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Text of the page (random words):
boat all aboard the pity boat wednesday august 31 2011 14dpo beta pee test this morning was negative again so i knew what was coming the beta was negative i m really bummed understatement but trying to ignore it i mean really did i expect any different i was already gloomy enough in my last post so here is my attempt at thinking happy thoughts the fertility clinic i go to has the best blood drawers ever i have a needle phobia have never been good with them obviously through the if years i ve learned to better deal with frequent blood draws but they still freak me out this place makes it so much better they get it over with super fast they try to distract if i seem like i m getting anxious they hardly ever leave any bruise or mark at all i ve had some bad ones at other places and often i can barely feel the needle go in the picture below shows my arm a few minutes ago see the tiny red dot that s the only mark and i hardly felt it today as she was drawing my blood i told her they are awesome at it and i appreciate it so much things i get to do now stop taking so many pills a day for a little while i currently take 7 stop taking the progesterone gel every night ugh that stuff is unpleasant not worry about if i ll be able to do the upcoming vegas half marathon while 18 weeks pregnant i m signing up officially in the next couple days get rid of the sore boobs in a day or so hopefully well the soreness anyway not the boobs themselves move on and officially end this cycle this random cramping must be from the progesterone and now that i know everything is negative it s driving me crazy i m planning on doing this all again next cycle if they ll let me i must be crazy posted by jill at 7 25 pm 14 comments labels none tuesday august 30 2011 13dpo my hope is gone i tested for the past 3 mornings all negative i m irritable sad crampy and the girls have been sore now for a couple days i feel the need to apologize for being such a downer the picture kind of goes along with this depressing theme earlier this year we cleaned out our garage one pet peeve of mine is attached garages that can t actually be used to park cars in so we always keep ours fairly clean and i came across a box that hadn t been sorted through in a long time those are the magazines i started subscribing to buying and collecting when 15 years ago i decided i was ready to have a baby silly me the years on each magazine are what really get me i threw them all away tomorrow i fully expect the test in the morning to be negative and my beta to be negative too i suppose there is still a small chance but i m pretty sure that a test wold have been positive this morning if it was going to be at all posted by jill at 1 15 pm 6 comments labels none saturday august 27 2011 10 dpo took this with my phone camera right after my hsg shg in june it s my uterus the tube on the left in the picture is pretty clear with the spillage at the end but to me the tube on the right looks odd too long or something the doctor and nurse did not say there was anything abnormal i was able to wait 2 days but tested this morning negative i m feeling crampy today like my period s about to start that could be a good sign or it could mean nothing guess i ll just have to keep waiting posted by jill at 2 14 pm 4 comments labels none thursday august 25 2011 it s not real this is my first ever positive pregnancy test it s not real but it is a symbol of hope too much hope realistically it s the result of a trigger shot back story back in june i decided to go back to my fertility clinic there was a whole fiasco with a gyn fertility clinic i was going to closing and i wanted to get a new prescription for glumetza i m currently on metformin so i figured what the heck july was also my much dreaded advanced maternal age birthday which i tried my best to ignore ugh i ended up discussing a clomid cycle got all the medication for it and then it was cancelled due to an elevated tsh level about one month on a low dose of levothyroxine and my tsh still wasn t low enough it was about 4 so i started on double the dose that did the trick and my tsh lowered to about 2 i m still on that dose during the first cycle that was cancelled i had my second hsg it went uncomfortably fine both tubes are still open however they found that my uterine lining did not look smooth in some places and they recommended a d c i was not on board with this and didn t schedule one during the cd3 u s of the second cycle an ovarian cyst was found so the second cycle was also a bust for both elevated tsh and the cyst they put me on bcps for that month i was fine with taking the pill however about 11 years ago i had taken bcps for about 1 5 2 years and had a bad experience with them i told the nurse that and she gave me a lower dose type i took the first pill that day and then proceeded to spot bleed for the entire cycle it was awesome please note the sarcasm when the pack of pills had about 2 weeks left including the 5 placeholder pills i realized that i would be taking the last real pill days before the half marathon which was some really crappy timing i called the office told them about the half marathon and asked if i could stop the pill earlier they agreed yay on aug 5th i went in for my cd3 u s and blood work my tsh was a 2 and the cyst was gone i took 100mg of clomid from aug 6th 10th i didn t have high hopes i ve taken clomid before though it was about 15 years ago now and those cycles were unmonitored and i was never able to detect ovulation on the morning of aug 16th cd 14 i went in for the progress u s and more blood work to my surprise my lining looked great and there was one dominant 20mm follicle whoa there were a couple other follicles but all under 16mm a perfect response definitely not what i was expecting they gave me my hcg trigger 10 000 units that day at the end of my appt then of course there was some sex this was not an iui cycle the test in the picture above was taken on the 17th i had to do it i had to create at least one positive test in my life even if it was fake current events so now that we re caught up in the story let me just say that i m currently going crazy this is really the first actual 2ww i ve ever had one where i know there is a chance however small my beta is on aug 31st at 1 00pm 6 more days assuming ovulation happened the day after the trigger i m currently 8dpo i was planning not to test again but i ve been getting steadily crazier and bought a bunch of 1 tests yesterday i tested last night to see if the trigger was still there and it wasn t the test was definitely negative ever since that the hope i did have has diminished doesn t it take 10 days for 10 000 units of hcg to leave a person s system last night was only 8 5 days for me i know this has nothing to do with whether i actually conceive or not but for some reason that negative test has really slapped the sense back into me now that i know the trigger is gone i m going to wait at least a couple days before i consider testing again after waiting 15 years getting pregnant on my very first monitored clomid cycle would be way too much luck for one person posted by jill at 12 28 pm 7 comments labels none sunday august 7 2011 second half marathon so very much more difficult than the one in vegas it was pouring rain the entire time i couldn t gave been more soaked and i have chafing burns on my waist and bottoms of my feet from the wet fabric this course also included quite a few hills ouch i finished though i was so close to the vegas time i m a little disappointed that i couldn t beat it but vegas was so much easier i am sore but nothing too crazy no pains other than soreness and the chafing injuries my hips were hurting a fair amount in the last half mile but they feel ok now i don t have any pictures i was planning to bring my phone to take some but with the heavy rain forecast i was afraid i d ruin it we are hoping to do the vegas half marathon again this december posted by jill at 5 12 pm 1 comment labels none sunday may 22 2011 vacation time happy iclw everyone i ve already gotten a bunch of lovely comments thanks so much for stopping by and reading i m on vacation this week so i m hoping to get to read and comment a lot as i m typing this i m in the car with r husband and the dog driving to a house we ve rented for the next 4 days in the adirondacks it s very large we have 4 friends joining us nice and secluded views of the mountains large property with a river river my dog is going to have a blast with his very own river this weekend is also both r s birthday and our anniversary we ve been married for 6 years r picked the day of our wedding specifically so he would have extra help remembering the date d we went out for a nice dinner yesterday i got sweet and sour calamari walnut crusted cod with spinach risotto panacotta for dessert and we have a bottle of champagne to share with everyone tonight we don t buy each other presents but every year we get a bottle of the same type of champagne our own little tradition i got a pedicure yesterday too i used to have a funky thing going on with my big toe toenails and after years of trying different things finally managed to clear it up last sept i got one for the first time and now i m addicted i get one every few months love how long they last i m still sore but getting better c my sister and i went for our long week 2 run earlier today 4 miles it pretty much sucked we walked a lot but as always we re happy we went c s arches were bothering her and we just aren t used to the heat humidity yet hopefully we get used to it since the half marathon is in august here is where i have second thoughts about this new goal yikes posted by jill at 3 19 pm 10 comments labels none friday may 20 2011 i m sore my calves are sore but in a good way i kinda like it i accomplished my goal i jogged the entire 3 5 miles no walking breaks really crazy that i can do this now my new time was a little under 48 mins so i cut a bit more than 5 mins off my time from last year i m definitely happy with this and proud i accomplished what i set out to but i m having a hard time not comparing myself to others i run jog damn slow really slow to my credit there were hills in yesterday s run which i m not used to at all but i m still extremely slow i keep telling myself that jogging for 48 mins straight is so much more than i ve ever done athletically before 2 years ago and that i ll keep improving little by little if i keep it up near the end of the race i had some brief flashes of concerning knee pain in my right knee same knee i ve had a bunch of surgeries on i tore my acl 18 years ago it didn t last long but i ll be keeping an eye on it when i run next speaking of running next c and i are training for our 2nd half marathon that s on august 7th i put a ticker up for it i m excited but way more nervous now that i know the 3 5 i just did was pretty tough this week was week 2 of our training and this weekend we ll be running 4 miles c is much more enthusiastic about this next half marathon now that she knows we ve done it before i know we can do it again and this time we have a time to try to beat posted by jill at 11 34 pm 8 comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom about me jill i m thirty cough yrs old my husband r and i live in upstate ny with our dog river and three cats i would love to have a child or two but that hasn t happened yet who knows if it ever will i consider myself an infertility blogger but this blog is about all aspects of my life that i feel like writing about i try to experiment with different things in order to focus on stuff that is not infertility pregnancy child related at the beginning of 2009 i decided to leave my sedentary lifestyle behind and become a runner i succeeded mostly and have completed two 5ks and a half marathon something i never thought i would or could do i have also been involved in novice dog agility but that s on hold indefinitely right now i regularly play computer games watch tv movies and cook bake with my sister c i love what i ve found in the blog world but i m a very lazy blogger i m trying to learn to better organize my life and hopefully that will include blogging more often thanks for reading view my complete profile icomleavwe join the conversation click over and read the wonderful posts for creme de la creme 09 the best of the adoption loss infertility blogs of 2009 river my child in doggie form river june 05 approx 9 weeks old river last class of agility2 my timeline not entirely if related early 1996 oops marriage quit college and moved to ca mid 1996 made decision that we were ready to start a family late 1996 had dr s appt due to antibiotic allergy which lead to my first ever pap which lead to finding large ovarian cyst the size of a 7th month pregnancy jan 1997 surgery to remove ovarian cyst late 1997 1998 several cycles of clomid and more cycles using opks 1999 moved to ma mid 2000 marriage falling apart started bcps oct 2000 moved out and into tiny apt dec 2000 met r in person for the first time just friends at the time early 2001 divorce decision made mid 2001 moved to ny late 2002 resumed quest for children with the correct person this time stopped bcps may 2005 graduated with a degree in biotechnology may 2005 real marriage june 2005 river came to live with us 9 weeks old 2007 discovered ff and starting charting apr 2008 re consultation pcos dx started glumetza but stopped after a few months of no change may 2008 hsg nothing abnormal found both tubes clear oct 2009 appt w new to me gyn fertility clinic pcos still suspected u s boring and normal thin lining back on glumetza type of met and cd3 bloodwork ordered march 2010 cd3 b w finally taken next appt scheduled for 4 19 april 2010 started low dose thyroid med to bring tsh down from an 8 triglycerides very high but gyn recommends gp to treat if needed all other blood test numbers are completely normal really focusing on weight loss for the time being repeat hsg coming later this summer never happened june 2011 went back to clinic and discussed clomid cycle cycle cancelled due to elevated tsh started low dose thyroid med again 2nd hsg tubes open but non smooth lining in some places declined suggested d c july 2011 next cycle also cancelled due to elevated tsh now down to 4 and ovarian cyst doubled thryoid med dose and on low dose bcp august 2011 clomidcycle1 100mg clomid from 8 6 through 8 10 aug 16th progress appt found one 20 mm follicle and a couple under 16mm lining good hcg trigger given aug 31st beta for clomidcycle1 negative september 2011 clomidcycle2 note all time in between except for the two years on bcp was spent in various stages of ttc from passive to charting herbal supps opks etc thanks for reading subscribe posts atom posts all comments atom all comments the stirrup queen s completely anal list of blogs that proves that she really missed her calling as a personal organizer blog archive 2011 ...