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er i reread my last blog about coming to a crossroads i believe i have been hesitating for two years while at the crossroads scared shitless about making the wrong choice since i have not been moving in one direction or another it has brought about melancholy and indecisiveness through all aspects of life from my job home relationships and unhappiness i have been unmoving i feel almost a sense of fading away i am here but i m not my mind hovers above my body as i go through the routines in life hating every moment of it and wondering if i am simply waiting for death i made a move over two hours away from my home of twenty years where i raised my children and made some of my best friends in life it will be two years this month when i moved for a job i threw caution to the wind and did it i was excited and hopeful and i believed this is what the universe was telling me to do it felt right as i am coming up on my 2nd year anniversary i realize that the message from the universe has not changed life has been very difficult but what i am finding is that i have not given myself enough grace for mourning the loss of home friends work my son whom i left back home not only have i been mourning all of these important parts of me i have also been mourning the loss of my children s childhood my children are all close in age and when one grows up the others quickly follow i didn t pause to consider this major change in life that coincided with my major move to a new part of the state i have lost much but recently i have been feeling calmer more settled in as if i am home i believe that i needed the time to ingest all the change mourn my losses accept that life will always be challenging no matter where i live and hope once again for a new exciting chapter in life i made a decision about my work life and i feel good about it i have also been writing almost every day and that is a big leap for me i went to college and earned an undergraduate degree in writing i have always felt that it was the big picture for me i have also dived into a dating app that flips over to a friend s app too i feel that it is time to get out there and enjoy life build my new chapter and see where the universe leads me permalink leave a comment january 29 2023 crossroads posted in uncategorized at 10 47 pm by jill miller i am at a crossroads in life and i have questions i have been a teacher for ten years it is a career that i fell into and one that i have enjoyed far more than i ever thought that i would i love kids and i love to connect with them in the classroom i have talent skills grit patience and i am kind hearted i am everything that a teacher is and therefore i have found my calling right i thought i did but i don t know anymore i am one that believes that if i am on the right path of my journey everything will fall into place and the circumstances will be right if i struggle getting what i need for the success of my path then i need to look at a different direction this belief has worked for me through much of my adult life and i believe that it still does which brings me to my crossroads i love teaching and i feel sorrow when i think about leaving however i feel stress and anxiety when i think about staying i found myself without a teaching job in the spring of 2022 i hobbled along with unemployment and part time jobs but fell deeper into debt when school started and i still did not have employment warning bells began screaming in my head something has to change i no longer had anything falling into place first i thought that i needed to move back to my hometown i had moved a year prior and now i was thinking that it was a mistake the first job that i applied to in my hometown was the one that was offered to me i thought wow maybe i was not meant to move away so i asked my friend if i could live with her while i searched for a place for my family i started working and it was all good i was working eleven hours a day but all was good i went home on weekends and i was enjoying my time with my friend it was all good until i began to look for a place i could not find one anywhere i thought it was so backward i mean looking for work was always the big hurdle in life not looking for a place to live what times are we in when i can t find a place to live that is when i called a very good friend i told her my dilemma and asked for advice which i rarely do her words were profound you are never too old to reinvent yourself hmmm my first instinct was to shut her down and not listen but after sitting with it awhile and i mean months i realized she was right i am not too old and i have done it before multiple times what is one more hoorah perhaps this time i will look into what i have been avoiding for half my life writing permalink leave a comment april 4 2019 entering the next phase of life posted in uncategorized at 11 31 am by jill miller the last time i blogged my children were under age ten and i loved them with my whole heart i still love them but they are no longer the center of my universe my eldest is thirty two years old and well on her own my other children are twenty one twenty and eighteen i find myself letting go with love as they practice growing up with a lot of ups and downs choices are made that are good and bad it s been a hell of a ride for all of us as we move through the tenuous teenage years i find myself loving my children but not liking them on many occasions i do remind myself that these years are fleeting and children are looking for their own identity so understanding is necessary but how do i keep them as safe as possible i ve decided that i can t i need to trust that teaching them from my own experience and leading by my example will have to be enough patience patience patience permalink leave a comment march 19 2011 bitterness or joy posted in identity at 10 27 am by jill miller as i settle into middle age i find myself observing others in my generation and wonder if bitterness comes with age i find that i am complaining much more about everything i feel bitter and angry and i see others who respond to life in the same manner and i have to ask what happened did many dreams of yesteryear shatter thus creating indifference and bitterness towards the here and now i wonder if bitterness comes more out of giving up and stopping our progress forward in life i have been sidetracked from my life goals but my hopes and dreams remain intact and somehow i always refocus my direction a path that swerves is not always a bad thing if i remain flexible and accept change more doors open for me granted the direction that i originally followed has taken me longer due to the swerves bumps hills and mountains i have encountered but i have become a richer person for it i would have missed some of my enriching experiences if i was not sidetracked i have come to a realization that my complaining regret and bitterness are a direct result of self talk you know the talk i am getting too old my kids will be grown up before i have a chance to give them opportunities that many children have my brain works too slow i am tired and i do not feel well my self talk has turned into a big pity party and it stops me in my path i am the one who stops me and no one else does i am the one who can change my opinions about my capabilities so does this thought answer my question about bitterness or joy as we age my life has been very interesting for the past few years true the way i view my experiences are up to me and i believe that i have viewed them in a very negative way thus creating bitterness does this create bitterness in others my age perhaps but what i do know is my own experience so my thought is this always remember that it is never too late to realize your dreams never give up be flexible talk kind to yourself and as you move forward remember your progress so far and never stop permalink 1 comment march 11 2008 popcorn posted in family friends at 8 40 am by jill miller my eleven year old neighbor was over to my house playing with the kids on one of those cold snowy days last week i was preparing to make popcorn as he stood by and watched he told me that he always eats microwave popcorn i smiled as i told him that i chose not to own a microwave and i like to make popcorn the old fashioned way he asked me if it s microwave popcorn that i dump in the pan i looked at him in confusion and hesitantly said no he said he s never seen popcorn any other way i gave him an incredulous look as i said that the popcorn comes in a plastic container wow i thought the art of popping popcorn is disappearing okay i will educate this young mind much in the same way my father educated me many nights during my childhood my father popped popcorn the old fashioned way it always gave me a warm fuzzy feeling to hear the popcorn pop and the shake of the pot as dad kept the kernals on even heat he dumped it in a yellow basin and we migrated to the living room to watch a t v show or talk about our day as we munched on the fresh hot salty popcorn mmmm good memories as for the neighbor kid i did not regale him with my childhood story but i took great pleasure in passing my knowledge down to this child i have hopes that he will carry the art with him and keep it alive probably not but i can hope permalink 1 comment the beach posted in family friends at 8 39 am by jill miller we went to the beach today the sky was overcast with gloom but looked as if the sun was straining to appear through the weakened space of gray elizabeth pointed to subtle strips of color in the sky above the water pink purple blue she thought it was a rainbow the beach was under a yellow flag but looking out over the calm waters i wondered why i found the answer as i approached the beach and observed the waves crest at waters edge to an amazing height my children squeeled with anticipation as they sped across the sand and into the water in a matter of seconds they scrambled back on land as the next wave leapt up behind them it was cold the day was fun regardless of the cool temp wind and lack of sunshine we older children felt as if our toes were frostbitten but the younger ones remained warm with high levels of excited energy samuel challenged the waves with his boogie board sara wanted to be buried in the sand and elizabeth was more than happy to oblige her i experienced pure joy as i watched my children with chattering teeth engage with nature and each other while i taunted the seagulls with my potato chips i smiled as i realized i m living a perfect day permalink leave a comment play posted in family friends at 8 38 am by jill miller i took my children to the park today but instead of sitting on the bench watching everyone interact i decided to participate i yelled follow the leader and observed my children scramble into a line i took the end position determined to keep up and not be left behind in their dust when my turn came up i smiled wickedly at the kids and said now let s see if everyone can keep up with me i turned back around and ran i grabbed a pole and swung my agile body around it okay i tried i ran up a slide and down another i sped up a hill plopped my butt down and rolled yes my ten year old soul and my forty one year old body were rolling down the slope at warp speed i heard screaming and laughing not coming from me as i came to a dusty stop i immediately jumped up foolish foolish girl i have never been so dizzy in my life oh yeah and nauseas when will i ever learn to act my age okay never as i take stock of my scruffed elbows and knees and my aches and pains that weren t there before the infamous roll i wonder was it worth it a resounding yes would be my answer and i would do it again in a heartbeat with no attention paid to my achy body live in the present love laugh and enjoy life to the fullest permalink leave a comment choice posted in identity uncategorized at 8 36 am by jill miller life is difficult i find that i can conform to expectations placed on me or i can resist and forge my own path either way it is my choice being one s own person takes courage and strength but the outcome can open doors of unexpected opportunities in career family and life we are always learning we are always changing when learning and changing stop so do we permalink leave a comment respect posted in tolerance uncategorized at 8 28 am by jill miller one of the best moments spent talking with friends are the thoughts that deep conversation provoke respect is a lost art or it has never been an art that has been considered relevant this action is valued in my household as i believe while we respect one another all else will fall into place love compassion tolerance forgiveness humility joy empathy i believe that respect plays hand in hand with these other actions and feelings i feel that those who show respect from deep within their being are the ones who know true happiness the ones who will go far on their life s journey this thought is one that presents itself at crucial moments of my life it is a thought that i frequently need to remember an effort that i continually need to work on and put forth permalink leave a comment december 2 2006 less is more posted in family friends at 1 35 pm by jill miller it was good that i read an article in my magazine yoga journal about simplifying life life gets so hectic and stressful with the idea that material things are necessary for a good life now that the christmas season has started we are being bombarded with media pushing for consumer spending it is hard to resist the message from advertisements showing an idealistic christmas with the implication that love and gifts are synonymous my childhood memories of christmas are not of the gifts that i received in fact there are very few gifts that i can even remember what i do remember is family time and activities centered around the christmas season handmade ornaments decorating christmas cookies handmade gifts carroling candlelight services these memories give me the warm fuzzy feelings of love the reminder to simplify my life comes at a perfect time i will simplify my christmas season by maintaining those old family traditions of christmas for my own family and perhaps creating new traditions permalink 3 comments next page search for blog stats 2 655 hits pages about archives july 2023 january 2023 april 2019 march 2011 march 2008 december 2006 november 2006 october 2006 september 2006 blogroll current events fish tales gastric bypass surgery grace upside down la voz de los latinos story telling the ever changing body woman mom student wordpress com recent posts settling into change crossroads entering the next phase of life bitterness or joy popcorn august 2026 s m t w t f s 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 jul blog at wordpress com subscribe subscribed woman mom student sign me up already have a wordpress com account log in now privacy 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