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Text of the page (random words):
ob friday january 7 2011 changes i m going thru changes i see my beautiful boys growing and changing they ve come sooo far since my mom has come to join us resolutions 1 diagnosis for corban 2 work my way into home made foods 3 keep myself busy and work hard on my home on a daily basis 4 potty training for both boys 5 doing whatever i can to enchourage talking from my boys 6 make the time for the gym that means volenteer work and actually working out 7 accepting physical therepy for myself 8 move us do my best to land in our new town with 1000 00 or more in our pockets 9 accept the idea of baby 3 and try to quit smoking in preparation for it 10 last but not least write down things about my boys their daily life behavior and goals met as well as just writing for myself those are my resolutions my children are soo precious to me and i m afriad of making the wrong choice but i can t help but to use my insinct with them i have come to see that going by insinct has been amazing for me and them i m soo very glad we made the choice to have mom with us havenig that extra adult has made life incredibly easy in comparison to what it was i d do it all again i have no regrets and wouldn t change a thing my choices have made me who i am and how my family is and i love my life can i wish that corban didn t have struggles maybe but these struggles are going to help him become the man he will be some day and the life he builds for his own family not only will it help mold corban but caleb as well the life they have now as children are going to help them be the adults they will be happy new year all even tho it s late posted by proud mommy at 12 42 pm 1 comment monday december 13 2010 recipes these 2 recipes have been requested from me many times enjoy sweet dough 1 cup sugar 1 teaspoon salt 3 packages active dry yeast 8 9 cups flour 2 cups milk 1 cup butter 2 eggs steps 1 in large bowl combine sugar salt yeast and 2 cups flour in 2 quart sauce pan over low heat slowly heat milk and butter until very warm butter does not need to melt with mixer i use wooden spoon and mix manually at low speed gradually beat lquid into dry ingrediants increase speed to medium beat 2 minutes more occasionally scraping bowl with rubber spatula 2 beat in egss and 2 cups flour continue beating 2 minutes occasionally scraping bowl 3 with spoon stir in enough additional flour about 4 1 4 cups to make a soft dough 4 turn dough onto lightly floured surface knead until smooth and elastic about 10 minutes shape into a ball 5 turn over in greased large bowl to grease top cover let rise in warm place until dough is double about 1 hour 6 punch down dough on lightly floured surface devide into pieces as recipes direct cover let rest 15 minutes cinnamon rolls dark brown sugar white sugar siagon cinnamon butter i devide 1 batch of dough into 2 pieces for easier rolling roll out dough to be about 1 4 inch or so thick depends on how you like your rolls coat thick layer of soft butter evenly sprinkle dark brown sugar then white and then cinnamon roll tightly pinching the seam cut into 1 inch slices and place into well greased pan space evenly and don t have rolls touch in pan allow to rise another 30 minutes or so in warm area bake in oven at 400 for approx 25 minutes or until golden brown sugar glaze 2 cups powdered sugar 1 2 teaspoon vanilla i like to use whole tablespoon 3 tablespoons water whip or stir in medium bowl until smooth drizzle on rolls while they are cooling the hotter the rolls the thinner the glaze will be if i m making 4 6 batches it takes me a good 4 6 hours or so as i can only make 2 batches at once with my bowls well worth the time and energy merry christmas peanutbutter cookies 1 cup peanutbutter 1 cup sugar 1 egg mix well dough will be like soft grainy playdough i roll into balls place on ungreased cookie sheet and press a piece of chocolate in the middle bake at 350 for around 8 or 9 minutes yummy posted by proud mommy at 10 26 pm 2 comments thursday august 5 2010 yup honestly i m pissed bonnie told me that i would go thru the stages of grief becuase of the loss i m feeling the loss of the hope and dreams i had for corban and not knowing what of them he ll be able to do i cry everyday i want to seriously have a smoke i want this to all be done with i just want to know what he s got and what do i have to do to help him cope with it better i hate hearing how fine it s all going to be i already know that it s going to be fine i already know that corban is going to be alright i ve already accepted that he either has some form of autism or a similar disorder just because i ve accepted it doesn t mean that i can t still be mad as hell that he has to work soo hard to talk to me my acceptance doesn t stop my heart from breaking when i watch him struggle it s okay for me to be pissed off and have a slightly broken heart i m not depressed i m mad and sad i feel like i can t walk away from my little fish bowl for even a minute to fully process my fears worry s and doubts i m just angry i m scared all i want to do is cry things out of my control the future the past and parts of the present will he play sports will he want to and be able to be in regular classes will he get any worse then he is now will be stay at this level is he going to mellow out and be able to have a career wife and children what s going to happen to my little boy how much is he going to have to struggle why didn t i see him struggling sooner and do all this last summer what s going to happen if i have another baby is caleb going to start talking soon or am i going to have to have him checked out too things i worry about and theres much more i have no control over these things and i m scared of what thier answers will be and when i ll find them out i have until november and possibly december before finding out i was stupid and talked about making a trip in oct i don t even know if i can handle going on a trip i can barely stop focusing soo much on corban to do the dishes needed to get stuff of my chest if there are any comments the last thing i want to hear is how everything will be ok because i already know this don t think that i m being dramatic or thinking corban s going to be worse then he will be in all honesty we don t know what the future will hold or of what corban s truly fighting with all we see right now and the early detection signs i swear i m trying to be soo optamistic corban see s nothing but happy fun play time momma he doesn t see me break down and bawl man i m just soo angry why is it soo difficult for me when he s the one having all the struggles i just love my boy posted by proud mommy at 10 00 pm 1 comment labels pissed off thursday february 19 2009 those kind of thoughts i sit here feeling my little caleb gene move around in my tummy it s always a strange feeling listening to corban watch his beloved dora count something on a castle and i can t but help the feeling of what s gonna happen the year started alittle rough with the news of my grandpa i don t know why but i didn t even tell anyone that he passed not any of my friends or my cousin s on my mom s side maybe it was the whole concept of getting over it maybe i thought that if i talked about it all the time or with a bunch of people then it would be harder to work through it on my own in my head anyway on with other things i have 22 days until this little boy is born well it could happen before that but i m kinda doubtin it chris s dad big chris and his lady friend leanne is supposed to come visit that same week i think that grama sue will be happy to have more adults for corban i havn t met big chris yet but i m looking forward to it i m apprehensive about the baby shower this saturday it s day after tomorrow and there has been no concret plans rsvp s or even a schedule of what will be happening i know that nanci is planning it but it s here at my appartment and i m anxious to know how many women will be here it wouldn t be so bad if i wasn t always feeling like i should take the riens and do it all myself i think that corban has a few too many food allergy s and we ve discovered that he may be a sleep walker we woke up thise morning with him gone from his bed totally scary until we saw where he went he walked himself and his blankie into the living room and behind my chair next to the lamp that we keep on during the night he then laid down and went back to sleep before this almost everynight he would get up from his bed walk into the living room turn around and come into our room and cry until chris would get up take him to a chair and then he would fall right back to sleep after last night we think he may just sleep walk makes me really glad that we don t have any stairs chris is doing awesome at walmart if he keeps his profits up in his department it ll be the first time in the history of walmart meat dept has kept a profit this long quite a big thing it s been shown more then once that the meat dept isn t for profit it s to bring in customers and make the rest of the profit making dept s look good so for chris to make a more then 20 profit consistantly is awesome i m so proud of him life is just flowing by soon we will have 2 children and hopefully not far away from chris looking at trianing for a promotion chris wants to transfer to another store and for our kids i don t blame him it s so hard to get time outside i believe that kids need outside time my nephews and niece get it i want my boys to get it too okay i have to give corban a bath now then it s off to the races i have lot s to do today and not enough energy to do it in my love julie posted by proud mommy at 7 49 am no comments labels random thoughts monday january 5 2009 new year okay so nanc and shadow you have inspired me to actually do a blog on this year and my goals that i m striving for before the 1st of next year well first and formost i m going to have this baby and try to be the best mom i can be there are going to be soo many changes this year just thinking about it makes my head spin so 1 have baby heal fast and get back into full active life 2 get back into the cleaning organizing and cooking that i did before getting prego 3 when if chris is transfered to another town don t panic just take care of my children and do what i can to prepare to leaving juneau 4 keep this ever so much healthier eating habits k i know that after a while i did get back into carbs and sugars this time i resolve to not or if i do use much more restraint then i did before 5 aquire and keep a large savings and make smarter choices to matters 6 after caleb is born and i m no longer breast feeding i will not go back to smoking no matter how stressed and hormone ampped out i get 7 if chris ever goes back to smoking i will do everything i can not to kill him but no promises 8 enchorage chris and all of us to continue to go to church but not be a pestering brat when he s not up to it 9 i will no longer be a stepping stool for those people that i ve always cared about but never cared enough for me for those that i make all attempts to contact call and invite to things when they refuse don t show or take for granted that i m just there i will let them go all of the peole to take me for granted never assume they will lose me but they will too many years have been spent waiting for others outside of my family to even simply call me back i won t anymore polite and curtious is what i ll be but i ll no longer put myself out there for others to use when it s only merely convient for them and to be conviently absent when it is that i need them it hurts too much to be used in such a way and my energy is better spent on my children even if that means that i eventually say good bye to almost everyone so be it it may not make much sense and that s okay 10 when a friend drops me i ll walk away too 11 no matter how much family hurts me i still love them and when they become unwierd and stop hurting me i m here family is different then friends 12 i ll stop thinking others are as considerate as i am 13 i will work on my physical health and enchorage my husband to work on his 14 clutter will not live in my home 15 i will watch less tv and listen to more music and make my children do so as well 16 i will use every impliment i can to help my children grow and learn as much as they can bring on the books and foriegn language video s 17 i will strive to not only define myself as a good person but as a better person for my family 18 i will continue to strive to be a standing persona that my children can look up to someday i will enchorage and support my husband to do that same 19 i will expose my children to the wonders of outdoors playing hiking and being out in it and last but not least 20 i vow that all of my goals will not be accomplished in this order but rather as a constant self awareness and believe that i can and are doing them okay so there s my long list i think that they are all do able posted by proud mommy at 6 11 pm 3 comments sunday september 14 2008 for the first time okay so i know that this is the first blog i ve do ne i thought it was time considering all the changes going on here it goes corban got his 8th tooth which means monday i m calling the dentist for his first visit we sold the ever so wonderful jimmy for the first time spent more then 300 00 on a vehicle and bought a 93 chevy truck and promtly put the most expensive stero i ve ever boughten in it chris met with the missionary s and told me that on the 27th of this month he will be baptised so now for the first time i know it s really going to happen my tummy grew in that good way and for the first time i really felt that hard bump when i laid on my tummy within 2 weeks i m getting my huge old school suburban so for the first time i ll own a vehicle that can fit many many people and things thanks to chris on tuesday i will own for the first time a large brand new recliner that s all mine well and my babys and a new full table and chairs set for the first time i got a cell phone that wasn t a free one included in some plan thanks to our new truck for the first time we now have our own new chest freezer and i ll be able to stock up on meats cheeses and breads thanks to the pfd s for the first time i ll be able to build a food storage that will last longer then 2 3 months also thanks the the pfd s i ll be able to have a very large substantial savings so that if something happens to chris we ll have some repreive for the first time since the strong pull of prenacie tiredness has hit me i trully feel like i m preparing our family in the right way for the first time in years i feel like i have a true religous relationship with heavenly father for the first time in some time i can see that not only am i fully appreciating my husband but he is appreciatting me for the first time how blessed i feel that i m able to say these things as a truth instead of a wish i am blessed posted by proud mommy at 7 19 pm 1 com...