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arms we had a wonderful day i did hard things i overcame fears i was patient with my weaknesses in athleticism and i conquered a mountain bunny slope but best of all i had the guy i love next to me the whole time and he will always be there to lift me up help me laugh and keep me nice and warm see 1 jt and katie at brian head selfie from the top of the bunny hill posted by katie tyler at 10 11 am 2 comments tuesday september 13 2016 saying goodbye to aunt flo here we are the day before my hysterectomy i am exhausted that is irrelevant to the post it is just an observation you will wish you did it years ago you will not regret making this decision you will never miss having a period all phrases that i have heard from people about hysterectomies and i actually believe they are true i am certain that never having a period will be amazing i have always had issues with my menstrual cycle and have had more then one doctor suggest i get a hysterectomy but i just couldn t do it because of damn oprah years ago i saw an episode where a mom talked about all of her children being killed in a car accident and how horrible it was it really was one of the saddest episodes ever she said there was a moment that she didn t know who she was anymore she was no longer a mother i bawled my eyes out listening to her story knowing the title mother is my favorite title for me it is better than sister daughter friend woman or any of the job titles i have ever had it is special because of the children who call me mom my three unique kids are the reason i answer to that awe inspiring name the woman on oprah continued to say how she was later able to get pregnant and have more children i don t believe the children were a replacement for the ones that died or could possibly ever fill that hole but they were a gift a second chance at love and family and to continue to be a mom i know it is irrational to worry that this will happen to me i know it sounds creepy and insensitive when people think of replacing one lost child with another but sometimes i have irrational fears sometimes i am afraid of the things i can t control i have always had at least some control over my uterus sure it has caused quite a bit of discomfort and pain for the past few years but for as disruptive and painful as it has been i always knew that it was there just in case my crazy irrational fears came true but the problem with many of my irrational fears they seem to be something else entirely i absolutely love my kids more than i ever imagined i could way past the limits that i thought were possible i could write a whole post dedicated to how amazing and brilliant they each are and for the individual happiness and joy they bring to my life i could fill books and libraries with the love i have for them they are absolutely irreplaceable if something happened i couldn t replace them i wouldn t even want to try my irrational fear that forces me to keep a uterus just in case that clearly hates me and is trying to self destruct at this very moment isn t about replacing them it is about the fear of replacing me who would i become without my family for some ridiculous reason i think holding on to my uterus is the security blanket protection against the loss of my family and ultimately the loss of who i am my doctor recommends i get a hysterectomy he knows that it is ruining my quality of life he knows that after any given period the horrible cramps will come back and each time they have gotten much worse and can land my back in the er he knows i shouldn t have to spend a week out of the month on pain meds missing soccer games and snuggles because i can t stand up he knows it is time to let go and i can finally agree with him in order to let go and have the hysterectomy i have to let go of those fears i have to trust that everything will be alright that my kids will be safe with me forever that i won t have to face what the woman on oprah had to face and i have to accept that even if tragedy happens i will always be able to find myself and i will always carry the titles that have meant something to me as much as i love being a mom i am also more than a mom i am so many things and i have so much more to become i am honestly very grateful for my uterus that was healthy enough to carry and protect my 3 babies when they were in utero but i am ready to be done with it and now it is off to the surgeon to say my final good byes to aunt flo posted by katie tyler at 1 48 pm no comments monday may 2 2016 feminism 101 i have never been described as a feminist and i never would have considered myself one i grew up with a bit of a negative connotation surrounding feminism i think it was associated with some extreme behavior that doesn t necessarily match the cause but in recent years that has changed quite a bit i haven t burned any bras yet but i am noticing more and more the injustices that women face and i am trying to learn how to combat those injustices for myself and my daughters when macie says she likes boy legos i try to remind her that legos are for everyone whether they are super heroes or elf princesses and when riley talks about growing up to be a teacher i remind her that she could also be an engineer these are like the kiddy pool issues of feminism the most basic ideals of equality and i feel like i am just now learning them as an adult i often joke that i am new to this whole feminist thing and i need some help learning what i am doing even just learning how to recognize the sexist things going on around me many of which i have grown up believing were acceptable blake is playing baseball this spring he has played soccer for a few years and to jt s utter happiness has decided to try baseball quick mommy brag moment he is really good i shouldn t be surprised a love of baseball runs in both of our families but i am still so proud of him his first baseball practice was a few weeks ago jt would have loved to have taken him to his first practice but he was working late in the er that night so i took him to practice and let the girls play on the toys at the park this is basically our lives right now the girls playing at various parks while blake is at soccer or baseball they both decided to take this season off from sports we were greeted by a few of the teammates and their dads one of the dads is kind of a tough guy he has a thick chicago accent and when his 7 year old son bragged that he gets to drink beer his dad clapped him on the back and said what did you expect he s irish we still don t know if that is true or not but as the season has gone on they have turned out to be a really friendly group blake joined a few weeks late so the team had already had a few practices without us they seemed to be pretty familiar with each other by then however i did not know anything else about them or the coach on the first night of practice as practice got under way the coach needed help so i grabbed my glove and got out on the field the tough guy dad came out to help along with the coach s teenage son and the four of us lined the kids up to practice throwing and catching blake was doing awesome especially for his first practice ever and the team and coach were all impressed with us playing catch i am not a great baseball player but i have always been thankful that my dad taught me the basics and the techniques i noticed a little farther down the field the coach s son was struggling he was playing catch with the coach s teenage son who was growing irritated with how poorly the little brother was doing at one point the teenager yelled out to the little brother c mon you are playing terrible quit throwing like a girl that is a phrase i have heard a million times i almost didn t even notice it in fact i always took that phrase to mean you are stepping with your throwing arm a mistake every child makes when they are learning to throw a baseball but when that boy said it i did notice because i am a girl throwing just as well as tough guy dad to my son i glanced around quickly to make sure my daughters were still on the toys and didn t hear him say that but a few minutes later he said it again you are throwing like a girl this time it really stung i realized that even to a kiddy pool feminist this was not acceptable this teenage boy was using the word girl as a derogatory term name calling but instead of stupid or weak or uncoordinated he chose the word girl as if there are not plenty of girls that can throw a baseball harder than many boys this boy was using the word girl to shame his little brother knowing that it is worse to be called a girl than anything else i was horrified i hoped that the coach or one of the dads would say something but no one did i realized it would have to be me when i am in a situation like that i get all panicked if jt is around i will often default to him explaining i don t do well with confrontation i get mad and then people think i am a real bitch you say something but jt wasn t around i pictured myself confronting the teenager but how would i do it how do you call out someone s kid right in front of them and the whole team what would i even say it hurts my feelings when you use the word girl as a put down would i get all emotional and cry everyone knows that once a girl cries she loses all of her power would i try too hard to be tough and end up sounding angry or worse crazy after all i am standing next to tough guy dad with a beer drinking 7 year old what would they think it is our first practice would i be embarrassing blake what if they think i am a b with my head spinning and checking again to make sure my little girls were still on the toys i resolved to wait for him to say it again then i would go over and politely pull the teenager aside and quietly explain why that phrase is so offensive i would be careful to not humiliate him and to be discreet so that the coach and tough dad wouldn t notice i would be very nice so that blake wouldn t be known as the kid with the crazy mom i would probably even be apologetic about the whole thing and i would just explain that i have daughters near by and how it makes them feel i took a deep breath collected myself and before i even realized it practice was over the boys were all running off the field my girls were coming back from the playground and i had missed my chance i couldn t tell if i was relieved or disappointed i was numb that night after i tucked my kids in bed and finally sat down to collect my thoughts i realized i was definitely disappointed disappointed in myself for those of you who don t need the kiddy pool and are comfortably doing laps in the full length pool you are probably disappointed as well and if you are a true feminist the deep end high dive life guard style feminist you were able to see the million things i missed you could have taken a red pen to this post and covered the page circling rookie mistakes but for me i didn t even realize how many things were wrong with this picture until i began retelling it to jt i didn t realize how much sexist commentary was in my head i was afraid of being confrontational or coming across like a crazy b as i explained the whole scenario to jt i realized that he has never had to worry about someone thinking he is or calling him that type of profanity if jt stands up for himself or for his children he is just being a strong guy he isn t afraid of the label he will get he doesn t need to be he also doesn t have to worry about his emotions getting in the way and being brushed off with an excuse like it s probably just pms the entire dialog that went on inside my head had been sexist it was all concerns that jt has never had to worry about and fears he has never had but the internal struggle i felt has been felt by most women those same doubts have discouraged many of us from doing things we want to do and saying things we need to say and even after all that i still failed to stand up for myself but being brave wasn t the only way that i failed that night i thought i needed to be an example to my daughters i was so afraid that they might hear that phrase and realize that to many people being a girl is being less than i was afraid that they would believe that a girl could never throw as well as a boy and is deserving of that phrase i was afraid they would doubt themselves and wonder if what they are girls was something to be ashamed of the whole time that i was worrying about my daughters who were happily giggling on the swings well out of earshot i was playing catch with my son the last person i let down that night was my son he was the one hearing you throw like a girl he was the one subconsciously discovering that girl less than he didn t notice that i didn t stick up for girls because neither did anyone else i did not even consider the damage it was doing to him or the beer drinking 7 year old or the boy being called a girl or the rest of the team in reality boys are the ones most likely to grow up to perpetuate these stereotypes and sexist comments it isn t just my daughters that need to see a feminist albeit the kiddy pool novice that i am role model and it isn t just women that need to stand up and be the feminist role model i let my son down that night and so did every dad on the field since then i have talked to blake about it i have tried to make amends for my failings but i still feel sick to my stomach that i didn t do anything in that moment i still feel mad at the weak scared degraded woman freaking out in my head that night but mostly i am sad that i wasn t braver some day i want to swim in the deep end i want my daughters to run for president or stay home with their kids if they want or be whatever they dream i want blake to see women as equals worth fighting for and defending i know that the best chance they have is if they see the example of a brave woman and i really want that brave woman to be me posted by katie tyler at 7 21 am 2 comments friday april 1 2016 failure is the new success i ve been hearing quite a bit about failure the last few years the more that i learn about successful people the more that i learn about failure i ve read about albert einstein being expelled from school steven spielberg being rejected 3 times from the usc school of film meryl streep being too ugly to be cast in a film as a young actress and thomas edison making 1000 attempts at the lightbulb before getting it right these stories have all surprised me and i am so impressed that these people continued on even in the face of such negativity what gives these people this type of resilience to hear no and keep going and how do i develop this attribute i feel like i am the complete opposite when the going gets tough i give up and grab a diet coke i could give a long list of the things that i have attempted and failed at and then walked away i m not talking about realizing something just isn t for me like quitting softball after 5th grade because i realized that little le...