am done trying this method and that method and low this and low that i am done with weight loss shakes i am done with counting carbs counting calories counting whatever the next fad is so am i going to just gorge on cookies and ice cream none of your business really to answer your question though yes and no i am not sure how this is going to look some days may have cookies and ice cream and other days may have other things i am not going to plan every bite i eat though financial constraints will also probably dictate a lot of home cooked food and i don t cook ice cream or cookies very well had my bloodwork done recently and all my levels the cholesterol the triglycerides etc are looking good so much for the fat public health menace viewpoint i can almost hear you mutter just wait a few years and it will be different okay we ll talk again then i do know skinny people my age with high cholesterol levels and the like so it s not really all that simple in final conclusion may i direct you to a couple of fine articles http www insecurewriters com brainchild pdf http www huffingtonpost com linda bacon phd ma ma health at every size_b_1314339 html posted by jeevita at 2 39 pm no comments friday january 06 2012 happy new year happy new year may it be filled with health and anything else you really desire my life has been crazy these past few months but i am not ready to offer it for public scrutiny hence the silence here on my blog i am also not able to pretend that everything is fine while there sits a very large elephant in my living room so more silence i don t know when that will change and if it will change but until it does the silence will continue for the most part i think time will tell posted by jeevita at 12 01 am no comments saturday august 13 2011 how strange it is to be surrounded by people and yet feel so lonely posted by jeevita at 3 35 am no comments friday july 08 2011 women i have always gotten along better with men than with women i do have many women friends but it s always very complicated emotional and sometimes maddening i picked up a book from the library hoping to gain some insights and understanding since there seems to be a book for every topic under the sun instead of gaining understanding i am now terrified at all the viciousness documented in the book it truly does seem like women are women s worse enemies and some women think nothing of lying stealing gossiping and back stabbing to get their way the more i read the more i feel like escaping to some all male world as if that were some utopia as if posted by jeevita at 12 00 am no comments monday february 07 2011 quote my cousin sent me this quote recently via email the beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves and not to twist them to fit our own image otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them i am not sure what the context was but it is a pretty awesome quote all the same i can think so many different relationships in my life i can apply it to from my son to my friends very insightful indeed of course it works both ways i do feel resentful when others try to run my life for me which for some reason they seem to want to do all the time gee thanks i am flattered but back off people and i ll back off too but then again don t you really want all my superior knowledge and wisdom posted by jeevita at 3 35 pm no comments tuesday january 25 2011 water supply tomorrow apparently there will be a hearing at city hall to decide if fluoridation of the calgary drinking water supply will continue or not i don t claim to know much about this issue but intuitively i am not in favor of fluoridation fluoride is there in toothpaste and if all we want are better teeth why ingest the stuff internally and possibly let it affect our bones and who knows what else of course there is a ton of other stuff in the drinking water that we can t remove because they re not added deliberately they re just side effects of our lifestyle like the xenoestrogens generated from people ingesting birth control pills or prozac residues from people taking prozac birth control pills are hailed as one of the best inventions of last century because they freed women from endless birthing and allowed them to do other things empowered them didn t come free though did it the residues from the pills release estrogenic compounds into the environment disrupting the endocrine systems of fish animals and humans it comes around back to us in the form of cancers and whatnot but we see only the initial convenience and the freedom as with everything else posted by jeevita at 1 46 pm no comments saturday january 01 2011 happy 2011 hoping this year is nice for you and for me and everyone one else of course feeling a bit low since the day started with a self destructive announcement from a friend i can t reveal the specifics of her choices here all i can say is i feel impotent rage because i can do nothing to influence her choices i suppose everyone has a right to self destruct i was listening to the radio last night and they were talking about all the destruction that happened last year haiti earthquake haiti cholera pakistan floods etc those are disasters where the people didn t have a say couldn t avoid the destruction but when there is a choice why march towards it why posted by jeevita at 7 06 pm no comments thursday december 02 2010 small and white idlis were never my favorite food when i was growing up i complained a lot when these were made although that didn t seem to stop my mother from making them and then i grew up moved away etc as with most things absence did make my heart fonder for idlis by the time i was a grad student a plate of idlis with hot sambar and spicy coconut chutney was among my top food desires sadly this wasn t a desire that could be fulfilled often given our crazy schedules and lack of culinary knowledge and equipment we did buy the instant idli mixes occasionally when we made it to the indian store but that was rare mostly we stuffed our faces with cereal and bread then i got married and acquired an electric grinder and a good blender mixie too suddenly i had the equipment i still didn t have the time or more importantly the motivation the thought of cleaning up after the grinder did its work was somehow a huge mental block in addition i had absorbed some of the diet wisdom floating around and was trying to up my protein levels seen from that point of view idlis seemed hideous just blobs of flour a veritable eating disaster so i even had a good reason to back up my laziness so we stuffed our faces with a different kind of cereal made with soy protein isolates and other such trash and bread that tasted simply terrible the things we ate in the name of nutrition these days idlis are back in favour in our household why you ask long story basically we are trying to eat more real food and less processed stuff sold as food in the grocery store to hell with all the other things high fat high protein low fat whatchamacallit it s just another way of looking at things a view that might change if things don t suit us for now though this is the view and the grinder is back at work if you are one of those protein conscious idli shunning cereal guzzlers here is a link that might make you pause between your spoonfuls of cornflakes http wholehealthsource blogspot com 2010 05 traditional preparation methods improve html basically the author who seems to know his stuff writes that traditional ways of preparing grain reduces the level of toxins and anti nutrients which are present to some degree in almost all grains this renders them more nutritious and digestible what traditional methods grinding and fermenting specifically seems to have been common among several traditional cuisines such as ours fermenting action by the bacteria fills in the missing amino acids and elevates the protein quality considerably pretty smart of our ancestors to have figured that out don t you think yet another reason to not discard our traditions just because the western ones seem more right posted by jeevita at 11 34 pm no comments wednesday december 01 2010 in a world full of battles how many do you pick and how do you decide i have recently been reading too much about environmental toxins and all the possible ways they get in the air the water the carpet the food packaging the food the list is endless and all pervasive all this has done is drive me crazy and paranoid what all can i do really can i with 100 certainty exclude all the toxins from my life no i have made some changes buying less processed food buying more organic foods when possible cooking more using far fewer cosmetics than before eliminating non stick cookware they make me feel like i am doing something and yet maybe all this is nothing maybe the jet fuel doses we get from living close to the airport are more potent than any of these positive changes i ll never know makes me question the wisdom of even making the changes i ve made if we re headed to hell anyway why bother i ve probably repeated this kind of thing in my blog over and over but some days the pessimism is just too much to contain within posted by jeevita at 11 51 am no comments buying i bought a new computer recently it was kind of thrilling waiting for it to arrive to open it up install all my software give it a name whatever so i understand the craziness happening all around me all the spending and the buying gives a temporary high and then there are days when it gets overwhelming all these discounts and giveaways and promos special discount days cyber mondays friends and family days pre christmas sales boxing day sales holiday sales end of the season sales winter sales stop this madness i want to scream stop just stop breathe posted by jeevita at 11 36 am no comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom koopa mandooka the frog in the well blog archive 2018 1 july 1 keeping it real 2017 1 january 1 2016 1 december 1 2014 1 march 1 2013 6 december 1 september 1 july 1 june 1 may 1 february 1 2012 2 april 1 january 1 2011 5 august 1 july 1 february 1 january 2 2010 27 december 3 november 2 august 4 july 6 may 4 april 1 march 4 february 2 january 1 2009 38 december 3 november 7 october 3 september 5 august 7 july 1 june 2 april 2 march 4 february 1 january 3 2008 67 december 8 november 12 october 12 september 11 august 7 july 14 june 3 2007 45 december 1 november 1 october 2 september 2 august 7 july 8 june 16 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