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jesús talks skip to main skip to sidebar friday may 28 2010 30 things i ve learned my 20s were great i graduated college i started great friendships i became an uncle i interviewed countless celebrities i attended amazing concerts i got married to the love of my life i traveled for work and pleasure i founded two nationally distributed pop culture magazines became an eic of one of them i ve learned the web game i m learning the cable industry television programming and marketing whew i know my 30s will be even better in celebration of my big tres zero below are 30 things i ve learned let me know what you think uno jesús 1 as you mature your musical tastes do as well 2 light colors attract positive vibes or at least i think they do 3 content is king context is everything 4 kill them with kindness 5 don t watch food network or travel channel when you re on a diet it s food porn for fatties 6 everyone needs a mentor 7 being a good son isn t hard 8 being a good husband isn t hard 9 if you write well you can do anything anything 10 when you re at a restaurant treat the wait staff like people talking to them by their name will get you a long way everyone deserves to be acknowledged 11 as a fluent spanish speaker i have an automatic in with any company s mail room 12 never date a girl in your neighborhood you ll probably bump into her when you re bringing your new girlfriend home to your parents 13 never take your wife s advice on comedic films worst movie i ever paid to see the dukes of hazzard starring jessica simpson 14 smoking a good cigar is so damn relaxing 15 check your emails before clicking send 16 never argue during a meeting you have a problem with someone talk to them one on one 17 don t complain about work my dad worked at a now later factory when he immigrated to brooklyn from ecuador in the 1960s his hands became heavily callused he also worked as a butcher for over 30 years he suffered two hernias he was attacked with a meat hook to the head and he developed arthritis because he worked in a freezer he worked as a superintendent for over 30 years he swept up dirty diapers used condoms and tossed rats by their tails as he took out the buildings garbage so i try not to complain about work 18 don t ever get drunk in front of co workers or your boss 19 avoid negative people and situations it will only bring you down 20 you maintain a healthy relationship through compromise and communication 21 you know you re in love when your girl wipes away the sweat from your forehead 22 some of the smartest people i ve met don t have a college degree 23 if you can make her laugh she can t stay mad at you 24 video games are addictive 25 losing weight is hard gaining weight is easy 26 going for a walk alone is underrated 27 if you re married there s no reason you should be in a jam packed club try a lounge 28 even if your office has a relaxed dress code you should at least wear a collared shirt try not to wear t shirts 29 one of the worst feelings you can have is when you disappoint your mother one of the best feelings is when you make her feel proud 30 there aren t boring stories only boring writers posted by jesus talks at 12 00 am 3 comments labels 30th birthday things i ve learned tuesday november 17 2009 my top 5 latino guilty pleasures anyone who knows me knows i m one damn proud latino how proud am i you ask i m so proud i even have a couple of latino guilty pleasures see below 5 i enjoy watching spanish language tv yes it s cheesier than fat joe on a hot summer day but it s so over the top it s hard not to tune in overdramatic latinos bourgeois latinos poor latinos sex cougars it s all there 4 i think vicks vapor rub can cure anything you have a cold put it on your chest you have a pimple put some on it vapor rub is to latinos as robitussin is to african americans 3 i bless myself everyday as i leave my house i also get one from ma dukes everyday via phone 2 i sometimes blast merengue music in my car just to let people hear how latino i am 1 and the number one latino guilty pleasure is drum roll please i buy walter mercado s year end magazine as soon as it drops seriously if you ve ever seen it he basically gives predictions for the following year and as a somewhat superstitious latino i need to know posted by jesus talks at 3 27 pm no comments labels guilty pleasure walter mercado tuesday november 3 2009 wilmer valderrama stays greasy i love over the top reggaeton videos wisin y yandel arguably the largest artists of the genre released a video for imagínate it features t pain ageless colombian hottie paula garces amaury nolasco and it gets better the greasiest mofo in hollywood wilmer valderrama here are a few notes 1 t pain looks like goldilocks 2 wilmer dances reggaeton like he s not wearing a rubber pause 3 wisin is an awesome wingman 4 don t fuck with amaury nolasco s girl bonus wilmer gets fatally shot subsequently there s an oil spill nationwide the end posted by jesus talks at 11 03 am no comments labels reggaeton wilmer valderrama wisin y yandel thursday october 15 2009 i walked a marathon really i did hello personal blog it s been a while since we last met i freakin walked easy with the running i m still chubby a marathon even better the marathon was the avon breast cancer walk here are a couple of things i learned the day of the walk 1 men don t really participate i was definitely a minority within a minority within a minority a latin guy named jesús it felt like i was walking with the cast of big love 2 in physical challenges i need extra motivation if it weren t for the wife i would have quit by mile 10 3 i hate blisters but my favorite one is the one on my right foot it s shaped like louisiana uno jesus ps if you haven t donated yet there s still time go here thank you posted by jesus talks at 3 07 pm no comments labels avon breast cancer walk marathon wednesday august 5 2009 should i run for the border as part of our training for the avon breast cancer walk donate here if you can in october my wife and i completed a 5k run across the brooklyn bridge this past sunday we ran it in the pouring nyc rain and the sticky nyc humidity as we reached the end there were a lot of well wishers saying you re almost there way to go etc as we pass by a group of people a lady screams out run for the border wtf was it because we were a latino couple was it because i was rocking a home depot vest was it because my wife s hoop earrings were hitting her in her face or was it simply because it was pouring and our backs were wet maybe she was really torn up over the taco bell chihuahua dying or was it just a quick racial stab thrown at a chubby couple too tired to fight back uno jesus posted by jesus talks at 2 21 pm 1 comment labels brooklyn bridge racism running wednesday july 15 2009 650 lb virgin has hamburger nowadays my appetite for cable tv has tripled i m not only watching guilty pleasures like bad girls club but i m also including various docs in my viewing diet this past sunday i caught tlc s 650 lb virgin yes i know those two words go hand in hand a couple of things i took away from it a good thing i m losing weight b you know you re obese when your genital area looks like a huge flesh hamburger bun extra sack up top and his bolas below and you have to pull out your penis with tweezers in order to take a whiz yikes the doc follows david smith on his journey from obese man to blossoming personal trainer smith is freaked out by his package s extra package so just imagine whipping that out in front a woman still there are a ton of freaks out there and i wouldn t be surprised if one of them wouldn t take it for whirl or at least flick at it smith is now beginning his career as a personal trainer yes he isn t as diesel as your regular pt and yes after flab reduction surgery his nipples are on his ribcage area but there s one thing he can do the others probably can t he can say i was there before he s got the package to prove it uno jesus posted by jesus talks at 9 49 am 1 comment labels 650 lb virgin reality tv the bad girls club monday may 18 2009 ny yankee baseball grey s anatomy grey s anatomy is consuming my wife and her bff pris pris and oz were in town from sunny san diego so we decided to go to the new yankee gag stadium and watch a rod walk three times even though the wives were entertained their convo mainly focused on the grey season finale they were even spotted on the jumbotron and didn t realize it because izzy is on her death bed aka the writers are killing her off because katherine heigal is a dbag but i started thinking mind you i m a met fan that yankee baseball and grey s anatomy are quite similar see below derek jeter is a combination of mcdreamy and mcsteamy jeter is a fan fave who is the consummate pro yet he has scumbag tendencies like mcsteamy because he dips his pen in a lot a lot of ink token asians hideki matsui and sandra oh i d go with godzilla a rod is grey he s an emotional wreck has a man crush on jeter and has used steroids grey is an emotional wreck is married to mcdreamy and has used botox on her leathery face ding ding ding while the yankee boast more latinos than a wktu freestyle concert grey s has one latina sara ramirez and that s the biggest dissimilarity ps yankees suck uno jesus posted by jesus talks at 1 54 pm 3 comments labels a rod derek jeter grey s anatomy ny mets ny yankees older posts home subscribe to posts atom jesús talks about beats life culture blog archive 2010 1 may 1 30 things i ve learned 2009 19 november 2 october 1 august 1 july 1 may 2 april 2 march 1 february 3 january 6 2008 75 december 2 november 4 october 6 september 11 august 17 july 9 june 5 may 4 april 8 march 8 february 1 about me jesus talks i ve been a professional journalist for almost a decade i was a founding editor of two national consumer magazines scratch and fuego i m presently the senior online editor for sitv com i love comedy and love to travel from ecuador to prague to st martin to etc but brooklyn will always be my heart places where my byline has appeared ny daily news vibe antenna the source latina migente com essence com sohh com people com xxl etc view my complete profile mi gente all skateboards cindy and the city funkyminds kingdom come naked with socks on navani knows nod factor q s views qomplesso sicka than average slang rap democracy t weaponz tg selectism the gypsy book the modest bastard