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g on an lol but whatever i m going to share it anyway even though it totally is not the point of this post and not even true at all lol a violinist and i were practicing i brought some scribbled parts for her to read but nothing super legit it never is no accompaniment no dynamics i figure we can add some things later just the essentials i acknowledge that i am asking big favors requesting that people read my mind a little due to my lack of skill in notating and also because i just need to purge the music i am somewhat apologetic and very grateful thanking her many times throughout so as we were working i helped her with the parts saw some errors or realized some changes needed to be made and laughed and said this is embarrassing why was her reply because i feel like my mental illness is written out on the page here i think you mean genius hm i am plagued though and i would have added what it feels like is just creative energy that builds and builds and needs an outlet and if it doesn t get one it explodes and dies inside of me like a ruptured organ and then i will die too so again thanks that feels accurate posted by en at 9 24 am 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest wednesday december 14 2022 group date every once in a while i have a date with my thoughts we meet up and quickly embrace then settle in for some together time it s a potentially fraught relationship deep and complex requiring constant reconciliation but then perhaps the best ones are some of the thoughts i simply let be others i mine for potential eventually i transfigure some into actual words and production we invite creativity never the third wheel who joins us and spreads her influence where she can our interaction is very fluid and we often jump around from topic to topic and then back again seeing where the day takes us i give it my full attention total dedication and shut out everything else for as long as i can it can feel indulgent and reckless going out like this with no clear plan we have no agenda other than what feels most pressing or desirable in the moment and we opt for the done list discarding the to do soul sharing is inevitable together revisiting common ground and interests then holding hands probing the untapped and unexplored some avenues are frustrated or straight up dead ends but we don t care we don t linger long we might see what there is to see and then turn around there may be disputes we may eventually agree to disagree and shake hands on the matter hoping for some progress on a revisit down the road when we feel we ve explored all that can be for now we let the night draw to a close sentiments of how long it s been and we really should do this more often are shared astounded yet again by how necessary it was stacked against how many times it s been put off pins of potential are pushed gentle reminders are set and earnest promises are made we always depart as friends with the comforting knowledge of knowing and being known a little bit more deciding that it is indeed good to indulge posted by en at 10 40 am 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest tuesday december 13 2022 maison du pain d epice house of spice bread ha we decorated gingerbread houses this year we got two kits of row houses to bring in some city vibes julian had a friend over it s very funny to me because often this friend is more interested in the activities we re doing than julian is so he often ends up sort of splitting his time between us and julian who may get bored at some point and run off to do something else i found some interesting decorating ideas in a magazine i wanted to try so we got a heap o stuff sean and i worked together as usual i became frustrated and angry jealous of sean s skills artistry and ability to guide the frosting into doing whatever the hey he wanted it to something i will never ever master and ultimately had a great time i d waffle between making frustrated exclamations and cries of admiration of sean s fun little touches arggh why won t this just go on oh that s so cute sean so i m jealous and delighted delightfully jealous first our house s sean s neat house on the left my sloppy darling on the right mostly sean on the center please notice planters by the door made out of mini kitkats quick tips melt mini starbursts and push together to make a cool brick path roll out gumdrops with a rolling pin to make doors and whatnot those wafer cookies are really good for sculpting sean made a bathtub out of them reminiscent of bathroom fixtures as planters in bklyn closeup here are the boys ha ha ha the friend saw what sean had done with the bathtub and wanted to try carving for himself he made this cute little nightmare the third house kept collapsing calling it a bust he made a new narrative that the voldemort snake i think the village was originally going to be hogsmeade destroyed it pretty good this thing is still sitting on our dining room table because i have impulsivity issues regarding carrying out every idea that enters my brain i made some photos with a festive border in case he wanted to send them out to loved ones as a christmas card of doom warm holiday greetings to you and yours we also recently saw some entrants in a gingerbread house contest they were pretty unbelievable here are some photos i felt compelled to take always impressed by sugar work posted by en at 9 50 am 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest monday december 12 2022 silly snaps the title makes this sound like the name of a fun cookie sadly it s not but happily what it is is a group of funny pictures i ve been collecting i enjoy them i hope you will too 1 first up is a flier a friend sent by the sister of a friend of mine one thing you should know is people in my church are pretty out of control when it comes to themes planning an activity what s the theme now that you have a theme everything planned or created or devised thereafter must relate to that theme the religious pun reigns supreme in this culture i am a part of and it could be more of a personality trait and should probably be on assessments how big are you into themes at parties events this one just about put me over the edge first they were giving gifts to a large group of people this is a tradition and of zero doctrinal import but for some the line is fuzzy and for some immense pressure is felt it s a super stressful silly thing which is a fun combo silly stress and often by the end one completely loses sight of the original intent and all sense and meaning is completely gone alright enough explaining here is an example of a silly idea getting away from a person completely derailing and results in something weird and awesome the gift alright tiny tongs with mittens that s nice now what s the heartfelt religious pun message going to be get ready grab onto christ i told this to sean and he stared at me with a look of such confusion mixed with some horror he was pretty disturbed it is hilarious grab onto jesus but very gingerly because he s scalding hot and can also burn you i just like to take the pun that generally goes from object to message but then turn it back to the literal object it s kind of a hobby 2 speaking of recipes i m seeing a lot these days making a few printing every single one i make because old printing some i don t make this picture is not so much about a recipe but an article with the funniest scariest headline i didn t even bother clicking on because you ll see here it is fourteen i m making fourteen mistakes every time i make coleslaw wtf why do i even try then apparently i suck at this i am a freaking coleslaw moron let s break this down 1 the maximum mistakes i make that i ll allow you to point out at any given times is probably like three give me more than that and i ll just feel so defeated and succumb to my own inadequacy like i can handle only so much ok so telling me fourteen is just abusive 2 it s coleslaw i have never made a list of things i care the least about but i m fairly confident coleslaw could rank in the top 10 whoever wrote this article cares deeply about coleslaw knows everything about it and seized their moment it s fine to care about coleslaw i think sean for example cares marginally more about coleslaw than i do but even he would be open to learning say five mistakes he makes when attempting it love stumbling upon the absurd it makes my world go round i just asked sean his opinion here it is this next picture i snapped at the gym i love when things start out with an idea and then take a funny turn the first few sound good to me take deep breaths yes drink glass of water definitely so important stretches to feel good absolutely believe in that take a walk great write down things you re grateful for sure and then the last is like really important exercise absolutely but looks like they almost forgot like they were like oh shoot shoulda put that one at the top of the list and then since they were out of space gave an additional desperate tip because honestly we care about each other and this is good advice it s just funny with the backslash for some reason also i am picturing doing both things simultaneously and laughing but also noticing how that sounds like pretty good advice and actually i m pretty sure i ve done those things together multiple times so maybe this chart was created 100 intentional as is i take it back great chart very thoughtful this next pic is not so much funny but rather just kinda gross but in a festive way spotted this hideous little thing whilst on a walk and had to pause vile yet vibrant ew the next pic is from when my friend stopped by to see if i wanted to go get a hot chocolate always up for random outings i obliged then in the van we got to talking as we do about how we used to play the flute in jr high and then proceeded to practice our flute faces thinking this would be a perfect expression to capture in a photo we took one i was right i m hoping this takes off and becomes the new duck face in photos lastly i love kitty time and kitty photoshoots but also kitty makes me sneeze something fierce especially when she s up in my grill her favorite place and again perfect moment i thought for a lovely portrait of the pair of us this is a good depiction of our relationship merry christmastime of silly snaps posted by en at 12 13 pm 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest sunday december 11 2022 merry idiots this one is funny because i loved it so much i had hoped to write it down even though at the time i was sure i would remember it and then weeks down the road i couldn t and i looked and i couldn t find it written anywhere so i tried desperately to recall it and piece it together into something using the meager scraps of my memory knowing it was not going to get very close to re creating the actual picture frustrating i kept bringing it up asking those involved what they remembered not getting much wondering if all hope was indeed lost until i did find it on my phone two days ago with glee i declared my retrieval the problem was i now had the punchline but could not remember the setup a detail i would have thought and apparently did think not super necessary being all of this as it may i am now going to attempt to reconstruct this gem of a moment i had with julian in the kitchen coming up on one month ago it s one of those moments where i feel a combination of emotions frustration defensiveness and then pride amusement and ultimately love i was standing in front of the refrigerator trying to figure something out some solution to some problem julian was to my right at the sink i believe i asked him to help me and explained details of the situation or my thought process on figuring this thing out omg i think i remember i had one of those bamboo reusable swedish towels they re awesome by the way and i keep ours hanging on the side of the island he had spilled some water from the fridge i tried to get him to use the swedish towel and he resisted for some reason do you like how i m still trying to recall the details this is how i always tell stories or recount dreams thinking it had to be wet first i am not sure i think i explained that it ll absorb it all and it s fine he responded you don t have to talk to me like i m an idiot but that s not gonna work you have to get it wet first which is untrue but the tone was maximum condescension immediately all of the moments flashed into my head where he has responded to my sincere inquiries with extreme impatience and duh attitude defending myself i explained how the swedish towel works since he seemed to be unfamiliar and then i said and that s funny because you re talking to me like i m an idiot and if anyone s an idiot it s you for thinking this wouldn t work and he swiftly returned well then you re the idiot for thinking an idiot could do it and i laughed and laughed because he was so quick because that s how we talk to each other logic perhaps mixed with insults and humor and i definitely stand by what i said even though yeah i guess called my son an idiot and was just so pleased with that whole interaction epilogue feeling some fondness for the time that he as a 6yo was reading calvin hobbes and asked me what i d o t spelled hee hee hee and i said it spells i dot but don t say it it s a bad word and then knowing he would file it away waited patiently and gleefully until that fateful day when he d pull it out and thinking it a real zinger use it on someone which happened and my cup overflowedeth what an i dot god bless us everyone posted by en at 3 00 pm 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest newer posts older posts home subscribe to posts atom about en en hello my name is en i started this blog in 2005 when blogs were brand new they ve evolved over time or fallen by the wayside but not mine it s basically the same as it ever was and has been a true source of joy and love of my life a documentarian by nature i find it vitally important to record all of the hidden treasure found in the folds of a complicated life and give it my own hot little take this blog is me and i am the blog not borg blog this is my space even though there is no myspace this is my web log even though everyone forgot what it stands for and because i believe so many of life s lessons can be learned from star trek and i think i might be really great at commandeering a federation starship it s en s log these are my reports who i live with sean husband julian 13yo son both of whom i blog about on the regular marshmallow fluff cat the true source of joy for all of us she s featured every now and then when i can summon the right words to capture her magic view my complete profile search en s log the archives the archives nov 2025 1 feb 2023 1 dec 2022 25 nov 2022 2 oct 2022 4 sep 2022 3 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