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Text of the page (random words):
year old nephew that those sort of words were common place the day we found out about ryker s death lance took the call he knew 30 minutes before he told tonia what must of that been like for him it must have been a private gethsemane of sorts ryker was a younger version of himself they were truly the same person i mean truly lance had already lost one son and now another lance isn t the type to question the lord or to get angry i ll bet he worried about his wife and hayden when the police officer met the boat and hayden my mom and i walked up to the condo i said a prayer i asked my heavenly father to please give me the courage and the peace of mind to handle the situation i knew something was severly wrong i was trying to talk myself into the fact that we hadn t lost ryker when we walked into the condo and i saw lance s face i knew then the words came out of lance s mouth some how he found the strength to say them hayden put his hands on his head and began to pace in that tiny living room of the condo there was tonia lance hayden mom 2 or 3 highway patrolmen and myself given that my family has been in the tow industry for 30 years lance ryan and my dad and ryker have close working relationships with the highway patromen everyone of them in that room was teary eyed they were mourning wtih those that mourn and comforting those in need of comfort i was so impressed that day with the service of those men i took my mom out of the room and set her on a picnic bench and looked down at the beach the entirety of my family was down there they all knew something was wrong but didn t know what i told my broken hearted mom to stay put and starting back down to the beach again praying to my father in heaven pleading for the words i had to somehow tell my sisters brothers in law and every niece and nephew that we had lost our dear ryker when i got down to the beach i called the adults over i told them that ryker had been in an accident and had been killed instantly my dad was at the ranch and he needed to be told lance and tonia needed a ride home and my mom needed support kim went to help tonia and jill who is 9 months pregnant went to sit with my mom shea and adam headed over to the ranch to try to find my dad and my dear sweet husband got in the car to take lance tonia and hayden home then i looked around and realized i was down on a crowded beach with 10 kids i gathered them in a circle and told them forever imprinted in my mind will be the look on every one of their faces every single one of them grieved in a way similar to their personality hunter responded exactly like hayden he put his hands on his head and began to pace mitchell cried very loudly in dramatic form which is how he does things reagan began to cry laid down on the sand and turned away from the group reag love her alone time jord and samantha cried and leaned on eacher they pretend to be enemied often but the truth is they really need each other sweet andre cried and cried as he dug a hole he always has to be busy maemae cried and sat on my lap center of attention that is where she is the most comfotable kinni wasn t exactly sure he could certianly tell everyone was upset he kept repeating ryker in a car wreck but the part i will never forget as long as i live is the way they comforted each other because i was the only adult there they had to rely on each other hunter was with me but he was the second oldest boy and very close to ryker so he was hurting in a very real way and needing some time by himself being raspbery days is beach is packed and the kids are a mess i didnt want to take them in the condo as lance and tonia are trying to leave so we left the beach and headed up to the grass and sat in the shade as we went to leave the beach a family near us cleaned up our entire mess and we make a big one they carried everything to the condo and put it all away as we got to the grass i realized that taylor was asleep in the condo just as i was sending jeff inside to tell her she came outside she had woke up and walked out into the living room and saw hayden and he had told her as i sat with the kids i began to realize the logistics of getting home our boat was in the water we had multiple cars there another prayer another answer we called our dear friends the huskinskons they got our boat out of the water and left it at their home at bear lake they drove cars to us our friends that barringtons drove a car home for us dennis chris and kylee cleaned the laketown house brought us clothes from it and hauled cars back and forth there are angels everywhere as hours wore on shea and adam had found my dad i have never seen my sweet dad so broken he was a little shorter a little weaker ryker was his right hand ranch man they spent weeks together at the ranch bailing hay and fixing fence ryker s idolized his grandpa and i think grandpa idolized ryker a little piece of grandpa s heart was taken that day ryan and alicia were in park city at a soccer tournament with kendall i had been trying and trying to reach him i finally was able to get through as i told ryan he was just silent no words ryan doesn t do words well he is so tender he worked all day with ryker they were both manly men who believed a truck isn t a truck if you don t shift it by yourself you rarely see either one without a hat one and neither one would ever wear any pretty boy clothes ryan was hurting not just for himself but for his big brother and best friend lance as well they spent all day every day together they know each other inside and out i don t think ryan believed me at first he repeated he is dead several times i understand why because this whole thing really is unbeleivable for the frist month of this tragedy sometimes i could forget for a second just a second but soon the suffocating sick feelings would come back the heavy pain so intense on my chest that sometimes i wished it would physically crush my chest because that may have hurt less word travels fast and i began to get texts and calls from family and friends we were ready to get home and we loaded up the cars because jeff and driven lance and tonia home i was the only woman left to drive a car home i was a little panicked at first but pushed it aside i am a doer we said a prayer all of us broken and tired weary and sad taylor and jordan were afraid to drive through the logan canyon i told them we will drive through this canyon a million times in the future we may as well start today i was so afraid to pass where i thought that accident sight was all of the adults in the other cars noticed it but me again i was blessed we all returned to cache valley safe and headed over to lance and tonia s house their bishop relief society president and many friends and ward members had already arrived their house was already filled with food and love the goodness of people my poor sweet bother was just a shell of a man for the first time in my entire life i saw him broken he had no words he high school friends poured in and when they arrived he opened up a little as much as my own heart broke my heart broke even more for lance and tonia and hayden as the night wore down lance and tonia received blessings of comfort i don t remember much that was said that night i do remember that the holy spirit was there and testified to all of us that the enabling power of the atonement is very real and that it will save and comfort lance tonia and hayden in the days weeks and years to come jeff called chase to tell him he was on a job when he got the news when he arrived home for the funeral he told he felt like he had been physically punched in the gut he was so upset that he asked his boss if he could go back to the trailer on site for a bit to regroup when he walked in the trailer the television was on playing at that very moment was a commercial that chase and ryker had laughed and laughed about that was a tender mercy for chase a message that he is being looked after hayden came home with us he didn t want to go up to his room and sleep across from that empty bedroom i fed him and then he finally went to sleep i did not ryker was close to us that night he wasn t there for me but for hayden i was on my couch and would wake about every hour to listen to check on hayden sometimes when i woke i swore i could feel ryker in my living room i am certian he was looking after hayden i am not sure the feelings to describe that day i am certain they will chage over time sometimes i am extremely angry about that day sometimes i never want to go to bear lake ever again sometimes i want to go to bear lake right away because i know ryker loved it there most of the time i just don t know what i do know is that never before have i been dealt a pain so intense so difficult that i literally am not able to bear it some days i have to pray every second of every day just to maintin some level of productivity some days i don t care about productivity some days i have to have faith to see past the fog i have to keep taking one more step in order to have the visibility to see the next one one thing that day has taught me slow down check lists don t matter time really doesn t matter winning doesnt matter losing doesn t matter grade point averages don t matter serve people love people try and be nice have faith work hard and be forgiving the plan of happiness doesnt call for perfection don t worry i haven t thrown all caution to the wind i have learned that is taylor is struggling significantly in dealing with her grief than that is far more important than her grade in history healing right now is our priority both taylor and jordan have missed school at least once because it was just too much that day and that s okay that an afternoon with jaxon is much better than checking off my to do list i am grateful for the prespective that has come with august 2 2014 i am sure i will learn so many more lessons i am grateful for a family that holds up one another i am grateful for the strength the lord has given me to fight this battle to help my family when they need it i am grateful for a very patient husband as i fight my own battle greiving is a strange thing we all do it in different ways and it mean something diffent to each one of us i am grateful for a newphew who left such a profound mark on my life who left a legacy that we will stive to live up too i am grateful for his parents for raising him and to their parents for raising them i am grateful for the prayers of others i literally felt the prayers of others our behalf jeff and i attended a baptism a few days ago of a 25 year old lady in our ward as the missionaries taught i becamse overwhelmed with emotion thinking about ryker my emotion was short lived as i relized how must greater his teaching capacity is in paradise there is no doubt in my mind that ryker is doing great things no doubt that he is working extremely hard that he is loving the heck out of whatever he is doing it may take another 3 months before i blog about august 3rd i suppose we will see posted by jtandj at 12 09 am 2 comments tuesday april 15 2014 happy birthday tay happy birthday tay i have not been great at blogging lately but i can t let a birthday go by without making a note taylor turns 14 today wow where has the time gone it seems like just a short time ago she was born taylor is the most delightful blessing in our lives being a teenager is tough now a days and taylor handles it beautifully taylor has certainly kept us busy this year no grass grows under her feet and we can hardly keep up with her she loves her family young womens her violin friends and soccer taylor has had a baby on her hip since she was old enough to carry one this is sweet maemae when she was a tiny baby here she is with kinni she refers to him as her boy she will often say to kim i better go take care of my baby she absolutely loves all of her cousins and especially the little ones tay has played the violin for 5 years now and she is really good i love to listen to her play tay also loves her grandma and will talk her ear off whenever they are together tay does not love her headaches i felt like i needed to add it because in the past 4 months tay has been to the ed 3 times with migraines and missed way too many days of school we are making progress in understanding the causes of her headaches and treating them she has been such a trooper most of her headaches last 5 8 days no fun to have a migraine that long this is new territory for all of us and taylor has been patient with us as we have spent a lot of time in doctor offices and hospitals we are grateful for modern medicine and especially grateful for the power of the priesthood as taylor has asked for several blessings from jeff to help her through this taylor s strength has amazed me and i have found a new and deeper level of respect for her through all of this she has kept amazing grades and her delightful attitude i know love when she is talking endlessly because i know she feels good i really miss that when she is sick taylor loves her family she is a great daughter and sister she also loves the broncos the photo below was not planned she and jordan showered and put on the same pajamas without knowing the other one would when i caught them sitting the same i had to take a picture tay loves soccer and loves her soccer team here they are above at the dixie cup which they won a few days later the bigger story there was their pink kicking cancer jerseys the girls decided they would raise money to provide christmas for lili who was battling cancer they had these jersey s made in her honor and played excellent soccer then they came home and raise nearly 3000 00 before christmas wow well done taylor and tsunami celebrating gold at the cache cup with her bestie lucy not a day goes by that these 2 don t make me laugh taylor did a lot of growing between her 13th and 14th birthday and is not as tall as i am taylor also grew spiritually and is nearly finished with her personal progress taylor is one of the most fun energetic smart kind and beautiful girls i know i am humbled and proud to be her mom happy birthday tay we love you posted by jtandj at 4 21 pm 3 comments wednesday january 22 2014 happy birthday jeff happy birthday jeffey jt warren big daddy these are some of the many names jeff goes by every day i am grateful for jeff but on his birthday i am especially grateful jeff has so many awesome characteristics i feel like i say the same things over and over but they are all true jeff is so hard working and devoted to his family jeff is an excellent husband to me he truly is the perfect person for me i am so grateful to be married to someone who makes me so happy jeff is super funny and i laugh at him all of the time jeff never lets us down with his costumes jeff is an excellent father he supports his kids in every sense of the word jeff and chase are a lot alike so whomever marries chase is one lucky girl chaser looks up to his dad c...